


Long Shadows

by Cithara



Series: Long Shadows Universe [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:46:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 104,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cithara/pseuds/Cithara
Summary: On the anniversary of Voldemort's fall Severus seduces Harry into a night together. Not long after, he leaves the country, deciding to embrace his newfound freedom. Years later, he returns to England and finds that he left behind more than he could have imagined. Now, with mistakes to atone for, Severus must try and earn a place in Harry's life and prove himself worthy of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, and welcome to a new story. As with most of my fics, this story largely ignores books 6 and 7. This is fairly irrelevant in terms of overall plot and any timeline changes will become apparent as the story continues.
> 
> I will be endeavouring to upload a chapter every week, probably on a Friday.
> 
> *This first chapter contains descriptive and graphic material that some readers may not feel comfortable with.*

Chapter 1

The end of the war brought with it many things. For Severus, it brought a freedom he had never known before. Exonerated, pardoned and indeed rewarded with an Order of Merlin (2nd class, but you couldn't ask for everything), he had the very great pleasure of finally being in charge of his own life.

There were celebrations to attend, Ministry receptions to appear at and interviews to give to the press. All these things he did with not one ounce of good grace, behaving as though he was being horribly put upon every single time. The truth, of course, was that he finally felt he had been given the credit he deserved. He had spent years making sacrifices, risking his life at every turn, and not once had he been given any acclaim for it.

Of course, the wizarding world still saw Potter as its saviour. Well, admittedly the boy was the one to finally kill the Dark Bastard, even Severus couldn't take that away from him, but he had received no small amount of help from those around him. If he said so himself, Severus had been primarily responsible for that help.

They had spent many months training together and had even managed to work well together towards the end. Potter had become a capable and dedicated student, a feat that Severus had thought would never be achieved. The year after the boy left Hogwarts for good had been spent learning defensive measures, dark magic and protective shields, all in preparation for his final showdown with Voldemort.

Severus had never imagined that Potter would learn to take instruction well, nor that he would show more talent and skill in defence than almost anyone Severus had known throughout the years. He would never say so to the boy, but he had found himself impressed by the fighter Potter became.

Now he saw him at all the occasions they wound up attending. Potter always made a point of seeking him out at these events, and although Severus did nothing to encourage it, he wasn't as hostile as he could have been. It did his image good after all to be seen with the wizarding world's darling and every picture that was snapped of the two of them together went some way to elevating him in people's opinions.

From what he could tell, Potter seemed to have taken some kind of shine to him. It amused him to offer the boy hints of encouragement, to see how far Potter's courage would take him. Indeed, Severus couldn't quite work out what Potter's endgame was. He was earnest and polite, a far cry from the sullen teenager he had been, but whether it was friendship or something more he wanted Severus couldn't tell.

As the anniversary of Voldemort's fall rolled around, Severus found himself standing in the Ministry's grandest function room making spectacular headway with the free champagne. Thankfully the speeches had been made, most of which Severus had largely ignored, and all the formal recognitions of the anniversary had been observed. All he had to do now was enjoy himself and wait for Potter to make his usual approach.

He had to admit that the boy wasn't looking half bad. His 20th birthday had taken place a few weeks earlier and it seemed that he was maturing into adulthood rather nicely. His sharp green eyes were no longer obscured by unflattering glasses and he had developed a jaw that could cut glass.

Throughout their training sessions Severus had managed to catch a glimpse or two of the boy's body and it had held the promise of becoming something quite delicious. The dress robes Potter was wearing to the anniversary event were tailored closely to his physique and Severus could see that the boy had very little to be self-conscious about.

He was standing speaking with Draco, the two keeping close to one another, serious but not sombre. It was an odd sort of friendship that had developed between them, one born of necessity. Draco had come running back to Hogwarts during the Easter holidays of their 7th year, beaten to within an inch of his life and begging for sanctuary.

He had been inducted into the Order amidst loud and sustained protests from Potter and his sidekicks but somewhere along the way the protests had died down and he and Potter had learnt to work well together. With both Weasley and Granger killed during the final battle, Potter had gravitated to Draco more than ever.

It was strange, but Draco seemed to genuinely like Potter. Invariably they attended these events together and Severus had watched them on several occasions, paying attention to the way they interacted. Potter appeared to feel a great sense of affection for Draco, a sentiment that was obviously returned.

He watched them now, heads bowed low over their drinks. Draco bore little resemblance to the entitled, spoilt brat he had once been. He had grown up quickly after returning to Hogwarts and he had matured into the sensible, competent young man Severus had always believed he could be.

He watched as Potter gestured towards Bill Weasley, who was standing a few feet over speaking with a group of dull-looking men and women. Draco cast his eyes to the man then looked back at Potter, nodding and saying something that had both men laughing. A slight flush crept over Draco's cheeks and Potter clapped him on the back, grinning.

The messy head looked up and Severus found himself meeting eyes with Potter across the room. _Here we go_ , Severus thought, and sure enough he watched as Potter said something to Draco then made his way over.

"Good evening, sir," said Potter with a polite smile.

"Potter," Severus said in acknowledgement. "Thank you for keeping your speech short. I was ready to hang myself by the end of the Minister's."

Potter smiled wryly and said, "It's for my own benefit as much as anyone else's. I've done so many of these things now I'm starting to get sick of the sound of my own voice."

Severus raised an eyebrow and said, "In the interest of civility I shall say nothing."

Potter huffed a small laugh and took a sip of his champagne. "It seemed faintly vulgar to be giving a speech anyway. It may well be the anniversary of that bastard's fall but people seem to forget that it's also the anniversary of a lot of people's deaths," he said, suddenly appearing all of his twenty years and then some.

"Of course," Severus said with a sharp nod. He had no wish to spend the next hour acting as a sympathetic ear for Potter's woes. He felt sorry of course for the losses that had been suffered but he had no wish to discuss them.

"Molly and Arthur couldn't face coming," Potter continued. "Bloody understandable."

Severus couldn't say that he had mourned for Ron Weasley, nor for Granger, but their deaths had hit Potter hard. In the scheme of things Severus could appreciate the sadness of two young lives cut so appallingly short.

Indeed, so many had given their lives in the fight that the weeks after the final battle had largely been spent attending funerals. It had been a dark and difficult time despite their victory and no one had come through the period unscathed.

"Bill's here representing the family though," Potter continued, his expression lightening a little as he looked over to see the eldest Weasley grabbing a couple of flutes of champagne and handing one to Draco. "No ulterior motives of course," Potter said, turning his attention back to Severus with a grin.

"Indeed?" Severus said, mildly intrigued.

Potter nodded. "It's a rather badly kept secret. It's early days but…I don't know, something tells me they might be in it for the long haul."

"Lucius will be turning in his grave," Severus replied, an eyebrow quirking in dark amusement.

"Won't he just?" Potter said with a laugh. "If I couldn't see how completely smitten Drake was I'd think he was doing it solely for that reason."

"Wonders will never cease."

Potter inclined his head in acknowledgement then frowned as he caught sight of someone across the room. "Oh for fuck's sake," he growled. "Not him again."

"Who?" Severus asked, following his line of sight to see a lanky, red-faced man trying to make his way through the crowds towards them.

"Lester Cauldfield," Potter said with a sigh. "He's the Ministry's new PR man and he won't give me a moment's peace. He's sending me owls almost every day and he turns up everywhere I go. I was at the supermarket the other day, the _muggle_ supermarket, and there he was! It's bad enough being trailed by the man but it's another thing entirely when you've got a packet of bog rolls under your arm!"

Severus snorted and noticed that the man was coming nearer. "I suggest you make a swift exit if you wish to avoid further contact with the man."

"Good idea. Come on, let's swipe a bottle and head for the balcony."

Severus hadn't intended to be part of Potter's escape plan but, on reflection, there was little to keep him there. He followed the boy through the crowds and headed out onto one of the many balconies with him, feeling the shimmer of a concealment charm settle over him as they sat down. Potter had learnt a thing or two after all.

"You'd think the man would have the decency to leave me alone on a day like this," Potter groused as he popped the cork on the bottle of champagne he had liberated.

He poured them both a generous glass and Severus took his with a nod of thanks. By the look on Potter's face he imagined it wouldn't be the first bottle the boy would be liberating that night.

"Anyway," said Potter after taking a particularly large gulp, "how are you? It's been a while since I last saw you."

"Well enough."

"I take it your heart isn't yearning to return to teaching?"

"Certainly not. So far it's the best thing to come out of the bloody war."

Potter smiled and Severus sipped his champagne. One good thing he could say about teaching was that the job had enabled him to save for twenty years and by the time he left the profession he had a healthy little nest egg.

He was currently enjoying a very comfortable lifestyle simply living off the interest he had accrued. He had rented a beautiful flat in Oxford and was considering the many avenues that were now open to him where employment was concerned.

"And you? Have decided on a profession yet?" Severus asked, watching as the boy's brow furrowed slightly.

"Not really," Potter said with a sigh.

"According to the papers you've had several lucrative offers from a number of quidditch teams."

Potter attempted a smirk and said, "Been reading up on me? I'm touched."

"One can hardly escape you."

"Sorry to intrude," Potter said with a huff, chugging back another mouthful of champagne.

Severus raised a brow and decided to change his approach. Sitting across from Potter, he had had the opportunity to determine that the boy was just as appealing as he had initially thought. As dull as the evening had been it didn't have to end the same way. He could think of no more satisfying an ending than to bed the boy.

There was a certain skill to seducing Gryffindors. They all had ideas of romance and connection, and there were very few who could be led to the bedroom without the promise of one or the other. Severus was well-versed in the pretence of offering these things but Potter knew him well enough to see through these techniques. He would have to be a little smarter.

"I confess myself intrigued to what the wizarding world's saviour will do with himself now he finds himself an adult with a life's burden removed from his shoulders," Severus said smoothly.

Potter's face softened and he gave Severus a small smile. "I'm glad you still don't think I wanted all that. You used to think I was some sort of fame-hungry idiot."

"Those particular scales fell away some time ago," Severus replied, deciding to appeal to the boy's sentimentality.

He had learnt, during their training sessions together, that Potter felt terribly misunderstood. If he could make the boy think he had come to think of him differently, that he was viewing him with different eyes, he was sure he would have the boy in his bed by the end of the night.

"My question still stands – what do you want to do with your life now it's your own? Correct me if I'm wrong but I can't imagine you simply wanting to cash in on your name to secure a position."

It was utterly shameful, but as a very endearing flush crossed Potter's cheeks, Severus didn't feel remotely apologetic about it.

"You can't imagine how thrilled I am to hear you say that. I've been hoping that you'd…come to see me differently," Potter said, dipping his head as he smiled down at his lap.

Severus refrained from smirking. It was almost too easy.

"Honestly I'm not sure what I want to do," Potter continued. "I think I might just take some time to try and figure it out. I don't want to rush into anything and find myself on a path I don't want to be on."

Severus nodded, pretending to be interested in the boy's nonsensical rambling. He could put up with listening to Potter's life plans if it helped him in his end goal.

"I think I've found a place to live though, I'm going to put in an offer for it. It's in the South West, an old house with a bit of land. Drake's going to come and live with me for a bit."

"Oh yes?" Severus asked, trying to inject a little jealousy into his voice.

"Nothing like that," Potter said with a placating smile. "He's going to study to be a Healer and I said he'd be welcome to live rent-free at mine. It'll save him a fortune and I'd be glad of the company to be honest."

"I never thought I'd see the day that you two would end up as roommates."

Potter gave a gentle laugh and said, "No one's more surprised than me. Drake's very different to the snotty brat he used to be. We've…grown very close. I doubt I'd have got through the last year without him."

It was surprising to hear Potter speak of Draco with such warmth and stranger still to imagine them living together. The shadows of the boys they had been were nothing more than distant remembrances now. War had a way of turning things upside down and never letting them return to the way they had been.

"And what will any paramour think about you living with another man?" Severus asked, laying the groundwork for his carefully planned seduction.

Potter blushed and looked down to his lap. "Nothing to worry about there. I haven't got any 'paramours'."

Severus held back a smirk. It was like hexing newts in a cauldron. "I find that very difficult to believe, Mr Potter," he said smoothly. Potter looked up at him questioningly and he elaborated, "You're a very attractive man. Surely you have a queue of admirers?"

Potter's blush deepened and he busied himself with topping up his glass of champagne. "No, no queue," he muttered. "Besides, I'm not _very_ attractive, not attractive at all really. If anyone were to be interested in me I'm sure it would just be because of my name."

"Come come. You're being far too modest," Severus said, topping up his own glass. It was interesting to see Potter get so flustered over a simple compliment and Severus decided that another bottle of champagne would be required to get the boy to lower his inhibitions.

"No I'm not. I'm very average."

Severus loved a person who was oblivious to their own charms. It made the seduction process so much easier if his target thought themselves unworthy to begin with. When Severus finally did bestow his 'attentions', the recipient was so grateful that it made them that much more pliant.

"Well Mr Potter _I_ don't think you're 'very average'," Severus told him and watched as a hint of realisation swept across the boy's face.

"Oh," Potter said quietly, blinking in shock.

Severus gave the boy a calculatedly appraising look and said in a low voice, "Drink up, Mr Potter. The night is still young."

The night, in fact, was well into its adolescence and by the time they had made headway with the third bottle it was creeping towards one in the morning. Severus had spent the hours on the balcony systematically dismantling Potter's barriers while making it clear what he had in mind for the end of the night.

As Potter's inhibitions had lowered, he had begun to return the hints that Severus was dropping and none too subtly as the alcohol had flowed. By the time Severus had summoned together the wherewithal to apparate them back to his place, he had Potter pinned against the wall of his hallway while he became acquainted with the boy's tongue.

"You don't know how long I've wanted this," Potter panted, his speech slurring as he tried to shuck out of his formal robes. "I could never work up the courage to – "

"Yes Potter, all very interesting," Severus growled, wrenching the robes from the boy's body, sure he heard a seam or two rip along the way. "Your wishes would come true a lot faster if you'd get your kit off more quickly."

"Sorry," Potter said breathlessly. "Just nervous."

Severus grabbed the boy's belt and yanked him into the bedroom, stealing another forceful kiss as he went. Potter was sloppy with alcohol, his kisses wet and unskilled, but Severus didn't intend to spend too much time with something so mundane.

He had been mentally undressing the boy all night, eager for the moment when he would finally get to see just what was concealed under all that clothing. He took his opportunity now to divest Potter of all those fabric impediments, not caring to be gentle.

He yanked Potter's shirt off then pulled the boy out of his trousers, leaving him in nothing but fitted boxer shorts. There was nothing disappointing about the sight that was laid bare to him. Potter was lean and toned, all compact muscles encased in pale, smooth skin.

Severus allowed his eyes to rove over his prize, his mind a little cloudy from all the champagne. He was in no mood for any lengthy or drawn-out foreplay; he wanted to claim Potter as quickly and as fully as possible.

He pulled the elastic of Potter's boxers and said, "Off." Potter complied quickly and readily, showing an ability to follow orders that he had never demonstrated in the classroom.

Severus allowed himself a minute to appreciate that Potter probably shouldn't be termed a 'boy' any longer, not with that healthy, flushed cock bobbing against his stomach. Potter was looking up at him expectantly and Severus couldn't help but roll his eyes. He should have known Potter wouldn't be anything special in the bedroom, gorgeous body or not.

He reached out and kissed Potter roughly, the boy breathless against his lips. He broke away and said gruffly, "Turn around Potter. Brace yourself on the bed."

Potter's eyes widened and he said, "Can we just – "

"For fuck's sake, Potter," Severus said with a heavy sigh. "We don't need a running commentary."

"No, no it's just that I…I'm not…"

"If you want to argue the toss about who gets to top then you'll have to do it with someone else," Severus said, shifting out of his shirt and stepping out of his trousers.

"No, I…I really want to do this," Potter said, trying to speak slowly to stop his speech from slurring. "I was just hoping we could talk about it first. It's just that I…I haven't – "

"Either turn around and let me fuck you, or piss off home," Severus said, in no mood for Potter's need to look deep into one another's eyes or to indulge whatever foolish Gryffindor notions the boy had about sex. If he wanted that then he was in the wrong house.

"That's…that's how you want to do it?" Potter asked.

Severus decided he'd had enough of Potter's wittering. He was not one for taking his time in the best of circumstances, least of all when all he wanted to do was to plough Potter into the mattress then send him on his merry way. He grabbed Potter by the shoulders and spun him around and pushed him towards the bed.

Potter's hands flew out in time to stop him from falling onto his face first and Severus took a moment to appreciate the sight of Potter laid bare for his pleasure. He divested himself of his underwear then reached for his wand. He performed a thorough cleansing spell then summoned his lubricant from the nightstand.

Potter was probably used to his fawning admirers worshipping him, used to having them bend to his every whim. Well, not this time, Severus thought with a smirk. As far as he was concerned, Potter was there for the taking and he was going to enjoy himself using that delectable body.

He slicked his fingers well and circled Potter's hole, drawing a gasp from the boy. He pushed one then another inside and Potter inhaled sharply, tensing slightly as he did so. Severus wanted him tight, but no so tight as to impede movement. He stretched the boy, his fingers scissoring as he pushed in and out of him. Potter kept making breathy little noises and Severus wondered just how many sounds he could draw from the boy.

He withdrew his fingers and slicked up his hard prick liberally. It had been too long since he'd an opportunity like this and he intended to enjoy himself. He gripped Potter's hip with one hand and guided his prick forward to the boy's entrance with the other. The muscles in Potter's back tensed and Severus pushed himself through the boy's tight ring, savouring the delicious feeling.

Potter let out a low groan and his hands clenched tightly in the bedsheets. Severus allowed himself a moment to adjust, letting Potter wiggle around, smirking as he made him wait. He gripped both of Potter's hips firmly then pulled out before thrusting back in again. Potter made a higher-pitched noise this time and his breath hitched. His entire body was as taut as a piano string and Severus was going to enjoy the benefits of that tightness around his cock.

He began to move faster, setting a hard and fast rhythm. Potter clenched around him, the heat and tightness overwhelming. Potter really did have a gorgeous arse and Severus allowed himself to grab one pert cheek as he used the boy's body mercilessly.

The noises from Potter were getting louder. He should have known the boy would be a screamer; he couldn't do anything subtly. It was only mildly distracting; Severus had put up with worse. Potter probably thought it was terribly sexy.

Severus sped up, thrusting with abandon as his pleasure grew nearer. He closed his eyes, listening as Potter's breath became harsh and ragged, feeling the body beneath him tremble slightly with the effort of holding itself up. His balls tightened and his nerves began to hum then before he knew it he was pumping hard into Potter as he found his release.

He let out a low moan of satisfaction then snaked his hand over Potter's hip to finish the boy off but he found the boy's cock was now limp. Severus smirked; he must have fucked the boy to orgasm already.

He withdrew slowly and Potter winced. There was a smear of blood on his prick, which came as something of a surprise. He supposed he'd been a little rougher than he might usually be, but he hadn't heard any complaints from Potter.

The boy slowly pushed himself up from the bed, his body still shaking a little. He turned to face Severus but looked at the floor instead of looking up at him.

"Would you mind…could I…could I use your bathroom?" he asked, his voice hoarse. Served him right for all that screaming.

"It's through there," Severus told him and Potter slunk off into the adjoining en-suite, grabbing his strewn clothing as he went.

Severus cast a quick cleaning charm on himself as he heard the water begin to run then put his underwear back on and retrieved his pyjamas from his nightstand. As far as encounters went this one hadn't been too bad. Potter wasn't anything special when it came to sex but fucking that delicious body felt like a long-overdue reward.

The toilet flushed and moments later Potter opened the door and hovered awkwardly on the threshold. He was fully-dressed again, minus his formal robes, and underneath his flushed cheeks he looked a little pale. Probably feeling the effects of that final bottle of champagne Severus thought with amusement.

"I trust you'll be able to make your way back to wherever you're staying?" Severus asked. Best to make it clear that under no circumstances would Potter be staying with him. He wanted to stamp down any notions the boy might have about repeating the encounter. Once was more than enough.

"Yes, yes no problem," Potter said, again refusing to meet his eyes. He was probably aware of his rather poor performance. "I…I'll be on my way then," he said, sweeping out of the room without so much as a backwards glance.

Severus was a little surprised. He'd expected Potter to try and steal a goodbye kiss or some other pathetic Gryffindor notion but perhaps the boy wasn't as insipid as he'd imagined.

He heaved a satisfied sigh and got into bed. His body felt deliciously sated and he felt like he'd finally been compensated for all those bloody awful years trying to mould Potter into the warrior he finally became. He had had his first decent shag in ages and had been successful in his mission to tumble Potter into bed. Sometimes, life was good.

* * *

Three months went by and Severus didn't hear from Potter once. He couldn't say he was bothered by it, but he was surprised. He had expected Potter to turn up on his doorstep the following day with some starry-eyed notion about the two of them 'dating'. Severus couldn't imagine anything more abhorrent.

It didn't happen though. For a day or so Severus imagined that perhaps Potter was trying to play it cool, trying not to seem too eager, but it appeared that the boy simply wasn't interested in repeating their encounter. That suited Severus just fine. He had used the boy to scratch an itch and it looked as though Potter had done the same with him. No harm, no foul.

It was odd though; normally within three months Severus would have seen Potter at at least a couple of functions, but the boy failed to make an appearance at any of the occasions Severus expected to see him. When he asked Draco, who never failed to be in attendance, the blond simply shrugged and said that Potter was busy finalising the purchase of his new home.

It didn't matter. Severus went about his business as he always had done and only very occasionally did he give Potter a passing thought. He was enjoying his independence and as autumn began to settle into England his thoughts turned to the many lucrative offers of work that had come his way.

The most attractive offer came from an industrial potions laboratory in Croatia. He had been offered the post of senior researcher and would have a team working directly beneath him. The position came with the promise of extensive travel, a fantastic benefits package and best of all – the chance to leave England.

He had been considering it for a while. There was nothing to keep him in the country now that he had served his purpose and he felt that there was no better time for a fresh start. While it was true that his name had been officially cleared there was still a vast number of people to whom he would always be a murderous Death Eater. If he was to have any hope of leaving that shadowy past behind him Severus felt that he needed to have a complete change.

So it was that the last week of November found him packing up his rental house in Oxford ready to set off for his new life in a few days' time. He was halfway through organising his vast book collection when the front doorbell went.

Sighing, he placed the precious tome in his hands atop a nearby stack and made his way into the hallway. Opening the door, he was surprised to find Potter standing on his doorstep, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans.

"Potter," Severus said, feeling a sense of smug satisfaction that the boy had come crawling back to him. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Can I come inside? I'd like to talk to you about something," Potter said, seeming a little twitchy.

"I suppose so, as long as you don't intend to stay long. I'm rather busy," Severus said, moving aside to let him in.

"Don't worry, I won't take up any more time than I need to," Potter said, a slight bite to his tone.

 _Probably upset I didn't fall over myself trying to see him again¸_ Severus thought with a smirk as they moved into the living room. He took a look at Potter as the boy positioned himself in front of the fireplace. He looked pale and his eyes were shadowed with dark circles; no doubt he'd been taking advantage of the many party invitations that always came his way.

"I'd offer you something to drink but I have nothing in at the moment – "

"Doesn't matter," Potter said, waving his hand. "It's not really a social call. There's something I need to…I wanted to come here to say that – "

"Potter, let me spare you the embarrassment," Severus said, taking a seat in the leather armchair he had brought from his dungeons and looking up at the boy standing rather miserably in front of him. "As…diverting as our little night together was I have no desire to repeat the encounter. Once was more than enough for me."

"That was really the furthest thing from my mind," Potter said sharply, and Severus' eyebrow raised itself in surprise. "Look, it happened and it was…it's done with…but now I – "

Potter trailed off as he looked around the room, taking in the bare shelves and half-filled boxes. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked, frowning.

"Yes, I'm leaving the country," Severus replied, crossing one leg over the other.

"You're leaving the country?" Potter echoed stupidly. "Why?"

"I've been offered a position with a research company in Croatia. I'll be there by the end of the week."

"Oh," said Potter quietly. "It's…it's definite then?"

"Quite definite."

So much for Potter's protestations that he wasn't looking for anything between them. The boy looked crestfallen.

"I know you probably won't change your mind, but there's something that you should – "

"You're quite right, Potter. I won't change my mind," Severus interrupted him, getting to his feet. "I've spent my entire adult life in one form of servitude or another, for the first time since I can remember I'm finally free. I'd say I've earnt the right to choose my own destiny. There's nothing keeping me here after all."

"And this is what you want? This will make you happy?" Potter asked, looking at him plaintively.

 _The little sod probably wants me to sweep him up and declare my long-held but conflicted feelings of love for him_ , Severus thought spitefully. _Well, I shall just have to make sure that those hopes die a very definite death_.

"What will make me happy is to leave this dreary and depressing place once and for all. What will make me happy is to leave behind every last connection to my miserable and burden-filled past. I cannot wait to live a life unencumbered by the responsibility of looking after a child with an uncanny ability to constantly throw himself into near-death situations all while being vilified by cretinous members of the public who wouldn't know their arse from their elbow."

"Alright," Potter said, holding his hands up. "You've made your point."

He looked paler than he had done when he had first arrived and there was an unnatural flush of colour in his cheeks. _Rejection hurts,_ Severus thought snidely.

"I came here today to tell you…well…it doesn't matter now. You're going and by the sounds of it you won't be coming back."

The boy took a deep breath then met Severus' eyes squarely, the intensity in those green eyes taking Severus by surprise.

"I sincerely hope you have a happy life," he said quietly, extending his hand towards Severus.

Severus was rather at a loss but shook the proffered hand nevertheless. Potter held onto his for a moment longer than necessary, his mouth pinched, looking as though he would dearly like to say more.

He nodded sharply then let go and left the sitting room, Severus hearing the front door shut moments later. It would have been very possible to sit and think about Potter's odd behaviour but Severus decided that enough of his energy had been wasted on the boy in the past.

As far as he was concerned in a week's time he would be starting a new life and he would be able to put all of this behind him. Soon enough Potter would be nothing more than a distant memory and he would be able to put the last twenty miserable years behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was nearly seven years later when Severus decided to return to England. He had taken his work as far as it could go and was now prepared for a slower pace of working life. He decided to set up his own mail-order potions business and with his exponentially improved reputation he didn't think it would be hard.

He had also, though it galled him to admit it, missed England while he'd been off on his travels. He had seen some of the most beautiful countries in the world and experienced cultures he had never dreamt of but, when it came down it, he found that he was an Englishman at heart.

He missed things that were quintessentially British, both in the wizarding world and the muggle one. By the time he made the decision to return he found that he was even feeling nostalgic for mist and drizzle.

He had amassed a small fortune working for the research company and he still had nearly all of his original nest egg left. He had an array of options at his feet and the freedom that brought with it was enough to make him giddy.

He wanted to buy a property of his own, that much was certain, but until he decided where and what to buy he made arrangements to rent a smart apartment just off Diagon Alley. His first week back in England was appropriately cold and wet, and he spent the time reacquainting himself with all the things he had missed.

When his nostalgia had been properly sated, he decided to register with the estate agents in Diagon Alley. He had no desire to tramp around the country looking for the ideal property and so decided to place the job in some else's capable hands.

One Saturday morning in September, a couple of weeks after he'd arrived back in England, he found himself shaking hands with a very competent woman whom he vaguely remembered had been a 7th year Ravenclaw in his first year of teaching. Feeling confident in appointing her his official property agent, he left the agency with a view to treat himself to a spot of lunch before going back to his flat.

He was making his way leisurely down the street, casually cataloguing all the people he passed. Old habits died hard, he supposed. He may well have left the world of spying several years ago but he had retained all his old instincts. It was for that reason, and that reason alone, that he managed to catch sight of Potter coming out of the book shop.

If he had thought Potter was attractive all those years ago it was nothing compared to the way the man looked now. He looked as though he had stepped off the front cover of a high-end fashion magazine. His hair was as jet-black as it ever had been and slightly longer than he had previously worn it. He was no longer wearing glasses and it seemed to make his face look longer and more sculpted.

He was wearing dark jeans and a pale shirt tucked into the waistband. His body, not exactly shrouded by the outfit, looked toned and lithe. Severus' mouth watered at the sight. He had never imagined that he would be presented with such a delicious home-coming present but he had absolutely no intention of passing up the opportunity. He had managed to get Potter into bed once before, a second time shouldn't be too difficult.

Taking care not to be seen, he crossed the street and walked towards Potter, manoeuvring himself into the man's path. Positioning himself, he let Potter walk straight into him, emitting a feigned noise of surprise as they collided.

"Oh I'm sorry! I wasn't looking where I was – " Potter trailed off as he realised exactly who he'd bumped into, his eyes widening comically as his brain kicked in. "Professor Snape…what…what are – "

"Eloquent as always Mr Potter," Severus said with a smirk. "Do you make a habit of walking into people as they try to go about their daily business?"

"Sorry, I wasn't…What are you doing here?" the man blurted, his surprise still evident on his face.

"Nearly getting knocked over by the wizarding world's hero."

"No, I mean in England. You said you were never coming back."

"My apologies, Mr Potter. I didn't realise you were in charge of England's border control. I came back quite legally I assure you."

"I didn't mean that," Potter said, looking thoroughly flustered. "It's just that the last time I saw you said you had no intention of returning."

"A man can change his mind. I decided there were certain things about England I missed," Severus said, allowing his eyes to travel down Potter's body very pointedly.

Potter coloured and looked over Severus' shoulder with a frown. "Well, I hope you'll settle back into life here. If you'll excuse me I must be getting on."

Potter moved to walk past him, but Severus halted him with a hand to his shoulder. "It's been several years since we last saw each other, have you no more than a minute to spare me?"

"I can't imagine I'm at the top of your list of long-awaited reunions," Potter said, continuing to look around distractedly.

It was beginning to grate on Severus; he wanted the man's full attention and was beginning to feel slighted at the lack of it.

"Don't rate yourself so low. I find myself very pleased to see you again. Why don't we go and get some lunch?"

"Thank you but no, I'm afraid I'm busy," Potter said, attempting to get by him again but Severus blocked his path.

"You seem to have lost your manners since I've been away," Severus said, irritated by Potter's lack of interest.

"My manners are fine, Professor. I simply have very little to say. If you'll excuse me I really must – "

"Dad!"

Potter was interrupted as a small child with a head of dark hair came barrelling into him from one of the side alleys.

"Dad! I won the bet with Uncle Draco and look at the sweets he had to buy me!"

Severus watched as Potter scooped the child, who could be no more than six, up onto his hip, bewildered by what he was looking at.

"Joshua Potter!" came another voice, and Severus turned to see Draco striding down the side alley towards them. "I told you not to go running off," the blond said as he caught up to them. "Just because you wanted to show off to your dad," he said, tickling the child as he squirmed in Potter's arms. "Honestly Harry, we've raised ourselves a scoundrel and – oh!" Draco said in surprise as he caught sight of Severus standing there.

"Draco," Severus said, inclining his head in greeting.

"Severus! Well this is a surprise. We thought to never see you grace these shores again."

"Yes, everyone seems most eager to ensure that England's borders are left unsullied," Severus said, unable to keep the bite from his voice.

His eyes went to the boy in Potter's arms who was watching him with keen dark eyes. Potter seemed to sense his gaze and turned his body slightly so the boy was less in view.

"As I said, Professor, I really must be getting on."

"But Dad, we were going to – "

"We'll do it another day, Josh," Potter said with a placating smile to his offspring. "Drake, I'll see you tomorrow. 10 o'clock ok?"

"Fine. See you tomorrow, Harry. Bye my love," Draco said, planting a wet kiss on the child's cheek, who giggled happily before Potter carted him off down the street.

Severus turned his attention back to Draco, who was looking unusually guarded. It was no surprise to see that the man's friendship with Potter had continued but Severus hadn't thought to see them quite so close.

"So, Potter has…created progeny has he? And is there an unfortunate lady who bore this burden?"

Draco gave him a tight smile and folded his hands behind his back. "Severus, if we are to continue this conversation I must ask you to speak of my godson, indeed the light and joy of my life, in pleasanter terms," he said. Severus felt he had never been told to fuck off quite so politely.

"My apologies," Severus said with an arched eyebrow.

"And no, in answer to your question, there isn't a mother. Harry carried him."

Severus' eyebrow rose this time in shock. "Indeed? How…very typical of Potter to be so singular."

"Well, if you've nothing more to say to me I'll bid you farewell," Draco said, turning on his heel.

"Who's the other father?" Severus asked, and Draco looked over his shoulder with a frown.

"I rather think that's Harry's business, don't you?" he said coolly. "If you've a mind to talk about anything other than Harry's life, please feel free to call on me at your earliest convenience."

With a small nod of his head, Draco turned and wended his way down the street. Severus watched him go feeling as though something had taken place that he didn't understand. He hadn't expected banners and bunting but he had expected more than the cold welcome he had received.

He put it out of his mind and for the next week focused on enjoying himself. There was no point starting his business until he had purchased a new home from which to conduct it so he saw no harm in taking a little time to settle back into life in England.

The only trouble was that enjoying himself became rather boring after a few days. He wasn't an idle man by nature and he had been used to having his days filled in his old job. After he had worked his way through several books he had been meaning to read and had caught up with all the news he had missed during his time abroad he found himself at something of a loose end.

It was for that reason that he decided to take Draco up on the man's rather curt invitation to call on him. He had no idea where he was living these days so he sent him an owl asking if he'd be welcome to visit and if so where he might find him.

An answer came back a day later saying that Draco would be only too happy to welcome him. The letter contained the apparation co-ordinates for a place in Dorset on the Jurassic Coast and two days later Severus found himself apparating there.

He found himself standing outside a beautiful three-storey house poised on a cliff a few miles east of Lulworth Cove. It was not the splendid opulence that Malfoy Manor had boasted but it was more subtle in its elegance.

He was surprised when Draco, not a house elf, answered the door, and as he was led to a beautiful parlour with sea views it seemed there was no domestic help in sight. Draco served them both coffee and settled in the armchair opposite, one leg slung casually over the other one as he regarded Severus. There was a calm, almost regal air to his manner and it grated on Severus' nerves.

"So, how are you finding being back in England?" Draco asked.

"I'm still taking my time to settle back in," Severus replied, taking in the changes he could see in Draco's face.

The softness of boyhood had been hardened into the lines of manhood, and at 27 Draco looked less like Lucius than he had once done. He was a different kind of handsome to Potter; he had a delicacy to his features that Potter didn't and an overall air of refinement that Severus supposed could only come with such an old bloodline.

"Did things in Croatia not work out the way you'd planned?"

"They worked out fine, I simply took my research as far as it could go and decided that it was time to return to familiar soil."

"Have you found somewhere to live?"

"Not yet, but I have a very able agent on the case. This is a rather lovely part of the world."

Draco smiled and said, "It's always been a favourite of mine. We've been here for about five years now."

"We?" Severus asked, wondering if this was also Potter's residence.

"Bill and me. We were married four years ago, you were sent an invitation."

"I…must have overlooked it," Severus said, trying to remember receiving the thing. He was beyond surprised to find that not only had Draco's relationship with the eldest Weasley survived but that it had progressed to marriage.

"Well, I certainly couldn't have afforded this place on my own, not with my humble healer's salary," Draco said with a faint smirk.

"You completed your training then?" Severus asked. He had never imagined that Draco would ever stick at anything but many things had changed he supposed.

Draco nodded. "I'm currently on the further training programme to specialise in mind healing. I do three days at the hospital and three days studying. You should count yourself very privileged that I'm devoting a morning to your entertainment."

"Oh I do, very much so," Severus returned dryly. "And…your husband?"

Draco's face softened into a sickeningly fond look as he said, "He's well. He's working for a company in Russia at the moment although he always comes home on weekends."

"You've settled happily into domestic bliss with a Weasley, Lucius will be turning in his grave."

"We can only hope," Draco said, his smile fading at the mention of his father.

He sipped delicately at his coffee, a sign, Severus knew, to change the subject. It was no skin off his nose, there were far more interesting topics to discuss anyway.

He cleared his throat and smoothed the fabric of his robes before saying, "I take it from our meeting the other day that you've maintained your friendship with Potter."

Draco's eyes narrowed and Severus knew he would have to tread carefully.

"Yes," Draco said. "We're very close."

"And you're godfather to his son?"

Draco placed his cup and saucer on the elegant side table next to him and said, "I was living with Harry when Josh was born. I was there for the first year of his life. He's my pride and joy."

"I must say I was surprised to find that Potter has a child. Who – "

"If you're about to ask me again who the father is then I'll have to disappoint you. I'm not in the habit of broadcasting my friends' business. You could always ask him yourself of course."

"I rather got the impression that Potter wasn't interested in re-establishing our friendship," Severus said, watching as one of Draco's pale eyebrows rose archly.

"Friendship? Is that what you'd call it?" he asked, and Severus was sure he detected a certain amount of ice in the man's voice.

Deciding to ignore it, Severus continued, "What does he do with himself these days?"

"He's a wand maker," Draco said, leaning back in his chair. "A highly-sought one at that. He's built up an incredible reputation within the trade, he has commissions from all over the world."

"Nothing of course to do with – "

"It has nothing to do with who he is," Draco cut him off. "He's one of the best, plain and simple."

"I never thought I'd see you as his greatest advocate," Severus said, annoyed by Draco's manner.

"And I never thought I'd see him as my greatest friend. Things change."

Somewhere down the corridor Severus heard the front door open and shut. Draco turned his head towards the parlour door and moments later Bill Weasley appeared.

"Hello love," he said with a smile, moving over to Draco's chair and dropping a kiss on the man's forehead. "I decided to take a long weekend and spend some time with my gorgeous husband. Shall we – oh! Professor, I didn't see you there," Bill said as he caught sight of Severus sitting opposite.

"Mr Weasley," Severus said, nodding in greeting. "I understand congratulations are in order."

"Hm? Oh, old news now," Bill said with a grin as he perched on the arm of Draco's chair. "I've been putting up with this one for years."

"Revelling in your good fortune I think you mean," Draco said, leaning into Bill's side.

Bill wound an arm around Draco's shoulders in an easy and casual show of affection then said to Severus, "Drake told me you were back in England. How are you finding it?"

"It's more of a shock to the system than I imagined it would be. It will take some getting used to."

"Well in that case would you like to stay for dinner? Harry's coming over, he can help to reacclimatise you to life back here."

"I'm not sure that's – " Draco began with a frown, but Severus cut him off, saying,

"That would be lovely. Thank you for the invitation."

Draco brought his expression under control although Severus didn't miss the look of displeasure on the man's face. He rose from his chair and placed a kiss on Bill's cheek before saying, "I'll just go and fire call Harry. I wouldn't want him caught off-guard."

Severus rather objected to the idea of his presence catching Potter off-guard but said nothing. Draco disappeared and didn't return and soon smells of cooking began wafting through the corridors.

Bill poured Severus a rather exquisite brandy and gave him a tour of the house while they waited for dinner to be ready. It was a beautiful property, understated in its elegance with signs of being lived in rather than treated as a mausoleum.

He wondered what had become of Malfoy Manor. Perhaps it was standing as a relic of the past, a monument to the arrogance and stupidity of one man who had lost everything in his quest for superiority. Perhaps it had been sold and the proceeds given to the victims who had fallen foul of Lucius and his cruelty. Either way, it was obvious that the son and heir had nothing to do with it.

To think of Lucius's son being married to the eldest Weasley was amusing to say the least. Severus might have been convinced that Draco was only doing it to spite his father's memory but for the fact that the man seemed so obviously happy with his husband.

Bill took him out to the balcony that wrapped around the second floor and Severus admired the views over the picturesque coastline. It was unusually mild for late September and Severus sipped at his brandy while he sat at a pretty table and chairs.

He was there when he saw Potter stroll along the cliffs, his arms crossed across as he walked. Bill spotted him too and excused himself to go and let the man in. Severus smirked and tossed back the rest of his drink. Potter wouldn't be able to dismiss him as easily as he had done in Diagon Alley the other day and Severus was determined he would command the man's full attention.

"Ah Mr Potter, good evening," he said as Bill appeared back on the balcony with Potter in tow.

"Professor, good evening," Potter said, his manner stiff.

"Your son isn't with you?" Severus asked and something flitted briefly across Potter's face.

"No, he's at Molly's tonight."

"Harry, I'll go fetch you a drink and give Drake a hand with the dinner."

"I thought he'd told you you were never allowed in his kitchen again," Potter said with a grin. "He hasn't forgotten the fire."

"I still maintain that it started itself," Bill said, returning the smile.

"Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that stew could go up in flames."

"Then you need to broaden your scope of imagination my friend."

Bill left, as did the smile from Potter's face. The man straightened his shoulders and walked over to the wooden railings of the balcony. He flattened his palms on top of it and looked out towards the sea, giving Severus a good look at the man's striking profile.

"Well, Mr Potter," he said, moving to stand beside the man, "has much changed in the years I've been away?"

Potter turned to look at him, the same guarded expression still in place. "Many things, I'd imagine."

This evasive, coolly polite attitude was starting to get up Severus's prodigious nose. He didn't know what egregious sin he'd committed but Potter's stand-offish behaviour was uncalled for. Still, the man was an absolute sight to behold and Severus wouldn't have said no to another round of horizontal action. He wasn't averse to a little ego-stroking to get what he wanted.

"Draco tells me you've become a very successful wand-maker. Such an incredibly skilled profession, what made you choose it?"

"Circumstance at the time," Potter said, his tone a little less abrasive. "I was looking for something to do after I'd had Josh and Drake mentioned that Ollivander was retiring. I went and spoke to him and he said that if was interested he'd train me. The moment I began learning wand lore I was hooked. It's become more of a passion than a profession."

"I understand you take commissions from all over the world?"

Potter nodded. "I supply the shop in Diagon Alley primarily but I fulfil private orders too."

"A customised wand is an impressive thing."

Potter tilted his head in acknowledgement and said, "They're the ones I enjoy the most. The sense of satisfaction when I finish one is extraordinary. The magic I work with is also very potent and old, it's a privilege to use it."

"I wonder if you'd consider taking me on as a client?" Severus asked. He couldn't resist the opportunity to get Potter on his own, and, now he considered it, he rather fancied treating himself to a new wand.

"You?" Potter asked, the guarded expression in place again.

"My wand has seen better days and the end was damaged in a potions fire a couple of years ago. I've found it's been functioning quite poorly lately."

It was true, although the wand would certainly last until the end of Severus's life quite serviceably enough. Still, there was no reason why he couldn't have a new one and he was curious to see what Potter was capable of.

"Well…if you're sure…You can send an owl to my assistant and he can book you in for an appointment."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Your assistant? Surely an old friend can make an appointment with you directly?"

"I'm not sure I'd say we were ever friends," Potter said, but Severus didn't have the chance to reply as Bill reappeared, followed by Draco who was neatly levitating plates of food in front of him.

They took their places at the table, the sea providing a pleasant back-drop as they ate. Draco was a far better cook than Severus would have ever credited and he enjoy every bite of his meal.

Potter relaxed a bit more around Draco and the easy back-and-forth of their conversation spoke to how close they were. They teased and jibed one another and it was clear that they were in each other's lives more than they were out of them.

Severus learnt that Potter lived only a few miles down the coast at a place called Ringstead Bay. He lived there alone with his son in the house that he bought before the boy was born and where Draco had initially gone to live with him.

It seemed that the two families were in and out of each other's homes frequently and that Potter's son regarded Draco and Bill as his uncles. He also, of course, had a large extended family in the Weasleys, who had continued to act as a surrogate family to Potter despite Ron's death several years ago.

After dinner they made their way to the other side of the balcony where it was more sheltered from the wind. Severus and Bill shared a particularly fine firewhisky while Potter and Draco curled up on a wicker sofa together, conspiring over cups of tea.

"It doesn't bother you?" Severus asked Bill, and the man turned to look at him questioningly. Severus gestured to Potter and Draco, the two sitting so close that Draco had slung one of his legs over Potter's lap.

"Why would it bother me?" Bill asked.

"Well, to see your husband sitting quite so intimately with another man," Severus said. If he had ever fallen foul of the trappings of a relationship he was sure he wouldn't be so comfortable with such an arrangement.

Bill shook his head and said, "For a start, I trust my husband. He could sit like that with every man in the world and I would still trust him. Secondly, I understood a long time ago that Harry and Drake have a very special relationship. After everything that happened I'm not sure they would have survived without one other. How could I ever begrudge that?"

"Still…their closeness seems very unique for a friendship," Severus said, not entirely sure why he was pushing the issue.

"It isn't a friendship," Bill said simply. "It's something deeper than that. There's a bond between them that I don't think could ever be broken."

"I don't suppose…"

"What?"

"Well…there's no chance that Draco is…the boy's father?"

Laughter wasn't the response Severus had been expecting and yet Bill laughed so loudly that Potter and Draco both looked over at them in surprise.

"Have you seen Josh?" Bill said through his laughter. "He's black-haired and olive-skinned."

"Potter's genes could easily – "

"Not to mention that Drake and Harry have never had that kind of relationship. You don't seem to be able to understand that you can be close to a person without it being sexual. They don't have those sorts of feelings for each other, it's…purer than that."

Severus wanted to scoff at the proclamation but kept himself in check. Pure indeed. There was no such thing as far as he was concerned. Perhaps Potter and Draco hadn't tumbled into bed together but in Severus's experience friendships didn't exist without there being a necessity for them.

The evening wore on and Severus bid them all farewell as 10 o'clock approached. Potter's goodbye was as stunted and polite as Severus had come to expect but Severus already had a plan in mind to change that.

It was only when he arrived home he realised that he hadn't managed to secure an appointment with the man and he was damned if he was going to stoop to contacting Potter's assistant. Potter would come around in time, Severus was sure of that. He would just have to use all the cunning that was so often attributed to his House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I had such a great response to the first chapter, I hope this next one lived up to your expectations. Please drop me a review and let me know.
> 
> If you've never heard of Ringstead Bay, or the Dorset Jurassic Coast, I urge you to google them. It's the most beautiful stretch of coastline and one of my favourite places in the world :)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A couple of weeks went by and all of Severus' correspondence to Potter went unanswered. He refused to send anything via the man's assistant; he was no ordinary member of the public after all.

He didn't know if he was being deliberately ignored or if Potter was just that busy, but either way it was irritating. If he was entirely honest he had imagined that once Potter knew he was back in England that he would find it difficult to get rid of the brat. Clearly that wasn't the case.

He left it until he could stand it no further then decided to go straight to the man's home. He didn't know exactly where it was but he knew it was around Ringstead Bay and, really, how hard could it be to find a home owned by a wizard along that stretch of coast?

As it turned out, the answer was very. He should have known that Potter's security measures would have been extensive, he himself had taught the man after all. There was no trace of magic at all and as for a house the only places he found were a couple of holiday cottages near the beach, none of which contained Potter and his offspring.

It was frustrating, but he should have expected it. Years living away from the shadow of war had dulled his senses when it came to such protective measures, but no doubt there was still a contingent of people who would like to see Potter pay for doing away with their beloved Dark Lord. That was to say nothing, of course, of the legion of fans Potter could still boast who would like nothing more than a free pass to the man's door.

Still, it was damned annoying for those who simply wanted to stop by for a cup of tea, or perhaps something stronger.

Giving up the endeavour as a lost cause for the time being, Severus decided to have lunch in the village a mile down the coast. It was an easy walk to Osmington on the cliff path and the pub was a cosy and comfortable place to enjoy a meal.

He was halfway through his second pint of dark ale when a movement past the window caught his eye. Not being entirely sure that his vision wasn't playing tricks on him he watched as the door opened and sure enough Potter entered, accompanied by an odd-looking dog that followed at his heels.

He walked to the bar, greeting several people as he went, then asked for a woman called 'Wendy' who appeared from the kitchen.

"Here you go," Potter said with a smile. "All knackered from a long walk."

"Ah thanks, Harry. You're a star. Go on Basil, off to your bed," Wendy commanded, and the dog loped off to a bed in front of the fire. A dog's life indeed. "Pint on the house for your troubles?" she asked Harry.

"Have you ever known me to say no?" Potter replied.

"Good lad."

Potter waited for his pint then made small talk for a few minutes more before turning to find himself a table. It was at that point that he noticed Severus sitting by the window. It was possibly only those well-honed Seeker reflexes that stopped the man from dropping his glass in surprise.

"Good afternoon, Mr Potter," he said smoothly, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankle.

"Professor," Potter said, recovering his equanimity quickly. "I hadn't expected to see you here."

"I would rather think not. Join me, won't you?"

Potter hesitated, looking around the pub to see if there were any other options, then walked slowly to sit at Severus' table.

"You've branched out into dog walking?" Severus asked, nodding his head towards the softly snoring dog by the fire.

"I do the owners a favour now and again. A walk's made better by a dog at your side. Basil's good company."

Severus kept his opinion on that subject to himself. If he was to restart his campaign to woo Potter back into his bed insulting the man wouldn't be a wise move to make.

"Are you here visiting Drake?" Potter asked, his expression as guarded as Severus had come to expect.

Severus shook his head, thinking quickly, and said, "I'm viewing property in the area."

Potter's eyebrows rose and he said, "Oh? I hadn't thought you had any interest in this part of the world."

"I didn't…until recently," he said, injecting the slightest hint of suggestion into his voice. Potter coloured slightly but said nothing and Severus continued, "I've found nothing that's taken my fancy yet although perhaps you know of some property that my agent might have overlooked?"

"I can't say that I do," Potter said, taking a delicate sip of his pint. "Houses are rather far and few between along this stretch of coast, perhaps you might try looking a little further east?"

Severus inclined his head slightly and said, "I've been rather charmed by this particular stretch of coastline. You live here, do you not?"

Potter nodded. "I doubt you'd have come across it in your search, though. It's very heavily warded."

It was just as Severus had suspected then. It seemed Potter was in no rush to be forthcoming about the location of his home and Severus was damned if he was going to be made to beg.

"If it's so heavily warded, could it be that the letters I've sent you have gone astray?" Severus asked and he was pleased to see Potter's cheeks colour.

"No…they did reach me. My apologies but I've been very busy and all requests for commissions have to go through my assistant."

"A reply to that effect might have been courteous," Severus said, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"I did tell you much the same the last time we spoke," Potter said, swirling the condensation on his glass with his forefinger.

"Am I to understand that you won't be able to fulfil my commission? Should I go elsewhere?"

Potter paused for a moment. Severus was hoping to appeal to the man's professional pride, something he surely possessed if he was half as good as Draco had made out to be. The fact that Potter then shrugged and said, "If that's what you want," surprised him.

Severus narrowed his eyes and said, "Should I take that as your refusal to take my commission?"

Potter sighed and took a long draw of his pint then placed it on the table and rubbed at the end of his nose. "There are other wand-makers in the world."

"None as good as you, or so I'm led to believe. Perhaps Draco was simply exaggerating out of some…sense of loyalty."

He could see that Potter was trying not to bristle at that comment and Severus felt bolstered by the thought that he was closer to hitting his mark. "It would make sense," he continued. "I know how…fond Draco is of you. It's only natural to embellish the talents of someone you hold in high regard."

Potter's lips pursed and he said quietly, "If I wasn't as good as I am I wouldn't be up to my eyes with other people's commissions."

"Of course," Severus said, his tone indicating that he was being generous. "You needn't worry, I'm sure you more than live up to your reputation."

"You're so transparent," Potter said with a disapproving click of his tongue, and Severus tried not to show his surprise at being so easily called out. "Fine, as I can see no way of getting peace otherwise, I'll take the commission."

The part of Severus that would have done a victory dance was dampened by the fact that Potter had managed to see through his tactics. "How gracious of you. Can I make an appointment now or do I need to go through your assistant?" he asked snidely.

"For Merlin's sake, you can come back with me now if it'll keep you happy."

Gratified that he had won, Severus stood and gestured for Potter to do the same. The man rolled his eyes and got up, moving towards the door.

"You haven't finished your pint, love," Wendy called from the bar.

"Sour stomach," Potter called back, looking as though it might well be true.

They left the pub and Potter led them back up the same coast path that Severus had walked down from Ringstead. He kept his hands thrust in his pockets and seemed to be in no mood to make conversation.

Severus was getting used to lack of civility on Potter's part but it still rankled. It also didn't fit with his plans to reacquaint himself with Potter's body and he hoped to rid the man of his cool indifference sooner rather than later.

They walked back to Ringstead and Potter led him away from the cliff path and more inland. As they walked, Severus felt the faint tingle of magic dance across his senses and he knew they were getting closer.

"Just stand there a minute," Potter said, and Severus did as instructed while he watched Potter move forward a few more paces. The man extracted his wand and held it gently aloft, murmuring softly in a language that Severus wasn't familiar with.

After a moment or two the property began to materialise and Severus watched as a three-storey house appeared before his eyes. It was impressive, that was for sure, and confirmed that Potter wasn't short of a galleon or two. It looked older than Draco's and seemed to radiate more magical energy too.

Potter motioned for him to step forward and he did so, raising his hand to the door when Potter gestured for him to do so. Potter waved his wand in a delicate arc and said gently, "Zadání". Severus felt a tremor of magic run through him and although he hadn't understood the language Potter had used, he felt the house welcome him.

The door opened and Potter stepped inside, saying, "Follow me". Severus was led through a light and inviting entrance hall, passing several rooms as they went. The house was large but not vast and although Severus could see that it was spotlessly clean it also looked lived in.

He was shown into a bright, well-appointed study, the walls lined with cabinets that contained wands of all shapes and sizes. As there was no work bench or tools of any kind, Severus had to assume that Potter made the wands elsewhere.

Potter seated himself behind a sturdy mahogany desk and gestured for Severus to take a seat in the chair in front of it. Severus did so, feeling slightly uncomfortable in the muggle clothing he was in. He much preferred robes; it was much easier for a person to be elegant in robes than in tailored trousers.

Potter pulled out a quill and a roll of parchment then said, "Now, what will be the primary function for this wand?"

Severus was irritated that Potter was so determined to keep things purely professional but then he supposed he had been the one to insist upon having a wand made. "I've been thinking of keeping my old one for day-to-day uses and for using this one solely in potions making."

Potter nodded and asked, "What's the core of your current wand?"

"Dragon heartstring."

"And the wood?"

"Hawthorn."

"Have you noticed any limitations or restrictions with your current wand? Anything you'd like to eradicate with this one?"

The question caught Severus off-guard slightly and he paused to consider it. He had always assumed that when a wand was matched with a witch or wizard that there would be no imperfections to consider. That wasn't necessarily the case though.

"I suppose it hasn't been all that receptive to change."

"Could you elaborate?" Potter asked, looking interested.

"Well," said Severus, crossing one leg over the other, beginning to think more carefully about the question, "most of my work involves formulating and creating new potions. Very often I think I've found the right incantation to make the potion more effective and it's…hampered."

Potter nodded and scribbled away at the parchment. "It was an effective combat wand though?" he asked.

"Very," Severus said, again surprised by the question.

"The more unyielding ones always are. May I see it?"

Severus reached into his robes and extracted his wand, passing it over to Potter who took it and held it in the palm of his hand. He examined it closely, turning it over and balancing it this way and that. He made a few more notes, his expression serious, focused solely on the wand in his hand.

"This one channels your magic well but doesn't hold it as well as it should, meaning more force has to be put into the harder spells. The wood is also from an old tree, meaning it's more connected to traditional magic, it won't adapt well to anything new. There's also something…a little off with the equations."

"Equations?" Severus asked, baffled.

"When you create a wand you have to combine the core ingredients in a way that makes them the most effective. The best way to determine that is through a series of equations but since this wand was created those equations have…evolved somewhat."

"You mean you've come up with new ones?"

Potter inclined his head and said, "I may have refined the technique a little." Potter handed the wand back and said, "You use it as a channel for your magic when you're making potions?" Severus nodded and Potter continued, "Can you ever feel it?"

"I…no…no I don't think I can," Severus said with a frown.

Potter nodded again, making yet more notes. "How far away from it can you be while performing wandless magic?"

"A few feet."

"And how quickly does it come to you when you summon it?"

"Within a few seconds."

"Any ambidextrous ability with it?"

"No, no I'm very right-handed."

Potter leant back in his chair and scratched the end of his nose with this quill. "Now for a slightly indelicate question – what's your budget?"

Severus smirked and said, "Unlimited."

"Wonderful. Looks like I'll be treating myself to a Christmas bonus," Potter said smoothly. He opened his mouth to speak further when the fire on the opposite wall sputtered to life and a small boy tumbled through it. As Severus watched the child dust himself off he realised, of course, that it was Potter's son.

"I'm back! Nan sent me home early because she and Gramps are going out for their anniversary," the child said, grinning broadly.

"I forgot it's half term," Potter said, shaking his head. "Sweetheart, I'm just with a customer at the moment so could you – "

"I know you," the boy said, looking at Severus. "You were in Diagon Alley a few weeks ago."

"I was," Severus said, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

"Josh, honey, if you could just let me finish up here I can – " Potter began, but his son was clearly having none of it.

"You're in my book as well," he continued, moving forward, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Severus more closely. "Professor Sev'rus Snape."

"I don't believe I – " Severus began, confused.

Potter sighed and said, "They reprinted 'Hogwarts – A History' a few years ago. It was updated with Voldemort's fall and…your role in it. It's one of Josh's favourites."

"Oh, I – "

"You were a spy, like James Bond!"

Potter snorted and Severus glared at him. "That was your codename, wasn't it?" he asked snidely and Severus couldn't resist a sneer.

Josh moved closer still and said, "You helped my dad, you trained him. That's so cool! Shall I show you the book? You can see for yourself!" he said excitedly, tugging on Severus' arm.

"Josh, I don't think that's – "

"No," Severus said, cutting Potter off, "I'd be more than happy for the lad to show me."

Potter's expression clearly showed what he thought of that and Severus couldn't help but feel a touch of glee at needling the man. Potter's son obviously held him in some sort of regard and wouldn't it just be fun to rub Potter's nose in it?

"After you, Master Potter," Severus said, standing up and indicating for Josh to lead the way.

He could feel Potter's glare burning into the back of his skull as they left the room and Josh led him up the ornate staircase. Severus followed along the wide landing until the boy stopped and guided him into his bedroom.

It was a large room, decked out with all manner of toys, both magic and non-magic. It was not the bedroom of a spoilt brat, however, and Severus could see that steps had been taken to make sure the child didn't turn into an entitled twit. He couldn't help but feel a grudging amount of respect for Potter for that.

"Here it is," Josh said, bobbing excitedly as he retrieved the book from a well-laden bookcase. The boy was obviously a keen reader. He flicked through the pages until he found what he was after then presented the book to Severus.

There on the page was Severus' on face looking back up at him. He wasn't quite scowling but he looked stern enough to be foreboding, an unlikely hero for a 6 year old. The blurb beneath the picture recounted how he had spent months training Potter for the final battle and how he had worked for many years before that as a spy for Dumbledore.

Seeing the words in black in white, written so plainly, so straight-forwardly was jarring. Most people didn't get to see their existence boiled down to a few succinct paragraphs and it was strange to be presented with his life in such a way.

A small hand closed over his and Severus looked down in surprise to see Josh looking up at him. "There's a lot the book doesn't say," he said softly, and Severus didn't know what to say to such strange insight.

"Being a spy isn't like it is in the books, huh?" the child asked, and there was something in the tilt of his head that was so eerily familiar it brought Severus up sharply.

"No, no it isn't," Severus said, closing the book and returning it to the boy.

Josh nodded and said, "I thought so. Dad's always telling me that, saying that things aren't the way they are in books."

"He's right," Severus found himself saying, watching as Josh placed the book back on the shelf. There was something in the way the child moved that caught Severus' attention, as though he were looking at someone he had known for years.

He tried to think who the boy reminded him of, who he could have met over the years that this child echoed so closely. He was almost the mirror-image of Potter, that was for sure, just as Potter had been so reminiscent of his dear father. Still, Josh's features weren't an exact replica of Potter's and there was something in the boy's jawline that Potter had never possessed.

"You taught at Hogwarts, didn't you?" Josh asked, turning back to face Severus, his head tilted in that oh-so familiar way again.

"I did," Severus answered. "I taught Potions. I taught your father and your uncle."

Josh nodded with a smile. "They've told me."

"I bet they have," Severus said before he could stop himself. Josh raised an eyebrow and Severus elaborated, "I wasn't particularly fond of teaching."

"But you were good at potions," Josh pressed. He certainly seemed precocious for a 6 year old, but then, what else could one expect from Potter's progeny?

"I like to think so. I've made my living from them since leaving Hogwarts."

Josh was quiet for a moment, his dark eyes searching. "I like potions. Uncle Drake has tons of books about them but Dad won't let me practise any yet. He says I'm too young."

"You are," came Potter's voice from the doorway and both Severus and Josh turned to look at him. "I'm sure the professor would agree that you need to be older to start with the practical side of potions."

Josh looked at Severus expectantly. Of course, he could irritate Potter further and disagree with him. It would be funny to see what shade he could make the man's face turn but it would help with his campaign to seduce him.

"Your father's right," he said, sensing the look of surprise Potter was sending his way. "Potions aren't to be played with, they can be incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. Still, it can't hurt to read about them."

"It's going to be my favourite subject when I go to Hogwarts," Josh said, his chest puffing proudly.

"I thought you'd decided you wanted to be a star quidditch player," Potter said, moving to stand next to his son and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"I can do both," Josh said with certainty and Severus felt his lip twitch with amusement. He wasn't sure why; if anyone else had expressed such a sentiment he would have hated their arrogance but with Josh it just seemed…endearing.

"Well, I'm sure the professor has a lot to be getting on with," Potter said, ruffling Josh's black hair affectionately. "Why don't you say goodbye to him?"

"He could stay for dinner," Josh said, and Severus had to smirk at the look on Potter's face.

"I'm sure he has other things to – "

"No, I have no plans," Severus interjected, watching Potter's jaw clench. "Thank you, Josh. What a kind invitation."

Potter took a deep breath and Severus wasn't sure between himself and Josh who Potter would like to throttle more.

"Fine, if that's the way you want it…fine. I'll go and see what I have in the kitchen. Josh, you need to do some work on your half-term project and Professor…" Potter trailed off and Severus couldn't wait to hear what instruction the man was going to give him. "Let me show you to the living room," the man continued, his voice forcedly calm.

A couple of hours later and they were finishing a perfectly exquisite meal. It was irritating that Potter had turned out to be such a good cook but Josh assured him that he had learnt it all from Draco and hadn't been able to make toast before they had lived together.

Potter had been tense throughout the meal. He'd made minimal conversation but luckily Josh had been more than prepared to pick up the slack. As a general rule Severus couldn't stand children. They were loud, they were obnoxious and always wanted attention, whether they deserved it or not.

Josh, on the other hand, was none of those things. He was a bright little boy who asked insightful questions and liked to express his opinions. He had a soft, gentle voice and a mischievous laugh that put a light in his dark eyes. At first Severus had spoken with the boy because it seemed to annoy Potter, but as the evening went on he spoke to Josh for his own sake.

He could feel Potter glowering at him out of the corner of his eye and he wanted to snap at the man to knock it off. He was committing no great offence; he was simply engaging with a child who seemed to have taken a shine to him. Potter could go and soak his head.

"I think it's time we got you ready for bed," Potter said eventually after Josh finished telling his tale about the preparations they were making for the end-of-term play at his school.

"But Dad – " Josh began.

"No arguments please," Potter said firmly. "Go on upstairs and I'll be up after I've seen Professor Snape out."

Well, that certainly was a dismissal, wasn't it? No matter, Severus thought. This would not be the last evening he spent in Potter's company, he would make certain of it.

Josh turned to look at him and said, "Are you coming again?"

Ah, what a perfect accomplice the child was turning out to be.

"I certainly shall if I'll be welcome," Severus said, casting a sly look back towards Potter.

"Of course you will, won't he, Dad?" Josh asked, something in his expression entirely too innocent. Severus warmed further to the child.

"Professor Snape is my client. He'll be coming over to discuss his new wand," Potter said, clearly trying to keep his voice level.

"But I won't get to see him if he's just come to talk to you," Josh countered, and Severus felt an inexplicable warmth settle in the centre of his chest.

"Josh, I don't think – " Potter began, but was cut off by his son.

"He said he'd bring me a potions book," the boy protested. "You did, didn't you?" he said, turning to face Severus again.

"I did. I'd be very happy to do so," Severus said, feeling Potter bristle further.

"Joshua," Potter said, his voice stern. "I'm not going to sit here and negotiate with you. Go upstairs and I'll join you in a few moments."

Josh clearly looked as though he was considering arguing his point further, but the foreboding expression on Potter's face dissuaded him otherwise. He huffed and scrambled off his seat, glaring at his father as he left the room.

Potter watched him go, his jaw set firm. He shook his head with a sigh then looked at Severus and said, "I'll show you out."

Severus raised an eyebrow but stood nevertheless. He followed Potter out to the entrance hall and took his time putting his muggle coat on. "You know," he said slowly as he fastened the buttons, "I'm at a loss to understand why you'd object so strongly to your son spending time with me."

Potter's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. He opened his mouth to say something and Severus continued, "If it were anyone else perhaps I could understand but you're supposed to know that the mistakes of my past are just that – mistakes."

"That has nothing to do with it," Potter said, his eyes flashing.

"Then how do you explain your behaviour?"

"Josh is my son, you're my client. Those two things don't need to meet."

"I'm more than just your client," Severus said, stepping a little closer, backing Potter up against the wall.

"Client and former teacher," Potter amended with a nasty smile. "Still no reason to interfere with my life. Believe me, Flitwick doesn't pop by every weekend for a cuppa and a chat with Josh."

"I'd like to think that we have a bit more of a past that you and Flitwick," Severus said, placing a hand on the wall by Potter's head.

"Maybe," Potter said, his expression hard. "But no future." He placed his hand on Severus's chest and pushed him firmly away, stepping forward to he could open the front door. "I'll put some thoughts together about your new wand and be in touch with an appointment."

Severus stepped outside and turned around. "Like it or not, your son likes me and I have to say that I've taken quite a shine to him. Just something to think about," he said smoothly before he apparated from the spot.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've updated a little early this week because of the bank holiday. I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know. 
> 
> For those of you who celebrate Easter, I hope you have an enjoyable weekend. For those of you who don't, just use it as a good excuse to eat chocolate ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Severus watched as Potter scribbled reams of notes in front of him. The man's face was etched with concentration, his bottom lip held between his teeth. Severus had been watching him for some time and was both annoyed at being ignored and aroused by the seemingly innocuous gesture.

Nothing had been said about their previous encounter and Potter had been nothing but professional since Severus had arrived at the man's house. They had spoken at length about the wand Potter would create and, while Severus was interested, he hated being treated like just another client.

The fire in Potter's eyes when they had argued at their last meeting was far preferable to the cold professionalism the man insisted on adopting. Severus still hadn't been able to fathom quite what Potter's issue had been, but he knew that something had crawled up the man's nose.

"So, we're going to be using Copper Beech for the wood," Potter said, laying his quill to one side and folding his hands while he looked up at Severus.

"That's unusual," Severus said. He had never heard of such a wood being used in wand-making before.

"It has great flexibility and in tree lore it's associated with creativity and knowledge. It'll be an excellent medium for the magic associated with creating potions."

"Interesting."

Potter nodded and said, "If you wouldn't mind standing, I need to take a few measurements."

Severus resisted the urge to say something crude and instead complied with Potter's request. Potter came out from behind the desk, brandishing a tape measure and Severus stood up a little straighter.

Potter measured his wand arm from wrist to elbow, then measured it in its entirety. He moved the tape measure across Severus' chest and then measured the width of his shoulders.

It was as close as they'd been in years and Severus was sure he could detect the faint hint of a blush on Potter's cheeks. "Very thorough, Potter," Severus murmured softly and a muscle in Potter's jaw twitched slightly.

"Some of us like to do things properly," Potter said, looking up to meet his eyes. There was a challenge there but Severus couldn't quite discern what it was.

"I wonder if you go to such trouble for all your clients."

Potter's eyes narrowed. "Don't flatter yourself." He retreated back to the safety of his desk and noted Severus' measurements, something slightly less contained in his posture.

"You would have done all the flattering for me…once," Severus said, wondering just what kind of reaction he could provoke from the man.

Potter looked up at him, his face guarded and pinched. "Things change," he said, a slight waver to his voice. "Now, I'll start preliminary work when I've gathered all the things I need and then – "

"I've brought that book for Josh," Severus interrupted, wondering if he could needle Potter another way.

Potter blinked for a moment, then said, "That's very thoughtful. Thank you. I'll give it to him later."

"Can't I give it to him myself? There's a particular chapter I'd like to bring to his attention."

"He's not here."

"Where is he?"

"Why do you care?" Potter asked, folding his arms. "He has nothing to do with you."

That seemed a tad hostile, even for Potter. "I like him. The feeling seems to be mutual," Severus said, enjoying the play of emotions that crossed Potter's face.

"If you think I'm going to let you waltz around here, spending time with my son then – "

"What exactly do you object to? Are you worried he might like me more than you?" Severus asked with a smirk, watching as anger swept through Potter's features.

"You really are a bastard, you know that?"

"So I've been told many times. Why does this bother you so much?" Severus asked. He'd found a sore point and he was going to press it until it bled.

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Is it his father?" Severus asked, and Potter's eyes flashed. "His _other_ father of course. Would the man object? Do you still have contact with him?"

"You need to get out of my house," Potter said, moving around him and opening the study door. "Find someone else to make your wand."

"Was it a bad break up?" Severus asked, feeling rather gleeful that he was finally prompting Potter to display something other than indifference. "Did he break your heart?"

"If you don't leave now I swear I won't be responsible for – "

"Was it your first love? Do you still harbour hopes that he'll come back to you one day? Do you see his face every time you look at your son?"

Potter's chest began to move up and down as his breathing became harsher and Severus knew he'd hit exactly the right nerve. He moved closer, feeling a thrill go through him at the look in Potter's eyes, as though he were approaching a coiled viper ready to strike.

"Can you still remember the feel of him inside you?" he whispered.

Faster than he could blink he was pinned against the wall, Potter's fists bunched in his robes. "He's yours, you fucking bastard," Potter hissed. "He's your son."

The world seemed to go silent. He could no longer hear the ticking of the ornate clock on Potter's table, nor could he hear Potter's laboured breathing. He felt the pressure on his chest where Potter was holding him against the wall but beyond that there was very little grounding him to reality.

"You're lying," he whispered.

"Believe what you want, it doesn't matter," Potter said, releasing his hold on Severus' robes and stepping back. "You're not coming anywhere near him ever again."

"He can't be – "

"Well he is," Potter said, his voice low and dangerous. "He was born on the 17th May 2001, does that help? Can you work backwards to the date of conception?"

"But it can't – "

"I'm not standing here explaining myself to you. I've told you to get out of my house once already, I'm not going to repeat myself."

Potter moved back to the door, holding it open, his face a mask of fury. Severus' feet seemed to move of their own volition and before he could fully register it he was standing outside Potter's house, the door slammed firmly shut behind him.

His own blood pounded in his ears and he was dimly aware of the waves crashing on the shore below. His palms prickled and he felt as though he'd just used a particularly potent portkey.

It couldn't be true. Potter was just saying it to get him to stop talking. The boy wasn't his, he simply couldn't be. He didn't look anything like him, he was just…another child.

He began walking, needing to get away from Potter's house as soon as possible. He made his way along the cliff tops, the wind a welcome distraction from his thoughts. He needed to verify this nonsense, he needed some sort of test akin to those that muggles used to determine parentage. Better yet, he needed to talk to someone who knew for sure what the truth was.

He was already walking towards Lulworth, why not go to Draco's and see what the man had to say about this ridiculous tale? He considered apparating there but he needed the walk to help him organise his thoughts.

May…that would mean that Josh was conceived in the previous August…right around the time he had slept with Potter at the anniversary bash. Still, it meant nothing. He was sure that Potter had men filling his bed on a nightly basis, how could he possibly stand out from such a crowd?

It was a long walk to Draco's and by the time he arrived it was early evening. He was tired and angry, furious with Potter for telling such a bare-faced lie. His loud knocking was greeted by a bewildered-looking Draco, who invited him in just as he was shouldering the door open.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell you think you're doing barging into my home?" Draco asked, his arms folded across his chest.

"I want an honest answer," Severus said, his voice trembling. "Is Potter's brat my son?"

Draco was silent, frozen as he looked at him. "Who told you?" he said eventually.

"Potter himself," Severus spat. "No doubt in some futile attempt at provoking me. I know it's a disgraceful falsehood and I – "

"He's your son," Draco said, his voice low, his posture rigid.

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus scoffed. "Of course he isn't."

"He's. Your. Son," Draco said, punctuating each word, his eyes blazing just as Potter's had done.

"Rubbish. You've fallen for whatever line Potter's been spinning you. I never believed you'd be so gullible."

"I never understood what Harry saw in you," Draco said, moving closer and looking at Severus as though he were a specimen on a laboratory table.

"I beg your pardon?"

"He used to tell me that you were different to the way most people perceived you. He used to say that there was so much more to you than the persona you presented to the rest of the world. I used to tell him he was mad, that he was seeing what he wanted to see but he'd never listen. After that night though…he never saw you the same way again."

"Do you think I care what Potter's opinion is of me?"

"I'm absolutely certain you don't. I don't think you've ever truly cared for anyone other than yourself. Everyone talks about you as though you're some kind of hero – the brave spy who risked his life to serve the Light. It's a load of bollocks though, isn't it? You never did anything for anyone that wouldn't benefit you first and foremost."

"I didn't come here to be lectured by a former student," Severus said, feeling his lip curl into a sneer.

"No, you came here to verify something you already know to be true," Draco said, his voice taking on a dangerous edge.

"Hardly likely. Potter would have had a slew of lovers. How could he pick a potential father out of that line-up?" Severus asked viciously.

Draco's gaze bored into him for a moment and Severus hadn't felt under such threat in a long time. He could take the blond, he was sure of that, but it had been a long time since he had been placed in such a position.

"You were his first," Draco said, his voice barely under his control.

Severus blinked in surprise, feeling as though Draco had punched him in the gut. It couldn't be true. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No I wasn't."

"You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the arse!" Draco said heatedly. "You were his first, you fucking prick. You want to know something else as well? You were his last."

"What the hell does that mean?" Severus asked, feeling as though he might as well have been having the conversation in a foreign language.

"After that night with you there was no one else." Draco moved closer again and Severus felt himself backed up against the wall. "You see, you hurt him so badly that he thought that was what sex was like. He couldn't imagine that sex could involve anything but what you showed him and he vowed never to put himself through anything like that again."

"That's not – "

"He waited for you," Draco said, anger shaking through his voice, "he wanted you to be his first because he thought you cared about him. He wanted his first time to be something special but you showed him nothing but pain and humiliation. You messed him up in ways you can't imagine and now you have the audacity to come here and question him."

Draco paused and cast one long up and down the length of Severus' body. "You disgust me," he said in a whisper. "It would have been better for everyone if you'd never come back. You might want to think about that and consider whether England really is the right place for you. Now, get out of my house."

Two dismissals in one day was enough for any man, and Severus turned on his heel and left, Draco's words ringing in his ears. He apparated back to his apartment in Diagon Alley and slunk down into one of the armchairs.

His mind was spinning and he felt as though he'd been hit with a nasty strain of wizard flu. His hands were clammy, his pulse was quick and his mouth was dry. He couldn't process everything he'd heard in the last couple of hours and he didn't know how to even begin going about such a thing.

He couldn't have been Potter's first. It was inconceivable. The man had a trail of admirers, he would have been able to take his pick.

 _He wanted you_ , a voice whispered in the back of his mind. _You know he did, you know how he looked at you back then, you know how he felt about you_.

"Shut up," Severus growled at himself, burying his head in his hands. "He's a damned liar."

 _You hurt him, you know you did_.

He shook his head, trying to stop his thoughts.

_You took what you wanted from him and didn't care what it might have done to him. All those noises he made weren't from pleasure, they were from pain._

"He could have stopped me whenever he wanted!" Severus raged.

_He didn't want to disappoint you, he was so desperate to please. He wouldn't have known any different, he didn't want to admit his inexperience._

Severus raised his head, his fingernails digging into the side of his face as he stared blankly ahead. The boy had wanted to talk before they did anything, he'd tried to tell him, tried to let him know so that Severus would be considerate.

_You didn't want to listen. You didn't want to hear anything that would get in the way of claiming your prize._

"It wasn't my fault," Severus whispered, bile rising in his throat.

_You made him bleed._

"Oh God."

_Monster._

* * *

The following week passed in something of a blur. Severus didn't leave his apartment once and sat, day after day, in his armchair in front of the fire, going over things in his mind. He replayed the night of the anniversary party over and over again, feeling sicker and sicker each time he did.

He tried to rationalise, to defend his actions but guilt crept in nevertheless. He thought of how he manipulated Potter into bed, how he played on the man's feelings for him, how he didn't give a single thought to anything besides his own desire.

Beyond that was the fact that he now knew he had a son. He now understood that sense of familiarity he had felt with Josh, he understood the strange connection he had felt when no other child had ever managed to move him beyond indifference.

The boy was six. Severus had missed all of his life so far and Josh had no idea who he was. They were strangers to one another and judging by his last meeting with Potter the man had no intention of letting him near Josh again.

It shouldn't have been a problem, Severus shouldn't have cared, but he found that he did. He had never considered being a father and his time teaching hordes of brats hadn't changed that. Perhaps if he hadn't met Josh things would be different, the boy would just be a vague concept that he could push to the back of his mind, but he _had_ met the boy. What was more, he liked him.

Was it possible that he could have a relationship with him? Would the boy ever learn the true nature of their relationship? It was unlikely, especially if Potter did all he could to keep them away from one another.

There was one answer, of course. He was simply doing his best not to acknowledge it. He would have to make amends. If he could make Potter see that he regretted what had happened then maybe it would pave the way to building bridges.

It wasn't in his nature to grovel, nor was it in his nature to apologise. He was a naturally defensive person and had always felt that apologising to someone put all the power in that person's hands. That wasn't a position he particularly wanted to find himself in.

The more stubborn side of himself was still insisting that there was nothing to apologise for anyway. Why should he make penance because Potter was a pathetic little virgin who wore his heart on his sleeve? He didn't have to come home with Severus that night, he didn't have to keep the child.

These thoughts went around and around in Severus' head for the whole week, creating such conflicted turmoil within him he thought he might go mad from it. Finally, after spending an entire day in bed, something he hadn't done since his 20s, he decided to pull himself together and face the music.

Hoping that Potter hadn't had the wherewithal to change the wards he apparated to Ringstead and began the walk to Potter's house. It was an encouraging sign, as he drew nearer, that he could still see the house. He steeled himself as he approached the front door, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

"It's only Potter," he growled to himself, damned if he was going to let the little whelp have an effect on him.

 _He has every right to have an effect you_ , his inner voice chimed in. Damned if it wasn't getting bloody irritating. _Leave your pride at the door, you're not in the right._

He took a deep breath and knocked firmly, waiting a few moments as he heard movements inside. The door creaked open and rather than seeing Potter glaring at him, he found himself being greeted by Josh.

"Professor!" the boy said enthusiastically. "Dad said you weren't coming back but I knew you – "

"Josh, who is it?" came Potter's voice from down the corridor and Severus' pulse jumped into his throat as the man came into view.

"Potter, I – " Severus began.

"Josh, can you please go up to your room?" Potter said, and the little boy looked up at his father with a frown.

"But Dad – "

"Now please," Potter said, a slight quiver to his voice.

Josh looked between Severus and Potter but he was clearly not daft enough to push his father. He huffed and trudged back down the corridor, the thundering of his feet on the stairs sounding moments later.

"Get off my property," Potter said, his stance firm.

"I want to talk to you," Severus said, reminding himself not to waver.

"Tough."

"We can't just leave things as they are."

"Why? What's changed?"

"Everything!"

"Nothing that needs to concern you. Josh has managed the first six years of his life without you, he'll be fine going the rest of his life without you in it."

"And what if I don't want that?" Severus asked, feeling his anger grow.

"Who gives a damn what you want? What makes you think you have any rights at all? Now, I'll ask you again – get off my property."

Potter went to close the door but Severus wedged his foot in it, receiving a glare for his troubles.

"I swear to God I'll hex you if I have to," Potter said, and Severus was reminded of the man who finally defeated Voldemort. He could feel the power rolling off Potter in waves and he had to admit that a small part of him was worried that Potter would make good on his threat.

"Five minutes, that's all I'm asking," Severus said, disgusted that he had been reduced to begging.

"What makes you think I'll give you five seconds?" Potter asked, his cheeks flushing.

Severus took a deep breath and tried to bring himself under control. He had one chance at this; if he messed it up he knew he'd never get within 100 miles of Potter ever again.

"Because you're a good father, and I think you'll never forgive yourself if you pass on the opportunity to let Josh know who his other father is."

Potter's eyes bored into his for a minute and Severus could see the warring emotions in their depths. Finally, he shook his head with a heavy sigh and turned around, moving down the corridor towards his study.

As the door hadn't been slammed in his face, Severus took that as an invitation to follow him. Once in the study, Potter threw up a few silencing charms then stood in front of his desk, arms folded, expression hard.

Now he was there, now Potter had actually conceded to speaking with him, Severus found himself at a loss for words. It was not a position he usually found himself in and he detested feeling as though Potter was holding all the cards.

"So, are you here to demand a paternity test? Are you here to tell me that I won't be getting a penny out of you for Josh's support?" Potter asked, something so implacable in his body language that Severus wondered if they'd ever manage a civilised conversation.

"No," he said levelly. "I believe that he's mine."

"Big of you," Potter spat.

"I'm given to understand that…I was the only person you had…been with."

The hardness disappeared from Potter's face instantly, leaving a stunned vulnerability that took Severus by surprise. His arms slid from folded strongly across his chest to wrap protectively around his abdomen and in the space of a few moments he appeared smaller and younger.

"Well," Potter whispered, "there you go."

He turned around, his shoulders hunched, and Severus' stared at the man's back for a few moments, wondering how best to proceed.

"Had I known – "

Potter turned back around to face him, his eyes red with unshed tears. "What? It would have been different?"

"I – "

"You would have cared? You would have spared me a second thought?"

"I didn't realise – "

"No, you didn't. Despite me trying to tell you, despite the fact that you could tell I was nervous…it hurt… _you_ hurt me."

Severus felt his mouth go dry. It was one thing for Draco to have confronted him with his transgression, but it was another entirely to hear it from Potter's lips.

"I was so angry with myself," Potter continued. "I was so angry that I'd got everything so wrong, that I'd been so badly mistaken. You know I actually believed myself in love with you?"

Severus felt as though someone had punched him. The admission from Potter landed like a ton of bricks. He had known, of course, that Potter had taken a shine to him but he had imagined it was simply a misguided crush, the product of misplaced adolescent feelings.

"I didn't think you felt the same way of course," Potter continued, the effort of controlling himself making his voice shake, "but I thought perhaps you might have felt a small sense of regard for me. I soon realised that wasn't the case.

"I was such an idiot. I had all these…stupid fantasies about what it might be like with you. I imagined you might be…slow…and gentle, that you'd take time to let me learn what I liked, what you liked. I imagined it would be so different and then…when it happened…it was very obvious that you felt nothing for me, I was just an available body."

A single tear made its way down Potter's cheek and Severus felt his insides clench. All he could think about was how rough he'd been, how he'd shown the man nothing but aggression. For the first time in a long time he felt shame.

"You needn't worry by the way," Potter said, his voice hard again, "whatever I might have felt for you all those years ago died that night."

He shook his head and released a long, slow breath, then moved to stand in front of the window, his arms still folded protectively across his body. Severus watched him, knowing that he had no right to say anything, that there was no way to defend himself.

"When I found out that I was having Josh I was terrified," Potter said quietly. "My first instinct was to get rid of him. Why would I want any part of you?"

Severus flinched at the man's honesty, though he couldn't say he blamed him.

"I came to tell you," Potter said as he turned around to face Severus again, Severus unable to hide his surprise. "You told me you were leaving the country."

More pieces of the puzzle fell into place and Severus remembered the time Potter was talking about. He had assumed, at the time, that the man had come to try and pursue a relationship but, as he considered it, he remembered that Potter had seemed agitated and upset.

"At that point I still wasn't sure if I was going to keep him but I thought that you had a right to know. You were so hostile, so determined to let me know that I meant nothing to you, I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I left your house that day thinking that I'd be better off getting rid of the baby but…as the days went by I began to feel more and more connected to him."

After a moment's pause, Potter continued, "I had no idea it was even possible, but I should have known that I'd be some bizarre exception to the rule. I spoke to Drake, he was…I wouldn't have coped without him. He told me he'd support me and I began to think that maybe I could do it. The first time I felt Josh move…God it felt like the world had stopped. I knew then I'd do whatever it took to keep him safe and protected, that I would love him more than anything else on the planet."

"And do you believe the best way to do that is to keep him away from me?" Severus asked carefully.

"It's worked well enough for the past six years."

"Hasn't he ever asked?"

"He's had questions. I've no doubt he'll have more in the future, but I'd rather answer his questions than let you in his life."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"You're not a man to be trusted," Potter said, and Severus felt the blow more keenly than he would have cared to admit.

"I wouldn't hurt him," he insisted.

"Why do you even care? You hate children! Why would you even want to be part of his life?"

"Because he's my son! I didn't even know he existed until a few weeks ago and I accept that that's my fault but I'd like the chance to rectify it. I'd like the chance to get to know him."

"And how do I know that you won't abandon him when it suits you? How do I know you won't become bored or irritated? How am I supposed to face my son and tell him that you've left him because he wasn't good enough?"

Severus sighed. "I can't make any promises, I wouldn't be so foolish, but I'd like the chance to try and build a relationship with him. He doesn't need to know I'm his father…not to start with…but can't we just spend some time together?"

Potter slumped against his desk, the fight seeming to leave his body, tiredness etching into his features. "I can't see my son hurt," he said softly, "so you can't see him without me, I'll have to be present."

Hope blossomed in Severus' chest and he realised just how much getting to know Josh meant to him. It was overwhelming and Severus couldn't say he fully understood it, but now he knew he had a son he didn't want to lose the chance to be in his life.

"You can come for dinner on Saturday, spend some time with him then," Potter said, clearly tense. Severus had to wonder, if their positions had been reversed, whether he would have been so magnanimous.

"Thank you," he said, daring to move a little closer. Potter looked at him warily and he knew that he had an uphill struggle ahead of him. "For what it's worth I am sorry."

"It isn't worth anything," Potter said with a look of resigned sadness. "It doesn't change what happened, it doesn't undo the hurt."

Severus nodded, seeing clearly how far-reaching the consequences of his actions had been. He couldn't promise to become a changed man, he couldn't promise that he would change beyond all recognition, but he now had a son to think of and that alone was enough to make him want to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a lovely Easter, we went scampering over Exmoor and spent some time with family, can't complain!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a comment and let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"And then Mrs Foster made everyone sit down with our hands on our heads because she'd had enough of us," Josh said, spooning a forkful of peas into his mouth.

"I'm not sure that's anything to be proud of," Harry said, raising a disapproving eyebrow at his son.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Josh protested with an entirely too-innocent air. "It's not my fault Mrs Foster can't control a classroom."

Severus snorted into his glass of wine and received a glare from Harry. There was no doubt that Josh was his son; comments like that could have come from no one but him.

It was the middle of November and Severus had spent the last three Saturdays having dinner at Harry's house. He wasn't sure exactly when 'Potter' had become 'Harry' in his mind, but it seemed faintly ridiculous to refer to the father of his child by his surname.

"I was the only one who knew all of my lines anyway," Josh said, as though that absolved him of any duty to be well-behaved.

"How's the play coming along?" Severus asked. Every Saturday he'd been given a new update about the school play Josh was taking part in. They were performing 'Oliver' and Josh had been given the part of the Artful Dodger.

"It's ok, but Bobby Jenkins – he's playing Bill Sykes – never knows when to come on the stage. Mrs Foster always has to push him in from the wings."

Josh attended the local primary school, which, on reflection, Severus understood. Harry could have sent the boy to the magical primary school in Hogsmeade but he supposed the man wanted his son to experience a taste of normality.

When Josh got to Hogwarts he would be Harry Potter's son and there was no way of escaping that label. Harry and those around him would be able to educate him about the magical world and to prepare him for what lay ahead but it was important that Josh could enjoy as much of his childhood as possible.

"And what about the girl playing Nancy?" Severus asked, watching as Josh's eyes darted quickly to his plate. There had been much talk about Ellie Williams and Severus was certain that Josh had something of a crush on the girl.

"She's good," Josh said with a shrug. "Needs to work on her accent though."

It was Harry's turn to laugh and Severus looked up to meet the man's eyes as he shook his head in amusement at their son's antics. There was a moment, a very fleeting one, where it was as though they were in accord, that they were sharing the experience. It was gone quickly though and Harry looked away, his cheeks flushed.

"Are you going to come and see it?" Josh asked, looking at Severus as he began to build a small fort from his mashed potatoes.

"I…" Severus began, unsure how to answer. Dinner once a week was all that had been agreed upon and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries.

"I'm sure the professor will come if he isn't busy," Harry said quietly, not meeting Severus' eyes. It was a greater concession than Severus deserved and he would have to find some way to show his gratitude.

"I'd be very pleased to, Josh," Severus said, inordinately pleased when the boy grinned at him.

"Uncle Drake and Uncle Bill are coming too. You'll all have to give me the biggest cheer when I come onstage so people think I have a fan-club."

"Would you like us to make placards too?" Harry asked with a gentle quirk of his lip.

"You're not funny, Dad," Josh said, rolling his eyes. God help them when the boy became a teenager, he was entirely too adult as it was.

Dinner was soon finished and Harry and Josh had the usual argument over whether or not Josh had eaten enough to be excused. Severus could sympathise; he himself was more of a grazer and preferred to eat little and often throughout the day. It seemed his son had inherited something from him if only something so small.

They retreated to the living room where Josh decided it was time for Severus to become on first-name terms with the fish in the impressive aquarium. Josh took great pains to introduce each fish and to point out their distinguishing features, none of which Severus was likely to remember.

Apparently Josh and Harry were locked in an eternal battle over getting a dog. Josh was determined to succeed but if Severus was any judge on the matter it would be several years before Harry relented.

"You should see the way he bothers the fish," Harry murmured. "The dog would leave home after a week."

The childish side of Severus' nature that was obsessed with one-upmanship whispered to him that he should buy the boy a puppy. What better way to curry favour? The more rational side of himself argued that there was also no better way to see himself turned out on his ear and told never to darken the doorstep again.

The evening wore on, Josh regaling them with further tales from school and plans for what he was going to do the next time he went to stay with Molly and Arthur. Severus learnt that a couple of the other Weasley children had produced progeny whom Josh referred to as cousins. It was clear that these cousins were held in high esteem and that Josh enjoyed his time spent with them.

"Well my love, time you were in bed I think," Harry said, as Josh came to the end of his story about the time Draco and Bill had taken him to the zoo. "You go on up and I'll come and read to you."

Josh hesitated, looking between Severus and Harry with a thoughtful expression. "Could Severus read to me?" he asked eventually, and Severus felt his eyes widen in surprise.

Harry would say no, surely. No doubt he wouldn't be pleased at being supplanted in such a way and Severus could hardly say he blamed him.

"As long as he doesn't mind, I don't see why not," Harry said gently and Severus looked at him in surprise. The man only glanced up at him briefly then busied himself clearing away their coffee cups.

"Brilliant," Josh said with a smile. "I'm going to get into my pyjamas and brush my teeth. Come up in five minutes, ok?" he said, and Severus nodded dumbly.

He watched the boy skip out of the room, thundering up the stairs as usual. For such a slight child he could make the noise of a herd of hippos when he wanted to.

Severus turned to Harry, who was pointedly not looking his way, pretending to be very interested in brushing up the crumbs Josh had left from munching on biscuits. "Thank you," he said, unsurprised when Harry still didn't look up.

Harry shrugged a shoulder, too nonchalant to be believed. "It's just a story. Saves me from having to do it."

"Still, I appreciate it."

Severus waited as he had been told, then made his way up the stairs and into Josh's bedroom. Josh was sitting up in bed, his bedside light casting a gentle glow over the room. He grinned when Severus entered and gestured for him to take a seat on the end of the bed.

"Here," Josh said, handing him the book from his bedside table. "Where the bookmark is."

Severus looked at the book in hands. The Faraway Tree. He could remember reading it in his childhood and he smiled at the memory. He had been taken with its world of enchantment, knowing that he himself belonged to such a world. It had been an escape from an unhappy childhood and he was thankful that Josh would never know such a thing.

He picked up where the bookmark marked the next chapter, feeling a little foolish at first, especially when Josh insisted that he did the different voices, 'just like Dad does'. He found his stride eventually though, remembering the characters and how the story had made him feel when had had read it for the first time.

He enjoyed himself so much that he carried on to the next chapter and it was only when he heard a very gentle snore that he realised Josh had fallen asleep. Smiling, he returned the book to the bedside table and let his eyes drift over the peacefully sleeping form of his son.

His son. It was still a difficult concept to get his head around. Originally he had thought that Josh was a carbon copy of Harry, but as he got to know him he realised that the boy held several of his own characteristics.

He had never felt a connection to another person the way he did to Josh. It was as though something deep within him recognised him as his own. He knew he didn't deserve it but he truly was grateful to Harry for granting him the chance to get to know the boy.

"Goodnight Josh," he whispered as he reached over to turn the lamp off. Before he could stop himself he reached out and brushed the dark messy hair off the boy's forehead. He pulled the covers up and made sure the boy was tucked in before retreating from the room and back down the stairs.

"He's fast asleep," he told Harry as he entered the living room.

"Good. He didn't badger you for a second chapter, did he?"

"I confess I needed very little badgering. I was keen to see how the Land of Goodies would play out."

Severus was sure he saw the smallest quirk of Harry's lip and he felt gratified for reasons he couldn't quite pinpoint.

"I'll be on my way. Thank you again for tonight."

He turned and was about to make his way to the front door when he heard Harry get up from the sofa and say, "Would you like a drink before you leave?"

It was the first time such an offer had been made and if Severus had had a meeting planned with the queen he would have forgone it to accept the overture. "Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you," he said, re-entering the living room.

"Is brandy ok?" Harry asked, moving to the drinks cabinet in the corner of the room. Severus nodded and watched as Harry poured them both a healthy measure and added a couple of cubes of ice to Severus' with just the smallest splash of soda.

 _He remembers how you have it_ , that irritating voice whispered. Only this time it wasn't quite so irritating.

He accepted the drink with thanks and they both took a seat on the large, comfortable sofa. There was silence for a moment, Severus rolling the taste of the brandy on his tongue and finding it to be one of the finer ones he had tasted.

Eventually Harry cleared his throat and said, "How's your search for a house going?"

Severus tilted his body a little to be able to face Harry better and said, "Not as well as I would have hoped. I find myself…pickier than I thought I'd be and nothing seems to quite suit. I'll have to find somewhere soon though; I need a proper potions lab and my apartment in Diagon Alley simply can't accommodate it. I'm fulfilling orders out of the bathroom half the time."

Harry gave a soft little laugh and said, "That does sound awkward." There was a short pause while he busied himself looking down into his glass before he said, "You could…share my workroom…if the need arose."

Severus raised a questioning eyebrow and Harry continued, "Beneath the house there's an old cellar. I use it to make my wands but it's huge. There'd be plenty of room if you found yourself desperate."

 _Tread carefully¸_ the voice whispered. _An offer like this won't be given again_.

Severus wasn't sure why the offer had been made in the first place but he wasn't going to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

"That's very generous. Would you mind…could I perhaps see the space?"

Harry nodded. "Of course. Come with me."

Severus followed Harry out of the living room and into the corridor. Behind the stairs was a small door that opened to reveal a narrow stone staircase. Severus followed Harry down it to find himself in a huge underground cellar.

The air crackled with magic and Severus found himself entranced as he looked around the space. There was a large workbench littered with tools and there was shelving on the far wall crammed with an array of goods. Despite being below ground it was warm and bright and Severus could understand how Harry could spend so much of his time down here.

"There's room for another workbench and there's a sink over in the corner," Harry said, watching as Severus looked around.

"Wouldn't I be getting in your way?" Severus asked and Harry shrugged.

"I kind of go into my own little space when I'm working. I can't imagine there's much you could do that would bother me."

 _Well there's a loaded statement_ ¸ Severus' inner voice snarked. He decided not to take the bait.

"It's an impressive space," he said as he moved to Harry's workbench. There was a kind of ordered chaos to it and while it looked like a mess to him he was sure Harry knew where everything he needed was.

"When I first bought the place I was sure I'd never use it," Harry said, glancing around with a smile. "At best I thought I might start a wine collection but then I started learning about wands and I used this place to practise."

At Severus' questioning look he elaborated, "Wand magic can be incredibly unpredictable, especially when you're first learning how to use it. The stone walls came in very handy when it came to ricocheting spells. Don't worry though – I'm a lot better at containing things these days, you shouldn't have any spells bouncing off your head."

Harry grinned and something flipped in Severus' stomach. Harry hadn't smiled at him in years, certainly never with such playfulness either. It shouldn't have affected him so much, but it did.

Realising he needed to find his voice before Harry thought he was having a stroke, he said, "Well that's certainly comforting to know."

He moved to the workbench and gently ran his fingers over the array of tools there. Most he was unfamiliar with and he pondered at the strange skill Harry had made his life's work. He himself knew very little about wand lore and he was intrigued to see how Harry worked.

"How long does it take to create a wand?" he asked, and Harry tilted his head to the side to consider the question.

_That's adorable._

What? Severus thought, taken aback by his intrusive inner voice. No it isn't.

_Yes it is. Admit it._

I've never used the word 'adorable', I'm not going to start now.

"I do ten or so a month for the shop's stock but a commission can take anywhere from three months to six, depending on the complexity of the order. I must confess I do prefer the commissions. They allow me to explore more in-depth magic and hone my skills. I can just lose myself in it completely."

Severus smiled. It was the same way he felt about potions and it was good that Harry had found something that could help to define him outside of 'The Boy Who Lived'.

"So…will this space do?"

"If you'd be generous enough to share it with me I'd be very grateful to accept the offer," Severus said and tried not to laugh at the look of surprise on Harry's face.

_Maybe if you'd been a bit more civil to him over the course of your association he wouldn't have cause to look so surprised._

Maybe there was a potion to silence inner voices. The idea had merit.

* * *

The workshop was a godsend. Severus hadn't realised how bloody awkward making potions out of an ill-equipped rental apartment had been until he was granted the space of the cellar.

He practically had half of the large room to himself and he had erected a few shelves for his ingredients and his beloved potions tomes. Apart from a few basic orders for things like cold remedies and household potions, the majority of his work was now done from Harry's house.

He would admit it to no one but he relished the time he spent with Harry working side by side in the cellar. He had begun to appreciate Harry's company after the time spent coming to dinner but Harry had always been very guarded and had offered little in the way of conversation.

While he worked and concentrated on his wands those guards were lowered. He wasn't as defensive and he didn't look at Severus as though he was a battle opponent. Severus couldn't blame him for that behaviour; he had behaved deplorably and Harry had every right not to trust him but it was gratifying to see those barriers shift, if only a little.

Severus knew that if he were to pursue a relationship with his son that he would have to build a relationship with Harry too. He hoped they might be able to reach an accord, to perhaps even have a friendship, but he had hurt Harry in ways that were unforgivable and he wouldn't blame the man if things never improved between them.

Time spent with Josh was the main thing. Severus knew that the little boy had developed a fondness for him and, if Severus were honest with himself, he had found himself harbouring ever-growing feelings for his son. That Harry had allowed him the chance to get to know Josh was something Severus would forever be grateful for.

"Bugger," he heard Harry murmur from across the room.

He looked over and saw Harry scribbling on a piece of parchment, a frown set between his brows. He liked watching Harry work and had tried to do so as surreptitiously as possible since they had come to work side by side.

The man was meticulous and focused, things he had never been as a student. He immersed himself fully in his work and Severus thought if the house exploded around him Harry probably wouldn't notice.

Harry was working on the equations for the new wand he had been commissioned to make. Severus was still somewhat baffled by the concept of equations with regards to wand-making and a brief glance at Harry's notes hadn't yielded much in the way of an explanation.

It seemed that they all involved ancient runes, most of which Severus had a working understanding of, but the ones Harry used were complicated and impressive. It wasn't uncommon to see him bent over a mountain of books, a scrap of parchment covered in equations by his elbow, his brow furrowed in concentration.

So he looked now. His quill was poised above his notes, his expression focused as he flipped through the pages of the book in front of him. He was in profile, the light from his desk lamp casting his face in a warm glow.

Severus had always considered Harry attractive but now, as he looked at those features etched with concentration, it occurred to him that Harry was beautiful.

 _Beautiful? My, how our adjectives have changed_. _Beautiful, is he?_

Severus couldn't see how he could describe him as anything but. He had strong features, a well-defined jaw and a slim nose. His skin was naturally pale but it had a warmth to it that made his complexion look healthy. Those features could be so expressive when Harry wasn't guarding himself, when he let his feeling show, and it shamed Severus to think that he was the reason why Harry could be so closed off.

He was so busy watching Harry that he didn't notice when his cauldron boiled over and only noticed when it began hissing and spitting at him.

"Fuck," he cursed, grabbing his wand and extinguishing the flame. The ruined potion was making a happy trail over the workbench and he mopped at it with the sleeve of his robes. Harry was at his elbow in seconds, a damp rag in his hand as he helped to clear the mess away.

"Thank you," Severus said, irritated with himself for being so careless.

"I might put this memory in a pensieve," Harry said with a sly smile as he dabbed at the mess on the front of Severus' robes. Severus frowned at him and Harry laughed, saying, "I never thought I'd see the day you'd screw up a potion."

"It's a particularly difficult one," Severus said gruffly.

Harry's eyes narrowed and he peered into the cauldron then looked back at Severus with a smirk. "It's a fever-reducing potion," he said, his eyes dancing with amusement.

_There's no way anyone couldn't call him beautiful._

"I was distracted," Severus growled, telling his inner voice to sod off.

"Mmhmm," Harry said with a condescending nod. "You know, if you need any help you just have to ask."

"The day I ask for your help with potions is the day I know I've lost my mind," he said, immediately cursing himself. He was surprised then when Harry simply grinned and chucked the potion-soaked rag at him.

"You should be so lucky."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating a day early because I have a bit of a busy weekend ahead, hopefully you won't be complaining :D
> 
> Drop me a comment and let me know what you thought of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The school hall was crowded as Severus stood awkwardly, holding a cup of warm wine to his chest. It was the night of Josh's school play and he, Harry, Draco and Bill were all attending. Things were still a little strained with Draco, and Severus knew that the man didn't approve of Harry's decision to let him see Josh. It was between himself and Harry though, so Draco would simply have to get used to it.

Luckily Bill acted as a very affable buffer and seemed more than willing to welcome Severus into their strange family dynamic. Josh adored both Bill and Draco and Severus determined that it was in everyone's best interests for them all to get on.

"Severus!" came a happy voice through the crowd, and Severus spied Josh making his way towards him.

It was strange to hear Josh calling him by his first name, but the boy couldn't go on calling him 'Professor' and he couldn't be an uncle to him in the way that Bill and Draco were.

"You came!" said Josh as he bounced up to him.

"I promised I would. Shouldn't you be in your costume by now?"

"It'll only take a second. I wanted to come and see if you were here."

Severus smiled in spite of himself. Josh's growing fondness of him was very apparent and Severus was unable to disguise his own regard for the child.

"Where's Dad?" Josh asked, and Severus glanced around the hall looking for the man. His eyes finally fell on him, standing next to the stage speaking with a very attractive man.

Severus' eyes narrowed and he said, "He's over there. Who's he with?"

Josh followed his line of sight and said, "Oh that's Mr Hunter, he's our classroom assistant."

"Oh," Severus said, taking a sip of his tepid wine. "Why would he need to speak to your father?"

Josh shrugged. "They often talk to one another. I'm going to go and say a quick hello to Uncle Drake and Uncle Bill. See you after the play!" Josh said, then darted off to find his uncles.

Severus returned his attention to Harry, who was laughing at something 'Mr Hunter' was saying. Hunter then reached out and put his hand on Harry's shoulder, lowering his head as their conversation took on a more conspiratorial look.

 _You're jealous_ , his inner voice whispered.

I bloody well am not, Severus thought. There's just no reason why that bloody Hunter chap needs to stand quite so close to Harry.

_It's none of your business who stands close to Harry. You have no right to have an opinion on the matter at all._

His bloody inner voice was right, of course. Severus was also baffled that he felt anything at all. It shouldn't have bothered him that Harry was standing there having a friendly conversation with an attractive man, it shouldn't have bothered him that said attractive man kept touching Harry's arm, but it did.

He watched as the two men continued to talk, their body language easy and natural although Hunter was certainly flirting with Harry. It was hard to tell if Harry was returning the attention as he had his guards up as usual. He certainly wasn't shying away from it though and Severus felt his jaw tighten uncomfortably.

Finally Harry extracted himself from the man's clutches and made his way back over to join Severus. Severus schooled his features into passive interest and said, "This wine's appalling."

Harry nodded and said, "It usually is. The PTA can only stretch to supermarket-own brand."

_Don't mention the Hunter twat. It's none of your business. Don't spoil the evening._

For once, his inner voice was worth listening to. Harry would only tell him that it was none of business, which, of course, it wasn't.

Draco and Bill joined them, Draco still coolly polite with him. Severus would let it continue for a little while yet and then he was going to have words with the man. He may well have made mistakes but Harry was a grown man and wasn't in need of a protector.

They were eventually ushered to their seats by the formidable headmistress and Severus couldn't help but feel smug when Harry seated himself next to him. They were attending a school function together and watching _their_ son in his play. It felt like progress even if it was only in a small measure.

The play, it had to be said, was fairly dire. There was nothing pleasurable about watching a tribe of primary school children prancing around and butchering Lionel Bart's lyrics and melodies. Most were flat when they delivered their lines and it was very clear that a large contingent had never properly learnt them in the first place.

And then there was Josh. Perhaps it was paternal pride speaking but Severus couldn't help but feel that his son shone out brightly from the rest. He delivered his lines superbly and seemed to have a knack for comic timing that had the audience laughing heartily.

There was a moment, while Josh and the girl playing Nancy performed 'I'd Do Anything', when Severus looked across at Harry and the two smiled at one another. Severus' stomach clenched, although not unpleasantly, and he couldn't help but be pleased at the feeling of something shared regarding their son.

Josh notwithstanding it was a relief when the play was over. Draco and Bill clapped loudly and hollered most ostentatiously when it was Josh's turn to take his bow. Seeing the grin on the boy's face was enough to make Severus approve of the uncouth spectacle.

They waited around afterward for Josh to change, Severus declining another cup of awful wine. It seemed the others all agreed that the play had been largely terrible but they were all in agreement that Josh's performance had been wonderful.

Harry was just about to go and find what was taking Josh so long when the Hunter man appeared at the fringe of their group.

"Jack," Harry said, stepping aside with a smile. "Wasn't he good?"

"He was, but then I've been treated to his performance for several weeks now. He was even practising his lines when he was supposed to be doing maths," the man said, a smile on his handsome face.

_He's not that handsome._

Yes he is, are you blind? Severus berated his inner voice.

_Fancy him for yourself, do you?_

Not bloody likely. Too full of himself by half.

"Jack, this is a friend of the family, Severus Snape," Harry said, and Hunter reached to shake Severus' hand.

"Pleased to meet you. You're here to support Josh then?"

 _No, I'm here talent spotting the Dorset youth_.

Resisting the urge to snort at his own witticism, Severus said, "I am. I couldn't be prouder."

"He was rather good. You must be proud of him, Harry," Hunter said, clapping a large hand on Harry's shoulder. Was the man incapable of refraining from touching Harry?

"I certainly am, although I have to say I'll be thrilled not to have him singing 'Consider Yourself' at all hours of the day or night. You know, I reckon I could have got up on the stage myself and belted it out."

"Now that I would have liked to see," Hunter said, smiling widely at Harry.

_Smarmy git._

Severus pulled himself up sharply. 'Jack' had done nothing wrong and it would do no good to show open hostility to someone who did nothing more than assist in teaching his son.

"Dad!" came Josh's voice as he barrelled through the crowds, smears of stage make-up still smudged across his face.

"Well done sweetheart!" Harry said enthusiastically, sweeping the boy up onto his hip. "You were excellent!"

"Quite spectacular, my love!" Draco said, wrapping an arm around both Harry and Josh, peppering Josh with kisses.

_It doesn't bother you when Draco's demonstrative, that should tell you something, you old bat._

Severus very badly wanted to tell his inner voice to take a running jump, but as it was encased inside his own head he didn't think he'd get very far.

"Please remember us all when you win your first Olivier award," Draco said, wiping a spot of rouge from the boy's face with his thumb.

Josh frowned and said, "It's pronounced 'Oliver', Uncle Drake."

Draco laughed and kissed Josh again. "My mistake, sweetheart. Let's get you home, away from your adoring public."

"You're weird, Uncle Drake."

"As if this is news to you."

After Harry bade a friendly and all too warm goodbye to the Hunter twit, the four adults and Josh made their way out to the car park and found a quiet spot to apparate back to Harry's home.

Josh was still on a high from his performance and would only concede to getting ready for bed if Bill and Draco went up with him. While Severus was becoming used to being involved in Josh's bedtime routine he was more than willing to let Bill and Draco pick up the slack this time. Getting Josh to be quiet long enough to fall asleep would be a feat that would fell a better man than him.

Harry fixed them both a drink and they listened to the sounds that drifted down the stairs of Josh telling Bill and Draco all the things that the other children had done wrong throughout the play.

"We're never going to hear the end of this," Harry said with a sigh. "He's been bitten by the acting bug. He wants to take acting lessons."

That came as no surprise to Severus. Josh had been talking about joining the local weekend stage-school for a while now and his enthusiasm hadn't dimmed.

Clearing his throat, Severus said, "If you'd let me I'd very much like to pay for his classes."

Harry narrowed his eyes and said, "I can afford to pay for a few acting classes."

"I wasn't suggesting otherwise," Severus said levelly, "but he's my son and I'd like to contribute something. So far…I haven't…taken on much responsibility as a father."

Harry sighed and placed his glass on the table in front of the sofa. "I suppose we should…talk about that some more. I've been putting it off if I'm honest."

"You didn't think I'd stay around," Severus said softly, and Harry chewed on his lip as he always did when he was uncomfortable.

"I'm still not sure that you will," Harry said honestly. It hurt to hear it but Severus couldn't blame Harry for his caution.

"I'm not going anywhere. I couldn't do that to Josh," Severus insisted.

"So you say but this is all still very new for you. At the moment you just get to do the fun stuff, you both get to see each other at your best. You haven't had the endless arguments with him; you haven't stayed up all night with him when he's sick; you haven't reached the end of your tether with him when you're tired and fed up."

"You're right, I haven't done any of those things," Severus said, feeling sad at the thought of how much he'd missed. "I wasn't there for the beginning of Josh's life and there are huge gaps that I have to fill, but I'd like to be able to try."

Harry put his head in his hands and rubbed agitatedly at his face. "I should have told you," he said quietly. "After Josh was born I should have got in with touch you, let you make the decision…given you a choice. I wasn't fair."

Severus could hardly believe what he was hearing. After everything that had transpired between them Harry was willing to shoulder the blame for the fact that he had missed so much of his son's life. Sometimes the man's generosity simply wasn't to be believed.

"I had no right to know," Severus said, pained by his own admission. "After…after what happened between us I had no right to know anything about the consequences. In all honesty…if I'd received the news from you…if I'd found out without meeting Josh, without having the chance to fall in love with him…I probably wouldn't have cared."

Harry was looking at him strangely, his expression searching, his eyes thoughtful. "You love him?" he asked, his voice a soft whisper.

Severus paused for a moment, looking down at his glass before saying, "Harry, I have very little experience with love, so little in fact that it's hard for me to recognise it. I wouldn't feel right making any kind of declaration to you but I _can_ tell you that I feel things for Josh that I've never felt for another person. It's as close to love as I think I've ever come."

Harry looked overwhelmed, a maelstrom of conflicting emotions playing out across his face. Severus couldn't guess what the man was feeling and a large part of him wanted to reach out, to touch Harry, to make some of kind of physical connection with the man, but he had no idea how such a thing would be received and so held himself back.

"We'll put something more…official together after the holidays," Harry said, his voice strained. "You're part of his life now, he wants you around. You both have a right to forge a relationship."

"I'll endeavour to deserve it," Severus said seriously.

Harry gave a tight nod and said, "On Boxing Day we always have lunch here, just me, Josh, Bill and Drake. You'd be very welcome to come."

"Thank you, Harry. I truly mean that."

* * *

Christmas Day was a quiet affair. Severus knew that Harry and Josh were at the Burrow having a traditional Weasley Christmas and he was looking forward to seeing them both the following day.

He had deliberated at length over a Christmas present for his son and had finally settled on something he thought the boy would like. He was still faintly staggered at receiving an invitation to be part of Harry's holiday celebrations but he wasn't going to argue with anything that could help his relationship with Josh grow.

He spent Christmas Day quietly in his apartment, marking the occasion with a particularly fine bottle of wine. As the evening rolled around he apparated about a mile from his childhood home and made the short walk to the local church.

Wrapping his muggle coat tightly around himself he made his way to his mother's grave. His father was buried somewhere in the graveyard too but he had no intention of paying that bastard a visit.

Stopping in front of a modest headstone, Severus knelt down and placed the small bouquet of flowers he had purchased on top of the grave. It was only ever at Christmas that he came to the churchyard and he wasn't entirely sure why he came at all.

He had loved his mother and she had loved him, in her way, but there was never any real closeness between them. She had been a miserable and bitter woman, whatever warmth she had once possessed beaten out of her by his father.

If he was truly honest with himself, growing up with their relationship had scarred him. He had never seen what it was like to be one half of a partnership, he had never seen love and support in a marriage, and love and affection were alien concepts to him.

He had never been able to form any meaningful relationships and he had closed himself off to anything that might make him vulnerable. He was determined, however, that this emotional impairment would not bleed over into his relationship with Josh.

He would never be the kind of father that his own had been and he would try to be as open as he could with his son. It was terrifying, and a huge part of Severus kept snidely whispering that he would never be good enough as a father, but he had to try.

He owed it to Josh and himself to do so, and Harry had been good enough to trust him. He would do his best not to let any of them down.

"You're a grandmother," he quietly told his mother's headstone. "He's…a wonderful boy. He's bright and warm, he's friendly and kind. I feel connected to him in ways I've never experienced before. He doesn't have any grandparents, not biological ones anyway. I wonder if you'd have been a good grandmother to him."

It was unlikely. His mother had never had a fondness for children and she had spent her time in a bitter malaise that was hardly conducive to entertaining grandchildren. In all honesty Josh was better off with the surrogate grandparents he had in the Weasleys.

"It's terrifying," he admitted. "I keep thinking that I'm doing everything wrong, that I'll do something to make him hate me." He gave a self-deprecating laugh and said, "I suppose all parents feel that way. It's just…I've lost so much time with him, I have so much to make up for. I have nothing in my life to be proud of, but I feel pride when I look at him. I feel as though he makes me a better person, I _want_ to be a better person for him."

He took a deep breath and cast a preservation charm over the bouquet of roses. "Merry Christmas, Mum. I'll see you next year."

He rose to his feet and cast a quick look around to make sure he was alone then apparated back to his apartment. He looked around the attractive space and couldn't help but feel the loneliness that seemed to invade every corner.

He had never minded solitude, indeed he had always relished it. He had always preferred living alone and had only ever shared his living space under duress. These days, he found his evenings cold and dull without Josh recounting one of his stories or without Harry's gentle admonishments or terrible jokes.

The thought of spending the following day with them was a warming one. He was doing his best not to think about it but it wasn't only his son he was eager to see. It was a dangerous thought to harbour but he could admit that he was growing to like Harry and to enjoy the man's company.

He appreciated how good a father the man was, how he strived for his work, how he took great care of the relationships in his life. Of course, a by-product of spending time with Josh was spending time with Harry too and Severus couldn't say that it was too much of a chore.

He retired to bed early, keen to see the end of the day and to greet the next one on the horizon. He slept fitfully, plagued by dreams of Harry telling him that he could no longer see Josh, that he wasn't good enough to be a father to him. He didn't need a muggle psychologist to interpret those particular dreams for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that, as this and the next chapter are shorter than the others, I would post this today and chapter 7 on Friday. I hope you're not complaining ;)
> 
> For those of you who are worried that Severus is getting off too easily, never fear. There is a long road ahead of him and just because it looks like we're plain-sailing at the moment trust me when I say it won't always be that way.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

He was jittery when he arrived at Harry's the next day, feeling that the occasion was a kind of test. It was the first big milestone that he was spending with Josh and if it went badly it could colour all future possibilities.

 _What could possibly go wrong? It's just dinner! Stop over-thinking, you cretin_.

His inner voice was getting more and more abusive. It really was time to develop a potion that could silence the damn thing.

"Severus!" Bill greeted warmly as he opened the door. "Come in, come in."

Severus stepped into the entrance hall, immediately engulfed in the warmth of the house. It was a bitterly cold day and the walk across the cliff tops had been particularly bracing. Bill took his cloak and Severus took a moment to appreciate the delicious smells that were coming from the kitchen.

"Let me get you a drink, we've got the champagne open at the moment, will that be ok?"

"Perfect, thank you," Severus said, his stomach still fluttering with inexplicable nerves.

"Severus?" came Josh's voice from the living room, and moments later the boy came barrelling down the hallway towards him. "You're here!" he said excitedly, throwing his arms around Severus' waist.

Severus was surprised but pleased by the demonstrative gesture and he decided to take a leap and scoop Josh up onto his hip the way he had watched Harry do countless times. Josh grinned and Severus felt his stomach flutter in a way that had nothing to do with nerves.

"Merry Christmas," he said, enjoying having the boy balanced on his hip.

"Merry Christmas!" Josh echoed enthusiastically. "Come and see my presents!"

He carried Josh into the living room, where Draco was stoking the fire and adding another log. The blond nodded to him with a smile, which was more than he'd done in weeks. Perhaps the spirit of the holiday was imbuing the man with a little more generosity towards him.

Josh took him through the catalogue of presents he'd received. None of them were gaudy or ostentatious and many of the things he was most excited about were simple and inexpensive. Severus hoped his own offering would be met with as much enthusiasm.

"I should go and say a quick hello to your father, see if he needs any help in the kitchen," Severus said, and Josh pulled a face.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Dad doesn't like being disturbed when he's cooking."

Severus laughed and said, "Nevertheless I think I must chance it. It's impolite not to greet the host." He ruffled Josh's hair, surprised at how easily the action came to him.

He left Josh with Bill and Draco and went to find Harry. He knew from personal experience that Harry's kitchen was his sanctuary and that few were permitted to enter. Still, it was Christmas after all and he wanted to see him.

He paused on the kitchen threshold, peering in to see Harry poised over several pots on the stove. Though he thought it, Harry probably wouldn't appreciate a comparison to Molly Weasley.

Harry was wearing a rather fetching apron that had the outline of muscly body-builder on the front and Severus' lip quirked at the sight. The man had his sleeves rolled up and was wearing an expression of concentration that he usually only reserved for his wand-making.

"Nice pinny," he said eventually, and Harry turned around, brandishing a ladle in the one hand and a paring knife in the other.

"You shouldn't sneak up on a fella armed with kitchen utensils," he said, the faintest hint of smile on his face. He pulled at the skirt of the apron and said, "Like it, do you? Present from that blond git sitting in my living room. He thinks he's hilarious."

"He always did, I'm afraid he's unlikely to change now."

Severus dared to venture a little further into the kitchen now that he was sure Harry wouldn't expel him. He reached into his robes and produced the shrunken bottle of whisky he had brought, re-sizing it and placing it on the counter.

"A small gift to say thank you for the invitation," he said. It was a particularly fine one, ordered directly from a small Scottish distillery.

"Thank you," said Harry, examining the bottle. "I'll look forward to opening that later."

"Can I give you a hand with anything?"

Harry placed a hand on his hip and said, "You know I don't allow anyone to interfere in my kitchen. I appreciate the offer nevertheless."

Severus bowed his head and said, "I was warned by Josh not to attempt such a thing."

"Smart kid," said Harry with a smile. "How was your Christmas Day?"

Severus shrugged. "Quiet. As it usually is. And yours?"

"Nice enough, thanks. It's…always strange being at the Burrow without Ron and Hermione. The holidays always make me feel their losses more keenly. I suppose it's only natural."

"You must miss them terribly," Severus said softly, and Harry smiled sadly.

"I hate that they never got to know Josh, I hate that they never got to do all the things they should have done. They probably would have children of their own by now. There would have been a big family wedding and we'd have all celebrated together. It hurts to think what might have been."

To see Harry looking so forlorn stirred something in Severus that was somewhat less than comfortable. He reached out and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, squeezing gently. Harry looked surprised by the gesture, indeed Severus had surprised himself with it, but in that moment all he knew was that he wanted to offer comfort to the man in any way he could.

Harry met his eyes and Severus felt his pulse quicken. There was a moment's pause then Harry reached up and covered Severus' hand with his own. It was a small gesture, one that would barely register to a person looking in on the scene, but it was the first time they had touched, properly touched, in years.

"Dad!" came Josh's voice down the hallway. "Make Uncle Drake stop singing, he's making my ears hurt!"

Harry and Severus both laughed, the moment broken, and Severus retreated from the kitchen. He was affected and he didn't know why, but the feel of Harry's hand on his own felt as though it had been burnt into his skin.

Dinner was a happy affair. Josh commanded proceedings as usual and Severus considered that a different child might have been ruined by the attention of so many adults. Josh was simply happy to tell his stories, delighted whenever he made people laugh. Perhaps a career in the performing arts beckoned after all.

It was still strange for Severus to see Draco happily married to a Weasley; it jarred somewhat with the image he couldn't help but harbour of the young Malfoy. Still, Draco was not the person he had once been and his happy marriage to Bill was testament to that fact.

They were very openly affectionate with one another, thankfully not enough to be sickening or Severus would have been in danger of losing his dinner. Draco had found in Bill, and the Weasleys, the family he had always needed and he was happier than he had ever been in his adolescence.

Draco's closeness to Harry was also plainly evident and it was clear that the two men shared an intimacy that few could boast. He remembered Bill telling him that he wasn't jealous of their relationship, that it went deeper than something to be jealous of.

As Severus watched the two men interact with one another he felt no jealousy, not that he had any right to in the first place. He could understand that Harry and Draco meant something to one another that couldn't be put into words, that they needed each other. He was glad, after all that Harry had been through, that he had found such support in his life.

 _He needed it after what you did to him_ , came the hateful voice in his head. Severus couldn't argue with it. He had done more harm to Harry than anyone. There was much he had to atone for.

"Severus," Josh said, crawling across the floor to rest his arms on Severus' knees.

Severus knew all too well what Josh was after, but he decided that playing innocent would be more fun. "Yes Josh?"

"It's after dinner," Josh said, looking up at him with his big, dark eyes.

"That's an excellent observation."

"Isn't it…time for something?"

Severus exchanged an amused glance with Harry and said, "Well I did promise your Uncle Bill a game of chess, if that what you mean."

"Severus," Josh whined, giving Severus' knees a jostle.

Deciding to give in, Severus reached into his robes and retrieved Josh's shrunken present. He re-sized it and gave it to the grinning boy who began tearing the wrapping paper off with glee.

"Oh wow! That's so cool!" he said as he opened the box inside. "Haha! This is brilliant!" he said, and Severus couldn't help but feel relieved that he had made a good choice.

"What have you got love?" Harry asked, leaning forward on the sofa to get a better look.

"A dog!" Josh said with a grin as he took it out of the box. "Look!" he said, holding up the robotic dog Severus had found in the toy shop after spending a great deal of time deliberating over the perfect present.

"I thought it might be a good compromise," Severus told Harry, "until the time you give in and get him a real one."

"I love it," Josh said as he began fiddling with the buttons and getting it to work. "Look, it sits!"

Severus was delighted that his present had gone down so well and he couldn't help smiling as he watched Josh play with it.

"You'll have to give it a name," Harry said, smiling as well.

"Toby," Josh said very definitely, enchanted with making the dog lie down. "You can train it to your voice! This is amazing, thank you Severus," he said, beaming up at him.

"You're very welcome, I'm glad it meets with your approval."

Josh was captivated by his present for much of the afternoon and by the time the evening rolled around he declared he was going to take it to bed with him. Indeed, Harry had remarked that he was rather surprised he hadn't insisted on it going in the bath too.

Draco and Bill were charged with Josh's bedtime and, judging by the noises of chaos that drifted down the stairs, they weren't taking their duty very seriously. Harry, however, was relaxed about the whole thing and told Severus that it didn't hurt to bend the rules and break the routine over the holidays.

They spoke while enjoying a glass of the whisky Severus had brought with him and conversation was easy. They stayed mostly on neutral topics; the current administration at the Ministry, Severus' progress with research, Harry's current commissions.

It was only when Draco and Bill bade them farewell and went on their way that the mood seemed to change. It was as if they were both aware that they were now alone and while they continued to talk something was different.

Severus couldn't quite put his finger on it but he felt a strange flutter of nerves. The air felt slightly charged between them and while Severus had never had a first date in his life, he imagined this might be what it felt like.

 _As if Harry would ever go on a 'date' with you_ , came his delightful inner voice. _Keep dreaming, old man_.

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Severus said, reaching into his pocket and extracting a small box. "For you."

"You didn't have to," Harry said, blushing as he accepted the box.

"It's just something small."

"Cornish sea salt truffles!" Harry said with a smile as he opened the lid. "My favourite! How did – "

"I confess Draco assisted me. I'm glad he wasn't setting me up for a fall, I worried that perhaps you didn't like them after all."

"I adore them. I'm an absolute sucker for all chocolate really but these are the best. What a treat."

_Well, you managed to get something right. Perhaps they'll give you a medal._

Perhaps whisky would drown the voice out. It was worth a shot.

"There's…something I wanted to give to you too," Harry said, getting up from the sofa.

He moved to the window seat and lifted the lid, rifling around for a moment before he extracted what looked like a photo album. He came back to sit on the sofa, a little closer to Severus than he had been before and opened the album so Severus could see it.

The first picture was of a tired but happy-looking Harry in a hospital bed holding a tiny bundle in his arms. Draco was standing next to him, beaming up at the camera, his arm protectively around both him.

"Oh," Severus said softly. "Josh."

"I've been thinking about how you said that you missed so much, that there were so many gaps to fill. I thought this might help," Harry said, a delicate blush suffusing his cheeks.

_Merlin he's beautiful._

Finally, his inner voice was saying something worth listening to.

"He was so small," Severus said, looking at the photo.

"5 pounds exactly. He looked like a prune when he was born," Harry said with a laugh. "Luckily his face ironed itself out and he was rather cute."

Severus looked down at the photo, Harry's exhausted smile shining brightly. Even after the physical trauma his body had gone through he was still a sight to behold.

"Here he is a few weeks later, look how dark his hair was," Harry said, turning the page and showing Severus a picture of Josh looking rather more like a human, dressed in what was very obviously a Molly Weasley special.

"I had no idea what I was doing," Harry said, smiling down at the photo. "I'd read all the books of course, throughout the pregnancy, but when he actually came along everything I read went out of the window! If Drake hadn't been living with me I don't know how I'd have coped."

Of course Severus was glad that Harry hadn't had to do that first year alone, but it should have been him, not Draco who'd been there. He should have been the one figuring it all out with Harry, he should have been the one doing the night feeds and learning how to change nappies.

He had no one to blame but himself. Were it not for his deplorable behaviour he would have been by Harry's side for the whole thing, he would have been there when Josh was born, he would have got to hold his son as he took his very first breaths.

Together he and Harry looked through the album and Severus felt his chest constrict the further they got. He saw his son as a chubby toddler, saw his first trip to the beach, his first steps, his first day of school. He saw the boy change through the years until he resembled the child Severus now knew and Severus' heart hurt to think of everything he had missed.

"He's such a wonderful child," Severus said softly, running his fingers over a photo of Josh grinning at the camera, dressed in a Halloween costume. "He's a credit to you, Harry."

"I can't claim all the credit. I've been very lucky with all the help I've had and he's a naturally easy child. He's affable and easy-going, although he can be a stubborn sod when he wants to be. I'm thinking he gets that you from you," Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

Severus couldn't help but smile. It was rare that Harry openly acknowledged Josh's parentage but Severus took it as a good sign that he was becoming more willing to do so.

"You have your own stubborn streak," Severus said with a smirk. "You were hardly a model student."

"I hardly had model teachers," Harry rebutted, but there was something teasing in his expression that stopped Severus from taking offence.

"What was he like as a baby?" Severus asked, keen to learn more about his son.

Harry smiled and nestled a little further into the sofa, tucking his feet underneath him and leaning his head on his hand. "Terrible for the first six months," he said with a laugh. "He was such a bad sleeper and he was a sod for eating. I was so worried because he kept losing weight, although Drake assured me it was quite usual in newborns."

Harry shook his head and said, "It all settled down eventually though and I began to feel like I wasn't making such a royal cock-up of things. We got him into a routine and, between us, Draco and I figured things out slowly. Drake was so good with him, he adored him right from the start and Josh was so attached to him."

Harry looked down at the photo album, smiling gently as he said, "I was so worried I'd be a bad father, that I wouldn't be enough for him. I worried that I'd get everything wrong but I guess everyone feels that way."

"It seems to me that you've done a wonderful job," Severus said softly.

He couldn't stop himself. Though everything in his head, including his bloody irritating inner voice, was telling him not to, he reached for Harry's hand. Slowly he entwined their fingers together, running his thumb over Harry's soft skin.

Harry looked bewildered but he didn't pull away and Severus took the opportunity to simply enjoy the moment, revelling in the privilege of being allowed to touch Harry. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to lean across and kiss the man. He wanted to taste him, to feel those delicate lips pressed against his own, to savour such in intimate moment.

It would be entirely unwelcome though and he knew it. Whatever chance he might have had with Harry was long dead and he had been the one responsible for its death. Now all he could do was hope for a friendship with the man and pray that he wasn't self-destructive enough to ruin that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's your second lot for this week, let's call it the calm before the storm ;) I hope you enjoyed it, let me know.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Severus awoke with a start, his heart racing. He had been dreaming again and he was left shaking from it. It had been happening since Christmas and it was starting to affect him. It was always the same and it always left him feeling sick.

He dreamt that he was back on the balcony at the Ministry party with Harry. Harry kept trying to talk to him, to tell him something but all he could do was look at him as though he were a meal waiting to be devoured. The scene then shifted to the bedroom of his old Oxford home, where he had Harry pinned to the bed.

There was no question as to what was happening. Harry was begging with him, pleading with him to stop but he wouldn't listen. There was single-minded hunger in his eyes while he took what he wanted and Harry cried beneath him. He could do nothing but watch while he assaulted the man, seeing the pain on Harry's face intensify with each thrust.

It wasn't true, he knew it hadn't happened that way, but clearly part of him felt that it may as well have done. Harry had consented, it was true, but Severus had been so aggressive with him, had caused him so much pain, that he still felt like a monster.

He rubbed at his face and glanced across at the clock. It was 5am and there would be no point trying to get back to sleep now. He threw the covers aside and got out of bed, putting on his dressing gown and slippers, then padded into the living room.

He pointed his wand at the fire as he took a seat in the nearby armchair, flames springing to life in the hearth. He stared into the centre of the fire, leaning forward on his knees, his heart still beating uncomfortably in his chest.

He hadn't meant to hurt Harry, it had never been his intention, yet he had done so all the same. His indifference, his total lack of interest in anything besides himself had led to him make Harry's first, indeed only, time brutal and painful. It was tantamount to rape.

 _You made a mistake, but you aren't that kind of man_ , his inner voice whispered, a welcome change from the criticisms it normally spouted.

It wasn't true though. He clearly _was_ that kind of man or it would never have happened in the first place.

The more time he spent with Harry the guiltier he felt about it. Harry deserved so much more, so much better than that travesty of a first time. He deserved someone who would have worshipped him, someone who would have taken their time with him and been gentle and tender.

 _He wanted you_.

"And much bloody good it did him," Severus growled at the fire. "He chose me and I betrayed him."

_It is an unacceptable time to get royally pissed?_

He sat silently in the armchair until the sun came up, plagued by thoughts that he couldn't dismiss. He had felt regret in his life before but never anything like this. All the mistakes he had ever made put together could never add up to this.

He tried to put it out of his mind. He had a meeting with his estate agent at ten, although what good it would do he wasn't sure. He had yet to find anywhere and he was giving up hope of ever doing so.

"The problem, Professor," said Claire, his agent, "is that your parameters keep shifting."

"I don't see why that's an issue," Severus said, looking down his long nose at her.

"Well, first you say that you want something in London, then you decide any city in the south will do. After that you decided you wanted somewhere in the country, then it changed to the South West. Now you say you want somewhere on this very specific stretch of coastline. I'm sorry, Professor but there simply aren't properties there."

"Well, I'm in no hurry," Severus said dismissively.

"Perhaps we could look elsewhere along the Jurassic coastline?"

"I would prefer to be near Ringstead."

Claire sighed and said, "Very well, Professor. We'll keep looking but I can't make any promises."

Severus knew the problem of course. He would find nowhere that was good enough, nowhere that felt like home because to him home had become wherever Harry and Josh were.

He didn't want to buy anywhere for himself; a house that would be just as empty and lonely as his apartment in Diagon Alley. He wanted to be with his son every bedtime not just a couple a week. He wanted to sit down to dinner with Harry every evening, speaking about their day, hearing Josh's stories from school.

He could have had all those things; he could be living with Harry and Josh right now if he'd only behaved like a proper human being all those years ago. As usual, he had been the architect of his own fate and he had no one else to blame for the fact that he was now miserable.

He spent the whole day out of sorts, angry with himself and frustrated that felt like he had reached a kind of impasse. He was spending more time than ever with Josh and Harry but he still had to go back to his miserable apartment night after night, and he still felt like he was missing out on all the important things.

_Admit it, you hate saying goodbye to Harry at the end of the night too._

It was true. While time with his son was what he cherished most, any time he got to spend with Harry was more than he could have asked for. He wasn't sure how he could have missed how engaging Harry was, how funny, how sharp.

He delighted in speaking with the man, finding that, after Josh had been put to bed, many evenings could fly by spent in Harry's company. They spoke of Severus' potions and Harry's wands, each interested in the other's work and able to converse easily about each subject.

They spoke about current affairs in both the wizarding world and the muggle one, and Harry was an astute and critical thinker. Severus enjoyed the time they spent debating and he found Harry quick-witted and better company than he could have imagined.

He was so at odds with himself that he didn't go to Harry's as he normally would have done, deciding that his potions brewing could go to hell for one day. He couldn't bear to look Harry in the eye after that damned dream. He couldn't look at that beautiful face and remember how it looked when it was rent with pain as it always was in his nightmare.

He had promised to pick Josh up from school though, and that was something he wouldn't renege on. He had been registered with the school as an approved party to pick the boy up and so could go and get him whenever he wanted. It displayed a level of trust on Harry's part that was really quite spectacular.

He dressed in muggle clothing and arrived at precisely 3.30, waiting at the school gates with all the other parents. He received a few strange looks, not that he could really blame them. He looked out of place in most settings, let alone a muggle primary school.

"Severus!" Josh said with a grin as he came running out the large double doors.

Severus smiled and picked him up, feeling much more at ease with such gestures. "Have you had a good day?" he asked as he settled the boy on his hip. It felt so natural that Severus had to wonder at the power of genetics.

"I got full marks in my spelling test," Josh said proudly.

"That's my boy."

"Ah, Mr Snape," came a voice, and Severus turned to see the Hunter twit approaching him with a smile.

"Mr Hunter," he said, trying his best not to show his displeasure.

"Josh informed that you'd be picking him today."

 _Why does he have to smile so much? It must hurt his bloody face_.

"I wonder if you'd be so good as to give this to Harry, to Mr Potter," Hunter said, correcting himself as he handed Severus an envelope.

"Of course. Good day, Mr Hunter," Severus said, turning on his heel and carrying Josh away down the hill.

"Why don't you like him?" Josh asked as he was set down on his feet again.

"Who says I don't like him?" Severus asked, taking the boy's hand as they walked far enough away from the crowds so as to be able to apparate.

"Your face," Josh said with a snort. "He's alright, you know. Everyone likes him."

"Well, that's nice for everyone."

Josh gave him a knowing smile but thankfully refrained from pressing the issue. His son was too clever for his own bloody good and Severus thought that he and Harry were in for a hell of ride when it came to the boy's teenage years.

They apparated back to Harry's and Josh thundered through the front door, flinging his schoolbag in the entrance hall and shucking himself out of his coat.

"Dad! We're back!" he called, Severus following behind and rolling his eyes as he picked up after him. Wherever Josh went it always looked as if a hurricane had followed in his wake.

"Good day at school?" Harry asked, coming out of the kitchen with a mug in his hand.

"Yeah not bad. We're starting the Tudors in history and our homework is to write a story as though we were living in those times. I'm going to go and get started on it, I already have loads of ideas!"

He made his way halfway up the stairs then stopped and looked over the banister at Severus. "You're staying for dinner, right?" Severus nodded and Josh grinned, stomping his way up the rest of the stairs.

"Coffee?" Harry asked. "I've just made a fresh pot."

"No, I'm fine thank you."

"How come you didn't come over today? The workshop was awfully quiet without you tutting and whispering to yourself every five minutes."

"I had several things to attend to."

_Coward. Just admit you can't face him – then tell him the reason why._

"Oh," Harry said, looking puzzled. "Well, it was strange without you."

A flutter of warmth spread through Severus' body at the thought that Harry might have missed him. He smiled and said, "Proof that you can get used to anything if exposed to it often enough."

Harry didn't quite return the smile but something settled in his features, something that Severus wasn't quite able to read. Remembering the Hunter twit from earlier, he reached into his pocket and proffered the letter, saying, "That Hunter fellow gave me this for you."

"Cheers," Harry said, taking it and opening it. He scanned its contents quickly, a small smile creasing the corners of his eyes.

_He's smiling at something that moron has written to him. Bloody hell. I knew there was something going on between them._

"And what does the delightful Mr Hunter have to say?" Severus asked, feeling every inch of his skin bristle.

Harry looked up at him with a frown and opened his mouth to speak but Severus continued swiftly, "An offer of a date, perhaps?"

"He's my son's classroom assistant," Harry said, his eyes narrowing.

"And a very attractive man your own age," Severus said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well if you think he's so attractive you bloody well go out with him. I do not 'date'," Harry said turning around and walking down the corridor into the living room.

Severus followed, not content with the answer he'd been given. "Don't be preposterous. You expect me to believe that you live like a monk?"

Harry looked at him, his arms folded across his chest and said, "I'm not sure why it's any business of yours nor why it should be any concern of mine what you believe. I don't date, that's an end to the matter."

 _Stop pushing_ , the voice in his head warned. _This won't end well for you_.

Unfortunately, he had never been one to take advice.

"You're a 27-year-old man with all his faculties, surely the pleasures of the flesh tempt you every now and again?" he asked smoothly.

Harry's eyes flashed and his cheeks flushed. He would have looked beautiful were it not for the underlying anger rolling off him. "I wouldn't know anything about 'pleasures of the flesh'," he said, his voice low and uneven. "I had one experience a very long time ago. That was enough to convince me that such things weren't for me."

_You knew that, Draco told you when you first found out about Josh. Why are you forcing him to say it?_

"And you never have offers?" Severus asked, hearing the nastiness in his own voice. Sometimes his will to self-destruct was too strong even for him.

"Whether I do or not is irrelevant. The thought of another person touching me…like that…is abhorrent."

"To let one bad experience – "

"One bad experience?" Harry echoed incredulously. "To have my heart ripped out by the only person I've ever loved. To be treated like nothing more than a piece of meat by the person I gave everything to. You call that 'one bad experience'?"

"Harry, I – "

"I trusted you!" Harry shouted. "I wanted you in every way possible and you spat on me. You really think I would open myself up to that kind of hurt again? The thought of going to bed with another person makes me physically sick. I would rather face Voldemort again."

_You had to push. You had to hear that he wasn't seeing the Hunter twit to make yourself feel better and now look what you've done._

"I didn't mean to – "

"You want to see the letter?" Harry asked, waving the letter Hunter had given him. "It says that Josh is receiving a prize in Friday's assembly for getting all his spelling tests right this term. That should be of more interest to you than whether or not I'm screwing someone."

Harry moved past him and pressed the letter forcefully to his chest. "I think you'd better leave now. I'll tell Josh you had to pass on dinner."

* * *

"I need help," Severus said as he stood on the doorstep of Draco's house.

"I've always thought so," Draco said, his arms folded across his chest.

"Can I come in please?" Severus asked, hating, yet again, that he seemed to be forced to resort to begging.

Draco rolled his eyes and stepped aside, saying, "Make it fast, I'm halfway through writing my dissertation and I could really do without the distraction."

Severus followed Draco into the study, the man's desk a sprawl of notes and textbooks. "What have you done now?" Draco asked, his expression implacable as he leant against his desk, eyeing Severus critically.

"I…I've made a mistake…with Harry," Severus said, wishing he could wipe the superior expression off Draco's face.

"You amaze me."

"I'm serious, Draco," Severus growled. "I've upset him and I need help to rectify it."

"I'm surprised you care," Draco said acidly.

"Of course I care!"

"Why?" Draco asked, and Severus felt himself brought up short.

There were many reasons, of course, but none that Severus felt he could adequately express. He also didn't particularly fancy having to explain himself to Draco, who, it had to be said, still treated him as though he were some kind of threat.

He took a deep breath and decided to go with the answer that required the least amount of explanation. "If I can't maintain a good relationship with Harry then I risk my relationship with Josh. He's angry enough at the moment to stop me from seeing him."

"Maybe that's what you deserve."

Severus sighed. "Maybe so, but it isn't what Josh deserves."

A pale eyebrow arched and Severus continued, "Whatever you may think of me you know that Josh wants me in his life, that we've developed a bond. I don't want to lose that."

"What did you do make Harry angry with you?" Draco asked, his expression relenting a little.

Well, this was a conversation he didn't want to have, but what choice was there? He had come to Draco for help and his pride would have to fall by the wayside.

"I…insinuated that he was in a relationship with Josh's classroom assistant."

Draco's eyes narrowed and he said, "Well that's rude but hardly enough to warrant a falling out."

Severus swallowed and said, "I may have pushed the issue. I may have…forced him into admitting that he's celibate."

"What the bloody fuck is wrong with you?" Draco asked, his face a picture of disgust. "I told you that Harry hadn't been with anyone since you. Why the hell did you need to push it?"

"I don't know," Severus said, shaking his head frustratedly. "I just wanted to hear him say that he wasn't seeing Hunter and – "

"What business is it of yours who Harry sees?" Draco asked heatedly.

"It isn't…I just…I didn't like the thought of him and Hunter – "

"You're fucking jealous!" Draco said incredulously. "You're a real piece of work, you know that? You're the reason that Harry won't date, you're the reason he's only had sex once in his whole life and you have the audacity to think you can dictate his social life?"

"I'm not saying I was right – "

"Oh well that's mighty big of you, Severus, I must say!"

"Look, will you help me or not?" Severus asked, feeling his temper rise.

"Give me one good reason why I should!" Draco shot back, equally as angry.

Severus paused and took a deep breath, reminding himself that he was in the wrong and that Draco had every right to be cross with him. "Because I've made a grave error and I would like to be able to put it to rights."

Draco huffed and pushed himself up from the desk, shaking his head as he said, "You really do beggar belief. What is it with you? Is there some button in your brain that goes off any time you start behaving like a normal human being?"

"Probably," Severus agreed glumly.

"After everything that happened Harry still welcomed you into his home, he allowed you time with Josh and you throw it back in his face."

"I'm well aware of my transgressions, Draco – "

"Then stopping making them! Merlin's teeth, I've never known such an intelligent man be so bloody stupid."

Draco ran an agitated hand through his hair and glared at Severus. It seemed to be more out of exasperation than genuine anger this time and Severus felt a slight pang of hope that he wouldn't be turned out on his ear.

"You know that besides Bill, Harry and Josh are the two most important things in my life. I swore a long time ago to protect them both from anything I possibly could."

"Do you think they need protection from me?" Severus asked, afraid of the answer.

He was spared hearing it, as Bill's voice drifted down the hall, calling to see where Draco was.

"Ah, thought I'd find you in here. Is it – oh – hello Severus."

"Bill," Severus nodded in acknowledgement.

Bill looked between his husband and Severus and said, "I sense I've walked into something here."

Draco looked away and Severus sighed, saying, "You may as well know, I'm sure he'll tell you when I'm gone anyway. Harry and I have had an argument. It was my fault."

"I see," Bill said in his usual measured way. "You were hoping Draco would act as intermediary?"

Severus nodded and Bill looked at his husband, saying, "Will you?"

"I haven't made my mind up yet," Draco said, his chin tilted stubbornly.

Bill gave him a gentle smile and crossed the room to stand next to him, placing a hand on Draco's cheek. It felt to Severus like too intimate a gesture to witness, but Bill acted without embarrassment.

"You can't protect Harry from everything," Bill said softly. "There are going to be fights, there's a lot for them to work out, but you can't act as the gatekeeper to Harry's heart."

Such a sentiment surprised Severus but he thought it best to keep his mouth shut while Bill calmly spoke to Draco.

"Severus knows it was his fault and it looks as though he's here trying to make amends. You have the power to facilitate that."

"But Bill – "

"I know it's difficult for you after all these years but Severus is Josh's father and we've been able to see for ourselves that Josh adores him."

Severus' heart jumped at that assertion, fear and pride warring within him. Bill looked over his shoulder at him, moving to stand facing him with his arm wrapped around Draco's shoulders.

"Are you prepared to do things properly, Severus?" he asked, and Severus frowned.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"If you want to be a permanent fixture in Harry and Josh's lives then you're going to have to start playing by their terms. You're going to have to put your pride to one side and truly start making amends for the past. You need to stop thinking that have any right to Harry's personal life and focus on being the best parent you can for your son. If other things are meant to be…they'll happen in their own time."

Severus wasn't entirely sure what to make of that last pearl of wisdom but even he couldn't argue with the rest of what Bill had said. He had spent far too much time thinking only of himself and he had yet to get out of the habit.

Josh needed him and he needed to learn how to be a good father to the boy. Whatever his own personal feelings might be he needed to put them aside in order to be part of his son's life. As for Harry…he was too conflicted about the man to even think straight but he had to remember that Harry was the injured party in all of this, not him.

"You're right," Severus said quietly, realising just how much he needed to change. "Will you help me?" he asked them both, watching as Bill pressed a gentle kiss to Draco's temple.

Draco looked squarely at him and said, "Only if you promise to stop ballsing everything up."

"Spoken like a true Weasley, my love," Bill said with a soft laugh. "Come on Severus, stay for dinner and we'll see if we can get all this mess ironed out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just remembered that I'm in meetings pretty much all day tomorrow, so I decided to post a day early. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a comment and let me know.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Severus would never have thought that Bill Weasley would end up being one of his favourite people, but fate was a strange creature and he had decided not to argue with it. Were it not for Bill's intervention, Severus was sure that Draco would never have helped him and that Harry would have stayed angry with him indefinitely.

As it was, Bill convinced Draco to take Severus to Harry's a couple of days later and Severus found himself on Harry's doorstep, waiting nervously for the door to open. He knew, almost certainly, that if he had come alone he would find the door slammed in his face. He knew enough of Harry's temper to know that it didn't burn itself out quickly.

Indeed, the scowl on Harry's face when he opened the door was clearly indicative of how the man was feeling, and Severus was not cheered by it. He stood, ever so slightly behind Draco, and kept his mouth shut.

"This idiot," Draco said, jerking his head back towards Severus, "has an apology to make."

Severus would have dearly loved to hex his horrible former student, but, realising it wouldn't help his cause, wisely refrained.

"And he needs a babysitter to make it, does he?" Harry asked, his expression hard.

"Call it a chaperone. Someone to make sure he doesn't make any further cock-ups," Draco said, and Severus counted to ten in his head to stop his hand from going to his wand.

"How many more times do you think I'm going to keep opening my door to you?" Harry asked, directing his question over Draco's shoulder to Severus.

Severus shook his head and said, "If I were you I wouldn't have opened it the first time. I've done nothing to deserve your good will and I seem determined to sabotage it at every turn. I wouldn't blame you if you told me to never darken your doorstep again but I'm hoping that you won't."

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes then stood aside and said, "I'm in the middle of a very difficult commission so I haven't got long."

"Don't worry," Draco said, as they entered the house, "I'll be taking him away soon enough."

"Drake, why don't you go and help yourself to a drink, you've probably earnt it after listening to him," Harry said darkly, and Draco snorted in amusement.

 _Hex them both, no one would know_.

"You," Harry said, pointing a finger at Severus, "come with me."

Severus followed Harry down to the cellar workroom, his palms prickling as he went. He was fed up of feeling like an errant schoolboy being brought before the headmaster, but he knew that the situation was only of his own making.

Harry took a seat at his workbench and looked at Severus for a few moments, his expression pensieve but not nearly as angry as it had been before.

"You really know how to fuck things up, don't you?" he said eventually, and Severus couldn't help but laugh.

"It's a speciality of mine," Severus said dryly.

"It's impressive, really."

"And have I fucked things up beyond repair this time?" Severus asked tentatively.

"Part of me wants to say yes," Harry said, and Severus knew that he meant it. "I'm so angry with you that I'm finding it hard to think straight."

"As you have every right to be."

"I don't need your approval to feel angry," Harry said, and Severus nodded contritely. "I don't know what you want from me. You're so confusing that I feel like I'm going around in circles half the time. First, you say that you want to get close to Josh so I let you spend time with him. Then, you decide that my personal life is your business, that you have a right to know who I am or am not seeing and behave like you're almost…jealous."

"I _was_ jealous," Severus said before he could stop himself. Honesty didn't come naturally to him but something about Harry just seemed to bring it out.

"You don't have any right to be."

"I know," Severus quietly. "I lost any right to that a long time ago, but I can't help how I feel. It isn't rational."

" _You're_ not rational," Harry shot back. "Nothing that you do makes any bloody sense at all."

"I know," Severus said with a sigh. "I look back at my own behaviour and I barely recognise myself. I owe you an apology."

"You owe me a damn sight more than that."

"What do you want me to say, Harry?"

"Why do I have to be the one with all the answers? You're the one that keeps messing this up, you're the one who keeps banging on about making amends!"

"I know," Severus said, holding his hands up in defeat. "Harry, I've never apologised to anyone for anything in my life. I've never cared who I hurt and I've always done everything for my own purposes. I'm a selfish, bitter man who isn't used to being answerable to anyone."

"That's a fairly accurate assessment of your flaws," Harry said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Do I have any redeeming qualities?" Severus chanced asking.

"I'll let you know if I find any," Harry said tartly.

There was silence for a moment and Severus knew that he wasn't making an adequate job of this reconciliation. He would have to start as he meant to continue, prove to Harry that he was sincere.

"I'm not a nice man, Harry. I fear I may not be a good one, either," he said, pained by his own admission. "I would like to _try_ to be though and I must start by apologising whole-heartedly to you. I had no right to say what I did to you the other day and I'm ashamed that I did. I'm sorry that I pushed into your private life and I'm sorrier still that I am the reason for your present situation. I – "

"Stop," Harry said, holding up a hand. "If you apologise one more time my head will explode. I'm not interested in re-hashing the past, I'm not interested in picking at old wounds, it does no bloody good."

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly then raked a hand through his hair in frustration. He looked up at Severus intently with a look Severus had seen the man wear when he was trying to figure out a particularly tricky equation.

"Look," Harry said eventually, "this is a hell of a situation and I don't think we'll get through it any way other than working together. Josh cares about you and, despite my misgivings, I believe that you care about him. That has to be the most important thing. If we can put our differences aside and focus on him that will be the best thing."

Severus nodded and said, "And what about us?"

"What about us?" Harry asked with a frown, his posture defensive.

"We were…better with one another, weren't we? Until I upset you that is."

Harry shrugged and said, "We have to get on, for Josh's sake. We're his parents, we owe it to him to be civil."

_Civil, that rather stings a bit. You were hoping for something more than civil, weren't you?_

What he did or didn't want was irrelevant. He had no right to hope for anything and he would have to learn to dance the beat of Harry's drum from now on.

Harry glanced up at the clock and said, "Shall we go and get Josh from school? He'll be thrilled to see you."

"What have you told him about the last few days?" Severus asked.

"That you were poorly," Harry said. "I knew you'd be back," he said, heading for the stairs.

What Harry didn't say, but what Severus heard loud and clear was, "I knew you'd be back, and I knew I'd let you return."

That thought was more comforting than Severus would have imagined.

* * *

"Damn," Severus hissed as the potion in front of him turned turquoise. It was, unfortunately, the reaction he had been expecting but not the one he had hoped for.

Somewhere along the line he'd gone wrong, and he knew he had done, but figuring out the mis-step would be an issue. He looked back over his notes, trying to see if he could spot the anomaly.

"Oh dear, it went blue then?" Harry said, re-entering the workroom, two mugs of coffee in his hands.

"Not blue, turquoise," Severus said, resisting the urge to knock the whole bloody thing off the workbench. He accepted the mug of coffee from Harry with a nod of his head and glared ruefully at the ruined potion.

Harry stood beside him, one hand resting on the back of Severus' chair, the other cradling his mug to his chest. He peered at the ominously sizzling concoction, then glanced across at Severus' notes.

"You've got the ratios wrong," he said, placing his mug on the workbench at pointing at a spot in Severus' notes.

"Impossible," Severus said, resisting the urge to scoff. What could Harry know about it anyway?

"No, look," Harry insisted, moving a little closer. "If your calculations are correct further up here then the hellebore and valerian should be 3:2, not 4:2, that would account for the reaction of the hellebore with the powered dandelion root. It would be too strong for it."

"Bloody hell," Severus breathed, "you're right."

"No need to sound so surprised," Harry said with a smile. "I've been told I'm moderately intelligent."

"Moderately indeed," Severus said with a quirk of his lip. "I think I've been looking at these bloody formulas too long. I shouldn't be making errors like that."

A hand settled on his shoulder, warm and comforting, and Severus resisted the urge to close his eyes to bask in the intimacy of it.

 _Bet you never thought you'd view a hand on the shoulder as intimate_.

"You could do with a break, fancy being my assistant for an hour or so?" Harry said, and Severus looked up to find the man grinning at him, that firm hand still on his shoulder.

"Assisting you would constitute a break, would it?"

"A change of pace at the very least."

"Very well, I can't see myself making anymore headway with this today," Severus said with a sigh, slightly disappointed when the hand was removed so he could get up.

He followed Harry over to the man's own workbench, impressed, as always, with the fact that Harry could keep track of anything in the mess of things. Harry pulled out another stool and gestured for him to take a seat, which he did, wondering what possible use he could be to Harry.

"You're a dexterous sort of chap, aren't you?" Harry asked him, mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"I'm not sure how to answer that," Severus said, narrowing his eyes.

Harry handed him a small, sharp knife and indicated to a large pile of what, to Severus' untrained eyes, looked like twigs.

"I need you to strip the bark off those for me. Nice, even strokes."

Severus raised an eyebrow, wondering if Harry was doing it just to amuse himself. The man was grinning widely after all.

"Have I overtaxed you?" Harry said, and Severus glared at him. "Not everyone's cut out to be an assistant you know."

"Impudent brat," Severus said, reaching for one of the fat twigs and beginning to hack at it with the sharp knife.

"No, no, that won't do," Harry said with a tut. "I can see you were never a boy scout."

"It's stripping bark, how complicated can it be?" Severus griped.

"When you're working for me I expect perfection," Harry said smoothly, moving to stand behind Severus.

Severus was about to question what the man was doing when he felt Harry's hand come to settle over his own, the man's chest pressing into his back. Merlin but it was bliss. Harry's other arm circled him, holding the twig in place, while Harry guided the hand that was holding the knife.

"See? Firm, precise sweeps away from the body," Harry said, his breath dancing over Severus' ear. "You need to just skim the bark from the wood, leaving it intact as much as possible."

"I see," Severus said, pleased that his voice was level.

Harry's hands were soft against his own, his chest warm as it pressed gently to his back. He smelt fresh and clean, like the washing powder that Josh always smelt of whenever Severus cuddled him. His son. Their son. The smell of home.

"Can I trust you with the task?" Harry asked, his voice teasing.

"We'll soon find out, won't we?" Severus replied, and Harry laughed, relinquishing his hold and moving back to sit at the workbench.

Severus immediately missed the feel of those arms around him, wanting to stay touching Harry for as long as possible. The opportunities were so far and few between and he relished them when they happened.

Harry always seemed to do it unconsciously. A touch here and there, a hand on his shoulder or in the small of his back. Sometimes their knees would touch when they sat next to one another on the sofa and a jolt of electricity would spark up Severus' spine.

It was always innocent and innocuous, Harry probably didn't even realise he was doing it, but it always had an effect on Severus.

They worked quietly for an hour or so. Severus focused on stripping the bark, his actions becoming more precise with practice. The more familiar he became with the task the easier it was to sneak glances every now and again at Harry.

He was doing so more and more and these days, unable to stop himself. He was so struck by Harry's beauty that it seemed almost a sin not to look at the man. He loved the planes of Harry's face, the firm angle of his jaw, the defined cheekbones. His fingers itched to trace those lines, to track their beauty.

If he were entirely honest his fingers itched to touch all of Harry. He wanted to feel the man's smooth skin beneath his hands, he yearned to discover the responses he could elicit just by touching. He imagined Harry to be highly sensitive, reactive to the slightest stimulus.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop himself from imagining Harry laid out beneath him, breathy little moans and sighs falling from his lips as Severus worshipped his body. It was what he should have done all those years ago and now he would never get the chance.

Harry would never know the pleasure his own body could give him, would never know how gentle and searching a lover's touch could be. All he knew was aggression and force, and he had been so scarred by it that he would never go to bed with anyone ever again. Of all the mistakes Severus had ever made in his life, surely this was the worst.

"Ow!" he hissed, his preoccupation with Harry causing him to slice into his thumb, rather than the twig he was working on. He dropped the knife and examined his thumb, which was bleeding happily from a small but deep cut.

"And you were doing so well," Harry said with a sympathetic look, getting up from his stool and moving over to Severus. "I should have known not to trust you with any sharp implements."

"Amusing," Severus said, surprised when Harry took Severus' hand in his own and looked at his thumb.

"Oh dear, it's rather deep. Luckily for you as the father to an extremely clumsy child I know all the healing spells going."

Harry held out his hand and summoned his wand, showing a degree of power that sent a thrill up Severus' spine. With a few flicks of his wrist and a couple of murmured spells the blood was stopped and the wound closed.

"Thank you," Severus said, looking down at his hand, which was cradled gently in Harry's.

"Such interesting hands," Harry murmured softly. "Long fingers, smooth palms," he said as he ran his fingers lightly over Severus' hand. Severus was so shocked that he could barely think.

Harry was touching him, touching him willingly and with a smile on his lips. It was too strange to credit.

"Always an ink stain, always a slight dye from a potions ingredient," Harry continued, turning Severus' hand over and running his fingers over the knuckles. "They're very expressive hands, beautiful really."

"Harry…" Severus said, his mouth suddenly dry. Harry looked up, his expression strangely open, his eyes soft.

"Everything about you is expressive really," Harry said as if Severus had never spoken. "You just have to know what you're looking at. I think I'm learning…slowly."

They were still touching, his hand held gently in Harry's. He wanted more, wanted to be closer, to feel Harry's body against his own. He didn't know the impetus behind Harry's actions but he wasn't about to question them. He was content to be a passive partner in whatever Harry wanted from him.

"We're back!" came Draco's voice from the floor above, closing followed by Josh shouting down the stairs,

"Uncle Drake and Uncle Bill are having a party for their anniversary! We're all invited!"

* * *

Severus hadn't expected Bill and Draco's invitation to extend to him, but, surprisingly, it did. To celebrate being married five years they were having a party at the Burrow, which coincided nicely with the Easter holidays.

Perhaps sensing Severus' nerves at seeing all the Weasleys again, Harry suggested that he, Severus and Josh should all go together. Severus was thankful for it, and, as they all apparated together, Severus felt bolstered by having his son in his arms and Harry's hand on his shoulder.

It wasn't that he was worried about seeing them, only that he wasn't sure quite how he'd be received. They all knew, of course, that he was Josh's father, but he doubted very much whether they knew the manner of his conception.

Harry had always been very good at concealing the truth where necessary. It was a very Slytherin side to his nature and he was able to give just enough of the truth to satisfy people without telling it all.

"Nan! We're here!" Josh called as they all entered the house.

There were various noises coming from the kitchen and after a moment Molly popped her head around the door, a wide smile on her face.

"There you are sweetheart!" she said, enveloping Josh up in a hug. "Just in time. Gramps was hoping you'd help him set up the tables in the garden."

"He always needs my help," Josh said with a grin, then went running off through the kitchen and out to the garden.

"Hello Severus, lovely to see you after all this time," Molly said, the smile still firmly in place.

"Molly," Severus said with a nod of his head. "Thank you for having me," he said, holding out the wine he had brought with him.

"Oh thank you, I do love a nice red. Why don't you two go through to the garden and join the others?"

"You're sure we can't help with anything?" Harry asked, and Molly reached to give him a gentle pat on the cheek.

"No sweetheart, you go and relax. Lunch will be ready soon enough."

Harry turned to Severus and inclined his head, gesturing for Severus to follow him through the house. It had been many years since Severus had been at the Weasley family home and not much had changed in that time.

They made their way out to the garden, seeing Josh 'helping' Arthur assemble a couple of trestle tables. Having been on the receiving end of Josh's help several times Severus didn't envy Arthur.

All the Weasley children and their various partners were all in attendance and Severus said polite hellos to all of them. It was awkward, though not as bad as he had imagined it might be. Harry stayed by his side the entire time, a comforting presence in an otherwise daunting situation.

At one point, Harry's hand came to rest in the small of his back in a casual yet intimate gesture. Severus had had to fight to keep the smile from his face and had tried, ever so discretely, to lean into Harry's touch.

"Congratulations to you both," Severus said, finally managing to speak with Bill and Draco. At least, with these two, he was on familiar ground.

"Thanks," said Bill with a grin, his arm wrapped firmly around his husband. Draco was tucked into Bill's side, looking as though he had been there all his life.

"I can't believe I've been putting up with this oaf for that long," Draco said with a put-upon air. "Well, longer really. It's been seven years in total. I must be mad."

"Madly in love," Bill said, ruffling the blond's hair.

"I only put up with you for the in-laws. Your mother's cooking is second to none."

Molly beamed as she went past, levitating an array of dishes over to the tables that Arthur and Josh were now laying with cutlery.

"Creep," said Bill, jostling Draco, who shoved Bill back in return.

"Just because your mother likes me better than you," Draco said, heading off to help Molly with the spread.

"I'm beginning to suspect that she really does," Bill told Severus, taking a swig of his beer. Severus watched as he cast his eyes around the garden, looking across the lawn to where Harry was pushing Josh on one of the rope swings. A contingent of Weasley children were also there, badgering Harry for their turns.

Bill smiled and said, "He's always been great with kids. I knew he'd be a brilliant father."

"He's a wonderful father," Severus agreed quietly. "Josh adores him."

"I have it on rather good authority that Josh adores you too," Bill said gently.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve it."

"You've been a father to him."

"Only for the last few months. I have much to make up for, so much lost time to try and recover."

"It seems to me that you're trying to do that. The man I knew would never have come to me and Draco for help when he messed up. Hell, you wouldn't have even admitted to messing up a few months ago. Change should be acknowledged, Severus," Bill said firmly, his eyes kind but unyielding.

Severus sighed and said, "Old sins cast long shadows, Bill. I fear it may be some time before I can step out of mine."

"Then let it take time," Bill said practically, "but don't give up just because of that. Most things that are worth it take effort."

He clapped Severus on the back and moved to help Draco and his mother, smiling as Draco stood on tiptoes for a kiss.

Severus grabbed his glass of wine and took a seat on the ramshackle retaining wall. His eyes went back to Harry, who was laughing as he levitated several of the children, including Josh, over the river ran behind the Weasleys' property.

Severus had always preferred to remain a passive observer in social situations, and so he chose to be at the party. He was polite and answered when spoken to, but for the most part he sat back and took stock of proceedings.

To see Draco so comfortable, so at home, with the Weasleys was a revelation. Of course, it had been many years since Draco had become part of the family, but the genuine warmth with which he interacted with them was surprising.

Molly was obviously terribly fond of him, Draco clearly sparking the maternal side of the woman and her need to mother everything that had a hint of a pulse. Ginny also seemed to have developed a closeness with the man, and they giggled and gossiped their way through lunch.

He caught sight of Harry several times, the smile having slipped very slightly from his face and he knew the man was thinking of Ron and Hermione. At occasions such as this Severus knew the man would be feeling their losses keenly. Even to him, it felt odd not to see Harry flanked by his sidekicks and it left him to wonder, as Harry had done, what Ron and Hermione might be doing if they had still been alive.

The afternoon wore on pleasantly and Josh amused himself by playing with his cousins while the adults continued to converse. It was strangely comforting to be amongst the Weasleys, to feel a sense of family, a sense of belonging.

Harry was happy and at ease, talking about politics one minute, Josh's schoolwork the next. Severus watched him, the man's eyes dancing when he laughed, his lip held between his teeth when he was thinking.

He watched Bill and Draco too, watched them as they celebrated their anniversary and their happy marriage. They mingled with everyone present but always seemed to gravitate back to one another, if only for a moment, to steal a kiss or to cuddle into each other's side. It was sickening, really, but Severus found he couldn't sneer at them. He found, instead, that he envied them.

Afternoon turned to evening, and evening crept towards night. Severus was almost finished with one of Arthur's excellent hot toddies when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Harry smiling down at him.

"I think we'd better get our son home, he's asleep on the kitchen floor!"

 _Our son. Home. Were there any other words that could sound so sweet_?

Severus swallowed thickly and said, "You go and say our goodbyes, I'll go and get Josh."

Harry nodded and went to inform the others of their departure while Severus went into the kitchen. Sure enough, there was Josh, curled up in the corner and snoring softly. Why the boy had chosen to sleep there when there were any number of available sleeping spaces was anyone's guess, but perhaps the activities of the day had overwhelmed him.

Kneeling down, Severus gently scooped up his son and tucked him carefully into his chest. Harry joined them with a smile and wrapped his arms around them both before apparating them all to Josh's bedroom.

Between them they wrangled off Josh's clothes, save his underwear and t-shirt, and manoeuvred him carefully into bed. The boy didn't wake once, which was a testament as to how exhausted he must have been.

Together, they looked down at the gently slumbering form, tucked up and sleeping soundly. It felt far too much like family and something tight constricted around Severus' chest.

They moved quietly out into the corridor and Harry looked up at him, looking tired but content. "Why don't you stay the night?" he asked, and Severus' pulse quickened in his veins.

"I – "

"The guest bedroom's all made up and I know Josh would be thrilled to see you here for breakfast."

_Well of course he wasn't inviting you to spend the night with him, you moron._

He cleared his throat and said, "Thank you, I'd like that."

Harry smiled and said, "Anything you need just help yourself. The linen closet's at the end of the hall. See you in the morning."

And then Harry did the unthinkable. He raised himself up on his toes and kissed Severus' cheek. It was so faint that it was barely there, just the softest brush of lips against skin, but it was the most thrilling thing Severus had ever experienced.

Harry moved off down the hall to his own bedroom, the door shutting softly behind him. Severus made his way into the spare room, sitting down on the bed, feeling as though he were in a daze. He lifted his hand to his cheek, Harry's kiss still burning on his skin. Sleep would be a long time coming for him that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I've updated a day early again, but I'm off for a day at the seaside tomorrow and didn't want to keep you guys waiting. I have a favour to ask - I think I may well have read every Snarry story in the fandom so I'm after some recs from you guys. Particularly I'm in the mood for a marriage fic (you know how much I love those), or something with a good slow burn. I've read all the classics, so a recommendation of something new might be good :)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review and let me know.


	10. Chapter 10

Severus was having a hell of day. The experimental potion he'd been working on for days had come to nothing and he'd ruined one of his favourite cauldrons too. He had a banging headache and was thoroughly out of sorts with the world in general.

Harry had noticed and given him his space, something that he was very grateful for, but it didn't change the fact that he would have quite liked to hex half the population just to make himself feel better.

 _You could start with the Hunter twit_ , his inner voice piped up helpfully as he watched the man help Josh into his coat. He knew that there was nothing going on between Hunter and Harry, but something about the man still got on Severus' nerves. Perhaps it was because he was always so bloody cheerful.

Harry had offered to go and pick Josh up, but Severus had needed to get out of the house, away from his botched potion, away from a week of failure. He had needed the walk along the cliffs, although it hadn't done much to make him feel better.

He knew he was getting strange looks from the other parents, who wouldn't look at a man glowering at the rest of the world? They could all go to hell, he wasn't there to entertain them.

Josh ran towards him and he tried to school his features into something resembling a smile. He would do all he could not to inflict his bad mood on his son.

"Hi Sev!" Josh said enthusiastically.

"Hello Josh," he said. "Good day?"

"Not bad. I hate maths though, it's the worst subject ever!"

"I have to agree with you, I never took to it either," Severus said as Josh's hand slipped easily into his own.

They walked down the hill away from the school and towards the town centre of Weymouth. It was a fine day and the sea was a picturesque swathe of blue in the distance. Other parents were milling about with their children, bundling them into cars or telling them to pick their feet up as they walked. It was comforting to note that many looked as fed up as he felt.

"Can we go and get ice cream before we go home?" Josh asked.

"No, I don't think so."

"Oh please!"

"Your dad wouldn't like it, you'll spoil your dinner."

"But we won't be eating dinner for ages," Josh said, his voice taking on a whine.

"Josh – "

"Please! Just a scoop, just a teeny, tiny little scoop."

The whine was grating on Severus' nerves and beginning to set his teeth on edge. He wasn't sure how much longer his patience was going to last.

"We're going home, Josh. That's an end to the matter."

"Why are you being so boring?"

"Why? Because I won't let you have your own way? I've said no, that's an end to the matter. Now come on, we need to apparate," Severus said, tugging Josh towards a narrow alleyway.

"I don't want to go anywhere with you," Josh said, pulling back. "You're being mean."

"I'm not being mean," Severus said through gritted teeth. "Just because I won't let you get your own way doesn't mean you can behave like a spoilt brat."

Josh continued to try and pull away, but Severus held on tighter and pulled him into the alley. Merlin willing that no one saw him; the police would be called in a second if anyone spotted a glowering man dragging a small boy off against his will.

He apparated them both to Ringstead and Josh yanked his hand out of Severus' grasp. "I can't believe you called me a spoilt brat! You're a mean, nasty person!" he yelled, his face twisting with anger.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" Severus hissed, the pressures of the day feeling heavy on his shoulders.

"I can speak to you any way I like!"

He spun on his heel and ran off towards the house, Severus kicking himself into action and following after him.

"Joshua Potter, you come back here at once. I'm not finished speaking to you!" he shouted.

"I don't have to listen to anything you say."

"Yes you bloody well do," Severus shouted as he continued in pursuit, feeling his control on his temper slipping by the second. It had been tenuous to begin with and Josh was pushing it to the brink. "Come back!"

He caught Josh's shoulder and grabbed it, bunching the boy's school jumper in his fist. "Let me go!" Josh shouted. "You're horrible, I hate you!"

He wrenched himself free and ran to the house, slamming the door open and tearing up the stairs.

"What the bloody hell was all that about?" Harry asked, poking his head out of the kitchen as Severus came running into the hallway.

They heard Josh's bedroom door slam and Severus felt as though he'd been slapped. What had he done? He'd yelled at Josh as though he were a child himself, he'd grabbed him and lost his temper. Harry was going to kill him.

"Harry I – "

"Merlin, you look like terrible," Harry said, stepping closer.

"I…I'm sorry," Severus breathed. "It's all my fault, I should never have – "

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down," Harry said, raising a placating hand. "Now, what's happened?"

"Harry I'm sorry, I…I lost my temper. Josh was badgering me for ice cream, I told him no, he started playing up…we apparated back here and he just started yelling at me. I…I yelled too, he ran off, I followed…I grabbed him…he told me he hated me…I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry."

He looked up to find, amazingly, that Harry was smiling at him, looking very much as though he was trying not to laugh. "How can you be smiling?" he asked, wondering if perhaps Harry had been hit with some kind of hex.

"Welcome to being a parent," Harry said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get you a nice cup of tea," he said, gently guiding Severus into the kitchen.

Severus took a seat at the island feeling thoroughly bewildered. Harry shuffled around the kitchen, putting the kettle on the range and liberating a cheerful mug from the cupboard. It was as though nothing had happened.

"Harry…I shouted at him," Severus said.

Harry turned around, teabag in hand, and said, "I promise you it won't be the last time."

"But – "

"You're not the first parent in existence to lose your temper and you won't be the last," Harry said, approaching the other side of the island and bracing his hands on it. "Is it ideal? No, of course it's not, but I can just imagine what a little snot Josh was being and believe me, we'll be having words about it."

"I thought you'd be so angry, you _should_ be angry," Severus said, still confused.

"That would make me a raging hypocrite then, wouldn't it? I've lost my temper with him before. I've said things I shouldn't have, I've let my anger get the better of me. You show me one parent who hasn't."

The kettle whistled and Harry set about making Severus' tea, adding just a pinch of sugar despite the fact that Severus normally took it without. He must be looking even worse than he felt.

"I…I shouldn't be telling him off anyway. It's not my place," Severus said, cradling the mug between his hands.

"You're his father," Harry said gently. "You have every right."

"But – "

"Severus, whenever I trust Josh's care to another adult, that person has as much right as I do to discipline Josh. All the people who know me know what I will and won't allow when it comes to his behaviour and everyone knows the kind of discipline I expect. Just because I'm not around doesn't mean Josh can get away with murder."

"I still shouldn't have lost my temper."

"No, you shouldn't," Harry agreed, "but parents don't get things right all the time. You are, however, perfectly entitled to tell him off and to expect a certain standard of behaviour from him."

"It feels like it's not my place," Severus said, shaking his head. "Josh feels that way too. He told me he didn't have to listen to anything I said."

"Well that's a load of bollocks," Harry said feelingly. "He knows I expect him to behave for any adult he's with, he was just being a little git." Harry paused, his head tilted as he looked at Severus. "This wouldn't bother you so much if you were in Drake or Bill's position," he said gently.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, frowning.

"Well, Drake and Bill know who they are to Josh. They're friends of the family, his honourary uncles. They know where the boundaries are and what they should and shouldn't overstep. You're not just a friend of the family, you're Josh's father."

"He doesn't know that," Severus countered, "and I've only been in the picture for six months. Neither of us knows what kind of authority I do or don't have. I don't know what my place is."

Harry sighed and leant against the island with his arms folded. "It's an odd situation, we're going to have to learn as we go, unfortunately so is Josh. He's going to try and test things, to see what he can get away with, but we'll have to present a united front."

"He's normally so affable," Severus said, "I don't know what went wrong."

"Most of the time he's a brilliant kid, but, like most of us, he has his off moments. He's got a hell of a temper and can be a pain in the backside when he doesn't get his own way. You're still learning, Severus. Go easy on yourself."

"I don't want to mess this up," Severus said, hating the weakness he could hear in his voice.

"You're not going to," Harry said gently. "Do you think I haven't made mistakes? Do you think I haven't questioned everything I'm doing at one point or another? Everyone goes through the same thing."

A comforting hand rested on his shoulder and Severus reached up to close his own over it. Their fingers entwined and Severus felt a thrill go through him at the contact.

"I'll go and speak to him, he's not getting away with behaving like a spoilt brat. You finish your tea, I'll be back down in a bit."

Harry gave his hand a gentle squeeze then extracted himself and left the kitchen. Severus went back to cradling his mug, replaying the whole wretched situation in his head. He couldn't believe how he had behaved, how easily he'd lost his temper.

The truth, of course, was that he'd never been good with children. He'd hated nearly every single student he had ever taught and small children had always been a bewildering enigma to him. He had never imagined having children of his own and he had had very little experience with them.

The fact that Josh had taken to him from the start was something of a miracle. Perhaps there was something that the boy recognised in him, a case of genetics calling to one another. It would perhaps explain why, up until that point, Severus had found it so easy to interact with Josh.

It was all so complicated. Harry was right in that Severus didn't really know his place, he couldn't help but question where he fit into Josh's life and how he could be a parent to him. It was all well and good when things were going well, when they could have fun together, but Severus knew that it couldn't be like that all the time.

There would be difficult moments, Harry had warned him of that. Severus couldn't just pick and choose the parts of fatherhood that appealed to him. He couldn't just do all the fun and easy things and let Harry deal with the difficult ones.

He heard a sniff from the doorway and he turned to see Josh standing there, Harry behind him with his hands on the boy's shoulders. Josh's eyes were red and puffy and he looked thoroughly miserable.

"Go on," Harry said gently, giving Josh a little push forward.

Josh hesitated then moved towards Severus, looking grumpy and contrite at the same time. "Sorry," he said, looking at the floor.

"Properly," Harry said firmly.

Josh took a deep breath and looked up, meeting Severus' eyes and saying, "I'm sorry for the way I behaved and I'm sorry for the things I said. I know what I did was wrong."

Severus held out his hand and Josh took it, allowing himself to be swept up onto Severus' lap.

"I'm sorry too," Severus said softly. "I should never have lost my temper. Can we be friends again?"

Josh nodded and nestled into his chest, sniffing as he cuddled in close. Severus looked up at Harry, who gave him an approving smile, and Severus felt his stomach unclench a little. As learning curves went, this one was a steep one. It seemed he had much to learn before he could truly consider himself a parent.

* * *

Saturday nights became film nights. Harry had a muggle television set with a DVD player and a vast collection of DVDs to choose from. The decision was always Josh's, of course, and they invariably ended up with some hellish cartoon or slapstick comedy.

If anyone would have asked him, Severus would have said that he hated every moment of it, that he only put up with it for Josh's sake. It was complete bollocks of course; he adored it. As much as it surprised him, he liked curling up on the sofa with Harry, Josh nestled in between them as they watched a film.

In those moments, with Josh's warm body cuddled into his own, Harry very often dozing gently beside him, Severus felt a sense of contentment he had never known before. When Josh had been put to bed after the film had ended, Severus and Harry would sit in the living room, making pleasant conversation over a glass of wine.

It seemed to Severus that they were becoming more comfortable with one another. Harry was slowly letting his guards down and was no longer viewing Severus as a threat, as a dangerous animal he had to treat with caution. He was open and friendly, and Severus valued the time he spent with the man as much as the time he spent with his son.

He was also immeasurably grateful to Harry for his generosity, for his willingness to allow Severus to develop a relationship with Josh. He was certain that almost anyone else in Harry's shoes would have shut the door in Severus' face months ago and never opened it again. Harry was a better man than Severus would have ever credited him to be. A better man than him by far.

"Right, that its. I'm calling it a day. I can't look at these equations anymore, my brain's about to explode," Harry said, throwing down his quill in frustration.

Severus looked up, smiling at Harry's grumpy expression. The man was simply adorable when he was in a mood.

"I hate wands," Harry said, sounding like his son rather than a grown man.

"You need to cross your arms and stamp your foot to have the full effect," Severus told him with a smirk.

"Shut up. I hate you too."

That remark would have stung a month or two ago, but now Severus found it amusing. He knew Harry didn't mean it, indeed he wouldn't have said it if he'd been serious. He would have been coolly polite and distant, not natural and teasing.

"If you keep pouting like that you'll give yourself wrinkles," Severus said, ducking as Harry threw a damp rag at him.

"A little sympathy wouldn't go amiss. I have a headache!"

"Aww, poor Harry. What can I do to make it better?" Severus teased.

"How about going up in flames?" Harry asked sweetly.

Severus laughed and said, "Spontaneous combustion has never quite been my thing I'm afraid. Would a glass of wine suffice?"

"Only if it's a very large glass."

"Coming up," Severus said, heading for the stairs. "Oh," he said, turning back around to face Harry, "I meant to ask – would you and Josh like to come to dinner at mine tomorrow night? I feel terrible that I've never cooked for you in all these months."

"Josh is spending the night at his friend's house tomorrow," Harry said apologetically.

"Ah, no matter then," Severus said, feeling disappointed.

"But…I'd still like to come…if you could bear to put up with me."

Severus smiled before he could stop himself. An evening alone with Harry sounded like pure bliss.

The next day Severus found himself poring over recipe books in an effort to find the perfect meal to serve Harry. It had to be something special, something a little out of the ordinary, but Severus couldn't find anything in the books he agonised over.

 _Pathetic_ , his helpful inner voice chimed in. _You think a bit of food is enough to make up for everything? Enough to make Harry forget everything you put him through?_

Severus tried to ignore it. This wasn't about trying to win points or trying to atone for his previous mistakes. This was simply an opportunity to spend time with Harry, to enjoy his company when it was just the two of them.

Time alone with Harry was a thing to be treasured. Time to share easy conversation, time to watch the delicate planes of Harry's face shift as he laughed or became animated telling a story. Time to learn who Harry now was and who he had been all those years ago when Severus had been blind to anything but himself.

He was a selfish being, he knew that well enough. It had always been an asset in the past though. It had been integral to his survival and he had learnt early on in life that putting oneself first was a useful technique.

He had never had to think about anyone besides himself. He had had responsibilities, of course, and Harry had always been one of them, one way or another, but he had never truly cared about him, nor about anyone else.

Now, his heart ached to know Harry better. He wanted to be able to make him laugh the way Draco could, he wanted to be someone Harry could rely on, the first person Harry would think of when he needed someone.

He didn't know when these feelings had crept in, when he had begun to think of Harry for his own sake rather than as a conduit to growing a relationship with Josh, but they were there and they were strong. It was alien and incredibility disconcerting.

By the time Saturday evening rolled around he was a bundle of nerves. He tried to have a stern word with himself, to tell himself to stop being so bloody foolish, but it was to no avail. When the doorbell rang he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Hi," Harry said with an easy smile as he stood on the doorstep.

"Evening," Severus said, not entirely trusting his own voice. "Please come in," he said, stepping aside to let Harry in.

He took his cloak and hung it up then showed Harry into the living room where he had spread a huge pile of cushions in front of the fire. Harry looked at him questioningly and Severus said,

"I thought perhaps we might try something a little more informal tonight. I haven't prepared what you might call a 'traditional' dinner."

"I'm intrigued."

"And hungry I hope. I would offer you a drink, but I've paired our food with certain beverages quite carefully."

"Now I'm even more intrigued," Harry said with a laugh. "I should have known not to expect anything straightforward when it came to you."

Deciding to leave that comment well alone, Severus gestured for Harry to take a seat amongst the mound of cushions while he retreated to the kitchen. He had gone to great pains to prepare an evening of food that would delight and tantalise the taste buds, and had paired both muggle and magical cuisine in his quest.

Levitating the first part of the meal into the living room, he set the platter down on the floor between himself and Harry. Harry eyed the food with interest and Severus handed him a small half-pint of the Croatian beer he had found in a small shop in London.

Severus smiled and clinked his glass with Harry, saying, "Živjeli."

"Ziv what?" Harry asked.

"It's the Croatian way of saying cheers."

"I see I'm in for an evening of education," Harry said with a grin. "So, what have we got here?"

"A tasting platter of Croatian delicacies and dishes. We have schnitzel, smoked pork hock, flatbread, sheep's milk cheese, wild duck and roasted lamb," Severus said, indicating each one as he pointed it out.

"My mouth's watering just looking at all this," Harry said, looking like he meant it.

"Please – tuck in."

Harry did so with gusto and Severus delighted in the approving noises the man made while chewing. His exclamations about how good everything tasted were bolstering to Severus' confidence and Severus couldn't wait to lead him on to the next course.

Severus told Harry the story behind his discovery of each dish and told him tales of his time in Croatia. He had enjoyed making the country his home for so many years and had enjoyed both the culture and the landscape.

Harry had done more travelling than Severus expected him to. He, Draco and Bill had taken Josh on several holidays, ranging from short breaks to Europe to longer trips to Asia and North America. He didn't mention it, but Severus was rather hoping that he himself might be included in the next holiday plans.

He was glad that, despite having Josh at a relatively young age, Harry had seen and done as much as any other person his age might have done. His life had changed, certainly, with the arrival of Josh, but Harry had adapted, as he had been so used to doing throughout his life.

"I've never tasted duck like that," Harry said, popping the last piece in his mouth. "This is all delicious."

"Thank you," Severus said, pleased at how much Harry had enjoyed the food. "I hope you have room for more."

Harry grinned and said, "I'm a bottomless pit when it comes to food. Bring it on."

Severus returned the smile and levitated the finished platter out of the way then summoned the next one from the kitchen. While he'd been keen to show Harry a taste of Croatia, this was the course he was most excited about.

He wasn't sure how much magical food Harry had experience with but he hoped to introduce him to something new. Judging by the look on the man's face as he eyed the new platter, he had had at least partially succeeded.

"Are you sure all this is edible?" Harry asked, eyeing the various jars and pipettes in front of him.

"If I wanted to poison you there are easier ways," Severus said smoothly and Harry laughed, his eyes creasing at the corners in a way Severus tried not to think of as adorable. "Now, I suggest we start with this," he said, handing Harry what looked like an innocuous piece of cheese.

Harry took a tentative bite, his eyes widening as he started to chew. Severus watched him, enjoying how expressive Harry's face was.

"That's incredible! What is it?" Harry asked, still rolling the taste around on his tongue.

"It's a compound made by goblins in Romania. I asked Bill if he'd help me import it."

"Amazing, I've never tasted anything like that. Dare I ask why there are pipettes on the plate?"

For the next hour Severus took Harry on an exploration of magical food from across the world. Harry was entranced, each mouthful he took was a discovery. They laughed and talked their way through the meal, Severus explaining things as they went.

It was no surprise that, being raised by muggles, Harry hadn't been exposed to such things in the past. Many of the things they were eating were also from the far reaches of the world, things few people would have the chance to experience.

A lot of the food required interactions with edible potions to release flavours and Harry watched, entranced, as Severus prepared each offering. His eyes widened like a child's as Severus mixed several on the concoctions, and Severus imagined how much Josh would enjoy such a thing.

He was pleased that he had been able to introduce Harry to something new, to something that so captivated him. Everything the man ate was met with an exclamation of surprise or pleasure and Severus congratulated himself that he had made the right choice.

By the time Severus brought out the dessert tray the atmosphere was relaxed and comfortable. There had barely been a minute's silence all evening and Severus had never enjoyed anyone's company so much.

"You made these?" Harry asked, holding up the miniature éclairs. Severus nodded and Harry said, "They're bloody amazing. You know, I had such a craving for éclairs when I was having Josh, but I never had any as good as these."

Severus propped his head on his closed fist and said, "That's fairly normal, as cravings go."

"Yes well…you weren't there when I was eating coal. I'm surprised Josh didn't come out covered in soot."

The fire crackled pleasantly and Severus watched it for a moment, Harry words settling across his thoughts.

"I'm sorry I didn't experience it with you," he said eventually, his voice soft. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Harry sighed and wiped his fingers on a napkin. "It was a long time ago. What's done is done," he said levelly.

"Still," Severus said, looking down at his own hands, "I should have been there. I should have been there to support you…to help you. I'm sorry that I missed so much, I'm sorry I missed watching Josh growing inside you."

He looked up to find Harry looking startled and he felt his cheeks heat at his confession. "It sounds strange, I know. The more I think about it the more I can't help but feel…regret. I should have been with you, watching you change while our son developed. I imagine you looked beautiful."

Harry laughed but it was shaky and uncertain. "I'm sure I was a million miles away from beautiful. I was a whale."

"You were carrying our child. I would have found you beautiful," Severus said, his pulse racing when he saw the tears in Harry's eyes. "I'm sorry, I – "

"No," Harry said, shaking his head with a sniff, "no it's not…I just…" He paused, gathering himself for a moment, then said, "You have no idea how many times I wished you were there…even after everything. I mean…I had Drake, and he was brilliant, but I wanted to share it with you, I wanted my baby's father with me."

Harry took a sip of his drink, his face pale and pinched. "The first time Josh kicked I wanted so much to be able to reach out and place your hand on my stomach, to let you feel your baby moving. When I found out I was having a boy…I thought about writing to you. I started so many letters that ended up in the fire…I just wasn't brave enough."

"You're the bravest man I know," Severus said with as much conviction as he could muster. "It is I who is the coward. The fact that I wasn't there is the result of my own actions, not yours. No blame lies with you."

Harry looked at him, his expression open and vulnerable, his eyes searching. Severus couldn't help himself. He had been wanting to do it for so long, had dreamt the moment a hundred different ways, that he finally gave in and closed the distance to kiss Harry.

It was soft and gentle, more of a suggestion than a true kiss, but Harry's lips moved beneath his own. It was chaste and sweet, and a thrill went through him at the contact. He was trying to convince himself to pull back so as not to overwhelm Harry, but Harry broke away first.

The man's breath was uneven and he looked conflicted. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry but I can't."

He looked so small, so sad, that Severus' heart hurt to see it. This man, this beautiful, wonderful man could have been his now if he'd have only treated him properly. He had had something precious and had lost it. He mourned that loss now.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry," he whispered, placing his hand on Harry's cheek. "The regret is mine, as it shall be for the rest of my life. I hope I can salvage something though – I should dearly love to earn your friendship and prove myself worthy of it."

Several tears slid down Harry's cheeks as he placed his hand over Severus' and squeezed it. He gave Severus a sad smile and Severus felt his heart clench as all hope of rekindling the flames of what might have been seemed to vanish. He was sincere in what he said though; if friendship was all he could hope for then he would endeavour to deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now, my lovelies. Let me know what you thought.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Severus was doing his best not to scowl. He wasn't entirely sure that he was succeeding but he was genuinely trying. Attending a birthday party populated by primary school children had never been at the top of his list of things to do, but as the party was for his own son he couldn't very well refuse.

They were in a bowling alley, the like of which Severus hadn't seen since he was a child. He'd have been more than happy to never set foot in one again but it had been Josh's choice and who was he to argue?

As he stood having his senses bombarded by the neon lights and the knocking of the pins he began to pine for the good old days of Death Eater gatherings. At least at those the smell of fried foods and mustard didn't permeate the air while his hearing was assaulted by the shrill cries of over-excited children.

"You look like you're sucking a lemon," said Bill, coming to stand next to him with a grin.

"This is interminable," Severus replied, resisting the urge to fold his arms. He had stuffed his hands into his pockets and had yet to remove them while he stood watching the children take their turns chucking the balls down the lane.

"Only a few more rounds, then we'll cut the cake, distribute the party bags and the kids' parents will come and collect them."

"Not soon enough," Severus said, wondering if it would be totally inappropriate for him to procure a whisky from somewhere. "There are many things I lament missing when it comes to Josh but the hell that is a birthday party isn't one of them."

Bill laughed and said, "They're not my idea of fun either. Especially when brats like that kid Archie turn up."

"Mm, I've been tempted to hex him at least five times," Severus said with a growl, his eyes going to the child in question. 'One for the hangman's noose' as his dear mother would have said. He had to say he agreed.

"Draco's rather in his element," he said, watching as the blond organised the children, grinning as he teased and talked to them.

"He loves kids," Bill said, watching his husband. "And they love him. George and Charlie's children think he's wonderful and we all know how much Josh thinks of him. Who'd have thought it eh? That snobby little git from all those years ago turned into such a softie."

"Would your husband appreciate you calling him a snobby little git?" Severus asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"I've called him far worse things, believe me."

Severus watched as Draco and Harry continued to wrangle the children into some kind of order. Draco was a natural with them and genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself as he interacted with them all.

He was such a different man to the child Severus had known. Of course, the change had started when he'd defected from his family and the Death Eaters, but Severus had to wonder whether Draco would be the same man today were it not for his marriage to Bill.

"Will we be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet in your future?" Severus asked.

"Almost certainly. Draco's terribly broody but he wants to spend a few years on his career first."

"And you?"

"Oh I'd like kids. As the eldest of seven I had plenty of practice with little ones. I'd rather not end up with such an impractically large family though."

"You might end up with twins," Severus said with an evil smile.

"Oh Merlin don't say that," Bill said with a shudder. "Fred and George mark two, what a horrendous thought. I'd file for divorce."

"Severus! Uncle Bill! Are you watching? It's my turn!" Josh called to them both as he stepped up to the lane.

Bill waved back at him and Severus watched as Josh made his move. The ball was woefully underpowered and had little hope of knocking more than one skittle down. With a surreptitious flick of his hand Severus sent it down the lane with force and it crashed into all ten pins.

Josh jumped with elation and performed an elaborate victory dance while the rest of his team congratulated him. Harry looked up and caught Severus' eye with a falsely disapproving look.

"Cheat," Bill said beside him.

"Slytherin," Severus countered. "It is his birthday after all."

"I can't believe he's seven. I remember going to visit Harry in the hospital the day after he was born. He was so tiny. Drake was hovering around like a protective mother hen; I'm surprised he let the nurses anywhere near him."

"Did it ever affect your relationship?" Severus asked, then elaborated, "Draco being so involved with another man's child."

"It might have done had it been anyone but Harry. He was already like a brother to me and I understood the bond between him and Drake. Besides, I was in and out of Harry's place all the time and I knew Drake would move in with me when Harry was confident enough to be left alone."

Severus sighed and said, "I'm not sure Draco fully trusts me yet."

"That's because he knows you," Bill said, turning red the second the words left his lips. "Merlin, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant…he knows what you _were_ like, how…uninterested you might have been in Josh all those years ago. His instinct will always be to protect to Josh but he will come around eventually."

"I appreciate him being such a fierce guardian, I just don't know what I'm supposed to prove myself worthy in his eyes."

"Oh just give him time," Bill said with a friendly clap to his shoulder. "All this…it's left him feeling a tad threatened and you know what Slytherins are like when they get on the defensive."

Severus nodded, Bill's words ringing true. Of course, Draco had, to all intents and purposes, been a second father to Josh. He had been there when the boy was born and had spent the first year of his life helping to raise him. It was only natural that he felt his place was being usurped by Severus' re-entry into their lives.

Still, Draco's insecurities were not his problem. Josh was _his_ son, not Draco's, and while he understood how Draco felt he wouldn't let those feelings stand in his way. Draco would just have to find a way to put his pretty little nose back into place some way or another.

"How on earth did the two of you get together?" Severus asked. Harry had made him aware of their relationship at that godforsaken anniversary party nearly seven years prior but he had never understood how they'd started.

Bill smiled fondly and said, "He saved my life in the Final Battle, pushed me out of the way of the killing curse. I was injured near the end though – a spell brought down one of the supporting arches near the library and I was crushed beneath it."

Severus could vaguely remember hearing that several people had been injured in such a manner but he hadn't realised Bill had been among them. Truth be told, beyond himself he hadn't really cared about the fate of anyone who had fought that day, and he certainly hadn't kept track of the wounded.

"I was in hospital for about four months afterwards," Bill continued, "and Drake came to visit me nearly every day. What can I say? I fell hard," he said with a lopsided grin.

 _As easy as that_ , Severus' inner voice piped up. _It could have been that easy for you except you ballsed it up, didn't you_?

His voice was right, although, with as complicated a history as he and Harry shared, things probably never would have been straightforward between them. Still, they might have had something that vaguely resembled a normal relationship had Severus pulled his head out of his arse in time to see what was right in front of his eyes.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Harry announcing that it was time for cake. Draco emerged from the bowling alley's counter, where they had kindly allowed them to store the cake, bearing it held out in front of him.

Molly had baked it and it looked spectacular. The children all crowded around it and Severus' eyes narrowed as Harry had to hold back the horrible Archie child from blowing out Josh's candles. Oh how his hand was itching to reach for his wand.

The all sang Happy Birthday, even Severus, who could hardly refrain from doing so without hurting Josh. The approving smile he received from Harry was worth it. Josh blew out his candles, beaming around at everyone as they clapped him.

After the cake was served and the party bags were doled out it was finally time for the little cretins' parents to come and collect them. Severus retreated as far away as possible while the little cherubs were returned to their owners and was thoroughly relieved when Harry informed him that they were free to apparate back to Bill and Draco's.

They were having dinner with them to finish off Josh's birthday and let the boy open all the presents he had received. Severus had never been gladder to see the end of a party.

"It wasn't that bad," Harry said as they sat out on the balcony overlooking the sea.

"It was hideous," Severus groused, cradling a much-needed glass of whisky. "Do we have to do that often?"

"Well, Josh has a birthday once a year you see – " Harry began with a grin, stopping when Severus kicked him. "No, there are only a few a year. Enough for any parent."

"I know I'm biased but Josh really does seem head and shoulders above the rest of his peers. Infinitely more tolerable too."

Harry laughed and said, "And you wonder why we all thought you hated teaching."

"Same problem – over-exposure to little snots."

"I wasn't a little snot, I was lovely!" Harry protested.

"Debateable, Harry. Debateable."

Harry stuck his tongue out at him and Severus couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see Harry's playful nature after the man had been burdened with such a life of responsibility and heartache.

"I should go and see where Josh has got to. He's probably collapsed in a post-sugar coma," Harry said, placing his glass to one side.

"No, you stay there. You did most of the hard work today, you've earnt the right to put your feet up. I'll go and find him."

Severus left Harry on the balcony and went inside in search of his son. The boy had been shattered after the events of the day but had still had enough energy to rip open all of his presents.

Severus had bought him a children's potions set and had promised that they would look at it together. Josh had been thrilled and Harry had been amused. He had leant over and whispered that Severus was trying to turn their son into a mini Potions Master, a comment that had warmed Severus' heart.

He passed the kitchen and heard the laughter that emanated from it. Approaching to see whether Josh was with them, Severus saw Bill and Draco messing around as they prepared dinner.

"You're no bloody help, you big oaf," Draco said, attempting to get to the oven while Bill wrapped his arms around his waist.

"You have such romantic pet names," Bill laughed, appearing to tighten his hold while he kissed Draco's neck.

"But nevertheless very accurate ones. William Weasley! I am trying to prepare dinner and you – "

"Are a devilishly handsome distraction, I know," Bill said with a sage nod of his head.

Draco turned himself around in Bill's arms and looped his own around Bill's neck. "What did I ever do to be saddled with you?"

Bill shrugged and said, "Must have been something good."

"I fear it's penance for something terrible in a past life," Draco said, pulling himself closer.

"You love me," Bill told him certainly. "So tell me – just how broody did you feel today surrounded by all those children?"

Draco smiled and said, "Terribly. I was imagining our own and how cute they'd be. I'm thinking a nice round number like six…or eight."

"On your bike, sunshine," Bill said with a scoff. "A nice round number like two will do just fine."

"Spoilsport," Draco said with a pout. "In a couple of years we'll think about it seriously though, yeah?"

"If you can wait that long, my love," Bill leant down and kissed him and Severus turned away, feeing an odd ache that he couldn't quite describe.

Would he and Harry have had such a discussion, he wondered, if they'd managed to forge a relationship? Harry would have broached the subject, no doubt tentatively at first, and Severus would have been reticent.

Perhaps he'd have seen how good Harry was with other people's children, how much they adored him, and slowly he might have come around to the idea. They'd have discussed it like Bill and Draco and finally made the decision to start a family. They might have even had more than one child.

 _You do love musing over a hypothetical life, don't you?_ _Mulling over what might have been like a sad old git._

He shook his head at his thoughts. They were pathetic after all. He could consider things until the cows came home but it wouldn't change the facts.

He found Josh in the upstairs sitting room, a small, beautifully decorated room that Draco always referred to as 'the reading room'. You could take the Pureblood out of his family mansion…

Josh was curled up in the window seat, a book propped open in his lap, an array of chocolate wrappers at his feet. He was fast asleep, his head lolled back against the window, one hand still holding onto the book.

Severus smiled, unsurprised that the day's events had taken their toll on the boy. He brushed the dark hair from Josh's forehead and let his hand trail down the cheek that was still flushed with colour.

How was it that he could feel so connected to Josh after such a short time? There was a part of Severus that felt as though he had known the boy all his life, that a part of Josh had always been with him.

He sat down next to him, intending to pick him up. He slid one arm beneath him and Josh stirred, turning and burying himself against Severus' chest. Severus pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around the sleeping form.

He placed his chin gently on top of Josh's head and breathed in the familiar smell of the boy's hair. It felt so right to have his son in his arms, to hold him close. He pressed a kiss to the mop of hair below his nose, feeling such a sense of love that it overwhelmed him.

He heard a noise from the doorway and he looked up to find Harry standing there, a strange look on his face.

"I was going to bring him down," Severus said softly, trying not to disturb Josh.

Harry nodded, his expression still hard to read. He moved a little further into the room, his eyes not moving from Josh cuddled against Severus.

"Am I…is this not ok?" Severus asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Of course it's ok," Harry said, his voice sounding thick. "It's just…coming in and seeing you…" he shook his head, looking flustered.

"Harry – "

"No, no don't say anything. I just came to tell you that dinner's ready. We'd better wake him up or he'll never sleep later."

Harry came to sit next to them both on the window seat, still looking rather as though the rug had been pulled out from underneath him. He looked at Severus and Severus held his gaze, feeling his pulse quicken. He didn't quite understand what was happening but Harry seemed deeply affected.

Severus knew that Harry still had his reservations about letting him into Josh's life, that a part of him would always worry that one day Severus would up and leave, crushing Josh as a result. In moments like this, though, he felt himself worthy. He would be as good a father as possible to his son and he would prove to Harry that he wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

"It's a hell of an offer, what are you going to do?" Harry asked as he read over the letter Severus had received that morning.

"Honestly I'm not sure," Severus replied. "I wouldn't mind getting back into research again but I've become rather accustomed to being my own boss."

"Well by the sounds of this letter you still would be."

It was true. As the Senior Researcher for St Mungo's he would have free reign of almost everything. He would have access to a state of the art laboratory, a team of assistants beneath him and, within reason, would be able to determine the parameters of his own research.

There was only one problem. If he accepted it he could kiss goodbye to his days spent sharing Harry's workroom. It was also unlikely that he'd be able to pick Josh up from school as often as he did and very unlikely that he'd be around as often as he currently was.

If the circumstances were different he would probably accept in a heartbeat. If he and Harry were already living together, raising their family as a fully-formed unit, then they could discuss the job offer and work around it. As it was, Severus was still tentatively finding his feet where Harry and Josh were concerned and he had no intention of messing that up.

"I'll need to think about it," he said, folding the letter as Harry gave it back to him.

"Judging by the tone of the letter I rather suspect you could dictate your own terms. They sound desperate to have you."

"Oh to be so desired," Severus said, rolling his eyes.

Harry looked as though he was about to say something but clearly thought better of it. His cheeks flushed slightly and he busied himself with clearing away their coffee cups. The man was hard to read sometimes and Severus never quite knew what to say for the best. He always felt that he was somehow on the wrong foot but it was likely his guilt over all that had happened that coloured all his interactions with Harry.

"I'm home!" came Josh's voice from the doorway, closely followed by his thundering footsteps down the hallway.

He crashed into the kitchen and barrelled into Severus' waist, giving him a hearty squeeze before stomping over to Harry and repeating the action.

"Where's your Uncle Drake?" Harry asked, watching as Josh swiped a clementine from the bowl on the kitchen island.

"He dropped me off at the door, he and Uncle Bill are headed off to Uncle Charlie's this evening," Josh replied, peeling his prize. "Oh, guess what? Mr Hunter's engaged to Miss Bradshaw, they announced it in assembly this morning."

Severus felt his cheeks heat as Harry sent a look that clearly said, 'happy now?'. Alright, so he'd been wrong about Hunter, but there would be others, he knew there would.

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Josh said, emptying his bookbag out and fishing through the mess on the island before he extracted a letter. He handed it to Harry and said, "Archie Jessop has chicken pox, Mrs Foster sent a letter home to everyone in my class."

"That horrid little oik I wanted to hex at your birthday party?" Severus asked, and Josh nodded with a grin.

"Severus don't call children 'oiks', it isn't nice," Harry half-admonished as he read the letter. "Looks like you might be in for chicken pox, kiddo," Harry said, ruffling Josh's hair.

"Cool, will I turn into a chicken?"

"How will we tell the difference if you do?" Severus asked, and Josh poked his tongue out at him.

"Melissa Fisher had chicken pox last year and she had dots that made an x on the side of her face!"

"Why are children always so fascinated by these sorts of things?" Harry asked, shaking his head. "Honestly, the more gruesome the better."

"Everyone knows chicken pox is cool, Dad," Josh said, as though his father were slightly slow for not catching on.

Severus and Harry exchanged amused glances and Harry said, "I do beg your pardon. Have you got homework to do?" Josh nodded and Harry said, "Well go on then, get it done before dinner and you'll have the whole evening free."

"Can we set up my potions kit tonight?" Josh asked Severus and Severus reached out to wrap an arm around the boy, holding him gently to his side.

"Only if we can include your dad and see how well his potions knowledge stacks up to yours."

Josh grinned then grabbed his book bag off the island, shoving everything back into it haphazardly and traipsing out of the kitchen. Severus turned his head just in time for Harry to throw a tea towel him with a growled, "Mean git".

Josh was indeed struck down with chicken pox though it seemed to hardly affect him. He had a day off school when his temperature was on the high side but other than that it was hardly an event.

He was highly unimpressed with the fact that none of his spots seemed to form any discernible pattern and, thanks to the lotion Severus made for him, he was hardly bothered by the itching either. For his first experience with a 'proper' illness as he called it, the young Master Potter was thoroughly underwhelmed.

A week later, when Josh's spots were beginning to fade, Harry and Severus were working companionably together in the workroom. Severus was about to suggest stopping for a coffee break when he looked up to find Harry sitting with his head in his hands.

"Harry?" he said, getting up to stand by the man. "Are you unwell?"

Harry looked up, his face pale. "I don't know, I've been feeling funny all afternoon and just now I went all dizzy."

"Maybe it's the fumes."

Harry shook his head and said, "No, no you haven't been brewing anything I'm not used to. I don't know…I just feel peculiar."

Severus touched the back of his hand to Harry's forehead. The man was on fire and there was an unnatural flush creeping over his pale cheeks. "Harry," he began, a thought occurring to him, "have you had chicken pox?"

Harry frowned and said, "I don't think so."

"Were you vaccinated against it as a child?"

Harry snorted and said, "Not bloody likely. My dear old aunt wouldn't take me to the doctor unless I was dying."

Deciding to leave that comment alone for the time being, Severus said, "There's a good chance you've caught it off Josh."

"Oh," Harry said with a heavy sigh. "Well there you go then."

Severus frowned and said, "Harry, chicken pox in adults can be serious. It can hit them much harder than it does children."

"I'll be fine. I never get sick, I'll just – "

"Bed. Now," Severus said firmly, gently tugging to pull Harry up from his stool.

"I don't need – " Harry protested, even as he sagged against Severus' chest.

"I'm not arguing with you."

Severus wrapped his arms around the man and apparated them both directly into Harry's bedroom. Harry swayed and Severus tightened his hold, steadying them both. The heat radiating from the man's body was worrying and Severus began to mentally catalogue all the potions he had to hand that could aid him.

"Come on, clothes off and into bed," he instructed.

"I'm not undressing in front of you," Harry said with a frown, and Severus couldn't deny that the sentiment hurt.

He brushed it aside and said, "Fine, I'll turn my back. Get your shirt and trousers off and get into bed."

Severus turned around, listening to the noises Harry made as he stumbled around trying to undress. He would have helped the man but Harry had made his feelings perfectly clear. The rejection stung but he could hardly blame Harry for feeling that way. The last time he had helped the man out of his clothes things hadn't ended well.

He heard the shift of the bed as Harry climbed into it and he turned back to find Harry fighting with the duvet. He moved over to him and smoothed the covers out, trying to make Harry more comfortable.

"I'll get you a fever-reducing potion and fire-call Draco to ask him to pick Josh up," he said, still able to feel the heat from Harry's body seeping between them.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine."

"Your symptoms say otherwise."

Once he was sure that Harry wouldn't get up the second he left the room, he went back to the workroom and looked through the stock he had there. He wasn't sure exactly how chicken pox could affect adults but he knew it could be unpleasant. To start with he would give Harry something for the fever and a simple muscle relaxant. He would deal with anything more serious when they came to it.

He went back up to the ground floor and into Harry's study. Chucking a pinch of floo powder into the grate, the flames sprang to life as he said, "Draco Malfoy". After a moment or two Draco's bobbing head appeared in the flames.

"Severus, what can I do for you?"

"Would you mind picking Josh up from school and keeping him at yours for a couple of hours? I think Harry's come down with chicken pox, he's not well."

"That's dangerous in adults," Draco said, clearly concerned.

"It can be, but I'm keeping an eye on him."

"You're not a Healer, Severus," Draco said with an arch of his eyebrow.

"Never fear, I'll be calling one as soon as the need arises."

Draco gave an annoyed huff and said, "I'm a bloody Healer, you great git. Step out of the way, I'm coming through."

Severus didn't have the opportunity to argue and had only just shifted to the side when Draco swept through the fire into the office. He frowned at Severus and said, "You can't always keep him to yourself, you know."

"I had no intention of doing so," Severus said, affronted. "It seemed a tad pre-emptive to call someone in when I didn't know how serious it was."

Draco said nothing, merely swept past Severus out into the corridor and up the stairs. Severus followed the man back to Harry's bedroom, watching as Draco set on the end of Harry's bed and took the man's pulse.

"I don't need all this fuss!" Harry said, looking cross.

"Pulse is elevated," Draco said, removing his wand from his robes. A couple of incantations and delicate flicks of his wrist and a spectrum of colour moved up and down Harry's body. "It's chicken pox alright, and a particularly virulent strain by the looks of things. It could develop into something nasty if we don't keep an eye on things."

He took Harry's hand in his own and smoothed the man's dark hair off his forehead. Severus couldn't help but feel a jolt of envy at the easy intimacy that existed between the two. He wanted to be the one sitting on Harry's bed, comforting him, taking care of him. Harry wouldn't have insisted Draco leave the room when he changed, that was for sure and certain.

"You need a strong anti-viral and we'll have to be careful that the illness doesn't interact with your magic."

"Is that likely?" Harry asked.

"With you I'd say so," Draco said, rubbing Harry's hand. "The more powerful the witch or wizard the worse an illness can affect their magic."

"Bloody hell, I'm going to be a spotty mess with magic shooting off at random bursts," Harry growled, shifting to try and get comfortable.

"You need to take this seriously, love," Draco admonished gently. "You're going to have to let yourself be taken care of."

Severus wanted to say that he could look after Harry perfectly well if only people would let him, but was it really the truth? He'd never cared for anyone in his life and the closest he'd come was putting Josh to bed. Besides, Harry wouldn't want to be looked after by him, not when Draco was around to step into the fray.

He was surprised then when Draco said, "I'll go and get Josh and keep him with me for today at least. Severus," he said, looking up him, "can I entrust Harry's care to you?"

"Of course," Severus said, his mouth kicking in before his brain did.

Draco nodded and stood up, pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead. "I'll come and see you tomorrow, love. Get some rest. Severus, a word if you please," he said, and Severus found himself following the blond out onto the landing.

"You let him down and I'll have your liver," Draco said without preamble. "This could get really serious and I'll be on hand if it does, but this is your chance to prove yourself to him. Don't fuck it up."

He didn't give Severus the chance to offer a rejoinder, merely strode past him and descended the stairs with all the grace he possessed. Severus stared after him, hoping dearly that his jaw wasn't hanging open in shock. This _was_ his chance and he was damned if he was going to let it slip through his fingers.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to update on Thursdays rather than Fridays as I just don't seem to be able to find the time on Friday. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a comment and let me know.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Harry never did anything by halves, including, apparently, contracting an illness. It was just as bad as Draco had warned it might be and Severus found himself tending to Harry around the clock.

That he didn't mind came as something of a shock. True he was preoccupied with Harry's health and making sure the man was properly cared for but he expected to feel just a twinge of resentment, just a smidgen of annoyance, but it never came. Instead, he found himself, for the first time in his life, thinking solely of another person without a moment's thought for himself.

The virus spread to Harry's lungs whilst playing havoc with his magic. It wasn't unusual for a simple sneeze to lead to the curtains going up in flames or for half the contents of the room to levitate while Harry drifted in and out of sleep.

Moving Harry's wand to another room didn't help; Harry was so capable of wandless magic that half the time he didn't use it anyway. All they could do was make sure that someone was always with him. Severus took the brunt of the work while Draco and Bill came in to relieve him at intervals.

Josh was staying with them for the time being as there was no one at home to devote any proper care to him. He was happy enough with Draco and Bill but Severus couldn't deny that he missed him.

"Here, let's give this a go," Severus said, holding the back of Harry's head gently while he titled a potion into the man's mouth.

He had brewed it himself in the early hours of the morning and was hoping that it would relieve the pressure on Harry's lungs. The man had been breathing poorly for the last couple of days and Severus was worried that it would turn to pneumonia if they didn't sort it quickly.

Harry spluttered a little but swallowed it down, Severus offering him a tissue to wipe his mouth. He nodded his thanks and leant back against the pillows, his face pale as he tried to take slow, deep breaths.

"Can you manage a little soup?" Severus asked, rearranging the covers around Harry's waist.

"I don't know," Harry said, his voice weak. "I still feel queasy."

"You shouldn't be taking potions on an empty stomach," Severus chided gently.

"I'll try a bit later."

"Maybe you should just get some sleep for now, you had a bad night last night," Severus said, taking Harry's hand in his own, the action a small measure of comfort.

"And you along with me," Harry said ruefully. "I'm so sorry for keeping you awake."

"Hush," Severus murmured, letting his free hand travel up to softly cup Harry's cheek. "It's no hardship. My main concern is to get you well again."

Harry smiled tiredly and closed his eyes, leaning further into the pillows. Severus moved his hand to Harry's hair and gently raked his fingers through the black mop. Harry's skin was practically grey and he had purple smudges underneath his eyes caused by lack of sleep.

The day before a muggle doctor had paid them a visit. She was a squib with knowledge of the magical world and had come at Draco's request. There was little she could do that Draco and Severus hadn't already done but she had prescribed a mild anti-viral medication to accompany the potions Severus was making.

The illness was muggle, that was true, but with the added complication of Harry's magic a muggle doctor's hands were tied somewhat. Still, it was a comfort to think that they had done everything they possibly could and now all they could do was wait for the illness to leave Harry's system.

Harry's breathing had eased, the potion seemingly taking effect. His eyes remained closed and he appeared to be gently dozing. Severus stroked the back of his hand across Harry's cheek, pleased to note that the man's skin wasn't as hot as it had been over the past few days.

He heard a noise on the landing and, thinking it was probably Draco, went to investigate. He found Josh at the top of the stairs, hovering uncertainly.

"What are you doing back here?" he asked gently.

"Uncle Drake said I could come back and get one of my books."

Severus moved over to the boy and wrapped his arms around him, Josh holding himself closely to Severus' body.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked.

Josh nodded and said, "I just miss Dad. Is he ok?"

"He's still poorly," Severus said, stroking Josh's black hair. "He's getting better though."

Josh pulled back a little and looked up at Severus. "He won't die will he?" he asked in a whisper.

Severus paused for a moment, shocked by the question. "Come and sit down," he said, guiding Josh to the pretty chaise-longue beneath the window. "What's brought this on?"

Josh shrugged, looking down at his feet, and said, "Adil Sharma's mum died last year. I know it happens."

"His mother was very ill for a long time, Josh. This is very different. Your dad's poorly, it's true, but he's going to get better."

"Do you promise?" Josh asked, looking up, his black eyes searching.

"After all the things I've saved him from in the past I'm certainly not going to let chicken pox beat me."

Josh gave a small laugh and snuggled himself into Severus' side. "I don't think there's much that could beat you."

Severus smiled and rested his head on top of Josh's. He had missed his son over the last few days and he was pleased to be back with him, however briefly.

"There are a lot of people making sure your dad will be ok, he's in good hands."

"I know you'll look after him. He knows that too. He always told me how well you protected him."

Severus squeezed his eyes shut at Josh's words, a fresh, hideous wave of guilt washing over him. After all he had done to Harry the man had still told Josh nothing but positive things about him. He had paved the way for Severus to have a possible relationship with his son when, by all rights, he should have told Josh what a thoroughly reprehensible human Severus had been.

"Your father really is one of the finest people I've ever had the privilege of knowing," Severus said quietly, truly meaning it. "He'll be fine, Josh. You have my word on it."

He kissed the soft hair beneath his chin and held his son a little tighter. The boy made him want to be a better man, made him want to be worthy of the title of father. He had spent his life fighting for himself, battling the world for his own sake, but now he had something more precious to fight for.

"Come on, let's go and find that book and we can get you back to Uncle Draco's."

Harry was ill for another week before the illness finally started to abate. Severus and Draco took turns to stay with him to keep an eye on his unpredictable bursts of magic but the majority of the care was left to Severus.

It was a bizarre thing to admit, but Severus valued every moment of it. He truly relished being able to take care of Harry and he was thankful that Harry let him. He was sure, had the shoe been on the other foot, that he wouldn't have let Harry within 100 feet of him. Harry, as ever, proved himself to be the better man.

"There we go, gently now," Severus said as Harry leant on his arm as he led him out into the garden.

"Severus, if you could please stop speaking to me as though I were a fragile toddler I'd be very grateful," Harry groused, nevertheless allowing himself to be supported by Severus.

"My apologies," Severus said with a smile, helping Harry down onto the sturdy garden sofa, taking a seat next to him.

It was a fine, sunny day and both Severus and Harry had agreed that Harry would benefit from time spent in the fresh air. The fever had mostly left his system and he was breathing more easily thanks to Severus' potions. He was still weak from the illness but it was clear he was improving and Severus was determined to make sure of it.

"Can I get you anything?" Severus asked. "Some tea perhaps? Or I could make you something to eat. I think we have – "

"Severus," Harry said with a smile, "I promise I can go five minutes without you doing something for me."

He reached out and took hold of Severus' hand, lacing their fingers together, the smile still on his face. Severus was doing his best not to grin stupidly; every time Harry touched him willingly it was akin to receiving a gift.

Harry kept their hands linked as he leant back in his chair, tilting his face up towards the sun. Severus resisted the urge to bring Harry's hand to his lips to press soft, gentle kisses to it although he was sorely tempted.

"Josh will be coming home later," Severus told him and Harry smiled gladly.

"I've missed him so much. I haven't been away from him since the day he was born, bar the odd night or two."

"It's been awfully strange not having him here. I've missed his thundering footsteps all over the house."

Harry laughed and said, "That child doesn't possess an ounce of grace. I've never known someone so small be capable of making so much noise."

"He takes after you," Severus said, giving Harry's hand a squeeze. It felt so thrillingly familiar that Severus had to once again fight a smile.

Harry sighed and said, "I must get back to work soon. Unscheduled breaks are bad for business."

"You'll do no such thing until you're better again," Severus said, sounding like a clucking mother hen. "Pushing yourself will only result in a relapse."

"Yes sir," Harry said with a grin. "It's rather nice having my own personal house elf."

"Cheeky sod."

A strong breeze swept in from the sea, wrapping around them as they sat together. Harry shivered and Severus said, "I'll go and grab you a blanket."

He went to stand but Harry held on to his hand and said, "No stay, you'll do for warmth."

Before Severus could ask what he meant by that, Harry nudged Severus' arm and tucked himself underneath it. Severus froze as Harry snuggled into him, unable to fathom what was happening.

It was too perfect, too wonderful to countenance. Harry nestled against him and Severus wrapped his arm tightly around him. Harry's head rested on his chest and Severus tried to steady his breathing so as not to give himself away. He had seen Harry sit like this with Draco countless times, seen the intimacy they shared, but had never once dared to hope for it himself.

 _Don't get ahead of yourself, you fool, he's just cold. You're an available body to him, just like he was to you_.

But oh, Harry was so much more than that now and his feelings for the man invaded every cell of his being.

"I must go to Diagon Alley in a few days for supplies," Harry murmured.

"I shall be coming with you then," Severus said firmly, and Harry laughed.

"But of course, my eternal minder." He was quiet for a moment before he said, "I'm sorry I've been such a bother the last couple of weeks."

"I've already told you – it was no trouble."

Harry snorted and said, "Oh no, having to put out flames when I coughed and stopping half the house from levitating must have been great fun. Not to mention brewing potions for me and – "

"Things I would do again without hesitation," Severus interrupted. "I was happy to be able to look after you."

"I liked you looking after me," Harry said after a moment's pause.

Severus could have pushed it if he'd wanted to, he could have prompted Harry to say more, but he felt he had been granted more than he already deserved. Chancing a great deal, he tightened his hold on the man in his arms and placed a kiss to the top of his head. Harry emitted a contented little sigh and Severus smiled. Bliss was starting to hold an entirely new meaning for him.

* * *

A few days later, with Harry mostly on the mend, they ventured into Diagon Alley while Josh was in school. Harry had several purchases to make and was also keen to check up on the shop while he had the opportunity. Severus couldn't help but remind Harry, every five minutes, that his apartment was right around the corner and they were to go there immediately if Harry felt unwell.

Harry had called him a terrible fusspot several times but Severus had dared to hope that there was a certain measure of affection in the man's tone when he had done so. He couldn't help but hover at Harry's elbow at every shop they went in and he insisted on carrying all the man's bags for him. It was only when they stopped for lunch that Harry, with a large grin on his face, reminded him that it would be easier if he just shrunk everything down and put it all in his pockets.

"Well, this certainly looks different to the way I remember it," Severus said as they finally got around to entering what was formerly Ollivanders.

"I re-arranged it a bit when I first got the place. It was too cluttered before, too chaotic. It gave me a headache just being in here to be honest."

"Harry! I didn't know you'd be in today," said a young woman as she came through from the stock room.

"Hi Hannah," Harry said with a smile. "Just thought I'd come and see how the old girl was ticking over. Everything alright?"

"Yeah fine. We could do with a few more 10 inch hollies though, we're running low."

"I'll be getting back to the workshop this week, if my minder here allows me," Harry said, nodding over his shoulder to Severus.

"Oh, Professor. Good to see you again, sir."

"Ms Abbott," Severus said, inclining his head in greeting. It had come as a surprise to learn that Harry's assistant was Hannah Abbott but Severus remembered her as a conscientious and hard-working pupil. She was also very good with people and would have been excellent at running the shop.

The bell above the door tinkled cheerfully and they all turned to see Blaise Zabini entering. Severus hadn't seen him in years but the man was as devastatingly handsome as he'd been in his youth.

"Hello Harry," he said with a warm smile, embracing the man in a brief hug. "Heard about your bout with chicken pox, you're not still contagious are you?"

"No, I'm much better now. I have my resident nursemaid to thank," Harry said, indicating Severus.

"Professor Snape," Blaise said with a bright smile. "Drake told me you were back in England. How are you?"

He extended his hand and Severus shook it, saying, "I'm well thank you, Mr Zabini."

"I have your order ready, Blaise," Hannah said from behind the counter. "I'll just fetch it for you."

"I'll come too," said Harry. "I want to check if I have any unicorn hair knocking around back there before I order anymore."

"You so bad with stock!" Hannah admonished as the two disappeared into the back room, bickering good-naturedly.

"My niece needed some repair work done on her wand, I said I'd pick it up," Blaise said by way of an explanation. "So, spending time with Harry, eh?"

Severus cleared his throat and said, "Yes, he and I are…friends. We see a fair bit of one another. I didn't realise you were on such friendly terms with him."

Blaise shrugged and said, "He's a good bloke, always treated me decently. Draco thinks the world of him too so it's hard to escape."

Severus nodded. He was well aware of just how much Draco thought of Harry and how bloody protective he was of the man.

"So what are you doing with yourself now you're back in England?" Blaise asked, leaning casually on the counter.

"I run a mail-order business although I've recently received a job offer from St Mungo's that I'm considering."

"How interesting," Blaise said, his warm smile most engaging.

"And you?" Severus asked.

"International relations at the Ministry. It's quite diverting really and it allows me to travel all over the world. I know some people hate living out of a suitcase but I love it. I always did have itchy feet."

"Well, it's nice to know that there's someone at the Ministry with at least two brain cells to rub together."

"Why Professor, such a compliment!" Blaise said teasingly. "I'd always hoped I'd made an impression on you at school."

_Holy fucking Merlin, he's flirting with you!_

Impossible, Severus scoffed, although…it was hard to deny the way Blaise was looking at him.

"You were…certainly one of my more capable students."

"Well you were an excellent teacher, not to mention an incomparable head of house. I learnt a lot under you."

_Well there's no mistaking that little innuendo, is there?_

"You know," Blaise said, smoothing out his already perfect hair, "I have a friend who works recruitment for St Mungo's. I could get the lowdown from them about what it's like to work there and you and I could meet to discuss it. Who knows, we might find other things to discuss too," Blaise said, his smile, if it were possible, becoming even more charming.

"Here you go, Blaise," Hannah said, reappearing with a neatly wrapped package.

"Thank you, Hannah. Now my niece will finally stop chewing my ear off about it!"

He handed Hannah a fistful of galleons and while they were settling up Harry came back out and headed for one of the cabinets, armed with a notepad and pen. He peered into each cabinet, checking things off on the pad as he went.

"So," said Blaise, turning back to face him, "what do you say to meeting up? Let me buy you dinner."

"Well, I – "

"Tell you what," Blaise said, grabbing a piece of parchment and scribbling something on it. "Here's my address. Send me an owl with your decision."

Blaise handed him the piece of parchment and he took it, rather at a loss for words. He was aware that Harry was looking at him, although the man was doing his best to pretend otherwise.

"Thank you," he said, finding his voice. "I shall."

Blaise gave him a pleased smile then said, "Goodbye Hannah. Bye Harry, give that gorgeous son of yours a hug from me."

"Will do," Harry said, although his voice was muted.

Severus watched Blaise go then returned to his eyes to Harry who was pointedly not looking him. Tension seemed to hang in the air and Severus didn't know how to dispel it. He cleared his throat and said, "I suppose we should get going. Josh will need to be picked up."

Harry nodded and pocketed his notepad, looking up with a blatantly false smile. He said his goodbyes to Hannah and soon they were walking through Diagon Alley, looking for a quiet place to apparate.

They retrieved Josh, who was as vociferous as always at the end of school. He apprised them of his day and told them what he'd learnt in History, which was quickly becoming his favourite subject.

Scampering off to his room to start the project he had been assigned, he left Harry and Severus alone in the kitchen. Harry busied himself looking in the cupboards and the fridge, muttering things about getting dinner ready.

"I'm not going to go," Severus said softly and Harry looked up sharply.

He blinked for a moment then shook his head and said, "None of my business."

"I have no interest in – "

"Whether you do or not is none of my concern. Do whatever you like," Harry said, brushing past him.

Severus caught his arm and held him gently, saying, "Harry, I have no intention of taking Blaise up on his offer."

Harry looked up at him, his expression conflicted. "What's there to stop you? You're free and single, no ties. Might as well go and have a bit of fun eh?"

"Harry – "

"What you do in your personal life is no concern of mine. As long as you retain your interest in Josh, who you choose to see is your own affair."

"As if anything could distract me from Josh."

Harry nodded curtly and said, "Good. That's good. Why don't you go and see if he needs a hand with his project and I'll start dinner."

He shook himself out of Severus' hold and went to the fridge, opening the door and practically hiding behind it. Severus sighed, knowing that Harry wouldn't talk about it further. He decided to follow the man's instruction and go and assist Josh with his homework.

For the next few days he distracted himself with work and his son. Harry was obviously affected by the thought of him going out with Blaise and there seemed to be a distance between them that hadn't existed for months.

Severus was at a loss. On the one hand, he was certain that he could never feel anything for anyone but Harry but, on the other, Harry had made his feelings perfectly clear. They were parents to Josh and nothing more. It _couldn't_ be anything more; Severus had fucked it up too badly for anything to grow between them.

Still, they'd become more comfortable with one another and Severus had thought that they were on their way to forging a friendship. Severus was finding a place within Harry and Josh's family dynamic and the last thing he wanted to do was jeopardise that.

He was allowed a life though, wasn't he? He was allowed to meet with another person and have dinner with them, surely? He supposed the question was what did he expect to come from such a meeting. Was he hoping for an evening of intelligent conversation and scintillating company? Was he hoping for something with more longevity than that?

The truth was that he hoped for nothing, not with Blaise anyway. Even he wasn't so blind as to realise that his heart belonged to Harry, but Harry simply didn't want to be in possession of it. Would a little company from another person really be so bad?

Conflicted in ways he hadn't been for a long time, Severus picked up a quill and wrote a short, polite missive to Blaise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm having a really, REALLY bad time with the old health at the moment so I decided to cheer myself up and post two chapters this week. This one obviously today and the next one on Friday.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"So there we are, three of us plus the translator waiting for this bloody diplomat when all of a sudden the muggle German police storm in and arrest the translator! Turns out he was a well-known drug pusher. We had to obliviate the police and get out of there as quickly as we could. It was a bloody disaster."

Blaise paused his story to take a measured sip of his wine. He was a vision to behold in striking navy robes that complimented his dark skin and Severus had been enjoying a very pleasant evening with the man.

"And here I thought you'd be confined to an office," Severus said.

"No bloody chance. To be honest, I'd go round the twist if I was chained to a desk day after day."

"It's a wonder you find time for indulgences like dinner."

"For a dinner like this I would always find the time," Blaise said, leaning back in his chair and letting his eyes rake appreciatively over Severus.

Severus cleared his throat and decided to swerve the comment. "Do you manage to conduct much of a social life with such a busy schedule?"

Blaise nodded and said, "I try to. I'm pretty good friends with some of the people in my department and I meet for dinner with Ginny every couple of weeks."

"Ginny Weasley?" Severus asked, surprised.

"Mm. She's a scream. I see her along with Draco and Bill."

"Now that did surprise me," Severus said, sipping his whisky. "To find Draco Malfoy married to the eldest Weasley was rather unbelievable."

"Oh those two, sickeningly in love, aren't they?" Severus nodded and Blaise continued, "Bill's a great bloke. I have a fondness for the Weasleys in general, truth be told."

"I admit, it's difficult to dislike them," Severus said, not willing to be any more generous than that.

Finishing his meal and placing his knife and fork together, Blaise said, "So how much do you see of Harry?"

Severus swirled his whisky in the glass and tried not to start at the mention of Harry's name. "Quite a bit. I…use his workroom to make my potions. Very often I stay for dinner."

"It sounds very…cosy," Blaise said, raising an eyebrow. "Perhaps Harry wouldn't like you being here tonight."

"I don't think Harry cares one way or another," Severus said, wondering if it truly was the case.

"Really?" Blaise asked. "I remember a time when Harry seemed to be…rather taken with you."

"Things change, I suppose."

They had dessert and continued to speak about their work. Blaise was a lively and interesting dinner companion and Severus wasn't sorry that he had accepted the man's invitation. He couldn't help but feel a slight pang of guilt that he was missing film night and he found his thoughts wandering constantly to his son and whether or not Josh missed him.

The boy had been disappointed when he'd told him he would be attending that night. Was it also too much to hope that Harry had seemed disappointed too? Probably. Harry was ignoring the issue altogether, save to reiterate that he didn't care one way or another.

Was this how it was always going to be? Would he have to divide his time between a partner and his son? Would Harry always be in the background, coolly disapproving and making a point of how little he cared? It was hardly conducive to happiness.

Blaise insisted on paying for the meal and soon after Severus found himself strolling side by side with the man through Diagon Alley. It was a pleasantly warm night and Blaise's arm kept brushing against his as they walked.

"Would you care for a nightcap?" Blaise asked. "We could apparate to my place…if you fancy."

Severus paused. He knew what Blaise was offering, there was no mistaking the look in the man's eye. It had been a long time and he couldn't deny that a night spent with a handsome man would be welcome indeed.

"I…must decline," he said eventually. "I have an early start tomorrow and need to keep a clear head."

"Another time perhaps," Blaise said smoothly, although the disappointment was evident on his face.

"I should like to return the favour and pay for dinner, if you could bear to put up with another evening of my company."

Blaise smiled and said, "I might be persuaded to suffer through it. Send me an owl and we can arrange something."

Blaise moved closer and Severus was in no mood to decline this particular offer. He lowered his head until he met Blaise's lips and felt himself pulled into a warm and firm embrace. There was no hesitation in Blaise's actions and Severus responded in kind as Blaise's tongue swept against his own.

Blaise's body was hard and firm against him and Severus was beginning to feel sorry that he had turned the man down to take things further. He could just imagine the skill Blaise possessed in the bedroom and he wouldn't have been sorry to let the man use his body however he saw fit.

They broke apart, Blaise's smile glittering in the soft lamplight from the streets. "Well," Blaise said, running his hands up and down Severus' chest, "that should tide me over for a little while. I warn you though, Professor, I shan't be taking no for an answer next time."

He raised himself up and pressed a quick peck to Severus' lips then gave his hand a squeeze before he apparated away. Severus took a deep breath, trying to will away the flush of arousal that had crept over his body.

* * *

Severus was bent over his research notes, trying to concentrate. He had had very little success so far and it seemed he wouldn't be breaking that streak any time soon. There was a pervasively tense atmosphere in the workroom and Severus wasn't sure how best to dispel it.

Harry had barely said two words to him all day apart from to bid him hello and to ask if he wanted a coffee. He was used to Harry being quiet while he worked, when he was deep in concentration, but it had never been so pointed.

Harry knew that he'd been out with Blaise; he'd had to cancel their film night after all. Still, Harry had said that he didn't care, that Severus was free to do as he wished. Perhaps the man was irritated because Severus had cancelled on Josh, maybe he thought he had put a date above spending time with his son.

He heard Harry sigh and he looked up to find the man frowning down at his notes. "Stupid bloody equations," Harry said, shaking his head. "Ancient runes my arse."

Severus snorted and Harry looked up, as though he'd forgotten the man was there. "Not going well, I assume?" Severus asked.

"I'm done for today," Harry said, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I can't look at this rubbish anymore. I might go and get started on dinner. Are you eating with us?"

"If I'm welcome."

Harry frowned and said, "Of course you're welcome. Aren't you always?"

"Well, I – "

A noise from upstairs interrupted Severus and Harry looked upwards, saying, "Sounds like Drake's back with Josh. I'll go up and say hi."

Severus nodded, watching as Harry made his way up the stairs. This was untenable. He and Harry had been getting along so well and now things were back to square one. It was bloody unbearable. If Harry had a problem, he wished the man would just come out and say it. As it was, Severus was left guessing and it wasn't a situation he relished.

He tried to return his attention to his work but it was no good. He couldn't concentrate while his thoughts were so confused and there was no point trying. He decided to go and see if Josh needed some help with his homework; time spent with his son was always a tonic after all.

He made his way up the cellar stairs and was about to make his way up to the next floor when he heard Draco and Harry's voices drift down from the kitchen. His curiosity overtaking him, he moved quietly down the hallway until he could hear them properly.

"You keep saying it doesn't bother you," Draco said.

"It doesn't," Harry replied, his voice accompanied by the bangs of cupboards opening and closing.

"Then why the face? You're walking around looking as though Christmas has been cancelled."

"Well I'm sorry I'm not spontaneously bursting into song and walking around with my cheeks pegged up to my ears, it's just not quite my style."

"Drop the sarcasm, it doesn't suit you," Draco said, slipping into his customary drawl. "Harry would you stand still for half a second and talk to me. Can't you just admit that you're upset he went on that date?"

Severus' pulse sped up as he realised he was the topic of their conversation. This was his chance to discover how Harry really felt about it, to understand what was behind the coldness that had sprung up between them.

"I'm not upset about anything," came the snippy reply. "I'm _slightly_ annoyed that he cancelled film night to go out gallivanting with that slick git – "

"Now that's not fair," Draco interjected firmly. "You like Blaise, he's decent chap."

Harry sighed and said, "Yeah…yeah I know he is."

"Well then, doesn't the fact that you're insulting him tell you a little something about how you feel?"

"I don't feel anything," Harry said, sounding eerily like Josh when he was in a strop. "He can go out with whoever he wants. He can date the whole bloody England quidditch team if he likes."

"That's likely, isn't it?" Draco asked dryly.

"It doesn't bloody matter to me either way."

"Harry – "

"Look Drake, he's Josh's father and that's all there is to it. What I care about is that he still has time to spend with Josh, that he still maintains his interest in him. I won't have Josh picked up and dropped like some kind of…hobby whenever Severus feels like it. As long as that doesn't happen…Severus can see whoever he likes."

"You're a terrible liar, love," Draco said softly.

"Don't push, Drake," Harry replied, his voice equally low.

"Harry," Draco said with a sigh, "talk to me."

There was silence for a moment and Severus was sorely tempted to poke his head around the doorway to see if he could discern anything from Harry's expression. He refrained and instead stayed pressed against the wall, hoping that Josh didn't come down the stairs and give him away.

"We…had something," Harry whispered eventually. "The three of us were…building something together and…I don't know…it was starting to feel like family. He's here all the time and Josh adores him. We eat dinner together and watch films…we talk, we laugh…it all feels…it feels right," Harry said shakily.

Severus felt warmth spread across his chest at Harry's words. He felt the same way about their situation and it was comforting to think that Harry cherished their time together as much as he did.

"Severus seeing someone doesn't need to change that," Draco told Harry gently.

"But it will though, won't it?" Harry countered. "Maybe not after a couple of dates, maybe not after a few months, but sooner or later he's going to find someone and it'll become serious. Then me and Josh will just be a side-note, won't we? We'll be a second priority in his life."

"Harry, tell me something," Draco said, and Severus found himself inching closer to hear. "Are you worried about that happening because of Josh or are you worried for your own sake too?"

There was silence and Severus could just imagine the stubborn set of Harry's jaw as he refused to answer Draco's question.

Eventually, Draco said, "It's not just for Josh's sake that you want him around, is it?"

"What I want doesn't matter," Harry replied, his voice thick. "It's all…moot anyway. Whatever might have existed between us, whatever I might have wanted once…it's all dead now."

Severus' chest constricted painfully. It was what he had feared but to hear it said so plainly was galling.

"Harry – "

"Just drop it, Drake. We'll go around in circles and I don't want to fall out with you. Come and give me a cuddle and we'll get on with dinner."

Severus heard the tell-tale noises that Draco had crossed the kitchen to wrap Harry up in his arms. Severus would have given anything to be the one to do that, to gather Harry up in his embrace and hold him tightly against his chest. He couldn't though and it would never be his place to do so. With a heavy heart he made his way up the stairs, hoping a little time spent with Josh could distract him.

* * *

"Severus this is exquisite, really. I should have known that someone so talented at potions would make such an excellent cook," Blaise said as he helped himself to seconds.

"You're very kind to say so," Severus replied, refilling their wine glasses.

"I'm not one for issuing false compliments. This is fantastic."

It was a couple of weeks since they had first met for dinner and Severus had issued the invitation to his home on an impulse. He wasn't remotely sure that he was doing the right thing but he had felt the need to spend time in someone's company who had nothing to do with Harry.

Things hadn't improved between them at all and Severus was beginning to feel the tension settle itself in his very bones. He was at a loss to know what to do for the best but he felt constantly wrong-footed.

He had no real interest in Blaise; he had no interest in anyone besides Harry but that interest was never going to be satisfied. Blaise was stimulating company; he was a sensational conversationalist and he had a sharp, witty sense of humour. He was also strikingly handsome with an impeccable dress sense; there were far worse people to spend an evening with.

All the same, Severus' thoughts had wandered back to Harry all night. He wondered what the man was doing, whether he and Josh were curled up on the sofa together watching a film or perhaps reading the next chapter of The Hobbit. He imagined Harry sitting with a glass of wine in his hand while Josh was upstairs asleep, alone and reading quietly in his solitude. He wanted to be with him.

"So, have you given any further thought to accepting the job at St Mungo's?" Blaise asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"I've received another letter from them, offering better terms to try and sweeten the deal."

"The deal was already fairly sweet to begin with," Blaise said with a smile.

Severus nodded with a sigh. "It was."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"I…am enjoying life at present," Severus admitted. "I've found a balance that I'm happy with and I'm enjoying being my own master. I'm reluctant to lose that."

"Understandable. If you continue with your current endeavour you'll have to find somewhere else to live though, won't you? As nice as this place is I haven't managed to spy a potions lab."

"True, but for the time being – "

"You have Harry's workroom to suffice," Blaise finished for him.

Severus inclined his head in acknowledgement, feeling uncomfortable that Harry's name had been brought into their evening.

"Do you work well together?"

"We work _alongside_ one another rather than together. We're used to each other's rhythms now, it's a sound arrangement."

"You managed to work well enough together during the war, I'm not surprised it's continued years later," Blaise said, leaning back and giving Severus an appraising look.

Severus felt a little too scrutinised and so cleared his throat, saying, "How's your own work going?"

"Oh it's a bloody nightmare at the moment. We're trying to arrange the extradition of a well-known black market supplier from Hungary but they're having none of it. She's taken refuge at the French embassy of all places. It's bureaucratic hell."

"What will you do?"

Blaise sipped at his wine then said with a sly grin, "Find a point of leverage, exploit it until they break. Every country has their secrets, Severus. It's my job to find them out."

"And they wonder why so many Slytherins find their way into politics," Severus replied wryly.

"It has its advantages, I grant you. Still, I like to think I possess too much honesty to cross the line and actually become a politician."

"And the members of our current ministry don't possess such honesty?"

Blaise snorted and said, "A pack of rabid wolves has more morality than that lot."

"Yet you work for them."

"It's better to be inside the tent – "

"Indeed," Severus said with a raised eyebrow before Blaise could finish the saying.

They retired to the sofa and Severus served them both coffee liberally laced with brandy. Conversation continued easily and Severus enjoyed the dance of wit and intelligence. Blaise was subtly flirtatious, a heady mix of confidence without pushiness. Severus found himself swept along as the evening unfolded, his body reacting to the overtures Blaise kept making.

"I suppose I should be on my way," Blaise said eventually as the night drew towards midnight. "Wouldn't want to keep you up."

"I'm not sure I'd have any objections if you did."

One of Blaise's dark eyebrows arched and Severus' pulse quickened at the thoroughly hungry look that crossed the man's face. Blaise leant a little closer and Severus could smell the man's expensive aftershave. It was musky and intoxicating, a welcoming invitation to delve in further.

Their lips met, firm and sure. Blaise's tongue entangled with his own and Severus moaned softly at the skilled intrusion. One strong hand was running up and down Severus' chest and the other was holding him very gently at the base of his skull. He felt himself harden as the kiss intensified and he tried to close his thoughts down and let his body take over.

Blaise carefully insinuated himself into his lap and Severus let himself be guided back against the sofa cushions. Blaise's lips were at his jaw then his throat while deft hands worked the buttons of his shirt. Severus gave himself up to the sensations, his eyes closing as Blaise worked a hot trail down his chest.

Hands were at his trousers and he arched his hips up to meet the contact. Blaise teased the hard length straining at his trousers and Severus' breathing sped up as he anticipated the man's next move. His button and zip were undone and slowly Blaise slipped a hand inside his trousers, cupping his erection through his underwear.

It felt wonderful; Blaise was sure and skilled, and Severus was beginning to writhe under his ministrations. It wasn't right though. It wasn't what he wanted. Blaise's hands were not the hands he wanted to feel on his skin, Blaise's lips weren't the ones he wanted to kiss.

He wanted Harry. He wanted Harry in his arms, in his bed, and no other substitute was acceptable. It would never happen, he knew that, but he realised that it didn't matter. He didn't want to fill his bed with people he had no interest in when instead he could be spending time with the one person who meant more to him than anyone. What was sex in comparison to that?

"Blaise," he said breathlessly. "Blaise stop."

He pushed gently and Blaise pulled back, his cheeks flushed, his expression questioning. "What's wrong?" he asked, equally as breathless.

"I…I can't do this."

Blaise frowned. "Why not?"

"I'm sorry. You're very attractive and judging by events so far I'd have been in for a hell of a ride but…I'm not…"

"There's someone else, isn't there?" Blaise asked softly.

Severus paused and eventually nodded. "I'm sorry. It isn't fair to you."

"Hey, I wasn't exactly looking for a ring on my finger here, I was just having a good time."

"I know," Severus said with a sigh, "and if you'd offered me the same thing a year ago I'd have happily taken you up on the offer. Now…I can't see beyond – "

"Harry," Blaise finished for him with a resigned smile.

"How did you – "

"It's pretty damn obvious. Even a non-Slytherin would have caught it."

Blaise shifted off his lap and Severus took the opportunity to do himself back up, embarrassment suffusing his cheeks.

"Well, I got to play out part of my fantasy," Blaise said ruefully, smoothing down his clothing.

"Fantasy?"

"I've had a thing for you since my 6th year. I was really looking forward to finding out if you lived up to all the things I imagined."

Severus laughed softly and said, "In that case, maybe it's better for both of us if you never find out."

"Maybe."

Blaise stood and Severus did the same, both men standing opposite one another. "I should go. Thank you for dinner, it really was wonderful. The company wasn't too bad, either."

Severus held out his hand and Blaise shook it, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Severus' cheek. "Goodbye Severus," he said softly before apparating from the apartment.

Severus let out a long, slow breath and rubbed his forehead. It wasn't how he had planned for the night to end and he was sorry for Blaise's sake. True, the man wasn't heartbroken, but nobody liked to be rejected.

He couldn't have gone through with it, he knew that. He couldn't have looked Harry in the eye knowing that he had slept with someone else. It felt like cheating and that in itself was just far too complicated a thought to countenance.

He sighed and looked around his apartment. The silence seemed to bounce off the walls horribly and Severus knew he couldn't stay there. Whatever was happening, whatever his crazed mind was making him feel, he had to speak to Harry. The man had to know that nothing had happened with Blaise, that nothing was ever going to happen with another person.

Before he could give it too much thought, he apparated directly into Harry's living room, causing Harry to jump up from the sofa and spill his wine all over himself.

"Merlin's fucking balls! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Harry asked, dabbing uselessly at his jumper.

"I'm sorry. I had to talk to you."

"And it couldn't have waited until morning? It's nearly midnight for heaven's sake."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just…I wanted to come and speak with you."

"At this hour? Jesus Severus, what the hell could be so urgent?"

"I…" he began, then realised he had no idea how to continue. He stared at Harry, watching as the frown grew larger on the man's face. "I had another date with Blaise tonight," he said eventually.

"I know," Harry said flatly, turning away and placing his now empty glass on the side cabinet. He waved a casual hand over himself and the wine disappeared. He stood with his back to Severus although Severus could well imagine the expression on the man's face.

"Harry…I…I've decided that I won't be seeing him again."

Harry turned back around to face him, his eyes narrowing. "Why not?"

"I'm not interested. I never was."

"Yes well…now you've got what you want from him I'm sure it's very easy to kick him to the curb."

That hurt. He had hoped that he had managed to improve Harry's opinion of him in the past few months. Evidently not.

"I didn't 'get what I wanted'."

"Turned you down, did he?"

"No. Harry _I_ stopped it. I knew it wasn't what I wanted and I stopped what we were doing. I realised – "

"So you _can_ stop yourself. That's good to know," Harry said acerbically. "Shame you couldn't manage it with me but there you go."

That hurt more. Their night together hadn't been mentioned since Severus had first found out about Josh, although Severus' thoughts had been dominated by it often enough. The crushing guilt he felt reared its ugly head and he swore that one of these days it would choke him.

"Harry please. I want to talk to you about this."

"Well I don't want to hear it. What makes you think I care who you fuck? What makes you think that I'm interested in who you want to date?" Harry asked, practically spitting the word out.

"That's just it!" Severus protested. "I don't want to date anyone! I have no interest in seeing people."

"And why is that any concern of mine?"

"Because…you're the reason why I don't want to see anyone," Severus said, feeling himself falter under the intensity of Harry's harsh stare.

"How is it my fault? I'm not stopping you."

"No, Harry. I don't mean it like that. I – "

"Or perhaps," Harry said, stepping closer, his eyes flashing, "it's because I was just that good of a lay that everyone else pales by comparison."

"Don't," Severus whispered.

"Don't what? Remind you of what a prick you are? Remind you what you did to me?"

"Harry – "

"Hurts does it? Being reminded of the past?"

"Please don't – "

"So what was the problem with Blaise? Not submissive enough? Wouldn't he let you throw him around like a ragdoll?"

"For the love of Merlin, Harry. Stop, please stop."

"Why should I? Why shouldn't you have to face up to things? You get to go around carrying on with your life but I'm the one who was left behind! You get to swan off on dates while I sit here on my own and guess what? I've been on my own for the past seven years!"

"But I don't want to go on dates, I don't want anything but you," Severus protested, trying his best to make Harry see what he was saying.

"Well you can't have me," Harry spat. "You had me once and you threw me away. You're only here now because of Josh."

"That's not true. I love Josh and I would do anything for him but what I feel for you – "

"Don't! Don't you dare finish that sentence. I don't want to hear it. You mean nothing to me, do you hear me? I put up with you, I tolerate you, for Josh's sake. Whatever else you think is happening you're just deluding yourself."

"You don't mean that," Severus said, his voice strained.

"Yes I do. All you are to me is Josh's father and that's all you'll ever be."

The noise of glass smashing drew both men's attention to the doorway. Josh was standing in the hall, his eyes wide, a glass of milk shattered at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I've been dying to share this chapter with you! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I've just finished writing the epilogue so I can tell you that there will be 22 chapters in total, so we're now a little over half-way.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Josh," Harry whispered, the first to find his voice.

The boy stared between the two of them, shock evident all over his features. Severus felt as if he'd been rooted to the spot and he was sure his blood had actually stopped pumping through his veins.

Josh suddenly turned on his heel and ran down the corridor towards Harry's study. Harry followed and Severus did too, entering the study in time to see Josh disappearing through the flames after intoning the name of Draco and Bill's house.

"Fuck!" Harry said, looking as though he might be sick. He reached for the pot of floo powder on the mantle but Severus halted his hand.

"No don't."

"Don't tell me what do when it comes to my own son!"

"I just meant that perhaps you should give him a moment. He's clearly upset and – "

"Oh what gave it away?" Harry asked with a hiss. "You're a bloody genius, you."

"I'm sorry, I – "

"Sorry? That doesn't even begin to cover it! He shouldn't have found out like that!"

"You think I wanted things to happen this way?" Severus asked angrily. "I didn't want him to hear it shouted in the middle of an argument but like it or not that's how it _has_ happened."

"It wouldn't have happened that way if you'd have just left me alone. Why did you have to come here tonight? Why did you have to start spouting all that rubbish? You mess with people's heads, that's all you ever do!"

"Harry?" came Draco's voice, and both of them turned to see the man's head bobbing in the flames. "What's happened? Josh has just come through here like a hurricane and barricaded himself in the spare room. Bill's trying to talk to him but he's very upset. What's going on?"

"He's just found out that Severus is his father…in less than ideal circumstances," Harry said, and the look Draco shot Severus was murderous.

"Merlin's teeth! How could you let this happen?" he asked, although Severus wasn't sure which of them the question was directed to.

"It wasn't planned," Harry said, his voice strained. "Fuck, what am I going to do?" he asked pleadingly.

"Let him stay the night with us," Draco said with a sigh. "Don't force him to talk about it until he's ready, it'll only blow up in your face."

"But Drake – "

"Harry, he's your son, I can't stop you from stepping through this fireplace and getting him but I'm telling you that it would be a really bad bloody idea. Give him some space; his whole world has just tilted sideways and he doesn't need your guilt on top of what he's feeling."

 _Blimey, that's astute_ , Severus' inner voice chimed in. Draco really had changed from the snot-brained arse he had once been.

"Can I…can I come and see him in the morning?" Harry asked shakily.

"Of course," Draco said, his voice softening. "It'll be alright Harry, I promise you."

He held Harry's gaze for a moment longer then disappeared from the flames, the fire dying immediately after, leaving nothing but cold coals in the grate. Harry's shoulders slumped and his breath left him in a heavy sigh.

"I need a fucking drink," he murmured before leaving the study and walking listlessly down the hall.

Severus, unsure what to do, followed, hovering in the living room doorway while Harry poured himself a large glass of brandy. The man took a large swig then moved over to the window, looking out into the black night.

"Harry – "

"Don't," Harry said sharply, keeping his back to him. "I don't want to hear it."

"We need to talk about – "

"No we don't. The only thing that matters now is Josh. The only thing that _ever_ matters is Josh."

Severus paused for a moment, wishing he could help himself to the brandy. He could do with a little fortification but Harry was barely deigning to share oxygen with him at that point let alone his alcohol.

"I'm truly sorry that he found out that way," he said eventually. "No one would have wished for that to happen."

"I wanted to tell him in my own time," Harry said, his voice low. "I wanted to find a way to explain it to him but fuck knows I still haven't figured it out," he said, turning around. "How would you go about explaining it?" he asked, his voice hard.

"I don't know," Severus admitted softly.

"No, I'm not surprised. Do you want to tell your son how he came to be conceived? Do you want to tell him about that night?"

Severus' insides twisted painfully. He knew he was going to have to face it sooner or later, of course, but Harry seemed so bloody-minded about it tonight. Harry hadn't looked at him this way in months; it had been a long time since he'd been made to feel like such a wretched creature.

"My apologies, Harry," he whispered. "I was wrong to come here tonight. I'll leave. Please send for me when I'm welcome again."

He turned to leave but he was stopped by Harry saying, "You think you can run away again?"

He turned back around, feeling lost and vulnerable. "I don't know what you want me to do."

It seemed Harry didn't know either. He simply stood there, looking at Severus while clutching his glass tightly to his chest, his knuckles white.

Severus knew that Harry was in the right, that the man was perfectly justified in making him suffer. He had never truly apologised for his transgression, he had never made amends for what he had done. He had simply accepted Harry's generosity where their son was concerned and considered himself bloody lucky for it.

"Why tonight?" he asked, an obvious waver to his voice. "I've had this coming for months. Why did you confront me with it tonight?"

Harry's eyes widened at the question and Severus wondered if Harry even understood it himself. There was so much raw emotion there, so many wounds that had never healed but had only been left to fester, that it was no surprise Harry was bewildered by it all.

"Do you know what I would have given all those years ago to hear you say what you said tonight?" Harry asked, his voice small and quiet. "I would have sold my soul to the devil to hear you say that you didn't want anyone but me. I used to sit and daydream about your confessions of love and…I never got to hear them. The only thing I heard from you was, 'either turn around and let me fuck you, or piss off home'; hardly the stuff dreams are made of."

Severus flinched at hearing his own words thrown back at him. He had always been a cruel man but his treatment of Harry was the most deeply shameful behaviour he had ever displayed. He was paying the price for it now.

"Then you came here tonight," Harry continued, his voice jarring Severus from his dismaying thoughts. "I'd spent the whole evening trying not to think of you and Blaise together, trying to tell myself that I didn't care. I don't _want_ to care," he added fiercely. "After everything that happened I want to hate you or at the very least feel indifferent towards you but I can't even manage that!" he spat.

He took a great shuddering breath, appearing smaller and younger than Severus could ever remember seeing him. Vulnerability was etched into inch of the man's body and Severus' heart hurt to see it. The fact that he was the cause of it was enough make Severus wish he had never been born.

"You think you have the right after all these years to come here and make declarations to me but it's all too late. Don't you see that? Can't you understand that the past can't just be forgotten?"

"I never expected it to be, Harry," Severus said. "I know what I did was abhorrent, and I will never be able to atone for it, I realise that."

"Then why say what you did?" Harry asked, the anger in his eyes replaced with unfettered pain.

"I didn't come here tonight to demand anything from you, nor to make any declaration that would cause you pain. I simply needed to tell you that there could never be anyone else for me, that there never _will_ be anyone else. The only existence I'm interested in is the one that I have been cultivating here with you and Josh. You are the only things that matter to me and I have found all I need in this world. I just…felt that I needed you to know that. I'm sorry for my grave misjudgement."

"It's too late," Harry whispered.

"I know that," Severus said with a nod. "I know that what I did was unforgivable but I can't help the way I feel. You and Josh are the only things that have ever mattered to me and you're the two people I wish to dedicate my life to."

"I can't give you what you want," Harry said with a firm shake of his head.

" _You_ are what I want and I'll ask for no more than you're willing to give. If friendship is all I can ever for hope then I'll gladly take it. To pursue anything else with another person would be…to submit to a half-life."

"Why shouldn't you suffer that? I do," came Harry's sharp reply.

Severus lowered his head. Harry was right, of course. He had no right to hope for happiness, no right to ask to be a part of Harry's life beyond raising their son, but it had all seemed so clear to him with Blaise earlier that evening. Even if Harry turned him away for good there would be no one else for him. His heart simply wouldn't allow it.

"I'm sorry for all that I've done to you," he said eventually, too much of a coward to look at Harry while he spoke. "I truly am. I was…another person then and I didn't give a second's thought to what I did to you. Please believe me when I tell you that not a day has passed in the last seven months that I haven't thought about it, that I haven't regretted it with every fibre of my being."

Ashamed at having delivered the speech to his shoes, he looked up and met Harry's eyes. There was judgement in those green depths, as he had fully expected there to be. He knew Harry distrusted his words and he couldn't blame the man. He had done nothing to prove himself trustworthy and it was only in that moment that he realised how much he had to make up for.

It wasn't enough that he had forged a relationship with Josh, that he had tried to become a part of his and Harry's lives. More was needed. He needed to prove that he deserved a place among them, he needed to find a way to undo all the hurt he had caused.

"I've never atoned for anything I've done wrong," he admitted quietly, meeting Harry's eyes as well as he was able. "I thought that my past transgressions were erased when I agreed to spy for Albus but…all I was doing was saving my own miserable backside. I've never done anything for anyone that wouldn't benefit myself first and foremost, Draco was right about that.

"That night…that miserable, wretched night is the one sin I truly regret. I can offer no justification, no excuse. I was simply too focused on my own wishes and desires…too focused to even consider what yours might have been. You were right in what you said to me months ago – you were just an available body to me. I condemn myself utterly and completely for my blindness."

He paused and took a breath, feeling his hands shake at his sides. He had never apologised for anything to anyone in his life before and it was a thoroughly deplorable experience. It was, however, the least that Harry was owed, and, if Harry had asked it of him, he would have cut his own tongue out just to try and make reparation.

"I think you mean it," Harry said quietly after a silence that seemed to stretch an eternity.

"I do," Severus said feelingly.

"It doesn't change anything though, does it? It doesn't erase that night, it doesn't change the fact that I was left alone with a child to raise."

"No Harry," Severus said softly, "it doesn't change any of that. I can only hope that it might change your opinion of me now, that it might prove your faith wasn't misplaced when you let me back into your life."

He chanced moving a little closer and he could see that Harry was trembling. "If I have to spend the rest of my life making this up to you, I will. If I have to spend the rest of my life on my knees then so be it. I have never been more serious or more earnest when I tell you that you and Josh are the only things that matter to me and you're the only things that ever will."

"I was doing fine until you came back to England," Harry whispered. "I was doing my best to forget you. Now…" he trailed off, his shoulders slumping, his expression so sad that Severus wanted nothing than more than to gather him in his arms and chase those demons far away.

"Harry," he whispered. "Let me hold you."

Harry shook his head sharply, frowning deeply.

"Please, you're shaking," Severus said, stepping just a little closer. "Please," he repeated, wanting nothing more than to prove to the man that he was worthy of redemption. It was only Harry who could grant that to him, but if it never came, if he never deserved it, he would still place himself by Harry's side like faithful dog until the day he died.

He moved closer still and Harry's eyes went to the floor. He carefully removed the drink from Harry's hand and placed it on the mantlepiece behind them. Slowly, cautiously, he wrapped his arms around the trembling man and pulled him gently into his hold.

Giving Harry the opportunity to push him away should he so choose, he kept his arms loose, the embrace a mere suggestion in case Harry found it distasteful. Horribly aware of his own heartbeat, Severus stood like that for a few uncomfortable minutes until, astonishingly, he felt Harry's arms carefully encircle his waist.

Holding in a breath without realising it, Severus tightened his hold as Harry gingerly rested against his chest. One hand splayed against Harry's back while the other gently cradled the man's head where it nestled in the crook of his shoulder.

Harry's breathing was ragged and Severus suspected the man was crying. The man's body shuddered in his arms and he held on a little tighter, trying to provide as much comfort as he could. He had only ever held Josh this way and he had never taken it upon himself to try to console anybody in his adult life.

"I'm sorry," he murmured softly into Harry's messy hair. "I'm sorry for everything. The only thing I don't regret is our son. He is truly the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me."

Harry pulled back slightly, but kept his hands resting lightly on Severus' waist. "What are we going to say to him?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know, but we'll face it together."

"In that case you'd better stay over tonight. I'm not facing him on my own in the morning."

"Of course," Severus said, letting his hand rub soothing circles over Harry's back. It was as intimate as he had ever been with anyone and he wanted nothing but this for the rest of his life.

It had been a hell of an evening and, exhausted as he was, Severus found it almost impossible to sleep. He lay awake in Harry's guestroom, staring up at the ceiling and trying to get his thoughts in order.

He had deserved everything Harry had thrown at him and more besides. It didn't mean that it hadn't hurt to hear and he was reminded of just how far he had yet to go with the man. He had been a fool to think that things would be so easily laid to rest and his assumptions had been arrogantly blind.

What he had said to Harry had been true; he'd never apologised for anything, he'd never truly made up for the errors of his past and he'd never expected anyone to prompt him to do so.

That was the thing, though. Harry had never actually demanded reparation from him. Harry had let him into his life, into Josh's life, in order to build a relationship with his son without placing any expectations on him, without demanding that Severus offer any sort of apology for what he had done.

Of course, he had concluded long ago that Harry was a far better man than he would ever be, but events like this brought that fact very sharply into focus. He gave up on sleep at around four in the morning and instead sat huddled on the window seat, wrapped in the duvet and looking out blankly on the garden.

When he trudged down to the kitchen a couple of hours later, Harry was already sitting at the island, cradling a mug of coffee. He wasn't surprised to find the man there and, judging by the look of him, Harry had had no more sleep than he had.

He rested his palm in the small of Harry's back and Harry looked up at him, offering a watery smile in greeting. Severus took the seat next to Harry, keeping his hand in place, feeling the warmth from Harry's body seep through his thin pyjamas.

He didn't know why, but something told him that Harry would trust physical contact more than any flowery words he could deliver. He wanted to show Harry how much the man meant to him, how desperate he was to make things up to him. Beyond that was his own selfish desire to touch Harry as often as could, to be as close to him in any way the man would allow.

Summoning a mug from the cupboard, Severus helped himself to the rest of the coffee left in the cafetiere. A quick warming charm and it was perfectly adequate, although Harry never made coffee quite strong enough for Severus' tastes.

"Have you heard from Draco?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded and said, "He's bringing Josh over in about an hour."

"How is he?"

"Confused, I think. And angry…angry with us both. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to say to him."

"Nor I," Severus admitted, despite spending half the night thinking about that very thing. "Perhaps anything too rehearsed wouldn't serve us well anyway. He's such an intelligent child, he won't accept platitudes."

"You're right," Harry said with a sigh. "I just…I'm not ready for this. I don't want him to hate me."

"He'll never hate you, Harry," Severus said with conviction. "He adores you. You're a wonderful father and Josh is testament to that fact."

"That doesn't mean I'm not fallible."

"Of course it doesn't. Who is? But Josh loves you and he _will_ understand this…eventually."

It was a tense hour while they waited. They separated while they showered and changed but were back together again in the kitchen, waiting anxiously. Several cups of coffee were started but never finished, and each made attempts at a plate of toast before discarding it as a lost cause.

When they heard the floo go down the corridor in Harry's study, both men jumped up, looking at each other nervously. They stepped slowly out into the hallway and saw Draco waiting there with Josh at his side.

The little boy looked pale, the dark shadows under his eyes a giveaway that he had had no more sleep than either of his parents. He was looking steadfastly downwards and Severus felt his stomach flutter. He had no idea what to say, or what to do and he hated feeling so helpless.

"Let's go into the living room," Harry said eventually, stepping aside so Josh and Draco could make their way down the corridor.

As they passed, Draco held back and grabbed hold of Severus' arm. "What were you doing here so late last night?" he asked, suspicion evident in his features.

"I had to speak to Harry."

"At that hour of the night?" Draco asked sceptically.

Severus sighed and said, "I had to tell him that I'd decided not to see Blaise anymore."

"What? Why?"

"It seemed important that he know. I confess it wasn't my finest idea."

"Why aren't you seeing Blaise anymore?" Draco asked with a frown.

"He isn't what I want."

Draco's eyes narrowed and Severus knew he would have pressed the issue were it not for Harry's voice calling to them from the living room. Draco cast a speculative look at him then turned and walked to the living room, Severus following.

"I can leave if you want me to," Draco said.

"No," Josh said firmly. "I want you to stay."

Draco nodded and moved to sit in the armchair while Harry and Severus took their seats on the sofa, Josh standing in front of them. Severus had faced many detractors in his lifetime, had stood before many who judged him, but nothing had ever mattered as much as this did.

"Josh – " Harry began, but Josh cut him off, saying,

"Was what I heard true? Is he really my father?"

Josh looked from Harry to Severus, his expression uncertain. His whole world had come crashing down around his ears and he was coping with it better than most adults would.

"Yes," Harry said softly. "It's true."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Yes, of course we were. We were just waiting for the right moment. No one wanted you to find out the way you did. I'd give anything to change it," Harry said, looking up at his son's face imploringly.

"All those times when I talked about him in my book, all the stories you used to tell me about him…you could have told me then."

"I know, sweetheart. I just…"

"It's my fault," Severus said, wanting to take the burden from Harry's shoulders. Harry had done nothing wrong, after all, and it would be wrong for Josh to think so. "All of this is my fault."

"What do you mean?" Josh asked with a frown.

"I…treated your father very badly a long time ago and then…then I left the country. He had no reason to think that I was coming back and he didn't want to upset you. When I returned to England it was…a great surprise to him."

"But I should have known. Whether you were here or not I should have known who my other father was."

"You're right," Harry said. "I should have told you but I just didn't know how."

"He thought it was best for you if you didn't know," Severus interjected. "I was a very different person back then, Josh. I wasn't a nice man and I certainly wouldn't have been any kind of father to you. Your dad acted in your best interests, as he always has done."

"But when you came back, when you started spending time with us, he should have told me then," Josh insisted.

"He couldn't," Severus argued softly. "He had no idea that I would stick around, he had no reason to trust me. He would do anything to stop you from getting hurt, you must believe that."

Josh stood there, looking down at both of them, and all Harry and Severus could do was look back. It hadn't been handled perfectly, no one was disputing that, but how they proceeded now was the important part.

"And are you?" Josh asked softly.

"Am I what?" Severus asked, confused.

"Sticking around," Josh clarified. "Does he trust you now?"

What a question. How could he answer that? How could he put words in Harry's mouth, even if they were the very words he wanted to hear?

"I do," Harry said firmly, and Severus looked across at him.

Harry looked straight ahead at Josh, his face in profile, but something inside Severus jumped when he realised Harry was telling the truth.

"I trust that he will never let you down," Harry continued. "I trust that he won't abandon you. Believe me, Josh, I would never have let him into your life if I thought that he would hurt you."

"And what about you?" Josh asked, his eyes narrowed.

"What about me?" Harry asked, obviously startled.

"There must have been something between you…once," Josh said, showing more perception than most adults would have done. "What about now?"

"I…" Harry began, but seemed unable to continue. It was a question Severus desperately wanted to know the answer to but he wouldn't hear it from Harry under these circumstances.

"We're friends, Josh," he said, saving Harry from answering. "I'm going to work very hard to make sure that we become _good_ friends. Our main priority is you, and it always will be."

The little boy looked at them, his keen eyes searching for something. "Does this change things?" he asked eventually and Severus couldn't help but feel a spark of Slytherin pride that this was the question his son had asked.

"How do you mean?" he asked gently, rather suspecting what the answer would be.

"Well…now I have two fathers rather than one. Does that mean you'll be arguing about things like my bedtime and what I have to eat for dinner?"

Harry laughed, despite the situation, and Severus felt his own lip twitch at the trajectory Josh's thoughts had taken.

"No," Harry said with a smile. "Those things aren't going to change, but when it comes to things in the future…Severus and I will be working together to decide what's best for you."

Severus nodded beside him, deciding that it was best to give the impression of consensus as early as possible. Josh had to know that there were no chinks in their armour, that, as far as he was concerned, they were a united front.

"This is all…very strange," Josh said. "But…I knew something was up."

"Did you?" Harry asked gently.

Josh nodded and said, "No one else is allowed in this house day in, day out apart from Uncle Drake and Uncle Bill. When Severus kept coming back…I knew something must be going on."

"No pulling the wool over your eyes, eh?" Harry said fondly.

"Well I am his son," Josh said coolly, jutting his chin towards Severus. "What shall I call you?" he asked, and the question stumped Severus.

"I think…'Severus' will do for now. No point running before we can walk, hm?" Severus said, feeling Harry relax slightly beside him.

All things considered, it hadn't gone as badly as they might have expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I'd been so cruel with last week's cliffhanger that you all deserved two chapters this week. So, here you go; this one today and the other one will be along on Saturday :) I was blown away with the response to the last chapter, you guys are all amazing!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one, please leave a review and let me know.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The first couple of weeks after the revelation of Josh's parentage were bumpy ones. Josh, having had his world rocked, was trying to find his feet in the new set-up he found himself in and he began to test his boundaries accordingly.

He was a sharp and intelligent child, and he realised that, in theory, Severus had as much of a say over his day-to-day life as Harry. He began to ask for different allowances than he had previously been granted – getting to leave the dinner table without finishing his food; getting an extra helping of sweets from the village shop on a Saturday morning; staying up just a little bit later.

All these questions were directed towards Severus as Josh tried to figure out which side Severus would come down on. He wanted to see whether he could divide his parents, whether he could get what he wanted now there was another person with equal say added into the mix.

Both Severus and Harry were wise to these games, however. Indeed, they had been expecting their son to act in such a way and were prepared for it. They wouldn't waver from what had already been set down by Harry in terms of the rules and Severus fully intended to support all the decisions Harry had made prior to his arrival in Josh's life.

It didn't make it any easier though. Josh wasn't being overtly defiant but the change in his behaviour was noticeable enough to make both Severus and Harry uneasy. It wouldn't last forever, they knew that, but murky waters were always hard to navigate.

"At least he's still behaving himself at school," Harry said as they sat side-by-side at Harry's workbench, taking a break over a cup of coffee.

"He's not being unbearable, just…seeing how far he can push things."

"Certainly _your_ son," Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh indeed, you never once pushed against the rules, did you?" Severus replied, pleased when Harry grinned at him. "I'm afraid _our_ son takes after both of us, although…he clearly favours me when it comes to intelligence."

Harry reached out and jabbed him in the ribs and Severus laughed as he caught Harry's hand, pinning it gently between them.

"Git," Harry groused, though the insult contained no malice. His hand remained pressed to Severus' side and, after a moment or two, he slid it into Severus' own, their fingers twining together.

Severus smiled, rubbing the pad of his thumb against Harry's soft skin. Touching Harry was such a privilege, such a wonderful experience, and he relished every opportunity he got to do so.

After all that had transpired between them over the last few weeks, Harry seemed to have lowered his guard somewhat. He had received touches from Severus openly and had reciprocated several times with his own tactile displays. It was wonderful, and Severus was drinking in every touch as though his life depended on it.

"It'll be alright, won't it?" Harry asked softly.

"Of course," Severus assured him. "Everything's changed for him, he's bound to see if he can work the situation to his advantage."

Harry groaned and leant against Severus' arm, saying, "He's going to be in Slytherin, isn't he? I'll have two of you to contend with."

The fact that Harry was considering Severus still being a constant fixture when Josh went away to Hogwarts was enough to make Severus grin widely. He managed to contain the childish impulse, but his lip twitched nevertheless as he said, "It certainly seems that way. Sorry, I'll try to go easy on you."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Harry grumbled, nestling in a little closer.

Josh wasn't the only one who had changed since that night. Severus realised that he should have made his apologies months ago, that he should have put his ego aside and tried to made amends, but some part of him had still been clinging on to the belief that it wasn't his fault.

He had always been a stubborn and bitter man. Everything in his life he had somehow made someone else's fault. It was so much easier that way. He could blame his father for his misanthropic personality; blame the idiots at school for isolating and bullying him into joining the Death Eaters. He could blame Albus for using him for twenty years, thus turning him into a selfish and unfeeling bastard.

It wasn't true though, none of it. Of course the issues of his past had shaped him in many ways, hadn't everyone's? It was still no excuse, no reason for him to have treated Harry the way he did, no reason for him to have gone through life as a miserable old sod.

His apology seemed to have had an effect on Harry too. The man had been looking at him differently, as though seeing him in a new light. There was more trust in his eyes, more acceptance, and Severus was daring to hope that they had turned a corner.

So much damage had been done, so much pain had been caused but he knew that Harry still felt something for him. Harry had admitted as much the night of their argument; he had said that he wished he could hate him, that he wished he could feel indifferent, but he didn't.

That was Harry all over. He had such an amazing capacity for generosity and forgiveness, such an open heart, and Severus was worried that he had damaged it forever. Harry hadn't gone on a single date, hadn't sought a relationship with anyone since him and had lived his life largely alone. A deep, dark part of Severus both worried and hoped that he was the reason in more ways than one.

"Are you listening?"

"Mm? Sorry?" Severus said, feeling Harry give his hand a squeeze.

"Am I that boring?"

"My apologies, I was miles away."

"You could hurt a fella's feelings, you know."

"Sorry, you have my full attention, I promise," Severus said, placing his free hand over their joined ones.

Harry smiled, the corners of his eyes creasing adorably as he did so. "I was asking if you had your diary to hand. Josh's summer holidays are just around the corner and it'd be good to check that we've got childcare covered."

Severus wasn't insensible to the fact that Harry would have had this conversation with Draco and Bill in the past, and his heart leapt at the thought that he had been granted this concession.

Severus reluctantly disentangled himself from Harry and moved over to his own workbench, sifting through the familiar detritus until he found his diary. Harry summoned his from the upstairs study and they settled back next to one another again.

"Day-to-day should be fine as we're both here anyway," Harry said, flicking through the pages, "but we should probably set some days aside to go and do some fun things and take Josh places."

"Agreed," Severus said, strangely giddy at the thought of days out with Harry and their son. It was what families did, _proper_ families, and he desperately wanted to be part of that.

They agreed on several dates and both put forward ideas for what they could do. Most of the things Severus would, once upon a time, have rather killed himself than take part in, but the thought of time with his son was far too tempting to resist.

"Now, on the 8th of August there's the annual wandmakers conference that I attend every year. Drake and Bill normally have Josh overnight but…perhaps you'd be willing to look after him?" Harry said, peering up at Severus through his lashes.

"On my own?" Severus asked in surprise.

"Only if you want to," Harry said gently. "I know it's a big step."

"No…I mean…yes, yes it is. You'd…you'd trust me?"

"Of course," Harry said with a laugh. He rested his hand on Severus' forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You're his father, Severus. I know what the two of you are like together, he's in safe hands."

Severus swallowed around the lump in his throat, touched beyond words by what Harry had said. "We'll have to ask Josh if he agrees," he said, the sound of his own voice strange to his ears.

"He'll jump at the chance, I know he will."

Severus paused for a moment, then took hold of Harry's hand. Unable to stop himself, he slowly brought it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the man's knuckles. Harry looked surprised but he didn't pull his hand away, his cheeks flushing attractively.

Harry dipped his head, but Severus could see that he was smiling. Merlin but he was the most beautiful thing Severus had ever seen.

Harry cleared his throat and Severus felt a great surge of affection for him as he obviously tried to collect himself.

"There's also the matter of going away."

"Away?" Severus asked.

"Every summer Josh and I go away for a week or two with Bill and Drake. Drake's decided on Greece this year."

"Ah…that sounds nice. I hope you won't mind if I continue using the workroom in your absence?" He couldn't deny the pang he felt at the thought of being without Harry and Josh for a couple of weeks, but he would just have to do his best to deal with it.

"I was actually hoping you'd come with us," Harry said, laughing softly at Severus' look of surprise.

"You're not serious."

"Of course I'm serious. I'm not going to invite you for a joke, am I?"

"But – "

"It'll be a great opportunity for you to spend time with Josh in a totally different setting and I think we could have a really good time," Harry said, that endearing blush on his cheeks again. "Besides, Josh would miss you if he couldn't see you for two weeks. So would I."

The last was said so quietly that Severus wasn't entirely sure that he'd heard it at all. Clearly the admission was more than Harry had been prepared to say and he shuffled off his stool, averting his eyes from Severus' as he mumbled something about having things to do upstairs.

Severus spent the rest of the evening replaying those three little words in his head. Harry had meant them, he could tell he did. Merlin only knew that two weeks away from Harry would have killed him, but to think that Harry would actually miss him as well was enough to make his head spin.

He couldn't quite imagine himself taking part in a family holiday, especially with Bill and Draco in tow. He had travelled extensively but never simply for fun, and the concept of going abroad with loved ones was alien to him.

His parents had never had much money, and what little there was his father had spent down the pub. Besides, Severus couldn't think of anything worse than going on holiday with two of the most miserable people in existence who would have only spent the time yelling at each other anyway.

He didn't really focus on the film that night. Josh gave him a running commentary about the book on which the film was based and Severus did his best to react at the right moments. He was preoccupied thinking about the twists and turns his life had taken and, he could say with utter certainty, that he had never been happier.

Things were complicated, that was true, but he had been granted time with the two people he cared most about in the world. He was allowed in his son's life, in Harry's home day-after-day, and he was trying to do his best to deserve it.

"Looks like Dad didn't think the film was that good," Josh said, and Severus shook himself out of his reverie to see Harry fast asleep next to Josh on the sofa.

"Well, he is very old," Severus said with a smirk. "You can't expect him to stay awake past 9 o'clock."

"Can I stay up?" Josh asked, obviously pushing his luck.

"You already know the answer to that."

"But Dad's asleep and I could just watch – "

"No," Severus said firmly. "You know the rules."

"But they're Dad's rules. Your rules – "

"Are exactly the same, and they always will be. Josh, when it comes to you, your father and I are in complete agreement."

Josh's eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at Severus, trying to discern if the man was telling the truth or not. Severus met his gaze openly, hoping that his son would see that he would find nothing but solidarity where he and Harry were concerned.

"Spoilsport," the little boy grumped, but nevertheless moved closer to snuggle against Severus. "Would you have called me 'Josh'?" he asked as he settled himself into Severus' hold.

"I beg your pardon?"

"If you'd been around when I was born," Josh elaborated. "Would you have agreed to call me 'Josh'?"

"I hadn't thought about it, to be honest. But, yes, 'Josh' is a lovely name. It suits you."

"I wonder why Dad picked it. It's not in your family somewhere, is it?" Josh asked as Severus began to stroke his hair softly.

"Not that I'm aware of. Now I think about it, there may have been a Joshua Potter somewhere back along the line. Perhaps that's who you were named after."

"My middle name is 'Ron'. Dad named me after Uncle Bill's brother."

"Ron Weasley was a good man," Severus said softly. "It's an honour to be named after him. He was very brave and very loyal. He was the first friend your father made at Hogwarts and he would have adored you."

"Really?" Josh asked, tilting his head to look up at Severus.

"Of course. You _are_ adorable, after all," Severus said, pressing a kiss to Josh's forehead.

Josh giggled and Harry stirred in his sleep, snuggling closer to the pillow he was wrapped around.

"Time for bed, I think," Severus said. "You pop up and get yourself sorted and I'll levitate your dad up."

Josh pulled a face and said, "Just wake him up. A poke in the ribs should do it."

Severus smiled and said, "I think not. It's been a long couple of weeks for your dad. He needs all the sleep he can get."

"What would he do without you?" Josh asked cheekily, giving Severus a pat on the arm before he skipped away up the stairs.

Severus shook his head with a fond smile then turned his attention to Harry. He _could_ wake the man up, but he knew that Harry hadn't been sleeping very well with all the worry of the last few weeks and he was loath to disturb him now.

He levitated Harry carefully up the stairs, Harry only stirring briefly when he was first lifted. Severus directed the man into his bedroom and gently set him down on the bed. Deciding that it would be inappropriate to remove Harry's clothing, he transfigured what the man was wearing into a pair of pyjamas.

He shifted Harry under the covers and perched beside him on the bed. Down the corridor he could hear splashes from the bathroom as Josh brushed his teeth, no doubt leaving a small tsunami in his wake.

"He gets that from you," Severus told Harry's sleeping form. "Messy pups, both of you."

He reached out and smoothed a hand through Harry's hair, studying the planes of Harry's beautiful face. In the space of a few months this man had become his whole world. He had never had anything in his life as precious as Harry and he felt a better man because of it.

"I love you," he whispered to the sleeping man's form. If he had had the slightest shred of bravery he would have told the man when he was awake, but he couldn't summon up the courage.

He meant it; indeed he had never meant anything more in his life. He had never found himself in love with anyone in all his years on earth and it was a terrifying experience to find himself in such a state.

He leant forward and pressed a kiss to Harry's forehead, then rested his nose in Harry's messy hair for a moment. "I love you, Harry," he whispered again, closing his eyes against the wave of emotion that welled up inside him, before standing abruptly and going to see how his son was getting on.

* * *

If someone had asked Severus a year ago whether he would have enjoyed taking a small child to a local farm attraction, he would have hexed them without answering. If someone had asked him if he'd fancy taking said small child to an outdoor theatre aimed at children, he might have been tempted to Crucio them.

And yet, here he was, at the grand age of 48 enjoying both those things and more besides. Of course, it wasn't the activities themselves that he enjoyed. They were all fairly dire as far as he was concerned, but seeing Josh so happy and spending time with him and Harry as a family was beyond wonderful.

Harry's birthday was also a family affair. Everyone gathered at the Burrow to celebrate, the weather particularly fine as they spent the day in the garden. Severus felt more at ease than the last time he had visited the Weasley family home and, now that Josh knew the truth, everyone seemed less on their guard.

Draco was still a little wary and Severus felt the man's eyes on him several times throughout the day. Severus couldn't blame him. He had previously been annoyed by the blond's attitude, thinking that the man had no right to stick his nose in the way he had done. He was wrong, of course, as he had been about so many things.

Draco had been there to pick up the pieces when he'd left Harry shattered. Draco had been the one to comfort Harry, to support him. Draco had also been there when Josh had been born and had helped to steer Harry through those difficult early days. No, Severus thought as he stood watching Harry and the others taking the children up on broom rides, he had been in the wrong.

"Draco," he said quietly, approaching the man as he stood laughing at Bill doing loops with Charlie's little girl.

"Severus," Draco said with a polite nod.

"I…um…May I speak to you?"

"You already are," Draco replied.

Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes and realised that there was a still the tiniest hint of that bratty little snot he had once known.

"I meant that I wished to speak to you about something specific."

"I had gathered that much," Draco said, looking away from his husband and turning to face Severus. "You look like Josh does when he's eaten too much of Molly's trifle."

That was probably a fairly accurate assessment, Severus thought. He didn't want to have this conversation and his pride was screaming at him to walk away while he still had the chance. Still, his pride had got him in enough trouble over the years and it was time to set that particular vice to one side.

"There are…things I wish to say to you, although now I've decided to do so I'm…not sure how best to proceed."

Draco rolled his eyes and said, "I'd start by dropping the pretentious sentences. Honestly, nobody talks like that."

"I apologise for having a touch of class," Severus said with a sneer.

"You're doing really well so far. Is this how you always engage people in conversation?"

Severus took a deep breath and reminded himself that smacking Draco on the nose wouldn't help matters…however much he might wish to.

"I…I am aware that I have many reparations to make for the past – "

"You think?" Draco interrupted with a snort.

 _Count to ten. Harry will kill you if the little git ends up in a potion_.

"I am endeavouring to make my peace with Harry," Severus continued, trying to seem unperturbed, "but I realise that you are also owed an apology for my past behaviour."

Draco's eyebrow rose but thankfully he remained silent. Severus wasn't sure how far he would get with too many interruptions from the man.

"What I did to Harry was unforgivable, I know that. I'm aware that without you his life would have been ten times harder than I made it. You stepped into the mess that I made and supported both Harry and Josh in ways that I should have done. I can understand how protective you are of them both and how you…mistrust me, but I'm asking you to believe that I have nothing but their best interests at heart."

"I already know that," Draco said, and Severus felt his eyes widen in shock.

"You do?" Severus asked, confused.

"I know you. You wouldn't have stuck around this long if you didn't really care. You would have grown bored with whatever little game you were playing and headed for the horizon," Draco said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Then why do I still feel a certain sense of…hostility?"

"Let's get something straight; along with Bill, Harry and Josh are the most important things in my life. I love them like family and, like you say, it was me who was left to clear up your mess all those years ago. I saw what it did to Harry to have you walk out his life and I would rather cut off my own arm than see that again. I know that you've changed since then but you still have the capacity to hurt him."

"I couldn't, not now," Severus insisted.

"Yes you could," Draco countered. "I don't think you'd mean to do it, but you don't realise how much he still cares. I know things didn't work out with Blaise but eventually you'll start dating someone and – "

"No I won't," Severus interjected firmly.

"Severus – "

"No, you don't understand – I won't be seeing anyone ever again. I've already made that vow to Harry and I meant it. There's no one for me, no one I'd be interested in. The only thing I need in my life is Harry and Josh."

"You expect me to believe that you're going to live like a monk for the rest of your life?" Draco asked sceptically.

"You can believe whatever you like, Draco. It's the truth. Harry is all I'll ever need."

"Fuck," Draco said, his eyes wide as he breathed out slowly.

"What?" Severus asked, taken aback by the sudden intense look on the man's face.

"Merlin's balls, you're in love with him, aren't you?"

Severus felt himself falter under Draco's sharp gaze, but he couldn't bring himself to deny what was so patently the truth. He didn't want to deny it, truth be told. He was proud of his love for Harry, if a little embarrassed by the old fool he had become.

"I find it hard to believe anyone _couldn't_ be in love with him," he said eventually, feeling his cheeks heat at the saccharine notion.

"Bloody hell, Severus," Draco said, and Severus thought that the man wouldn't have looked more surprised if Voldemort had come back to life in the Weasleys' garden.

"It's not as though I planned it," Severus hissed, casting a furtive glance around to make sure no one was listening.

"This is insane."

"Believe me, I wouldn't have picked this situation but now – "

"Now what? You're hoping the two of you will skip off into the sunset together?"

"No," Severus said with a sigh. "I know that that's not possible. If I'd have taken my head out of my arse years ago it might have been. I have no one but myself to blame for the fact that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me."

Draco peered at him and said, "Is the real Severus Snape being kept in a cellar somewhere? How often do you have to take Polyjuice to maintain this?"

"Piss off," Severus groused, wishing he had had another glass of wine before starting this conversation.

"I'm sorry," Draco said, raising his hands in surrender. "I just can't believe I'm hearing this."

"I know I'm a fool, and I know I don't deserve to feel this way but I can't help it. I _do_ love him and that's the reason why there won't be anyone else in my future."

"But…do you really think there's any hope?"

"No," Severus said sadly. "I don't think there is but it doesn't matter. I'll gladly take his friendship over any hollow, meaningless relationship any day."

He looked back over to Harry, watching as the man laughed while he held on tightly to Josh as they flew. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Draco in surprise.

"You're a fucking daft sod," Draco said, his expression indicating that he thought he was saying something terribly wise.

"A fact I've been aware of for many years. Look, you won't say anything to him, will you? Eventually he might…wish to engage in a relationship with someone else and this would only confuse him. I only want him to be happy and I promise you that I'll do everything in my power to ensure that."

Draco looked at a loss for words, as Severus was sure he would have been if he'd been in the man's position. It was a messed up, confusing situation and Severus wished his life could be more simple. After a moment's pause, Draco squeezed his shoulder then left with a shake of his head.

 _Marry a Weasley,_ his inner voice piped up. _Nice and uncomplicated. It could sort all your problems._

"Fuck's sake," Severus growled, turning back inside in search of more alcohol.

Severus distracted himself with his son for the rest of the party. The boy always had the ability to make him forget anything that was troubling him and it did him good to remind himself that Josh was the most important thing in his life.

He was glad he had spoken with Draco though, and the man had started to look at him more kindly than he had done in months. It was always risky to leave oneself vulnerable in such a way but it felt good to acknowledge his feelings, to admit to another person that such feelings existed.

"I think I might make this my last glass," Harry said, joining Severus on the stone wall later that night after the fireworks, courtesy of Charlie, were over.

"I think that might be wise," Severus said with a smile, having noticed how giggly Harry had become throughout the evening. "You're an adorable drunk."

Harry grinned and said, "I am, aren't I?"

"Have you had a nice birthday?"

"Very tolerable. I got to spend it with all my favourite people."

"And me," Severus added with a smirk.

Harry took a deep breath and looked up at him with a slow, lazy smile. "And you," he parroted. He let out a content little sigh then shuffled closer. "As it's my birthday, could I ask for a present?"

"I've already given you your present," Severus said, particularly pleased with the rare book on wand lore he had found.

"I know, I just want a little something…else."

"That being?"

Harry moved closer still, his head tilted up towards Severus, his smile languid. He slipped a hand up to gently rest at the nape of Severus' neck then slowly pulled Severus' head down until their lips met. Severus was so surprised that he could barely register what was happening, some distant part of his brain engaging in a small celebration.

Harry's kiss was soft and sweet, the sweetest thing that Severus had ever experienced. Harry's hand was warm against his skin and he revelled in the beauty of being so close to the man he loved. He didn't know what had prompted this, but he suddenly became mindful of the fact that Harry had said he had had too much to drink.

He pulled away slowly and gently cupped Harry's cheek. "I think perhaps you've had too much champagne. I…I wouldn't wish to – "

"It's just a kiss," Harry whispered.

Severus stroked the man's cheek gently, pleased to see that Harry's eyes were bright and alert, not hazy with too much alcohol. "Harry," he murmured softly.

"You can't turn me down on my birthday," Harry said, although the uncertainty in his eyes belied his light-hearted tone.

"Only a fool would turn you down," Severus breathed, tilting his head until his lips brushed Harry's again.

Severus felt a spark shoot through him at the contact, feeling that this was far more a gift for him than it was for Harry. He determined to keep the kiss as chaste as possible; he had no wish to overwhelm Harry and he still wasn't sure he had any right to this wonderful concession no matter how much he wanted it.

Harry was responsive, his lips soft and supple beneath Severus' own. The kiss was tender; Severus had never experienced anything like it. Kisses had always been fairly aggressive with other partners, things that were exchanged as a prelude to something Severus wanted more.

This, though, Severus could lose himself in. It created a connection between himself and Harry that Severus found so overwhelming it surprised him. How could a simple kiss be so powerful?

They broke apart naturally, Harry cheeks flushed with a tinge that could have been embarrassment or passion. Either way, he looked beautiful and Severus could do nothing more than drink in the sight of him.

"Happy birthday," he said, his voice low as he tried to control it.

Harry smiled, his eyes sparkling as he did so. He bit his lip, suddenly bashful, then turned to snuggle into Severus' side. Severus wrapped an arm around him and held on tightly, breathing in the scent of Harry's hair as Harry settled his head on Severus' shoulder. If the world ended at that moment, Severus would die a happy man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I haven't replied to all your reviews from Wednesday's update but my health's been a tad wonky. I've lost the vision in my right eye and it hasn't come back yet, added to which I've got dodgy mobility again and I'm back to walking with a cane. It's a bit rubbish but I have the most wonderful people around me who are all a wonderful support, so I can't really complain.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave a review and let me know.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"What if he won't eat dinner?"

"He will."

"What if he won't have a bath?"

"He will."

"What if he won't go to sleep?"

"He will."

"What if – "

"Severus," Harry said, stuffing his shirt into his suitcase, "would you please stop worrying? It's one night and everything will be fine!"

"But – "

"No," Harry said firmly. "No more 'what ifs', you've been chewing my ear off with them all morning. You've been on your own with Josh hundreds of times, this won't be any different."

"Yes it will," Severus countered. "This is overnight, this is _completely_ on my own."

Harry looked up from his packing with a fond, if slightly exasperated, smile. "He's your son, not a dangerous potions ingredient. You'll do everything you normally do just without me. What's the worst that can happen?"

"He could refuse to do a single thing I say and leave home," Severus said, crossing his arms over his chest, hating the slight whinge he could hear in his own voice.

"That's likely, isn't it?" Harry asked with a snort as he wedged a pair of smart shoes into his case.

"Have you never packed before?" Severus asked, unable to watch Harry's chaotic version of packing. He moved over and shooed Harry away, emptying out the suitcase with a shake of his head.

"Hey! That was the fine the way it was," Harry protested.

Severus turned to him, holding up the dress shirt Harry had stuffed in there that was now creased down one side. "This is fine, is it?"

"A quick spell and it will be good as new."

"You're basically one step up from a trained chimp," Severus said, ducking as Harry chucked a pair of balled up socks at him.

"You say the meanest things to me," Harry said, throwing himself down on the bed and watching as Severus began to meticulously fold everything.

"You should hear the things I keep in my head," Severus said, smirking as Harry stuck his tongue out at him.

The room was silent for a few moments while Harry watched Severus place all his things in order. Some people might call it obsessive, but Severus couldn't abide mess and he would have stuck his head down the toilet before he would have consented to let Harry leave with that travesty of a suitcase.

"It'll be fine," Harry said softly, propping himself up on his elbow.

"It will once I've finished sorting it out," Severus returned, giving Harry's shoes a quick polish on the sleeve of his robe.

"I meant you and Josh," Harry said, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

He reached out and took his shoes from Severus' hands then held them gently in his own, surprising Severus with the gesture.

"He adores you and you're brilliant with him. You're going to have a fun time and I'll be back before you know it."

"What if I do something to mess it up?" Severus asked, wondering if he'd ever get used to feeling this vulnerable around Harry.

"You won't," Harry insisted gently, squeezing Severus' hands. "You think I'd leave my pride and joy with someone I didn't have complete faith in? Let's not forget – you're not some random bloke off the street, you're his dad!"

" _You're_ his dad," Severus countered.

Harry stood up with a sigh and placed his hands on Severus' shoulders. "We're going to keep going around in circles, aren't we? Why do you doubt yourself so much?"

"Perhaps because I know myself," Severus said, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"What does that mean?" Harry asked with a frown.

"Harry, my past with children isn't exactly glowing. Children have always hated me and the feeling has usually been mutual."

"This is hardly the same thing," Harry argued. "You love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Severus said emphatically.

"Then that's all that matters. Stop waiting for something to go wrong."

"But – "

Severus' next words were lost as Harry leant forward and gently pressed their lips together. He pulled their bodies ever so slightly against one another and Severus shivered at the contact. It had been a week since Harry had kissed him and although neither one of them had mentioned it, it felt like there had been a shift in their relationship.

The kiss was all too brief though Severus adored its sweetness. Harry pulled back and Severus moved his hands to the small of the man's back, holding him gently. "What was that in aid of?" he asked, feeling a tad breathless.

"Seemed like a good way to get you to shut up," Harry said with a lopsided smile, the blush on his cheeks belying his casual manner.

"Well played," Severus said with a smile.

"Stop beating yourself up," Harry said, his hands a warm, comforting weight on Severus' shoulders. "You're a good father and you're going to have a good time with Josh."

"I just – "

"Do I have to kiss you again?" Harry asked, and Severus felt his stomach flutter at the adorable shyness in the man's expression.

"Will you, if I keep talking?"

Harry smiled and said, "If you continue to do such a great job packing my suitcase I'll think about it."

"Now there's an incentive," Severus said, disappointed when Harry removed his hands from his shoulders and stepped to the side.

He moved his attention back to Harry's belongings and pretended he couldn't feel the man's eyes on him as he packed. It was only one night and yet Severus was already missing him.

_Pathetic. Do you think he's going to miss you? Hardly likely. He'll probably find some young, handsome wand-maker who'll sweep him off his feet and he won't give you a second thought._

Oh Merlin how he hated that fucking voice of his. If Harry weren't looking he'd shake his head to try and be rid of it. As it was, he just had to let it carry on abusing him.

"Well, that's a very tidy job," Harry said as he looked at the neatly packed suitcase.

"I held up my end of the bargain," Severus said, raising an expectant eyebrow.

"Dad! Where's my t-shirt with the dragons on it?" came Josh's voice from down the hallway.

Harry gave Severus an apologetic smile and said, "I'll have to owe you."

"Believe me when I say I'll be collecting," Severus replied, amazed at how playful they were being with one another. He felt rather giddy from it and all he wanted was to sweep Harry up in his arms and never let go.

He was aware, however, that he had to act upon Harry's terms. He was amazed that Harry wanted to be anywhere near him at all, and he couldn't claim to understand what was going on in Harry's head, but he knew that he could lose himself in Harry's sweet kisses. He didn't dare to hope for anything, indeed he knew he had no right to, but he was so in love with Harry that it was difficult to think straight.

A little while later and Harry was ready to leave. Severus' stomach fluttered with nerves and he tried to tell himself to stop being such a damned fool. Years of commanding classrooms with no more than a quelling look and he was terrified of time alone with his own son.

"I've left all the contact details pinned to the noticeboard in the kitchen," Harry said as they stood in the study in front of the fireplace. "And Bill and Draco are just a floo call away."

Severus nodded, hoping that he wouldn't need to call on Draco. He wanted to prove that he could do this alone, that he was capable of taking care of Josh on his own.

"Now," Harry said, lowering himself down onto one knee and looking at Josh. "You'll be good for your father, won't you?"

Severus' breath caught in his throat at hearing Harry call him that and Harry looked up at him with a smile.

"I will," Josh promised. "I always behave."

"I know you do sweetheart. I'm very jealous of all the fun you're going to have without me while I have to attend this boring conference."

He leant forward and swept Josh up in a big hug, squeezing him tightly and kissing his cheek as he let go.

"Dad!" Josh protested. He was starting to think that he was getting too old for such gestures.

"Sorry," Harry said with a grin, ruffling the boy's hair as he got to his feet.

He moved over to Severus and said, "Have a great time. Don't let him eat too many sweets!"

"I won't. I hope you enjoy the conference."

"I'd rather be here," Harry said, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Severus' cheek. Severus could feel the heat from the man's body even as he pulled back. Their eyes met and Severus had the sudden ridiculous urge to ask Harry not to go. It was one night for Merlin's sake, not a bloody month.

"I'll see you both tomorrow evening. I shouldn't be back too late."

Harry grabbed a pinch of floo powder and stepped into the grate, intoning the destination of the conference before he disappeared into the flames.

Severus let out a long, slow breath and turned to look at Josh. "Well," he said, feeling slightly at a loss. "We're going to have a good time, I promise."

"I don't have to do anything you say," Josh said, folding his arms. "Dad's not here and I can do what I like."

"Josh – " Severus began, shocked. Josh had never displayed behaviour like this before and he was horrified that his worse fears had come true.

"I'm kidding!" Josh said with a grin, uncrossing his arms. "I'm just winding you up, silly."

Severus was so relieved he thought he might actually faint from it. "I'm going to put you in a potion," he growled.

Josh laughed and grabbed his hand, giving it a tug and saying, "Can we have lunch down on the beach? I can pack us a picnic."

"If you think I'm letting you be responsible for our lunch then you're sorely mistaken. If you had your way we'd eat nothing but those awful sour sweets."

"They're delicious!"

"They're disgusting."

They did indeed have lunch down on the beach. Ringstead was a pebbled stretch of shoreline that few tourists ventured to. People tended to migrate to Weymouth or the more well-known Lulworth Cove, and Ringstead was largely unspoilt.

There were a few dog walkers making their way down from the cliffs, and out in the water a couple of sea kayakers were bobbing lazily parallel to the coastline. Severus and Josh sat on a large blanket and munched their way through the lunch that Josh had had far more of a hand in than Harry would have allowed. Severus promised himself that he would compensate with a healthy dinner that night.

It was a delightfully mild day and Josh paddled happily in the sea, laughing and running away when a particularly large wave came his way. Severus watched with a smile, feeling a flutter of paternal sentimentality. He was getting more used to these feelings, although they still felt slightly alien to him.

He had never planned on having children; he had always believed he'd be a woefully inadequate father and the trappings of parenthood had never appealed to him. He had only ever considered the negatives – the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the wailing. He had never been able to imagine himself with a baby in his arms or a toddler balanced on his hip and he had to wonder what he would have been like with Josh if he'd been around all those years ago.

He liked to think that with Harry by his side he might have been able to muddle through it. He would probably have felt like a drowning man at first, he would have been terrified of the tiny, screaming bundle that was his son, but he would slowly have found his feet and learnt how to be a father.

He would never know, of course, but he was determined to make up for that loss now. He could only imagine how confused Josh was by it all, but the little boy had taken a shine to him almost from the start and Severus could say, hand on heart, that he had fallen head over heels for his son.

"That water's still pretty cold!" Josh said, his teeth chattering as he ran back up to the blanket Severus was sitting on. "Those people swimming in it must be mental!"

Severus wrapped Josh up in a towel and held him in his lap, cuddling him closely to warm him up.

"Would you like to stay on the beach or do something else?" Severus asked.

"Could we go to Diagon Alley? I haven't been to Uncle George and Uncle Fred's joke shop in ages!"

Severus would have rather stuck pins in his eyes than suffered that bloody shop. It was summer and it would be swarming with children, not to mention the assault on the senses that the damn place would no doubt provide. Still, it would make Josh happy and, when it came to his son, Severus could deny him very little.

The experience was just as unpleasant as he predicted. When they arrived both Fred and George greeted them, the men so cheerful that Severus' hand itched for his wand. Surely just one small hex was acceptable? He refrained, and instead positioned himself in the quietest corner he could find while the twins took charge of Josh.

"To say you look out of place here would be something of an understatement."

Severus turned to face the voice that was addressing him and said, "The words 'sore thumb' spring to mind."

Ginny grinned and said, "At least Fred and George have gone easy on you. Clearly you still intimidate them."

"I never intimidated those two," Severus said with a snort. "I doubt even our dear, departed Dark Lord could have had them cowering."

They both looked towards the spiral staircase in the middle of the shop where the twins had Josh between them while they demonstrated some horrendously coloured flying gizmo. Merlin only knew what it was and Severus had visions of it coming home with them. Harry would be thrilled.

"They've not roped you into working here, have they?" he asked, returning his attention to Ginny.

"Blimey, no chance," Ginny laughed. "I just popped in to say hello. I've been at Hogwarts actually, for a job interview."

"Oh?" Severus asked, intrigued.

"Minerva's offered me the Charms job. I'm considering it."

"Congratulations. Have you come to a decision?"

"I'm weighing up the pros and cons but…I have to say I'm sorely tempted. I'm so ready for a change and I'd love to be back at Hogwarts again." Tucking a dark red curl behind her ear, Ginny then asked, "How about your job offer?"

"How did…ah…Blaise," Severus said, feeling his cheeks heat. He had forgotten that Ginny and Blaise were such good friends. "You've seen him recently?"

Ginny nodded and said, "I had dinner with him yesterday." She placed a small hand on Severus' forearm and said quietly, "He's fine. A little disappointed by the way things turned out but I wouldn't call him heartbroken."

"I shouldn't have agreed to see him in the first place. I knew that I…wasn't free."

Ginny smiled, her hazel eyes warm. She was, Severus realised, very much like Bill in both looks and temperament.

"You and Harry have such a complicated past."

 _You don't know the half of it_ , Severus thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"He seems…very happy when he's with you though. No wonder Bill wants to knock your heads together."

"I – "

"Oh don't worry, I'm not going to press the issue," Ginny said, a rather Dumbledore-esque twinkle in her eye. "I just think you two are pretty cute together."

Despite the glare she received at the word 'cute', Ginny seemed thoroughly unfazed and continued, "Not as cute as you and Josh, of course. How are things going now he knows you're his father?"

Severus heard a sharp intake of breath somewhere over his shoulder, but when he turned his head there was no one in sight. Frowning, and feeling slightly unnerved, Severus looked back at Ginny and tried to tell himself he was imagining it.

"Better than I would have expected," he said, schooling his features back to a more passive expression. "Harry's away at the annual wand-makers conference so it's just the two of us. So far, so good."

"He's a great kid," Ginny said, looking over at Josh with a fond smile.

Severus nodded in agreement, unable to argue with the assertion. "I'll be forever grateful that Harry allowed me into his life. I didn't deserve it."

Ginny took a deep breath and said, "I don't know what happened between you all those years ago and I'm not going to ask now. All I know is that Harry wouldn't have let you within 50 miles of Josh if he didn't trust you. You must have proved that you _do_ deserve it."

"Perhaps. Still…there is much to make up for."

"You can't live in the past forever, you know," Ginny said gently. "I don't doubt that there were…complications between you and Harry, but the future is what matters now. There's…so much ahead of you, just focus on that." She gave his arm a squeeze, then said lightly, "If I were you, I'd go and rescue your son before he ends up buying half the store."

Severus took Ginny's advice, which was well-timed indeed. Josh had been enchanted by the twins' new line of products and had been in danger of spending all his pocket money. In the end, Severus couldn't resist and bought everything for him. There was the smallest of chances that he was turning into a complete pushover.

They returned home, Josh thrilled with his stash. Continuing their day of disregarding the usual routine, they ate pizza sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, watching Saturday evening television.

Josh took Severus through every single product he had bought from Fred and George's shop. Severus had had to wear many faces throughout his time as a spy but he considered his performance pretending to be interested in these things to be his finest one.

"Do you miss Hogwarts?" Josh asked, licking tomato sauce off his fingertips.

Surprised by the question, Severus considered it for a moment. "Not really," he answered honestly. "It was a big part of my life for a long time, but by the time I left…I was ready to go."

Josh nodded, his expression oddly sage for someone so young. He was an insightful child and he had surprised Severus several times with wisdom beyond his years.

"I think I'll be ready when I leave primary school," Josh said, picking up another slice of pizza and taking an ungodly-sized bite.

"I have no doubt you will," Severus said with a smirk. "Planning on ruling the roost at Hogwarts, are you?"

Josh grinned around his mouthful of pizza and nodded. "I can't wait."

"I hope you've learnt better table manners by the time you get there."

"Mean," Josh said, reaching for a napkin and wiping his face. "Will you be disappointed if I don't end up in Slytherin?"

"Of course not," Severus said firmly. "I'll be proud of you whatever house you're put in. It would be quite fun to gang up on your dad if you _did_ end up in Slytherin," he added with a wink, and Josh grinned broadly.

"Poor old Dad."

"Less of the 'old', thank you very much."

Their evening continued pleasantly. They decided to forgo the television in favour of a few games of exploding snap and several rounds of Cluedo. Severus had never been fond of board games but Josh's enthusiasm proved infectious.

There had been no board games throughout his childhood; indeed he had never spent more than an hour at a time in either of his parents' company. He had spent all his time in his room, shut away with his books, trying to stay out of his father's way.

He had a few fond memories of speaking about potions with his mother and of the stories she would tell him about her time in the wizarding world. Apart from that, his parents mostly belonged in small boxes in his mind that were seldom opened.

Josh, trying his luck while Harry was away, tried to negotiate a later bedtime with Severus, but Severus was having none of it. There was a slight sulk about the fact that Severus wouldn't yield but Josh was over it quickly enough.

A couple of hours later and Severus settled down in his own bed in the guestroom. He had stayed over several times and loved the feel of the place. It was hardly surprising that Harry's beautiful house felt more like home to him than his own apartment in Diagon Alley. It was the reason he still hadn't committed to buying anywhere of his own.

He read for a while, propped up on the plump pillows, wondering how Harry was getting on at the conference. At least, he thought as he placed his book on the nightstand, he hadn't had to drag the man home to avert a crisis with Josh. All in all, it had been a fairly successful endeavour and Severus felt confident that he could be left alone with his son in the future.

He slept peacefully and would have slept through until morning were it not for the small sliver of light thrown across his face that woke him up. Blinking in confusion for a moment, Severus emerged from the haze of sleep to realise that Josh was standing in the doorway, the light from the landing creeping into the bedroom.

"Josh?" Severus said, his voice still rough from sleep. "What's the matter?"

"I had a nightmare," Josh whispered, his voice shaky. "I…I normally call for Dad, but…"

"Come here," Severus said gently.

Josh closed the door behind him and padded softly over to the bed, his toy owl, a tribute to Hedwig, tucked under his arm. Severus patted the bed and Josh climbed up next to him, sitting with his legs crossed.

"What was the nightmare about?" Severus asked.

"It…it was one I've had before. I dreamt that Vold-Voldemort was back…and that he killed Dad."

"Oh Josh," Severus said softly, reaching out and gathering the boy in his arms. "You know that that will never happen, don't you?" Josh nodded against his chest and Severus asked, "Does your dad know that you have these nightmares?"

"He knows I have them…but I've never told him what they're about. I think he'd worry," Josh said, snuggling in close. "They're just…so frightening."

"I'm sure they are," Severus said, rubbing soothing circles on Josh's back. "I'd be scared if I had a dream like that."

_You have enough bad dreams of your own where Harry's concerned, don't you?_

Ignoring his snide inner voice, Severus said, "Do you want to stay here for the rest of the night?"

"Yes please," Josh said, his voice small.

They arranged themselves under the covers and Severus lay back with Josh pillowed on his chest. He raked his fingers through the boy's soft, black hair and listened as Josh's breathing began to even out.

He should have been cross at having his sleep disturbed, he should have been cross at sharing his bed with a leggy seven-year-old, but the only thing he felt was happiness. His son trusted him enough to seek him out for comfort after something particularly upsetting and he had proved that he could take Harry's place where necessary.

Lying there, staring up at the ceiling with his son snuggled tightly against him, Severus thought that there could be few things in the world that could compare to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well my dears, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review and let me know.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

No one in the world ate cereal quite like Josh did. He had an absolute abhorrence of soggy food and so he would only put the smallest amount of milk in his cereal and munched through it quickly to keep it as crunchy as possible.

"Can I have some coffee?" Josh asked, looking up to see Severus pouring himself a cup.

"Do I look like I've suffered a lobotomy?"

"Not sure how I should answer that," Josh said, scraping his spoon horribly against the bowl as he gathered up the last bits of his cereal.

"Brat."

Harry was due back sometime that afternoon and Severus was proud to think that he could welcome the man with the success of his time spent alone with Josh. There had been no incidents, no tantrums; he and Josh had enjoyed themselves and there had been no disasters to avert.

Severus had promised Josh that he would show him the potions he was currently working on, so that was going to be their activity for the morning. He wondered if Josh would one today take an interest in his craft; he couldn't deny that the idea appealed to him.

He was considering exactly what he would show his son when he heard his name being called down the corridor from the study.

"Stay here a moment, Josh. And hands off my coffee," he instructed his son.

Entering the study, he saw Draco's head bobbing in the flames. "Good morning, Draco," Severus greeted politely.

"Severus," Draco said with a nod. "Would you mind if I came through?"

"Of course not," Severus said stepping aside. He felt inordinately pleased that Draco simply hadn't let himself in in Harry's absence, and was affording Severus the courtesy of asking for entrance as though it were Severus' own house.

"Have you seen The Prophet this morning?" Draco asked, and Severus noted that the man had a copy of the newspaper wedged under one arm.

"No, neither Harry nor I subscribe. Is something the matter?"

Draco took a deep breath and said, "I suppose it depends on your point of view. Here, see for yourself."

Draco handed Severus the paper and Severus' pulse quickened as he read the headline, 'War Hero, Severus Snape, Confirmed as the Father of Harry Potter's Son'. He quickly skimmed the few lines beneath the headline that allegedly a 'reliable source' had informed Rita Skeeter of Josh's parentage.

He looked back up at Draco, who had his arms folded, a resigned expression on his face. "How the hell has this happened?"

"I don't know," Draco said with a sigh. "I can get onto my solicitor but I don't know what good it will do. It's the truth so we can't claim libel; the most we could argue would be invasion of privacy. Whatever we do, it won't change the article, it won't change the fact that a large portion of the wizarding world will be reading this over the breakfast table this morning."

"I just can't believe this. Who would…" Severus trailed off as a thought occurred to him. "The joke shop," he said softly.

"What do you mean?" asked Draco with a frown.

"I was in there yesterday. Ginny and I were speaking and she asked how things were now that Josh knows I'm his father. I thought I heard something, someone behind me, but when I looked there was no one there. Now this appears the day after – no Slytherin believes in coincidence and I don't believe this is one."

Draco nodded. "I'd tend to agree. If I were you, I'd be putting some seriously strong wards around your place in Diagon Alley. You'll be getting so many letters it'll make your head spin. Thank Merlin this place is Unplottable."

"Harry's going to be so angry," Severus said with a groan.

"Perhaps," Draco said, his voice measured. "It's not always easy to gauge how Harry will react to the press. He's become a lot more philosophical about it over the years."

"When it comes to himself, perhaps, but I can't see him being thrilled that Josh is plastered all over the paper."

"Well there's no point speculating until you talk to him. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," Severus said, placing the paper on Harry's study table. He had been so looking forward to welcoming Harry home, especially after everything had gone so well with Josh. Now he had an uncomfortable knot in the pit of his stomach that made him glad he had forgone breakfast that morning.

"On a pleasanter note, I have something else you might like to see." Draco reached into his robes and produced a small, thin booklet. "I have a friend who produces dailies for conferences. He did the one for the wand-makers conference and sent me the final product yesterday evening," Draco said with a smile, handing Severus the small booklet.

Severus took it and smiled when he saw Harry's picture smiling shyly up at him, the man looking absolutely beautiful in the navy dress robes that Severus had packed with such care.

"He delivered the key-note speech," Draco said, surprising Severus.

"He didn't say anything about that. As far as I knew he was simply attending."

"That's our Harry for you. Modest to a fault. The speech received a standing ovation and he's being hailed as the most exciting thing to happen to wand-making in over two centuries."

"Incredible," Severus breathed, looking back at the photo of Harry. It had barely been twenty-four hours since Harry had left and Severus was surprised at the ache in his chest that the man's absence had created.

"Geez," Draco said with a soft laugh. "You've really got it bad."

Severus looked up at him and attempted a glare. It clearly wasn't remotely effective as Draco simply grinned at him.

"I'll leave you in peace. I hope Harry isn't too distressed by that bloody newspaper."

"Thank you for coming over with it. I'd have hated for either of us to be ambushed with the news."

Draco nodded and said, "See you next week for dinner. Ooh and remember to get your beachwear sorted, we're off on holiday the week after next."

"I do not do 'beachwear'," Severus said darkly.

"You will," Draco said, wiggling his eyebrows before he disappeared through the hearth in a showy whoosh of flames.

Severus sighed and cast a dark look at the newspaper on the desk. Despite Draco's assurances, there was no certainty that Harry wouldn't be deeply upset by the fact the Josh's parentage had been so publicly announced.

He glanced back at the booklet in his hand and gave Harry's photo a rueful smile. "Who'd want a quiet life, eh?" Photo Harry shrugged at him and Severus shook his head, folding the paper carefully and placing it in his inside pocket.

He went to retrieve Josh, who had helped himself to another bowl of very dry cereal, and together they went down to the cellar workroom. Josh was fascinated by the equipment and had a plethora of questions for Severus.

Severus had always hated teaching and he had been irritated beyond belief whenever anyone had asked questions, no matter how intelligent they might have been. With Josh, however, he enjoyed every moment of answering the questions the boy asked, loving how interested Josh was in his craft.

They sat on stools next to one another as Severus outlined the basic principles of potion making. Josh listened attentively, his dark eyes glittering as he took everything in. The questions he asked were pertinent and insightful; he soaked everything up like a sponge.

Severus shouldn't have been surprised; Josh did well at school and was an apt and engaged pupil. If he took the slightest interest in something then he absorbed all knowledge he could about the subject.

Mindful of the fact that Josh was still young and that accidents were always possible, Severus kept his demonstrations as safe as he could. Josh was enchanted and Severus couldn't help but feel a smug sense of pride at every exclamation of 'cool!' his son made. Impressing a seven year old was no mean feat.

They had just finished dissolving a dragon scale in the acidic saliva of a manticore when Harry's voice drifted down the stairs.

"Hello! I'm back!"

"Dad's home!" Josh said, jumping off the stool and taking the stairs two at a time.

Severus rolled his eyes and cleaned his hands on a rag. His son was like a bull in a china shop. He ascended the stairs to find Harry with his arms full of Josh, grinning as he cuddled their son.

"Well, you're both in one piece," Harry said as he placed Josh back on the floor. "I take it nothing catastrophic happened?"

"I took care of him," Josh said with a smirk.

"Good lad," Harry said, ruffling Josh's hair. He looked up and met Severus' eyes and Severus could see the unspoken question in the man's face.

"We had a good time," he said with a smile. "I might be persuaded to repeat the experience."

Harry smiled brightly and Severus could tell that he was relieved. Whatever he had said before leaving, Harry had clearly harboured a few nerves about leaving the two of them alone together.

"Have you eaten? Shall I make you something?" Severus asked, feeling a cosy sense of domesticity as they all stood there together.

"No I'm fine. Wouldn't say no to a coffee though."

"Wonderful. Come in the kitchen and you can tell me all about the conference."

Josh shuffled his feet for a moment then, almost apologetically, said, "Can I go upstairs and play?"

Harry feigned shock and said, "You mean you don't want to hear all about wand theory and the practical implications of the pressures the supply chain faces where stock is concerned?"

"I'll leave that to Sev, sounds right up his street," Josh said cheekily, turning on his heel and stomping up the stairs.

Harry's eyes narrowed and he looked at Severus, saying, "I'm sure he's getting more like you."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Severus said with a laugh as they both moved into the kitchen.

Harry took a seat at the island while Severus put the kettle on. He organised the mugs and cafetiere, passing the milk over to Harry. He knew he had to tell Harry about the damned Prophet but he was nervous about it. He had no clue how Harry was going to react and he hated the idea of doing anything that would disturb the easy peace they had found.

He made the coffee and poured it for both of them, taking a seat next to Harry. He had resisted the urge to wrap his arms around the man upon his return, despite the fact that every inch of body seemed to want him to do so. Merlin help him but he had missed the man. It had only been a day and yet Severus felt embarrassingly giddy at having Harry back.

"So," he said, wrapping his long fingers around his mug, "you were the key-note speaker."

Harry's eyes widened and he lowered his mug slowly. "How did you – "

"Draco told me," Severus said, reaching into his robes and pulling out the conference daily. "His friend produced that and sent a copy to him. Draco thought I'd like to see it."

Harry's cheeks flushed and he dipped his head. "It's no big deal. Just a speech. I doubt anyone even listened; it was very boring."

Severus snorted and said, "You received a standing ovation. The article said that you're being hailed as the most important thing to happen to wand-making in centuries."

Harry waved a dismissive hand and said, "That's because nothing's happened to wand-making in centuries. They'd hail the arrival of someone putting wands in different cases."

Severus rolled his eyes and said, "I read the article, Harry. Your equations have changed the way wands are made, you've created wands that perform magic no one even realised was possible. You should be incredibly proud of yourself."

Severus could see Harry's pride warring with the man's natural humility. After all he had achieved in his life he still needed convincing of his own worth. Of course, Severus had done nothing to contribute to that. He wanted, more than anything, to rectify that hideous mistake.

"Putting aside your incredible defeat of Voldemort, which, in itself, was miraculous, you've earnt your place in the history books with your remarkable contribution to wand-making. I know how much you wanted to build an identity for yourself outside of 'The Boy Who Lived' and you've done a spectacular job. I'm so proud of you."

Harry's eyes shone and Severus had to use all his restraint not to grab the man and kiss the life out of him. He was determined that any overtures would be made by Harry, that he would show the man that he was capable of controlling himself.

"Come with me," Harry said softly, shifting off his stool. They moved down the corridor to Harry's study, Severus a little confused.

He stood in the centre of the room, watching as Harry moved to the cabinet against the back wall. He extracted a long box made of polished wood with ornate brass hinges and a delicate clasp.

"Here," Harry said, standing in front of Severus and proffering the box to him.

"What's this?" Severus asked, running his fingers along the smooth surface of the wood.

"Open it," Harry said softly, his eyes dancing.

Severus undid the clasp and couldn't contain a sharp intake of breath as the box revealed its contents. Nestled in a red velvet bedding was the most exquisitely crafted wand Severus had ever seen. He ran his fingers over the length of it, feeling an intense hum of magic shoot through his body. He had come into contact with many magical instruments in his life, but never before had he felt such a connection to one.

"Harry…" he said, looking up at the man, feeling stunned.

"It's the wand you commissioned. I…had to make it, something…compelled me. I finished it a few weeks ago."

Severus was too stunned to say anything. He looked back down at the remarkable gift in his hands, thinking that he had never held anything so fine in his entire life. He couldn't process the fact that Harry had made this for him, that the man had put all of his skill and effort into crafting something so beautiful.

"Don't you like it?" Harry asked, and Severus looked up at him, still feeling rather shell-shocked.

"Like it?" he echoed. "Harry, this is…the most extraordinary thing I've ever received. I can't…" he shook his head, unable, once again, to comprehend the depth of Harry's generosity. "I don't deserve such a treasure."

"I wouldn't have wasted my time making it if that were true," Harry said gently. He stepped a little closer and placed his hands over Severus'. "Shall I take it back?" he asked teasingly.

"I'd like to see you try," Severus said with a growl. "This is breath-taking," he whispered, realising just how close Harry was standing to him. "How can I ever – "

"You can start by kissing me," Harry said, pre-empting his question with confident smile.

"With pleasure," Severus all but purred, placing a hand on Harry's cheek and lowering his head until his lips met Harry's. Harry was immediately responsive, his arms twining around Severus' neck as he pulled himself closer.

Harry's lips were soft and pliant beneath his own, the warmth of his body seeping through to Severus'. Were it not for the fact that the wand in his hand was so precious, he would have dropped it in a heartbeat to have both his hands free to hold Harry as closely as he could.

Kissing Harry was like nothing he had ever experienced before. There was nothing to compare it to, no way of comparing the sweetness, the innocence that Severus could almost taste. He never wanted it to end, he wanted to lose himself in Harry for the rest of his life and that was just the trouble; if he let things continue he wasn't certain he could stop himself.

He would be damned if he ever placed Harry in a position where he wasn't in control ever again. He would never do anything that would hurt the man, that could possibly make him feel anything but cherished. He pulled back slowly, feeling an intense spark of arousal at seeing Harry's swollen lips and flushed cheeks.

"You have a nice way of saying thank you," Harry whispered with a smile.

"I haven't even begun to say thank you for this," Severus replied.

Harry's eyes flashed and he said, "Well then…I look forward to receiving the full force of your gratitude."

Harry was flirting with him. He wasn't hinting at it, wasn't skirting around pretending otherwise, he was very obviously flirting with him. That was entirely too much for Severus' deeply confused mind to process.

"You should try it out," Harry said, indicating the wand.

"Oh I shall."

Harry gave his shoulders a squeeze, still smiling, then moved back over to his desk. Severus was trying to pull himself together, to ground himself a little more firmly in reality, when he heard Harry say, "What's this?"

Looking over at the man, Severus saw that he was holding the paper Draco had brought over that morning. Severus' stomach dropped to his shoes as he watched Harry read the headline, his face shocked as he looked back up to face Severus.

"Harry – " Severus began, his mouth suddenly dry.

"How did this happen?" Harry asked quietly.

"I…I think it was my fault. I took Josh to the twins' joke shop and Ginny was there. We were talking and she asked how things were going now that Josh knew I was his father. Someone must have heard, it's the only explanation."

Severus braced himself for explosion, but it never came. Harry looked down at the paper in his hands, his expression strangely blank.

"Well," he said eventually, "what's done is done."

"You're…you're not upset?" Severus asked cautiously.

Harry shrugged and said, "It's not ideal, that's for sure, but at least Josh heard it from us first. Besides, everyone we care about already knows so…it's just the public. They were going to find out eventually. We can just…keep our heads down and let the initial storm blow over."

Severus let out a small breath of laughter. "Draco said you'd become a lot more philosophical about the press in recent years."

"You learn to let go of the things you can't control. My only concern is protecting Josh and we know he's alright. That's the main thing."

Severus smiled and said, "Our son will always be the main thing."

Harry smiled at him and something warm settled in the centre of Severus' chest. He had never felt like he belonged anywhere; not at home, not at school, not amongst the adults he had gone out into the world with. He had given up hope of ever knowing that sense of belonging and yet here he had found it, with the man he was in love with and their beautiful son.

* * *

The wand Harry had made him was beyond description. He had never felt so connected to his magic before, so aware of it existing as a part of him. The wand felt like an extension of his own arm, using it felt as natural as flexing his fingers.

The potency of his magic had increased exponentially. He had to temper the amount of power he used on smaller spells, something he had learnt when a simple _Lumos_ had blown up Harry's rather pretty table lamp in the living room. On the other hand, spells that he had struggled with in the past now came to him with relative ease.

Harry skill and craftsmanship was truly something to behold. He had watched Harry make wands for several months now and the process had fascinated him. To have his own custom made wand though, something Harry had poured his heart and soul into, was something else entirely.

He had tried to discuss payment but Harry had simply glared at him each time the topic was broached. Harry insisted that it was a gift but Severus didn't know how he could possibly accept something so extraordinary without offering something in return.

"Gosh Harry, this is exquisite," Draco said the following week over dinner as he turned the wand over in his hand. "I think this might be your finest work."

Harry smiled and continued to eat his dinner. He could accept praise but he was so modest about it that Severus wondered if he truly took it in.

Draco handed the wand back to Severus and said, "You must donate that to the magical community when you die."

Severus glared at him and said, "This is being buried with me. Keep your paws off it."

Draco grinned and said, "Don't think I'm above a little grave-robbing."

"I wouldn't put anything past you, you little goblin."

Josh snickered across the table and Severus noted that Harry looked pleased too. He and Draco were on far better terms since they had cleared the air at Harry's birthday party. The only problem was that Draco kept looking at Severus as though he were some sort of love-sick schoolgirl. Severus was ready to smack the indulgent smile off Draco's face.

"As I understand it, you can pretty much write your own ticket in the wand-making community now," Bill said and Harry gave a non-committal shrug.

"I'm just happy doing what I'm doing," Harry said in his usual measured way. "When Josh is away at school I might consider immersing myself more fully in the academia surrounding wand-making but…I like the way things are at the moment."

Bill nodded and turned to Severus, asking, "And what about your job offer?"

Severus could feel Harry's eyes on him and he knew the man was interested in hearing the answer to the question. "I too am happy with the way things are," he said, noting how Harry's shoulders relaxed. "Perhaps, in a couple of years, I might be persuaded to re-enter the field of medical research but I'll stay where I am for now."

Josh looked between his parents and grinned, then rubbed his hands together and said, "Who's ready for our holiday?"

The next hour was spent discussing the impending trip. Some children would baulk at the idea of two weeks spent with four grown-ups, but Josh was positively thrilled by it. They were going to stay in a villa belonging to a former client of Bill's and it promised to be a very pleasant couple of weeks.

Josh, as usual, had very set ideas about what they would get up to while they were there. He had been reading a book that Bill had lent him on Greek mythology and he had been thoroughly enchanted by it. According to him, there were several places they could visit that were the original sites of many Greek myths and he was eager to act as their tour guide.

Later that evening, Severus found Harry out on the balcony, drink in hand as he stared out to sea. His face was peaceful, his stance relaxed. A few months ago, Severus might have been tempted to leave, to allow Harry his solitude and refrain from intruding. Now he felt his presence was welcome.

He moved to stand beside Harry and the man smiled up at him. It occurred to Severus that it had been a while since he'd seen the man's guards up and that thought encouraged him more than he could say.

"Our son is making Draco and Bill act out the story of Theseus and the Minotaur," he told Harry. He still felt a thrill go through him whenever he had the opportunity to say, 'our son'. He loved the fact that Harry's expression no longer turned sour at the phrase.

Harry laughed and said, "When he takes an interest in something he throws himself into it wholeheartedly. He never does anything by halves."

"I wonder where he gets that from," Severus said, his eyebrow raised.

"He gets all his good traits from me," Harry said, and Severus revelled at the easiness between them.

Harry looked back out to the sea, taking a deep breath and letting out a little sigh of contentment. He closed his eyes for a moment and Severus allowed himself to drink in the sight of the man he loved. Harry's profile was striking; all angular and defined. He had a long, thin nose and a strong chin with an often stubborn mouth. He could see so much of Harry in Josh, although these days he could discern aspects of himself there too.

"Is it very selfish of me to say that I'm happy you're not taking the job at St Mungo's?" Harry asked, opening his eyes.

Severus' lip twitched as his heart soared. "Why would that be?" he asked softly.

"I have my reasons," Harry said with an enigmatic little smile. "The workroom would be awfully quiet without you."

The wind picked up, whistling as it wrapped itself around the house, the taste of salt settling on Severus' lips. "Come and keep me warm," Harry instructed softly, and Severus' stomach fluttered at the directive.

He moved to stand behind Harry then slowly wrapped his arms around the man's waist. He pulled Harry gently back against his chest, holding him tightly as Harry placed his hands over Severus' forearms.

Severus rested his chin on Harry's shoulder, nuzzling his nose against Harry's neck. The man smelt clean and fresh, as he always did, no fancy aftershaves or colognes. He had to fight his arousal, not wishing to alarm Harry with his body's reaction to their proximity to one another. Harry kissed him, that much was true, but he wasn't sure how anything else would be received.

It was enough that he was able to stand with Harry like this. The intimacy of the action was beautiful and Severus delighted in their closeness. He had never experienced affection and the last few months cuddling Josh had been his first introduction to such things.

To touch someone without the action being sexual was a revelation. It was true that he was more attracted to Harry than he had ever been, but he was finding that innocent touches could be just as thrilling as sexual ones.

He held on tightly, wishing that he could have Harry in his arms forever. He didn't deserve such a thing, he knew it, but Merlin help him he wanted it. He loved Harry more than he felt he could truly express and he would take whatever he could get, whatever Harry was willing to grant him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you all thought we were in for a rough ride! I do like to tease you every so often. Well, I'm on a little staycation this week, enjoying some time off and taking in the English sun (it does exist, promise!), so I decided I'd celebrate with a two-chapter week :) To be honest, I can't wait to share the next chapter with you so I have selfish motives too.
> 
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of this one.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Severus was nervous about going on holiday. It was true that he spent all his time with Harry and Josh but a holiday was a different matter. It often threw up unexpected hurdles and could introduce you to things you had previously not known about people.

He had travelled extensively throughout his life, but never for pleasure. He wasn't entirely sure what one did on a holiday but he was certainly not one for sitting around a pool slowly turning his skin a different shade. Contrary to what people might have thought of him, he did actually tan. Of course, he had no intention of sitting out and sunbathing, but it might be nice to put a little colour into his complexion.

The villa they were staying at was beautiful. It was in the stunning coastal town of Preveza and afforded a breath-taking view of the coast below. It was a large property with five bedrooms, all with their own en-suites. There was a substantial downstairs living area, all open plan with modern conveniences throughout, although the property's original traditional charm had been retained.

There was a pretty landscaped garden, complete with a swimming pool, which looked out to the sea. All in all it was one of the most attractive place Severus had ever seen and he rather thought that he could manage to spend two weeks living in such luxury.

Josh was enchanted. He had brought nearly his entire bedroom with him and spent an hour unpacking his things and arranging them to his liking. He had brought several books on Greek mythology, as well as a book on Greek tourism that Molly had bought for him. He was more organised than most adults and their first evening in the villa was spent with Josh outlining the itinerary he had mapped out for them.

The first couple of days were spent simply settling in. They explored the town and scouted out the best places to buy groceries and everyday necessities, while scoping possible restaurants they could visit for dinner. Obsessed as he was with castles, Josh was keen to see Pantocrator Castle, and he and Bill devised an excellent game of pirates that even Severus was roped in to playing.

They were, of course, obligated to spend some time on the beach. Severus couldn't say he particularly enjoyed it but he hid his displeasure for Josh's sake. He preferred pebble beaches to sand and he was also not fond of beaches populated by quite so many people.

Still, it was fun to watch Josh play in the sea and make sandcastles. He was dutifully attended to by Bill and Draco, whose adoration of the boy was plain to see. They would make excellent parents when the time came and Severus saw the two men exchange many looks as they played with Josh, no doubt imagining how things would be when their time came.

Josh's first port of call was to the island of Delos. He told them all how it was said to be the birthplace of Apollo and Artemis. He marched them up and down the almost two miles of island, pointing out the sanctuaries and temples as he went.

Next they went to Kommos, where Josh informed them that the place was thought to be the site of the labyrinth where King Minos' minotaur was kept. The beach was beautiful and they spent a happy afternoon there while Josh recounted, not for the first time, the story of Theseus and the Minotaur.

After a couple of days of rest, they were back out again, this time to Mount Olympus, the home of the gods. Josh spent the whole day telling them all about the gods and goddesses, recounting their various powers and the stories that were connected with them. Although he was getting ever so slightly fed up with Greek mythology, Severus couldn't deny that Josh's ability to retain information was impressive.

"Where's he taking us tomorrow?" Harry asked as they lazed by the pool the following afternoon.

"I believe we're bound to Paphos, birthplace of Aphrodite," Severus replied, watching as Josh floated up and down the pool on an inflatable chair.

"I'm going to be a scholar by the time we get home," Harry said with a slight groan, stretching his body out on the sun lounger.

Severus did his best not to look but he was only human. The whole holiday had, so far, been one long test of his resolve in that area. When they were at the villa Harry had taken to wearing shorts and very little else.

He was perfection. More than once Severus' eyes had roved over the gorgeous planes of Harry's body, drinking in the sight of smooth, creamy skin and taut, well-formed muscles. He wanted to reach out and touch every inch of Harry's body, to taste it with his tongue, to make Harry moan with pleasure.

All he could do was take in the glorious sight as often he was able and try to keep his body under control while doing so. He had no right even to be looking, he was aware of that, but Harry had kissed him more than once and he was confused as to how things stood between them.

There had been no further kisses while they'd been on holiday, although they were almost always with Josh or Draco and Bill. Harry had been tactile though and Severus was revelling in all the touches the man bestowed on him.

"I'm just off for a nap," Draco said, casting a glance over his shoulder at his husband as he headed for the villa.

Bill grinned and said, "Sounds like a great idea. This sun's too hot for me, don't want to burn."

Bill followed Draco inside the house and Severus looked across at Harry. The man raised his eyebrow and said with a grin, "Subtle, aren't they?"

Severus rolled his eyes and tried not to feel too envious. Merlin but he couldn't help but picture them. They were both attractive men and they made a striking couple. He could just imagine all that pale flesh, Bill's freckled hands running over Draco's alabaster skin.

They were so in tune with one another as a couple that Severus imagined their love-making to be a finely-honed dance. They would know all the things that pleased one another, all the ways to entice those breathy moans of pleasure, those heavy sighs of passion. They would be an exquisite sight, that was for certain, and Severus was almost tempted to sneak inside and see if he could spy on them.

Josh hauled himself out of the pool and shook himself like a dog before skipping over to the seating area. He threw himself down on the end of Harry's lounger and said, "Did you know that there's an amphitheatre at Paphos?"

"You've told us as least five times, sweetheart," Harry said, leaning down and brushing Josh's wet hair off his forehead.

"Did you know that amphitheatre means 'on both sides' and 'a place for viewing' in Greek?"

"You told us that twice over breakfast this morning," Severus said with a smile, reaching for his wand and renewing the sunscreen charm on his son. He didn't really know why he was bothering. It had been six days and already Josh looked like he'd been born there.

"The archaeological dig in Paphos dates all the way back to prehistoric times! I can't wait to see it."

"I think you've watched Indiana Jones too many times, my love," Harry said with an indulgent smile. "Do you fancy yourself as an archaeologist?"

Josh rolled onto his back and tucked his arms behind his head, propping his feet across on Severus' lounger. "Perhaps," he said thoughtfully. "I'll have to see if I do well at any magical subjects at Hogwarts before I commit to anything."

Severus and Harry exchanged amused glances. Their son was nothing if not pragmatic and he took a certain analytical approach to everything he did.

"I'm going back in," Josh announced, jumping up and heading back towards the pool.

"He's like a jack-in-the-box some days," Harry said with a fond shake of his head. "I don't know where he gets his energy from. I'm sure I wasn't that active at his age."

"No? You weren't tearing around the neighbourhood like an over-excited puppy?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harry snorted and said, "I wasn't let out of my cupboard long enough to tear around the neighbourhood."

"I beg your pardon?" Severus asked with a frown. "Cupboard?" he echoed in confusion.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you don't know what my life was like with my aunt and uncle. I was kept in the cupboard under the stairs until I was 11. I was only let out to do housework or gardenwork."

Severus couldn't quite process the words Harry was saying. It was as though he was hearing them from far away, as though he was listening through a haze. "You can't be serious," he said, his voice thick.

Harry looked at him, his face strangely passive. "Of course I'm serious. Who would make something like that up?"

"But – "

"My aunt and uncle hated me," Harry said matter-of-factly. "They made it perfectly clear that I was an unwelcome guest in their home and I was treated as such. Until I went to Hogwarts I didn't know what it was like to receive a kind word or even a hug. Were it not for the Weasleys I wouldn't have a clue what family was like. I never even got a Christmas present until I met them."

Severus felt oddly cold despite the warmth of the sunshine. He had had a vague idea that Harry hadn't had a particularly happy time with the Dursleys, but he had never imagined that it was so bad. He hadn't known that Harry had suffered such neglect and cruelty and the thought shamed him.

He had blamed his own misanthropic character on the fact that he had had an unhappy childhood but he had never been locked away like some filthy secret. He hadn't been used like a house-elf, his existence ignored by those who should have cared for him. Harry had suffered these things and yet he was the kindest, gentlest soul Severus had ever known.

"I didn't know," he said, finding his voice eventually. "I didn't know you'd suffered such a horrific childhood."

"It's over and done with," Harry said with a shake of his head. "I don't even think about them these days. I have my family now and it's the best I could have ever hoped for."

"Harry…I – "

"Oh don't let's talk about it," Harry said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "If we all dwelt upon our unhappy childhoods we'd make wretched adults."

Severus felt as though a hand was constricting his throat. He tried to compose himself and said quietly, "Excuse me a moment, I must just go and get a drink of water."

He levered himself off his lounger and made his way back into the villa, thankful that Draco and Bill had obviously had the presence of mind to place silencing charms around their room.

He made his way to his bedroom and through into the en-suite. He braced his arms on the sink for a moment, taking a couple of deep breaths. Turning on the taps, he splashed his face with cold water and tried to bring himself under control. He thought he had learnt all there was to know about Harry, he thought he had reached the pinnacle of his regard and esteem for the man.

He was clearly wrong. There was more to Harry's character, more to his soul, than Severus could ever hope to fathom. What was more, it showed Severus just how miserable a creature he truly was, how unworthy he was of such a man.

Harry had every reason in the world to be just as bitter and hard-hearted as he was and yet he had had the strength and forbearance to resist such a path. He was a warm and loving father to Josh, a kind and devoted friend to those he loved. He had never used his past as an excuse to get away with the kind of behaviour Severus often exhibited, although Merlin knew the man would have been sorely within his rights.

It made him sick to think how he had taunted Harry when the man was younger. He had imagined that he'd had a pampered upbringing, adored by his relatives and revered as some kind of demi-god. He had heard whisperings, at the time, that things weren't perhaps so rosy, but he had dismissed them as nonsense. He now knew the mistake he had made.

He looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He hated the person looking back at him, hated the jaded, nasty man he had become. He was a coward and he always had been. The very idea that he was worthy of Harry's affection was ridiculous. Harry deserved a far better man than Severus was ever capable of being.

He stayed in his room until it was time for dinner. Harry didn't question him about his behaviour and thankfully made no further mention of it. Severus distracted himself with Josh and together they planned the next day's excursion.

He tried to place his thoughts to the back of his mind over the next couple of days and was largely successful. Josh was so excited about the places they were going and he served as a wonderful diversion. Harry clearly didn't seem to think anything was wrong and seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as Josh was.

He was also becoming more and more tactile and it could only be described as the most exquisite torture. Severus was becoming accustomed to feeling Harry's firm hand in the small of his back or feeling the brush of the man's fingers against his skin at any given moment.

He wanted it more than he could say, he cherished every gentle touch that the man granted him but he couldn't help but feel that he didn't deserve it. That feeling only grew in intensity as the 27th of August drew nearer.

To those in the wizarding world that date held its own significance and many would be considering the anniversary of Voldemort's fall. To Severus, however, the date was the anniversary of Josh's conception, the anniversary of that fateful night when he had treated Harry so deplorably.

As the date drew nearer he found himself drawing in upon himself more. It was difficult to be around Harry and harder still to meet the man's eyes. He knew that Harry could tell something was wrong, and, worse still, he felt that he was hurting Harry with his behaviour. It was so difficult to accept Harry's affection when he felt so wretched inside and he could feel himself pulling away both physically and emotionally.

"Is something wrong?" Harry asked him on the morning of the 27th. "You seem…out of sorts."

"My apologies," Severus said quietly. "I…I'm not feeling very well."

"Can I get you anything?" Harry asked, his expression full of concern.

"No…thank you. I think perhaps I might go back to bed. I'm sorry, I'll have to excuse myself from the trip today."

"That's ok," Harry said gently.

"You'll tell Josh I'm sorry?" he asked, his guilt growing at the thought he was letting his son down.

"Of course. Go and get some sleep, we'll see you later."

Harry leant over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, leaving to go and fetch Josh with a slightly uncertain smile. Never feeling more like a coward, Severus retreated to his room and drew the shutters closed.

He couldn't have joined the others on their day out, not with the best will in the world. He couldn't have looked Harry in the eyes while his mind played out that night together eight years ago. He couldn't look at his son, the product of that damned night, and not think how much he had missed because of his own hateful behaviour.

He shut himself away, lost in his thoughts. He felt sick and feverish, plagued by memories of what he had done to Harry. His remembrance of that night was hazy, tainted by alcohol and his own skewed version of what had taken place. For so many years he had thought of what happened as simply another encounter.

It was, perhaps, a little aggressive, a little _forceful_ , but nothing he could reproach himself for. He had believed that Harry had enjoyed himself, that he had viewed it as nothing more than a one-night stand and that they'd both gone their separate ways with an itch that had been scratched. How wrong he had been.

He tried to sleep but his mind wouldn't be still long enough to let him. He briefly considered drowning himself in whisky but he couldn't bear the thought of Josh accidentally seeing him that way. He had seen enough of his own father stumbling about drunk to promise that he would never let his son see him in such a state.

The whole day passed in a blur. He heard the others return to the house but pretended to be asleep when they called to him. He knew he couldn't hide away indefinitely but he didn't know how he was supposed to be around his family when he felt so wretched inside.

Harry popped his head in to offer him dinner but all Severus had been able to manage was a gruff shake of his head, unable to look the man in the face. Harry had retreated, looking somewhat hurt but Severus didn't know what he could do, how he was supposed to reconcile the turmoil inside him.

Night came and Severus kept himself locked away. He was considering attempting to cast a sleeping charm on himself when there was knock on the door and Harry let himself in without waiting for a reply.

"I want to know what's going on," Harry said, closing the door behind him and throwing up a silencing charm.

"Nothing," Severus said, averting his gaze.

Harry stalked over to him and cupped his chin, forcing him to meet Harry's eyes.

"Bullshit," Harry said, holding his chin in place. "You really expect me to believe nothing's wrong?"

"I'm just feeling a little under the weather," Severus said, shaking himself out of Harry's grasp.

"That doesn't explain why you've been shut away in here all day. You're acting strangely, even for you."

"Just leave it, Harry. I'll be fine tomorrow."

"I don't understand what's going on. We've been having such a good time…are you not enjoying yourself?"

"There's nothing wrong with the holiday," Severus said, shaking his head.

"Well…is there something else? Have you…have you received some bad news?" Harry asked, clearly struggling to comprehend the situation.

"No," Severus said with a sigh. "I just needed to be on my own."

"Away from me, you mean?" Harry asked, his voice tinged with bitterness. "I thought…I thought things were better between us. I thought you…I thought we were close."

"It's not about that," Severus said, his insides twisting at hearing Harry describe them as 'close'.

"Then what is it about?" Harry asked exasperatedly. "Severus would you please look at me?"

"I can't," Severus whispered, keeping his eyes directed towards the floor.

"What? What do you mean you can't?"

"Don't ask me to look at you, Harry. Don't ask me to look you in the eye while I remember that bloody night."

"What night? Severus, what are you talking about?"

" _That_ night," Severus spat, his voice cracking. "That damned night that will haunt me for as long as I live. The night I lost everything I could have had."

There was silence. Severus could hear his own pulse thundering in his head, could hear Harry's breathing across the room. Gathering every last ounce of courage he possessed, he lifted his head and looked at Harry.

Harry's expression was guarded but vulnerable and Severus wished the man had never come to his room. He didn't want to bring this up between them again, he didn't want to remind Harry of what a thoroughly reprehensible human he was.

"What did you lose?" Harry asked, his voice unbearably soft.

"Merlin Harry…everything." He took a deep breath and said, "If I'd have behaved like something that vaguely resembled a human being that night I could have had something precious. I could be living with you now, as your lover. Merlin's teeth I might even be your husband! I could get to wake up with you in my arms, I could have the privilege of making love to you. I could have the wonder of knowing you were mine.

"I could have been there when our son was born. I could have held him in his first moments, watched his eyes open, watched him take his first breaths. I could have been there through the sleepless nights, the first steps, his first words. I would have had the chance to fall in love with my son as I watched him grow up rather than coming into his life as a stranger.

"We could have had a life together, Harry. We could have been happy…I could have made you happy. You offered me everything, you offered me your heart and I trampled on it. I have been the architect of my own unhappiness many times in my life, but this…this is something I will never be able to forgive myself for."

There were tears in Harry's eyes, but his jaw was clenched firmly. He was breathing heavily and Severus didn't know whether the man was about to yell at him or flee from the room.

"What would you have done differently?" Harry asked eventually, his voice barely above a whisper. "If you could have that night over again…what would you change?"

"Everything," Severus said emphatically.

"Tell me," Harry implored softly, and Severus realised what the man was asking him.

He swallowed hard and took a step closer, feeling his breathing quicken as his heart thudded against his chest. "Firstly, I wouldn't have spent the evening shoving champagne down your throat, trying to get you as drunk as possible. I'd have spoken to you…enjoyed your company. I'd have seen how engaging you are, how intelligent. We…would have spoken about many things and I'd have realised how beautiful you are.

"I'd have noticed the way you tilt your head when you consider a question, the way you bite your lip when something strikes you as funny. I'd have been captivated by the way your eyes shine when you speak about something you're passionate about and I'd have been enchanted by your gentleness."

He took another breath, trying to steady his shaking voice, and continued, "I would have asked you back to mine, feeling the attraction grow between us, relishing that sense of thrilling anticipation. We would arrive at mine and, unable to wait any longer, I'd kiss you. It would be soft and gentle, with an underlying sense of desire, and I would lose myself in you completely.

"I'd sense that you were nervous, that you were a little uncertain, and finally you'd confide in me that you were a virgin, that you'd never been with anyone before. I would have felt…humbled that you'd chosen me to be your first and I would have assured you that I would be gentle, that I'd take care of you."

The tears that Harry had been trying to hold back began to spill over down his cheeks. Severus felt his own eyes prickle with unshed tears as he remembered how Harry's first time had really happened. There had been no gentle words, no promises of tenderness; Severus had simply taken what he wanted without sparing a thought for Harry.

"I would have taken things slowly," he continued, his voice shaky and uneven. "I'd have led you to the bedroom and kissed away any fears you might have had. I'd undress you slowly, carefully, giving you plenty of opportunities to stop if you changed your mind. I'd lower you to the bed, marvelling at how beautiful you were, at how privileged I was to be given this gift.

"I would worship every inch of your body, acquainting myself with everything that made you moan with pleasure and gasp with surprise. I would love feeling you come undone beneath my fingers, beneath my tongue, and I would revel in the joy of the intimacy we created. I would wait until it was almost unbearable and, when I was sure you were ready for me, I'd make love to you. It would be slow and tender; I'd show you that your trust in me had been deserved. It would be…the best night of my life and I would truly know that I was in love with you."

Harry's breath caught as his tears fell freely. "That was what I wanted," he said with a sob. "All those years ago I dreamt that that was what it would be like between us. I wanted it more than anything."

"I know," Severus murmured, fighting his own tears. "Instead…I treated you so terribly. I made your first time something painful and aggressive and I lost your love in the process."

Harry drew in a shuddering breath and stepped closer, his arms pulled protectively around his body. He looked up at Severus, looking vulnerable and exposed. All Severus wanted to do was reach out and wrap Harry up in his arms, to protect him from anything that could ever hurt him again.

"I never stopped loving you," Harry whispered, and Severus' heart leapt. "I wanted to. I wanted to hate you and, for a time, part of me did. It never really went away though. I couldn't argue with my feelings, I couldn't pretend it wasn't real when I knew that it was. These last few months…I've never felt so conflicted in my life. I wanted to keep you at arm's length, to protect myself from you, but…I'm as much in love with you as I ever was…more so in fact."

"Oh Harry," Severus breathed, reaching up and gently cupping Harry's cheek. "I don't deserve it. You should…you should find someone else, someone who can make you happy."

Harry laughed, a strange, hollow sound, and said, "There isn't anyone else for me. It's always been you, even when I tried so hard to forget you…to hate you."

"You should hate me."

"The heart isn't rational, Severus. You're the father of my child, you're the only person I've ever loved. I hate myself for it sometimes, I hate how weak I am."

"You're not weak," Severus said forcefully. "I'm the weak one, I'm the coward. These last few months have brought me face to face with all the flaws of my character and I have found myself seriously wanting. That you could find anything in me to love is…beyond comprehension."

"I've spent the last eight years on my own," Harry said, his voice shaking. "I've lived with nothing but demons. Now's your chance to chase those demons away."

"How?" Severus asked, his own voice no more even than Harry's.

"Make love to me," Harry whispered, his cheeks wet with tears.

Severus' heart was in his throat. It was what he had dreamt of for months, it was the only thing he truly wanted, and yet he felt so unworthy that it almost felt as though he would sully Harry by touching him.

He brushed his thumb over the tears making tracks down Harry's face and tried to steady himself. He should say no, he should tell Harry once and for all to move on with his life and to forget him entirely, but he had always been a selfish man and he wanted Harry more than he had ever wanted anything.

"I don't want you to regret this," he said softly, and Harry gave him a funny sort of smile.

"Then make sure I have nothing to regret," he said, before reaching up and meeting Severus in a kiss.

It began as gently as all their previous kisses had done. It was slow and tender, a careful inquiry as to what may be allowed, what may be welcome. Severus knew that this was his one chance to undo all the harm he caused and, more than that, this was his chance to truly connect with the one person he had ever loved.

He pulled Harry to him, allowing one hand to trail gently up and down the man's side. He had never learnt before what Harry liked, never taken the time to discover what would please him the most. He would remedy that now.

Harry was shaking, and Severus knew that he was nervous. Severus himself was feeling a flutter of nerves, as though it was his first time. In a way he supposed it was. He had never truly made love to another person, and he had never shared his bed with someone he was in love with. Of course, his heart had never belonged to anyone but the man currently in his arms.

He moved his lips lower, teasing them along Harry's jawline and down his throat. Harry tilted his head back with a little sigh and Severus breathed in the scents that had become so familiar to him. He broke away and carefully lifted Harry's shirt over his head, Harry blushing slightly as his torso was revealed.

Severus smiled and let his eyes rove over the planes of Harry's body. He'd been looking all week, of course, but to finally be allowed to touch was utterly delicious. He guided Harry to the bed and lowered them both slowly onto it, his lips moving back to Harry's throat as the man lay back against the pillows.

"I'm going to learn every inch of you," he whispered against Harry's skin, feeling Harry shiver beneath him.

He kissed his way down Harry's chest, letting his fingers dance across Harry's stomach. He kept his touches light and teasing, and was rewarded with little intakes of breath and soft moans as he did as he promised and learnt Harry's skin.

He reached Harry's trousers and slowly undid them, sliding them off Harry's legs as he glanced upwards at the man. There were nerves present in Harry's eyes, but no hint of wishing to stop. Severus gave him a moment to gather himself then removed the man's underwear, pleased that, despite Harry's nerves, his erection stood proudly against a thatch of black hair.

"You're a beautiful man, my love," he said softly, wrapping a hand around Harry's prick and stroking slowly. Harry arched upwards, his eyes fluttering at the endearment.

Severus let his hand rove up and down, applying firm but gentle pressure, then trailed it softly to stroke Harry's balls.

"Yes," Harry breathed, his legs spreading to accommodate Severus further. Severus rolled his palm around his handful, loving the way Harry tilted his head back, biting his lip as he did so.

Smiling, he lowered his head and snaked out his tongue around the head of Harry's cock. He was teasing, he knew he was, but Harry was so delightfully responsive that he wanted to draw out the sensations for as long as he could. He swirled his tongue, lapping at the pearls of pre-come and feeling Harry quiver beneath him.

He wanted to fully claim his prize but he had promised to learn every inch of Harry and there was more of the man to explore. He moved his lips to Harry's inner thigh, kissing and nibbling and delighting in the gasps of pleasure above his head.

Harry's legs proved to be extremely sensitive, and Severus drew his fingertips up and down the soft skin of the man's thighs, every touch a gentle caress, a searching exploration of what would reduce Harry to a heap of want and need.

He stroked each foot and applied gentle kisses to the tops and arches. He kissed and sucked, Harry laughing breathily with each touch. At another time he fully intended to torture the man with over-stimulation of those elegant feet, but this time was solely about bending to Harry's pleasure.

He kissed his way back up Harry's legs, his fingers mapping the way for him. He reached Harry's straining erection again and this time took the entirety of it in his mouth, deep-throating Harry in one smooth motion.

"Oh fuck," Harry whispered, his hands clutching the bedding beneath him.

"Mm," Severus hummed around his mouthful, bringing a hand up to cup Harry's balls, eliciting the same delighted reaction as he had done before. He moved up and down Harry's hard shaft, swirling his tongue and creating gentle suction.

"Yes," Harry moaned, and Severus was thrilled at the thought that Harry might turn out to be a vocal lover. He could only imagine the sounds he might tear from those lips, unable to stop himself from picturing the scenarios in which he could make Harry forget himself entirely.

He took Harry's straining erection to the back of his throat again and again, relishing the noises he was pulling from the man. He had dreamt of this so often over the last few months and the reality was better than anything he could have ever imagined.

He couldn't help but think that this might be the only time he would get to do this. He hoped beyond hope that it wouldn't be, that Harry would welcome him back again and again, but if this truly was the one time he would be granted this treasure, he was going to make it worthwhile.

He moved his mouth lower and heard Harry gasp as the man realised where Severus' intended destination was. Severus blew a gentle puff of air over Harry's entrance and Harry wriggled, his breathing shallower than it had previously been. Severus swathed his tongue over the delicate area, Harry gasping again at the intimate action.

Severus lapped and sucked, using his tongue and his lips as Harry writhed beneath him, moaning deliciously as he did so. Severus was practically giddy at the thought that he was the reason for such noises, praying to any deity that might be listening that he was finally chasing those terrible demons away.

He impaled Harry with his tongue and the man practically mewled with pleasure. Severus couldn't help but smile as he insinuated his tongue in and out of Harry, listening to Harry's breathy exclamations of Severus' name.

"Oh God, Severus. Please," Harry groaned, and Severus stopped his ministrations to look upwards. Harry was the picture of debauchery; his hair was messy and spread out on the pillow, his cheeks were flushed and his lips were parted, his last pleading gasp still lingering on them.

Severus kissed a path back up Harry's torso and carefully spelled his own clothing off. The power his new wand granted his made the action seamless. Considering that there was nothing suitable to use, Severus murmured a charm and coated his fingers with lube.

"You're so beautiful," Severus whispered as he lowered his hand and made a few teasing swipes across Harry's entrance. "Do you know what a privilege it is to touch you like this?"

He insinuated a finger carefully inside and Harry pressed down against it. "That's it, my love," Severus murmured softly. He added another finger and moved slowly in and out of Harry's body, the area already well-relaxed from his explorations with his tongue. A third finger was added and Harry keened beneath him, his head thrown back and his eyes closed as he offered himself up to Severus.

Severus stretched and prepared Harry as thoroughly as he could. Harry would feel no pain, of that he was determined. From that moment on, Harry would know nothing but pleasure at his hands.

He crooked his fingers and Harry's eyes shot up, his face a picture. "You approve?" Severus asked with a smile.

"Oh fuck yes," Harry breathed, and Severus did it again, just to watch the expression on the man's face. "Oh please, Severus. Want to come…please."

"You will, my love. You will," Severus promised softly, removing his fingers and casting the charm again so he could slick his erection liberally. "Tilt your hips up for me," he instructed gently.

"You don't want me on my front?" Harry asked.

"No," Severus said, trying to banish the hideous memory of how he had taken Harry the first time. "I want to see you," he said, moving to shift between Harry's parted legs. "Are you ready?" he asked softly.

"Fuck yes," Harry said emphatically, nudging himself closer to Severus' hardness to emphasise the point.

Severus pressed the head of his cock to Harry's entrance and slowly pushed forward. He watched Harry's face carefully for any signs of pain but found none. Harry's body opened to him and he pushed all the way inside, Harry emitting a happy little sigh as Severus found himself fully seated.

He made a few shallow thrusts, testing to see that Harry really wasn't in any pain. Harry lifted up and wrapped his legs around Severus' waist and Severus had to hold back a growl at the tensing of Harry's firm muscles around his aching prick.

He lowered his head and swept Harry up in a bracing kiss, thrusting in long, firm strokes as he did so. Harry moaned against his lips and whispered, "Fuck, that feels so good. I didn't know it could feel that good."

Trying to ignore the sharp pang of guilt that comment caused, Severus tilted his hips and experimented with a couple of different angles until he found one that made Harry gasp with pleasure and look up at Severus with bright, shining eyes.

Harry was so tight and warm around him, his muscles clenching with every thrust. It was exquisite and Severus was in heaven with the love of his life beneath him, arching up to meet him thrust for thrust.

"Oh God yes!" Harry breathed, wrapping his legs more tightly around Severus' waist, drawing him in deeper to that glorious heat. Severus reached a hand down to Harry's cock, finally ready to grant the man the release he so deserved. He thrust firmly as he stroked Harry's prick, rolling his palm over the head a couple of times until Harry came, his body arched, his head thrown backwards, his face telling nothing but pleasure.

Severus thrust a few more times, Harry's body still convulsing around him as he rode out his orgasm. Severus' own hit him hard and he let out a low moan as he emptied himself in Harry's spent body. Every inch of him felt as though it had experienced the burst of pleasure and he had to take a moment to try and even out his breathing.

He felt Harry's hand come up to rest gently at the base of his neck and for a moment there was no sound but their combined breathing, filling the room as the smell of sex permeated around them. He slipped from Harry's body as his prick softened, and he cast a mild cleaning charm as he shifted slightly so he wouldn't crush the man.

He was about to ask whether Harry was alright when the man leant upwards and pressed their lips together in a breathless kiss. As their sweat-dappled bodies pressed together, Severus lost himself in the beautiful man beneath him, hoping that that hideous night all those years ago had finally been laid to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was what it was all leading to and it was this exact chapter that I had in mind when I first started writing this fic. It took me a long time to write and I have to admit that I agonised over it. I really hope it lived up to your expectations and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

When Severus woke in the early hours of the morning, he was alone. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to dispel the tears that threatened to prick his eyes. It was only to be expected; Harry was probably wary of letting Josh know they'd spent the night together and so had retreated to his own room. Of course, there was also the possibility that Harry regretted the whole thing and had left so he wouldn't have to see Severus in the morning.

How were they going to face each other? Would they have to pretend that everything was normal over breakfast, or would Harry pull him aside and kindly explain that the previous night had been nothing but a big mistake? Severus wasn't sure if his heart could take it.

He had made love to Harry. He had taken the man in his arms and worshipped him. He had hoped that it would be the beginning of something new between them, that they might be able to work towards a future together. That seemed impossible now.

He was considering throwing the bedcovers aside and finding something to distract himself with when the toilet in the en-suite flushed and Harry emerged from the bathroom moments later. He felt such relief that he went a little light-headed.

"Oh sorry, did I wake you?" Harry whispered as he slid back under the covers.

"No," Severus said, his voice hoarse. "I was just…" he trailed off, feeling giddy as Harry snuggled into his side.

"I have the most pathetic bladder," Harry said with a laugh as he nestled his head into the crook of Severus' neck.

Merlin but it was bliss. As stoic as he'd been prepared to be, if Harry had wanted to ignore their night together it would have broken him. He had bared his soul to the man, had given him everything he possibly could and it would have torn him apart to have it tossed aside.

To think that that was what he had done to Harry all those years ago was sickening. Worse still, he had left him alone with a child to carry and raise, and Harry had stepped aside believing that Severus had a right to a life unencumbered by the knowledge.

"Harry," he murmured, his voice resonating in the darkness. "I…I have to say something so that there are no misunderstandings between us about what happened."

Harry levered himself up and looked down at Severus, his expression clearly worried. Severus reached up and placed a hand on the man's cheek, hoping to soothe away the concern he could see in the man's face.

"I love you," he said firmly, and Harry's expression turned to one of relief. "This night was…more than I ever had any right to hope for but…I'm daring to hope for more, to be selfish enough to ask that we have more than just this night."

"I'm still here, aren't I?" Harry asked softly, and for a brief moment Severus wondered if the man had been able to read how worried he'd been when he'd thought Harry had left him.

"I know," Severus said with a nod, "but I don't know what that means for tomorrow, for next week, next year."

"You're thinking as far as next year?"

"Merlin Harry, I'm thinking as far as the next 60 years if you'll let me," Severus said, unable to stop the truth from tumbling out. Throughout his life he had always been cautious where his feeling were concerned and, for the most part, it had served him well. With Harry, though, he could be nothing but open. He owed the man that much.

"I'm sorry," he said, seeing how taken aback Harry looked.

"No, no don't be," Harry said, shaking his head. "It's just…it scares me. I wanted you to say all these things back then and to hear them now is…overwhelming."

"I wish I _had_ said them back then, Harry. I wish I'd done all the things I should have done but I was a fool. Now we're here and I know I have no right to ask anything of you but…will this be more than just one night?"

"Do you really think I could make myself that vulnerable for the sake of just one night?"

"Then – "

"I haven't got any answers, Severus. I don't know what to tell you beyond the fact that I love you and I can't settle for a one-time only thing. I want to be with you but I have no idea what that means…not practically anyway."

Harry sighed and reached for Severus' hand, Severus comforted by the gesture. "If it weren't for Josh I'd say that it wouldn't matter. If it weren't for him we could figure things out in our own time and take each day as it comes," he said, stroking Severus' fingers gently. "I don't want to do anything to confuse him though. I don't want to mess with his head if this all blows up in our faces."

"Neither do I," Severus agreed. "I can't…I can't hide these feelings though. I won't be able to be around you without…reaching out to touch you, without needing to hold you."

Harry smiled as a faint blush tinged his cheeks. "Likewise," he said with adorable shyness. "So…do we just…go with that?"

"You mean behave like two people in a relationship might do?" Severus asked with a smirk.

"Is that what this is?" Harry asked tentatively.

"You and Josh are all I want, Harry," Severus said, entwining their hands and squeezing gently. "To build a life with the two of you would be…more than I deserve…but it's the only thing I truly desire."

Harry took a long, slow breath and bit his lip while he paused for a moment in thought. "It still terrifies me," he confided quietly. "You could wake up one morning and decide you don't want me anymore. You could leave and never come back."

Severus couldn't help but laugh. The absurdity of what Harry was saying was too much to contend with. He knew, beyond a shadow of doubt, that if anyone tired of their relationship, it would be Harry. All he could hope was that he would never give Harry reason enough to leave him.

"I would sooner cut off my own arm," he said, trying to soothe the look of indignation Harry had adopted at being laughed at. "Harry, the thought of making a life with you is too extraordinary to countenance. The idea of sharing a home with you, of raising our son together…I want it more than I can say."

"Are we doing this? For real?" Harry asked, looking so young and vulnerable that Severus wanted to do everything he could to assure him that he would never be responsible for causing him pain again.

"You said this wouldn't be just one night. I've already decided it'll be the rest of my life."

"Will you love me for the rest of your life?" Harry asked with a whisper.

"And then some," Severus replied, a flutter in his stomach at the thought that this was as vulnerable as he had ever allowed himself to be. He would not have been so with anyone but Harry; he had never trusted anyone enough to be.

"You'd better start as you mean to continue then," Harry murmured, leaning down until their lips met.

Severus wrapped his arms around him, pulling the man down on top of him. Harry was warm and comfortingly heavy as the kiss deepened, a thrill rushing through Severus at the thought that Harry could finally be his.

He ran a hand through Harry's messy hair, the other trailing down Harry's back. He had only managed one exploration of Harry's body but he had ascertained that Harry liked the lightest of touches. He had gasped and moaned his way through all of the gentlest caresses Severus had bestowed on him and Severus had to admit that he found the softer touches to be incredibly erotic.

There was something deliciously sensual about keeping things light and almost teasing, and, Merlin knew, Severus would do everything he could to make Harry moan so beautifully again.

One of Harry's hands moved to Severus' chest and Severus breathed sharply as the man twirled a delicate finger around one erect nipple. Harry's hardness was pressing into his own and Severus moaned as he thought how extraordinary it would feel to have Harry inside him.

The idea brought him up sharply. He had never let anyone breach him before; he had always seen it as a sign of weakness and he had always been terrified of making himself that vulnerable to somebody. This was different though; he loved Harry and, incredibly, Harry loved him in return.

"Harry," Severus said breathlessly as Harry's lips moved to tease his throat. His neck had always been particularly sensitive and Harry's gentle ministrations were delightful. "Will you…I want you to…" he trailed off, having no idea how to vocalise what he wanted. He had been so used to just taking things in the past, to going about sex as aggressively as he had done with everything else in his life, but he had no desire to be that way with Harry.

"What do you want?" Harry whispered in his ear, and Severus shivered at the tickle that ran down his spine.

"You," Severus murmured. "Inside me."

Harry made a little noise of surprise and raised his head to look Severus in the eyes. "Are you…are you sure?"

Severus nodded and gently stroked his knuckles down Harry's cheek. "I've never done things that way before," he confessed, feeling his cheeks heat.

"Oh Severus," Harry murmured with a reverence Severus was sure he didn't deserve. Harry leant down to kiss him again and Severus spelled off both their underwear, the only items of clothing they had put back on after their last session of lovemaking.

He expected Harry to be tentative, after all the man had no experience beyond the two times they had been together. He was delightfully confident though, and his touches were sure as his hands roved over Severus' body.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you?" Harry whispered into his ear as his hand moved agonisingly slowly to Severus' straining prick.

"Harry," Severus moaned, surprised when, a moment later, he felt Harry's hand slick with lube.

Harry grinned and said, "Many years of wanking, Severus. This is one thing I'm very adept at."

As he lay there under Harry's sure ministrations, Severus couldn't argue with him. Harry's hand was firm and sure, the confidence he displayed having all sorts of heady effects on Severus' body.

"I love your cock," Harry said as he rolled his palm over the head. "The feel of it in my hand is exquisite."

Oh sweet Merlin. Harry was a talker. If he hadn't known it was impossible, Severus vaguely considered that he could come just from the very idea that Harry was going to continue saying such delicious things to him.

"I'm going to suck you," Harry told him and all Severus could do was moan in assent as Harry snaked down his body. His hips arched upwards as Harry's tongue swirled around the head of his weeping prick, but a firm hand pushed them back down.

 _Merlin, he's dominant little sod_ , Severus' inner voice piped up, choosing a hell of a time to decide to put in an appearance. He was thrilled at the idea that Harry could be like this, and he fully intended to explore this previously unknown side to the man's character.

Harry hummed around Severus' erection and Severus moaned low in his throat. One of Harry's hands was rolling his balls back and forth while the other was making a teasing swipe at his entrance.

Harry's tongue lathed Severus' cock well, Severus overwhelmed by the gorgeous sensations Harry was creating. It shouldn't have been possible for the man to be this good when the day before he had been little more than a virgin. Clearly, Harry had a natural talent for such activities, and Severus fully intended to exploit that to its full potential.

A well-lubricated finger breached him and Severus gasped at the intrusion. Harry released his prick from his mouth and looked upwards. "I'm new to this, you'll have to let me know if I do anything you don't like."

"No complaints so far," Severus said breathily, groaning as that devious little finger wiggled inside him.

Harry grinned wickedly and lowered his head once more to take Severus' cock in his mouth. Another finger made its way inside him and Severus nearly exploded as the head of his cock hit the back of Harry's throat.

"Sweet fucking Merlin," he groaned. He slid his fingers through Harry's thick hair and tilted upwards to further push himself into Harry's sinful mouth. Three fingers were now inside him, stretching and scissoring. He wanted desperately to feel Harry's mouth there, but perhaps that was best saved for another time.

Harry stopped what he was doing and Severus had to bite his lip to keep the whine behind his teeth. He knew there was more waiting for him and he could have a moment's patience if it meant getting Harry inside him sooner.

Harry sat back on his heels, his eyes still locked with Severus'. He slowly danced the fingers of his right hand over his well-defined chest then down over his taut stomach. Severus watched, entranced, as Harry took his own cock in hand, slicking the hard length with lube.

"Like what you see?" Harry asked with a cheeky smile, and Severus' head nearly exploded at this provocative side to Harry's nature. God but he loved the man.

"You have no idea," he murmured, thinking how exposed he should have felt, laid out naked before Harry, reduced to a heap of want and need. Instead, he felt nothing but a sense of security and belonging.

Harry smiled and positioned himself between Severus' legs, Severus feeling a surge of anticipation race through him. He had never done this before but he trusted Harry. The man would certainly give him a better first time than Severus had given him.

Trying to ignore yet another pang of guilt, Severus spread himself as Harry nudged closer. He lifted his hips, pressing his back into the mattress, looking up at Harry as he felt the blunt head of Harry's cock press into him.

Harry had prepared him well and the penetration was only mildly uncomfortable. Harry moved slowly, pushing forward inch by inch. Severus felt overwhelmed as his body adjusted, feeling somehow closer to Harry than when he had been the one inside the man.

"Ok?" Harry asked with a whisper.

Severus nodded and said, "I need to feel you move."

Harry complied and moved in out several times. The discomfort was beginning to fade and Severus felt the teasing beginnings of pleasure. The sensation of having Harry inside him was fantastic, and he placed his heels on the man's back to strengthen his thrusts.

Driven on by Severus' obvious enjoyment, Harry positioned his hips a little higher and Severus cried out as a shock of pure pleasure coursed through him. "Oh fuck, Harry. Do that again."

"Yes sir," Harry said with a smile, complying and hitting Severus' prostate again and again.

Words abandoned Severus and he settled for incoherent noises instead. He pressed down and met each thrust, fucking himself on Harry's prick as the man continued to pound him.

"You feel so fucking good," Harry hissed into his ear. "You're tight and hot and I could lose myself in you for days on end."

Severus emitted another noise of pleasure at Harry's words, his body singing with the sheer joy that was being wrung from it. He was glad he had never done this with anyone else for surely no one else could have played his body so beautifully.

"I want you so badly," Harry moaned as he thrust hard and fast. "You have no fucking clue."

Severus clenched down around Harry as the man pounded into him, their breathing becoming harder by the second. He couldn't take it any longer; he reached down to grasp his aching erection but found his hand batted away, replaced by Harry's own.

"Mine," Harry growled, and Severus was surprisingly thrilled at this possessive, dominant display. He could do nothing but lie there as Harry pumped his swollen prick while thrusting into him mercilessly. It was sheer bliss and Severus felt sure that sex had never been like this with any other partner.

He came hard and with a cry, spilling all over Harry's hand. Harry followed moments later, his body finally stilling as he rode out his orgasm. Severus was certain his bones had turned to jelly and he allowed himself a moment to simply bask in the pleasure of it all.

Harry's weight pressed down on him, pinning him to the bed as the man tried to catch his breath.

"Fuck, that was good," Harry's voice rumbled in his ear, and he laughed as he brought a hand up to brush Harry's hair back off his face.

"You were something of a surprise, Mr Potter," Severus said, enchanted when Harry blushed at the mention of his performance.

"I…took myself by surprise," he confessed. "It was ok though?" he asked uncertainly.

"Infinitely better than ok," Severus assured him, feeling slightly bereft when Harry's softened prick slid from him. The man cast a quick cleaning charm and shifted only slightly so that he was still settled comfortably on top of Severus. "We shall be repeating the experience at the earliest possible convenience."

"Count on it," Harry said with a smile.

* * *

"Severus! Severus are you awake?"

"What does he want?" Severus groaned as he pulled Harry tightly against his chest.

"Severus!" came Draco's voice again. "We can't find Harry, we're worried something's happened to him."

"Oh fuck," Harry hissed. He sat up in bed and removed the silencing charm from the room, shouting back, "I'm here, Drake. I'm fine…I'll…be out in a bit."

There was silence for a moment and Harry and Severus looked at each other with schoolboy smiles.

"Oh," came Draco's response eventually. "Right…well…that's ok then. Bill and I will take Josh down to the beach. Why don't you two…join us for lunch?"

Harry looked at Severus guiltily and Severus knew that the man was no doubt feeling bad for palming Josh off on the others. Making the decision for him, Severus called to Draco, "That will be fine. See you down there."

They both listened to Draco's retreating footsteps then collapsed back upon the bed, Harry giggling as he snuggled into Severus' chest.

"I guess this means we're busted," he said, his voice a delicious rumble against Severus' skin. "What are we going to say to Josh?"

"Knowing our son, he probably had us figured out long ago," Severus said with a smile, running his hand up and down Harry's back.

"It'll be ok, won't it?" Harry asked quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…we're not going to mess with his head, are we? Is he going to be confused that we're together now?"

Hearing Harry state it as a fact was thrilling. The idea that they were embarking on a relationship was slightly terrifying, and Severus wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't, in fact, dreaming.

"Not if we make him part of it," Severus said, and Harry tilted his head up to look at him.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, and Severus couldn't resist placing a kiss on the man's forehead.

"I mean that we aren't just two people in a relationship. We're Josh's parents, he's part of everything we do and we have to make sure he knows that. We have to reassure him that he will always be the most important thing to both of us and that us being together won't change that."

Harry smiled and raised a hand to gently trace over Severus' cheekbones. "I didn't think you'd ever be able to love him as much as I do, but I know that you do. Do you have any idea what it means to me?"

Severus placed his hand over Harry's own and said, "Do you have any idea what it means to _me_ that you allowed me the chance to be part of his life? After everything that happened you could have turned me away and told me I had no right to see Josh. Instead, you put your own hurt aside and let us try to forge a relationship. For that I shall be eternally grateful."

They lingered a little longer in bed. They took the opportunity to learn each other's bodies in ways that weren't sexual, merely affectionate and familiar. It was a whole new level of bliss for Severus. He had never spent longer than one night with a lover and he had never experienced the sense of contentment he felt lying there with Harry's naked body stretched out against his own.

It was new and, Severus couldn't deny, a little frightening. The strength of his feelings for Harry were overwhelming and he knew that allowing himself to feel that way lay him open to all kinds of hurt. If things ever went wrong between them, it would kill him. Now that he knew what it was to love Harry, and to be loved in return, he couldn't picture a life without it.

They eventually disentangled themselves from one another and went their separate ways to shower and dress. As Severus stood beneath the cool spray of the water he imagined pounding into Harry as the water fell on them. Or better yet – Harry pounding into him. It had surprised him how much he had enjoyed letting Harry top and he fully intended to repeat the experience.

The feeling of having Harry inside him was like nothing he had ever known. He had never felt so connected to another person and the sheer pleasure of being taken that way was indescribable. He had also been completely taken aback by how dominant Harry was capable of being, and the things Harry had said as he'd taken him had been utter perfection. He was desperate to explore it further.

They made their way down into the town when they were ready, walking leisurely hand in hand. Harry kept stealing glances at him and Severus couldn't help but smile, especially when the man blushed so innocently, as though he hadn't had his cock buried deep in Severus' arse only hours ago.

They went to the little taverna in the town centre and found Josh, Draco and Bill already waiting for them. All three, including Josh, grinned widely at them as they sat down, Draco looking horribly smug.

"Good afternoon," he said pointedly, leaning back in his chair.

"Afternoon," Harry said, blushing furiously as he and Severus sat down.

"You missed a great morning at the beach," Bill said, his blue eyes sparkling mischievously. "But then again…there are lots of interesting things to do at the villa."

"I'm going to take this moment to remind you that I killed Voldemort," Harry said, glaring at them both. "You two should pose no problem."

Draco snorted and Bill grinned while Josh looked between Severus and Harry with keen, intelligent eyes.

"You two are…" he began, waving his hand between the two of them. "You're together?"

Severus and Harry exchanged a glance, both knowing that it was important that this was dealt with properly. Severus raised his eyebrow, indicating that he thought Harry should field the question.

"We are," Harry said with a smile, looking back at their son. "I hope that's ok with you? We both want you to know that nothing will change where you're concerned and you will always be the most important thing to us both. Whatever happens between us we love you more than anything in the world. You do know that, don't you?"

"Of course," Josh said with an ease that only a child could manage. "Come on Dad," Josh said with a snort, "the one thing I'm hardly short of is love. Besides, if you two annoy me too much I'll just go and live with Uncle Drake and Uncle Bill."

Harry laughed and Severus followed suit, feeling his love for both his son and his lover threaten to spill over and consume everything he was. Let it, he thought. There were worse fates to suffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I didn't do any review replies this week but I'm sad to say that I've just been made redundant from my job. As you can imagine, I'm a bit all over the place at the moment and I'm taking some time to try and figure out what my next move is. Don't worry though, I'll still be updating, and we've only got three chapters left after this one anyway. I decided to post this today to cheer myself up a bit.
> 
> Send happy thoughts, guys. I need them.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The holiday ended and Josh returned to school. Severus spent more time than ever at Harry's house and, wonderfully enough, in Harry's bed. They were careful around Josh and tried to be as discreet as they could. Severus spent several nights and they knew that the boy was aware that he wasn't passing his time in the guest room. He seemed rather pleased with the way things were though and kept grinning at them both when he thought they couldn't see him.

Harry and Severus were still getting to know each other sexually. Severus had been prepared to take things slowly in that area, worried that Harry still bore the scars of their first night together. It seemed, however, that their time with one another in Greece had gone a great way to putting that to rest and Harry was keen to press on with their future together.

He was an adventurous and deeply sensual lover, and Severus relished every second he was allowed to spend making love to the man. He was also appreciative of the time they spent simply touching one another, of the moments that were purely affectionate that passed between them.

Working side by side was a specific sort of torture. Severus was used to staring at Harry while they worked, but now he knew what that body looked like while it writhed in pleasure, now he knew the thrilling things Harry liked to say during sex, it was all he could do to stop himself from shagging Harry senseless at every turn.

Of course, Harry wasn't helping. He had never had cause to wander over to Severus' workbench before, apart from to bring him a coffee, but now he seemed to be hovering there all the time. Severus knew well what the man was up to and if he wasn't enjoying himself so much he would be tempted to tell him to knock it off.

"Mind if I borrow that?" came Harry's voice in his ear as he felt the man press his chest against Severus' back. Harry gestured to the pot of ink and Severus nodded. Harry reached over, pressing himself even closer to Severus' body.

"Thanks," he whispered, grabbing the pot and sashaying back to his own workbench. Severus grit his teeth and did his best not to look up at the little sod.

He looked down at his notes, realising that they may as well have been written in Hindi for all the sense they made to him. He wasn't concentrating on his research, he was thinking how many ways he could make Harry beg.

He heard Harry sigh and he looked up to find the man easing his neck back and forth with a gentle moan. "Mm," Harry said, running his fingers up and down his neck, "my muscles are so tight." He stretched, his shirt riding up and exposing the taut skin of his stomach. Severus' tongue ached to lick it.

Harry continued to stretch and wriggle, making the most obscene noises as he did so. He looked over at Severus with a wicked smile and Severus narrowed his eyes, saying, "You're a fucking tease."

Harry's eyes widened with feigned shock. "Me? A tease? How can you say that? I'm just trying to ease my poor muscles. They're so tight, you see, and _so_ hard. I'm just trying to find some relief."

"I'm working," Severus said through gritted teeth.

Harry blinked innocently at him. "I'm sorry, am I distracting you? I was only trying to make myself feel better. Perhaps you can help?"

He walked slowly over to Severus, a wicked smile on his lips. Severus braced himself and Harry carefully insinuated himself into Severus' lap, placing his palms flat on Severus' chest.

"Have you got a remedy, Professor, for a man who needs to relieve a little tension? Any suggestions?" he asked, his voice low.

"Surely you have one or two ideas of your own, Mr Potter?" Severus replied, allowing his hands to rove over Harry's hips.

"Well," Harry said, pretending to take a moment to consider it, "I think it would really help me if I could fuck you into your potions bench."

"You'll be the death of me," Severus groaned as his cock stood to attention immediately. Harry rotated his pelvis and wriggled against Severus' hardness, making Severus grip Harry's hips more tightly and pull him down against him.

"Not for a long time yet," Harry said with a sly smile. His hands went to the buttons of Severus robes and began undoing them as he leant down to torment the delicate skin of Severus' throat with his tongue.

"You're a demanding brat," Severus breathed as Harry worked his talented fingers inside Severus' shirt.

"You love me," Harry murmured against his skin, and Severus' stomach fluttered at Harry's words.

"God yes," Severus agreed, as Harry sucked the skin over his collarbone.

"Up," Harry instructed gently, shimmying off him. Severus complied and Harry said, "Clothes off, all of them."

Severus slid the protective robes off his shoulders then worked on his shirt. He slipped that off too then slid out of his trousers.

"I said all," Harry said, eyeing Severus' underwear. Severus smirked and pulled them down over his bobbing cock.

"What a picture," Harry said, eyeing the straining erection greedily. "Lean back against the workbench," he commanded gently and Severus braced his hands on top of the bench.

Harry moved closer and captured his lips in a searing kiss. Severus should have felt rather disadvantaged as he was the one stark naked while Harry was fully clothed. As it was, he felt wonderful getting to put himself in Harry's hands and knowing that the man wouldn't stop until his bones practically melted.

"Mm," Harry sighed as he nuzzled Severus' throat. "I love having you at my mercy."

"What do you intend to do with me?"

"First," Harry said, delicately teasing his hand down Severus' torso to rest ever so lightly on his stomach, just out of reach of Severus' straining prick, "I'm going to get on my knees and suck you."

Severus' eyes closed as Harry's hand ghosted over the head of his cock, granting him the smallest fraction of stimulation. "I'm going to take your cock in my mouth and suck you until you beg me for more," Harry continued, his hand sweeping lower to gently graze Severus' balls.

One evil finger crept backwards ever so slightly and Harry said, "You're going to beg me to fuck you, you're going to beg to have my cock buried deep inside you and I won't be able to resist. I'm going to fuck you until you come apart with my name on your lips."

Severus moaned, believing Harry completely. He had never had a lover be so vocal before, nor had he ever allowed himself to be the passive partner when it came to sex. With Harry, though, Severus adored surrendering control to the man and letting Harry do whatever he wanted to him.

Harry slid to his knees and ran his hands over Severus' thighs, dragging his nails gently down the back of Severus' legs and making Severus grab the table-top tightly.

"You have such a gorgeous cock," Harry said with a low growl. "I love the feel of you in my mouth, in my hands. I love knowing that this is all mine."

He gripped Severus' arse tightly then leant forward and took Severus all the way to the back of his throat. Severus moaned at the pleasure of it and soon he was lost in the wonderful sensations Harry was creating. His cock was engulfed in warm wetness and one firm hand was holding him at the base while the other massaged his balls just the way he liked it.

The sight of Harry on his knees was so erotic. He tried to push himself further into the man's mouth but Harry was in full control, keeping Severus firmly in place as he increased the suction ever so slightly.

God but he loved this man. He loved everything about him and to find that they could have such a stimulating sex life was a boon that he had never expected. Harry was so naturally sensual, so deliciously tactile, that he was made for sex.

"Harry," Severus groaned softly, and Harry looked up at him, his eyes large and teasing. "I need more."

Harry hummed around the head of his prick, then released it and held his hand out. A few moments later the lubrication from Harry's bedroom slapped into his open palm and Severus couldn't help but feel aroused by the open display of the power Harry possessed.

"I believe I told you that you would beg me," Harry said smoothly, swiping his tongue over the head of Severus' cock like it was a lollipop.

"Please," Severus said, not in the least bit embarrassed that he had been reduced to such a thing.

"Mm, not quite good enough," Harry said, taking Severus' prick all the way in his mouth again and bobbing in place, Severus feeling highly over-stimulated as his cock nudged the back of Harry's throat again and again.

"Please Harry," Severus whispered. "I want you inside me, I need to feel you fuck me."

"Better," Harry said with a smirk, lathing a few more swipes over Severus' cock before he pulled back a little and covered his fingers with lube. Severus sighed with relief as Harry's hand went to his entrance, feeling those slender fingers tease his hole with gentle circles.

Harry levered himself up to a standing position then carefully pushed two fingers inside Severus, who hissed with pleasure at the intrusion. He bit his lip as a third was added, pushing down against them, aware that Harry was watching him intently.

"That's it, love," Harry murmured. "Fuck yourself on my fingers, imagine it's my cock breaching you."

Severus let out a low, keening sound at Harry's words. Merlin but the man was utter perfection. He seemed to know exactly what to say to make Severus' blood pump hard in his veins and Severus loved to hear Harry's voice in his ear while the man tortured him.

"You have no idea how good you look like this," Harry said as he drove his fingers in deeper. "I might put this memory in a pensieve just so you can see what you look like being fucked. You're a picture."

The idea of he and Harry watching themselves having sex was almost too overwhelming, and Severus braced down hard upon the fingers that were stretching him. They brushed his prostate and Severus whispered, "Fuck yes."

"Do you want me inside you, Severus?" Harry purred into his ear.

"Yes," Severus replied breathlessly. "God yes. You have no idea."

"How do you want me?" Harry asked, removing his fingers. Severus tried not to moan at their loss. Harry grabbed the lube and slicked up his rock hard cock, looking at Severus while he did so and saying, "Well?"

"However you want to take me," Severus replied, his prick twitching at the very thought of getting Harry inside him.

"Do you want it hard and fast or slow and teasing? Do you want me to let you have your pleasure quickly or do you want me to let it build until your body can't contain it any longer?"

"Harry," Severus moaned, unable to make the decision himself. All he knew was that he desperately needed to feel his lover buried deep inside him, needed to feel every inch of the man's cock push its way into him.

"Turn around then, love," Harry whispered. "I want you to brace yourself on the bench for me."

Severus turned around and gripped the edge of the table, knowing that he should have felt vulnerable and exposed in such a position, presenting himself to Harry to be fucked, but all he felt was pleasure and anticipation.

Harry moved to stand behind him and Severus breathed deeply as he felt the head of Harry's cock push into him. Harry was gentle, as he always was in the first few moments, determined that he would never hurt Severus. Severus sighed contentedly as Harry slid all the way in, pressing himself up against Severus' back.

"Oh God you feel good," Harry murmured into Severus' ear. "I want to do this for the rest of my life."

"Yes," was all Severus could focus enough to say. The feel of Harry inside him was exquisite, and the man's hands on his hips were hot and firm.

Harry began to thrust, and it seemed that he had decided on slow and teasing. Severus pushed back against him, clenching his muscles down around the man and pulling him in deeper.

"Oh Severus," Harry moaned. "I love you, I love you so much. This is so perfect, so fucking right. I could lose myself in you."

Harry's words danced over Severus' senses, setting his nerves on fire and increasing his pleasure tenfold. Harry loved him, and Severus could feel it as the man moved inside him. It felt so deliciously wonderful and Severus let the pleasure invade every cell of his body. He belonged to Harry and, in that moment, Harry was claiming ownership of him. He had never wanted anything so much in his entire life.

Harry thrust deep and hard, hitting Severus' prostate every time with a determined angle that he maintained with each movement. There was nothing but the sound of their breathing and the smack of flesh on flesh. A coil of intense pleasure began in the pit of Severus' stomach and slowly moved lower, setting his groin on fire as it built and built.

"Harry…Harry I'm going to…I can't…"

"Yes love, yes," Harry whispered, his thrusts becoming more erratic, more insistent, his hands surely creating bruises on Severus' hips.

Severus' breath caught in his throat and he let out a harsh cry as his pleasure crashed into orgasm, spurting his release all over his potions workbench. Harry followed moments later, his forehead pressing into Severus' shoulder as he breathed harshly.

"That was so good," Harry muttered against his skin.

"Mm," Severus agreed, too boneless with pleasure to form coherent sentences.

Harry chuckled and kissed his shoulder as his spent prick slid from Severus' body. Severus straightened up and Harry wrapped his arms around his waist, nuzzling the skin behind Severus' ear. "I really enjoyed fucking you over your potions bench, although…next time I'd rather like to be the one bent over a desk. We can pretend I'm back at school and you've given me detention."

"Fucking hell, Harry," Severus groaned. "You really will be the death of me."

* * *

"9 x 8?"

"72."

"4 x 12?"

"48."

"8 x 3?"

"24."

"Excellent. You're going to pass your test with flying colours," Severus said, smiling at Josh.

"I hope so," Josh said with a sigh. "I hate times tables. I can't seem to keep them in my head."

"Well you got every question that I asked right. You'll do fine."

"Your father's right, sweetheart," Harry said, looking up from buttering his toast.

Severus' heart fluttered at Harry's words and he couldn't stop himself smiling. To hear himself acknowledged as such, and for it to be such a casual remark was breath-taking. He felt truly a part of Josh and Harry's life, and he was going to do everything in his power to keep himself there.

"Have you got everything packed for school?" Harry asked. "Uncle Drake should be here any minute."

Josh nodded and stuffed half a banana in his mouth, chewing it messily while he folded a piece of peanut butter-slathered bread in half. Why he couldn't eat things like a normal person, Severus would never know. Josh seemed to prefer most of his food to be deconstructed in some way before he would put it in his mouth.

As if on cue, Draco's voice came down the corridor and he arrived in the kitchen doorway, brushing soot from his clothes where he'd come through the floo. "Morning all," he said pleasantly, standing behind Josh and dropping a kiss on his head.

"Morning Drake. Thanks for taking Josh today."

"My pleasure. If I have to look at another medical textbook I may commit bloody murder. You're saving me from myself."

"Do you think I could be a Healer?" Josh asked around a mouthful of banana, tilting his head back to look at Draco.

"I think you can be whatever you want to be, my love. You're smarter than all of us put together."

Josh beamed and munched the rest of his mish-mash breakfast, then turned his attention to looking out of the window with a thoughtful look. "You know," he said, casting a speculative glance at Harry and Severus, "there's a kid in the year above me with two dads."

"Oh?" said Harry, brushing the toast crumbs from his fingers.

"Not in the same way as I do, obviously. I mean…he's adopted I think, but…"

"Yes?" Severus prompted gently.

"Well, he calls one of them 'Dad' and the other one 'Pa'."

Severus' breath caught in his throat as he realised the trajectory Josh's thoughts were taking.

"So," Josh continued, licking the peanut butter from his fingers, "I was thinking that maybe I could call Severus 'Pa'. It just seems silly to be calling him by his first name when he's my father. We are a family after all."

Severus could feel Harry looking at him and out of the corner of his eye he knew that Draco had turned to face him too. His mouth felt dry and his thoughts seemed too jumbled to form any kind of coherency.

"I…excuse me," he said, turning and walking out of the kitchen before it really registered that he had done so.

He stood in the corridor for a moment, not really sure what he was doing. His brain was telling him to go back into the kitchen but his feet didn't seem willing to co-operate. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned to see Josh approaching him uncertainly.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Josh said softly.

"Oh Josh," Severus said, taking a seat on the bottom step and motioning for Josh to join him. "You didn't upset me, and I'm sorry for leaving like that. I was just…very overwhelmed."

"I don't have to call you 'Pa'. It was just a thought."

Severus slung an arm around Josh's shoulders and pulled him close. "Josh, I can think of nothing I would like more." He rested his head on top of Josh's and breathed in the wonderfully familiar scent of his son's hair. "I was simply taken aback. I…never expected it."

"But you're my father," Josh replied, snuggling in closely.

"I know, but I've made a lot of mistakes. When your dad allowed me into your life I didn't know what to hope for, I was just so grateful that I had the opportunity to get to know you. Now here we are and…I find myself thoroughly bewildered."

Josh snorted and said, "You think too much."

"I daresay that's true. You'd better hope it isn't a trait I pass on to you."

"I thought you said I got only good traits from you," Josh said with a giggle.

"We must hope so."

"So…" Josh said, pulling back slightly to look up at Severus. "If I start calling you 'Pa' you'll be alright with it?"

Severus smiled and placed a kiss on Josh's forehead. "I'll be infinitely more than 'alright', Josh. I'd be thrilled."

"Everything ok out here?" Harry asked, popping his head around the kitchen door.

"Better than ok," Severus replied, still feeling his head spin.

"Come on, pumpkin. Let's get you to school," Draco said, emerging from the kitchen with Josh's schoolbag and coat. "Say goodbye to your Dad and Pa," he added with a grin.

"Bye Dad," Josh said, hopping off the step and giving Harry a hug. "Bye Pa," he said, doing the same to Severus, looking incredibly pleased with himself.

Draco took his hand and together they apparated away. Severus took a deep breath, trying to figure out if perhaps he were dreaming. Harry took a seat beside him on the step and Severus turned to see him grinning broadly at him.

"He wants to call me 'Pa'," Severus said, aware that he sounded rather like a soppy first-year.

"I heard," Harry said.

"And you don't mind?" Severus asked carefully.

"Does it look like I mind? I think it's wonderful. He's always adored you, this just feels natural."

Harry laughed and Severus reached up and ran a hand through his hair, saying, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Harry said, shaking his head. "I just…I've just realised that I'm happy."

"Is that such an odd occurrence?" Severus asked.

"No, but this is…a different kind of happiness. I have the family I always wanted and the man I'm in love with is in love with me too. It feels rather unreal."

"That's the best description of this situation that I've been able to come up with so far," Severus said in agreement.

"How desperate are you to get to your potions this morning?" Harry asked, inching closer.

"I could be persuaded to push my schedule back…for the right incentive of course."

Harry smiled and apparated them both up to his bedroom. They slowly peeled each other's clothing off and tumbled onto the bed together. The windows were open and Severus could smell the sea air permeating through the room.

Harry wrapped himself around him and all was lost apart from the feel of Harry's lips and hands. Severus had never known the kind of contentment he felt whenever Harry was in his arms and he had never felt as close to another person as he did to the man.

Before he knew it, he was inside Harry. He felt the man beneath him, felt them both move in tandem as the pleasure between them grew. In that moment nothing else mattered beyond the two of them and all Severus could do was lose himself in the man who now had full possession of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An unashamed pwp and fluff fest? Yeah, probably. Hope you enjoyed it, let me know.
> 
> Thanks for all your kind wishes regarding my redundancy. They were all very much appreciated.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Severus stirred his coffee as he yawned sleepily. He had woken late to find that Harry had already taken Josh to school, leaving him fast asleep in Harry's bed. It was Harry's fault he was so tired anyway and he couldn't help but grin at the memory of their previous night's escapades.

Harry was proving to be the most exquisite lover Severus had ever had. Indeed, anyone else he had shared a bed with paled in comparison and he could barely remember anyone else's hands on his body, anybody else's lips on his own.

Making love to Harry was an experience for which he could draw no comparison. Their sexual compatibility was heightened by the emotional connection they shared and Severus was exploring a new world of intimacy he had never known before.

He had never spent longer than one night with a lover and he had never wanted to make himself as vulnerable as he was doing with Harry. They had spent many months getting to know one another before they had slept together and now they were building upon that relationship to try and navigate the new waters they found themselves in.

While they were both clearly enjoying the sex, they were spending as much time simply talking or discovering how to be physical with one another when it didn't involve anything sexual. Severus found himself delighting in the hugs Harry gave, or the gentle touches that passed between them throughout the day.

He loved curling up on the sofa with Harry snuggled into his side, or having the man's feet propped up in his lap while they watched a film with Josh. He had often envied Bill and Draco and the way they were together, the easiness with which they interacted. Now he had for himself and he was enjoying every second of it.

He smiled into his coffee and tried to organise his thoughts around something other than Harry. It was easier said than done, of course, because everything he thought about somehow managed to wind its way back to the man. Well, there was no fool like a fool in love, after all.

He tried to shake himself out of it. He had a day ahead to plan for and sitting around like a lovesick moron wouldn't help matters. He needed to pop back to his flat and pick a few things up, especially if he was going to spend another night with Harry. Of course, the matter of living space was a slightly tricky one.

He was spending more time than ever at Harry's house and was there most nights too. There were times when they felt like a proper family but Severus was acutely aware that it wasn't actually his home.

His property agent had sent him details for a promising-looking house a few miles down the coast in Lulworth and he had agreed to go and see it later that day. He decided it would be best to ask Harry to go with him, as he was sure the man would be pleased at being included in his decision-making. It was high time he started thinking of himself as part of a unit and not just a single entity, thinking only about pleasing himself.

He was finishing his coffee when he heard the front door go. A moment or two later Harry appeared in the doorway, a bag of shopping tucked under his arm.

"Ah, you're up," he said with a smile as he crossed the room and gave Severus a peck on the cheek.

"You wore me out. I need to catch up on my sleep," Severus replied, earning himself a wolfish grin from Harry.

"Can't keep up, old man?"

"You'd best stay on that side of the kitchen if you know what's good for you."

"I'm not frightened of you," Harry said, sticking his tongue out.

"You never were very bright."

"Your sweet-talk still needs work. Ooh, I'm helping myself to the rest of that coffee," Harry said, swiping the cafetiere and filling up a mug that was perched on the draining board.

"I don't believe I'd finished that."

"You need to learn to be quicker then, don't you?" Harry shot back, taking a seat opposite Severus. "You're taking Josh tomorrow. That bloody Mrs Cooper cornered me again, she's a nightmare."

"Still has a crush on you, does she?" Severus asked with amusement. The woman was 50 if she was a day, though she tried to conceal the fact by wearing as much make up as was humanly possible. She had long, lacquered nails and jet black hair that hadn't seen its natural colour in years. She was also very taken with Harry and made no secret of the fact every time she saw him.

"Yes, and she's not exactly subtle about it," Harry groaned. "She also has no respect for a person's personal space. I swear, her boobs were actually touching me!"

Severus laughed and said, "Do I have to worry about you ditching me for this…what did Josh call her? A cougar?"

Harry snorted and said, "Only if suffer a lobotomy anytime soon. Honestly, I kept trying to make it clear that I'm gay _and_ taken but she didn't seem to be listening to a word I said! Merlin, I think I can actually taste her perfume."

Severus smiled and moved around the island to stand behind Harry. He ran his hands over the man's shoulders and whispered, "Perhaps you shouldn't be so very irresistible."

"Ha bloody ha."

"Well," said Severus, leaning down so his lips were level with Harry's ear, " _I_ have a hard time resisting you."

He reached a hand beneath Harry's t-shirt and his fingers ghosted over the smooth skin of Harry's stomach. Harry leant back against him and said in a thoroughly unconvincing voice, "Don't start any of that. I have a full day of work and I'm not being dragged back to the bedroom by you."

"Alright," Severus said, leaning in to kiss Harry's neck. "You can drag me back up there then."

Harry laughed and said, "You're such a bad influence. And I'm serious, I have a load of work to catch up on that's been building since our holiday."

"Spoilsport," Severus murmured into Harry's hair. "I expect you to make up for it tonight then."

"I'm just a sex slave to you, aren't I?"

"Yes," Severus said, reluctantly removing his hands. "Well, if I can't persuade you indulge in a little fun between the sheets perhaps I can ask you to relent upon your schedule a little this afternoon? I have something I'd like you to help me with."

"Oh? Sounds ominous."

"Such a suspicious mind," Severus said with a smirk. "I have a property that I'm going to go and view. I'd like you come with me, I'd value your opinion."

A strange look crossed Harry's face and he sat up a little straighter on his stool. "Oh," he said quietly. "Ok then."

Severus frowned, unable to discern exactly what he could see in Harry's face, and said, "It's at 3 o'clock. Will that be ok?"

"Yeah, fine," Harry said with a shrug. "I wasn't kidding when I said I had a lot of work on, I'd better go and get started." He hopped off the stool and brushed past Severus, stopping to press a light peck to the man's cheek as he went.

Severus watched him go, at a loss to understand just what had happened in the last couple of minutes. Harry was so difficult to read at times and he wasn't exactly forthcoming when something bothered him. Of course, Severus could just ask him outright, but to do so was hardly in his nature. He despaired of both of them.

They worked in silence for most of the morning. Harry really was as busy as he'd said he was, but even under those circumstances he was normally a bit more chatty. Severus wanted to ask what was wrong but he was fearful of rocking the boat.

He was used to arguing with people, used to feeling on the defensive, but with Harry he wanted things to be different. The trouble was that neither of them had ever been in a relationship before and when it came to emotional maturity Severus was worried that even Josh could outstrip them.

When 3 o'clock rolled around they both apparated separately to the property. Harry greeted Claire, the agent, politely and Severus was pleased to see that the woman was entirely professional and didn't appear remotely starstruck.

The property itself was beautiful. It was a three-bedroom, two-storey cottage a few miles inland from Lulworth Cove. It had a large, airy sitting room and an attractive farmhouse-style kitchen with a large dining area. There was a small room that was being used as a study and there was a large utility room at the back of the house.

The three bedrooms were all decent sizes and the master had an en-suite. The main bathroom was modern and clean and had a lovely roll-top bath that Severus could picture losing himself in.

The garden was a decent size and there was a well-maintained outbuilding that Claire suggested could easily be converted into a potions lab. It was quiet and serene, the road nearby only really used by locals. There was a shop and a pub within walking distance and, on a good day, Severus would be able to walk to Harry's over the cliff tops.

"It was originally a Muggle property and it's still on the Muggle Land Registry and registered with the local council," Claire said as they looked around the garden. "You'll have to pay council tax but it's up to you whether you use the electricity or not."

"My son would never forgive me if I didn't have a television," Severus said, still feeling a jolt go through him at being able to say 'my son'.

"Will he be spending a lot of time here?" Claire asked.

"Yes, I hope so," Severus said, glancing over at Harry who was walking around with his arms folded and his jaw clenched.

"Well, why don't I leave you and Mr Potter to look over the place? Give me a shout when you're done and I'll lock up."

Severus nodded and Claire retreated to the other side of the house, her high heels clicking as she went. Severus moved to join Harry and said, "What do you think?"

"It's very nice," Harry said, his voice flat.

"I doubt I'll use the outbuilding."

"You'll still want to use my workroom will you?" Harry asked, and Severus was sure he wasn't imagining the bite to the man's voice.

"If you're still happy to let me."

Harry made a non-committal noise and moved to stand in front of the house, his arms still folded. "Those windows are only single-glazed."

"Hardly a problem," Severus replied.

Harry shrugged and said, "Could be cold during winter. Not to mention the damp."

"I'm a wizard, Harry. These things are hardly issues."

"Your funeral," Harry muttered, moving back into the house.

Severus frowned, starting to become frustrated. He thought Harry would be pleased that he was finally getting himself a proper home, somewhere for Josh to come and stay, somewhere with room for them all, unlike his place in Diagon Alley. He couldn't understand why the man was being so bloody difficult about it.

They took another look at the property with Claire out of the way. Harry pointed out a number of other 'issues' along the way and speculated about how long the place might have been on the market and why it might have been difficult to shift. Severus began to tune him out after a while. He was actually rather relieved when Harry apparated away to pick Josh up from school.

Severus bade Claire farewell and contemplated what to do. He thought perhaps it was best to give Harry some space for an hour or two so he decided to pop to Diagon Alley to re-order a batch of potions vials from Slug & Jiggers.

He made his purchases and spent some time in the book shop, scouring the shelves for a particular tome he'd been trying to procure for months. He had no luck and decided to give the thing up as a lost cause. He was making his way through the streets when he heard his name being called behind him.

"I thought it was you," said Bill as he caught up with him. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh just making a few necessary purchases, nothing particularly exciting. You?"

"I was sent to get ice cream from Fortescue's," Bill replied with a grin. "Drake's up to his ears with this dissertation and he's starting to get slightly manic. Ice cream's the only thing that keeps him sane."

"It's a heavy burden you bear," Severus said with a smirk.

"There are a few perks, I assure you," Bill said with a wink. "And how's our Harry? The two of you still in the honeymoon period?"

Severus paused for a moment and said carefully, "Well…we were. Today…I don't know, something's happened, I just don't know what."

Bill smiled kindly and said, "Come on, why don't you come back to mine? Sounds like you could use a sympathetic ear."

"What about Draco? I wouldn't want to disturb him."

"Oh don't worry about it. He could do with the break, doesn't do him any good burying himself in all those medical tomes."

They made their way to the Leaky Cauldron and flooed back to Bill's house from there. Severus settled himself in the living room while Bill went to satisfy Draco's need for ice cream. A few moments later they both appeared, Draco bearing a tub of Fortescue's best, a spoon wedged in his mouth.

"Oh that's bliss," he said, flopping down in the armchair opposite Severus. "I'm a man of simple tastes," he said, "but I demand the best when it comes to ice cream."

"And when it comes to spouses," Bill said, perching on the arm of Draco's chair and dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

"Of course, that's why I married you."

"Sickening," Severus said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh dear, sounds like there's trouble in paradise," Draco said around another mouthful of ice cream. "What's the matter? Love's young dream not all it's cracked up to be?"

Severus sighed and said, "Truth be told, I haven't a clue what's going on."

"Sounds like you'd better start at the beginning," Bill said gently. "I promise it won't be half so bad as you imagine it is."

Severus explained the situation to them both, telling them how bewildered he was by Harry's attitude. He told them about the house, how perfect it was for having Josh to stay, how nice the garden would be in the summer months. They both listened without interruption, exchanging looks as they did so.

"Well," said Draco when Severus finished, "I don't think it's for either of us to try and interpret Harry's mind for you. You'd be better off talking to him, asking him what's bothering him."

"Thank you for that piece of deeply insightful advice. I don't know why I didn't think of it myself," Severus said irritably.

"What I _will_ say," Draco continued as though Severus hadn't said anything, "is that this is all very new to you both. Neither of you has conducted a relationship before and no one would accuse either of you of being in touch with your feelings."

"Too true," Bill interjected, earning himself a glare from Severus. "Well I'm sorry, but it is. You and Harry are both highly adept at burying your feelings and that might work fine when you're on your own but it won't do now you're in a relationship. It might mean uncomfortable conversations for both of you, making yourselves vulnerable to one another, but it has to be done."

Severus shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with Bill and Draco's scrutiny. He felt as though he had been called before his parents to explain some transgressive behaviour, and he wondered if he would always feel thus.

"Everything felt like it was going so well," he said eventually.

"It was," Draco said gently, "it _is_. This is just a blip, everyone has them, especially in the early days!"

Bill nodded and said, "We'll let you into a little secret – the first year is the worst."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked with a frown.

Bill and Draco exchanged a knowing smile and Draco said, "Everyone thinks that the first year is all sex and excitement, and part of it is, but only a small part. The rest of it is all about fitting into one another's lives, finding your place with each other. You figure out how to put one another in all those different boxes – work, family, hobbies, all while muddling through this new and strange relationship. It can be fraught and, at times, frightening. You have to expect that not everything will be roses."

"To hear you speak one would think a relationship is nothing but trouble and strife."

Bill placed his hand on Draco's shoulder and said with an expression that should have been on a face far older than his, "Relationships _take_ hard work, they shouldn't _be_ hard work. You had Harry are made for one another, but you're both new to this. It'll take some time and you should be prepared for a few bumps along the way."

Severus huffed and crossed his arms. "Do you two still have these 'bumps'?"

Draco grinned and said, "Only the good sort these days. Our first year though, we had some doozies. That's just the way things are. If you're expecting perfection you'll be sorely disappointed."

"I have never expected perfection from anything," Severus said with a sneer.

"Perhaps you did when it came to Harry," Bill said not unkindly. "The two of you have always viewed each other through extremes. Your relationship has always been characterised by such strong emotions that sometimes it's hard for you to see things plainly, simply."

Severus took a deep breath and looked across at both men, hating feeling so vulnerable. "I don't want to mess this up," he admitted quietly, wondering when his life had become so complicated.

"You won't," Draco assured him. "This isn't the end of the world, it never is. You just have a bit of learning to do, that's all. Everyone goes through it."

"Perhaps you should get yourself back to Harry's," Bill said, pulling Draco to his side in a one-armed hug. "You need to find out what's going on in that head of his."

Severus nodded, hardly thrilled at the thought of confronting the issue. He could be an aggressive bugger when the mood took him but he was far happier burying his head in the sand when it came to anything remotely resembling difficult emotions.

He bade his hosts farewell and decided to walk back to Harry's. He considered Bill and Draco's advice as he went, feeling slightly heartened that they had been through their own troubles in the early days of their relationship.

They were right; it was all so new to him and he was horribly unfamiliar with the waters he found himself in. He was absolutely terrified of messing things up and he would do whatever he could to ensure that that didn't happen.

He let himself in to Harry's and followed the sound of voices to the kitchen. Harry and Josh were seated at the island in the middle of the room, taking turns to chuck mini marshmallows into each other's mouths.

"Who's winning?" Severus asked with a smile.

"He is, but he's cheating," Josh said. "He's levitating them into his mouth each time I throw them."

"Sometimes I think the hat was right – you should have been in Slytherin," Severus told Harry. The man smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Can I play you next, Pa?" Josh asked, and Severus' stomach fluttered at the appellation. He wondered if he'd ever get used to hearing Josh call him that.

"Maybe later. I just need to have a quick word with your dad first."

Josh rolled his eyes and said, "It'll be boring, won't it? I'm going to play in the garden." He hopped off his stool and went tripping out of the kitchen, Severus reaching out and ruffling his hair as he went.

"What's up?" Harry asked, the apprehension evident on his face.

Severus sighed and took a seat opposite Harry, leaning his elbows on the island. "I wanted to clear the air between us. Something…happened today and I'm not quite sure what. Have I done something wrong?"

"No, no of course not," Harry said, shaking his head and looking down at the counter-top.

"Well something happened, Harry," Severus pushed. "Your whole attitude changed the second I asked you to come and see that house with me."

Harry shrugged and said, "I was just preoccupied. I had a lot of work on today, I was busy thinking about all the orders I have. I think I might get started on dinner."

He stood up and moved around the island, but Severus grabbed his wrist and said, "Oh no you don't. We're not avoiding this, we're going to have it out and get it sorted. Whatever's bothering you you need to tell me. I can't fix things if I don't know what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," Harry insisted, shaking himself free.

"Harry," Severus said firmly, "this isn't the way things are going to be between us. We're not going to leave things to fester, we're not to ignore our problems because it's easier to take the path of least resistance. Harry, you and Josh are the best things that have ever happened to me and I'm determined to work hard to deserve you."

Harry sighed and moved a little closer, saying, "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just…surprised that you're still looking for a house."

Severus frowned, feeling confused, and said, "I don't understand. You know I've been looking for property."

"I know," Harry said with a nod, "but that was before we got together. Now that we're a couple…and what with us already having Josh…" Harry trailed off, averting his eyes as a blush crept over his cheeks.

"Yes?" Severus prompted gently.

Harry paused for a moment then looked at Severus, his expression speaking of reluctance and embarrassment. "I thought you might want to come and live here with us…with me."

"Oh," Severus said softly, taken aback. "I had no idea."

Harry made a noise of frustration and said, "I should have said something but I didn't want you thinking that I was rushing into things. I mean, we've only just started this relationship. I know that, in theory, it would be madness for us to live together but you're here all the time anyway! You eat here, you sleep here, you work here, you only pop back to your flat for the odd pair of pants."

Severus laughed and said, "That's true. I…didn't realise you wanted me to move in."

"I thought perhaps _you_ might want to," Harry said quietly, looking miserable.

"Well now, let me think," Severus said, grabbing both of Harry's hands and pulling him to stand in the vee of his legs, "would I like to move into a house that I already think of as home with my son and the man I love? Would I like to be able to be with my son every day and share a bed every night with my partner? Hm, difficult questions to consider."

"You don't think it's too soon? You don't think we'd be making a mistake?" Harry asked and Severus could see the hope in the man's eyes.

"I think we've already lost a of time together and we have no one to blame for that but me. You can hardly rush something when you know that you'll be spending the rest of your life in such a state anyway."

Harry grinned and said, "The rest of your life, eh? Sounds like I'm being lumbered."

"Do you have a problem with that?" Severus asked, pulling Harry closer still.

Harry lay his hands on Severus' chest and said softly, "Not one."

"I'd better tell my agent that I'm no longer looking for a property," Severus said, moving his hands to rest on Harry's hips, holding him gently. "And we'd better tell our son about the new arrangement. How do you think he'll take it?"

Josh, of course, was delighted. With his usual pragmatic approach to life he had echoed Harry's thoughts that Severus was there all the time anyway and he couldn't understand why they hadn't made the decision earlier. He was thrilled to have both his parents under the same roof and seemed to feel that his seal of approval properly rounded things off.

Severus transferred his belongings from his flat, none of which amounted to a great deal, and gave his notice to the letting agent. Harry's house already felt so much like home to him and moving there permanently simply felt right. For the first time in his life he truly felt like he belonged somewhere and living with his son and his lover was fulfilling in ways he had never experienced before.

Autumn settled in and Severus felt as though he had been living with Harry and Josh for years. Very little actually changed in terms of the routine they had established over the past few months but it felt as though it had.

Severus and Harry continued to work side by side during the day, when they weren't distracting one another with wandering hands. They took turns to pick Josh up from school and one would help with his homework while the other prepared dinner. It was all terribly domestic and, once upon a time, Severus would have cut his own head off than suffer such a fate. Now he considered himself the luckiest man alive.

Sleeping beside Harry night after night in _their_ bedroom was wonderful. Waking up with Harry wrapped around him was a pleasure for which there was no comparison. There was still a part of him that felt he didn't deserve it, any of it. He didn't deserve to be so happy, to have a partner and son whom he adored.

"Can I have another chapter?"

"No, you had a late night last night."

"Oh please, Pa. I'm not even tired."

Severus closed the book and put it on the nightstand, fixing his son with a hard stare. "We let you stay up yesterday because you wanted to watch that daft programme. You can't have two late nights in a row, not during the week."

"So this is what having two parents is like," Josh groused, shuffling down under the covers. "Double the rules."

Severus smiled, used to Josh's complaints about how unfair life was. "Just think – when you have your own children you can make their lives miserable."

"I won't need to, I'll just put you and Dad in a rotten old people's home."

"I'm worried we're raising a monster," Severus told him, eyes narrowed.

"Made in your image, Pa."

"Oh you cheeky git," Severus said, digging Josh in the ribs through the duvet. Josh giggled and squirmed as he tried to get away, ducking underneath the covers.

"No! Get off! You fight dirty," he protested, his voice muffled as he burrowed deeper under.

"You shouldn't start fights you can't win then, should you?" Severus returned, continuing to prod his son.

"That doesn't sound very much like going to bed to me!" came Harry's voice up the stairs.

"Now you've got us both in trouble," Severus said as Josh's head emerged.

"You'll have to go and make it up to him then, won't you?" Josh said with an evil grin. He started making kissing noises and Severus lunged for him again. Josh was too quick and ducked under the covers again, giggling like a lunatic.

"I'm serious, you two!" Harry shouted. "Stop mucking around, don't make me come up there."

"Come on you, settle down," Severus instructed as Josh came back up for air.

"Spoilsport," Josh grumbled, rearranging the duvet.

"Sleep tight, I'll see you in the morning," Severus said, getting up and leaning over to kiss his son on the forehead.

"Night Pa," Josh said with a yawn, snuggling down and getting himself comfortable.

"I was about to come up and sort you two out," Harry said as Severus walked into the living room. "You're supposed to be the adult."

"He's a bad influence on me."

Severus took a seat on the sofa, watching as Harry shifted around the room. He wasn't entirely sure what the man was up do but it seemed as though he'd been unable to sit still all day. He'd been distracted during dinner and hadn't said much while they'd worked.

It was unusual but Severus was sure they weren't in the midst of another argument as the man had still been affectionate. Still, something was clearly distracting him and Severus couldn't help but wonder what it was that was preoccupying his partner.

"Shall I go and make some tea?" Harry asked as he flitted over to the door. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet and behaving the way Josh did whenever he had a secret.

"Not for me thanks."

"Oh…well I might make a pot anyway. I could bring that cake out that Molly dropped round. It should still be alright, don't you think?"

"Harry, are you aware that you're rambling?"

"I'm not rambling," Harry said, reaching up and brushing a cobweb off one of the lights. "I really need to give this place a good clean."

"The house is perfectly clean," Severus said, watching as Harry ran his finger over the bookcase.

"Mm. It could do with a thorough going over though. I might do that tomorrow."

"Well I take it you're not doing it tonight? Why don't you come and sit down?"

Harry nodded and said, "Yeah, yeah I will. Did I turn the oven off? I'd better go and check."

"Harry, we had dinner three hours ago. You definitely turned the oven off."

"Yes. I suppose I did," Harry said, nodding as he looked around, clearly looking for something else to distract himself with.

Severus frowned and stood up as it was plainly evident that Harry wouldn't be joining him on the sofa anytime soon. "Right, are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to spend the rest of the night guessing?"

"Nothing's wrong," Harry said with a slightly nervous smile. "I'm just…thinking about that cake of Molly's. I think I fancy a slice."

Severus grabbed the man's wrist as he was about to disappear into the corridor. "Remember that talk we had about not burying our problems? This would be the perfect time to practise that."

"Nothing's wrong," Harry repeated, placing his hands on Severus' shoulders. "I'm just…well…I'm a little perplexed. Something's…something's happened."

"Something you want to talk about?" Severus prompted gently.

"Well no not really but I'm going to have to. It'll be impossible to avoid soon and I…I need to tell you. I just don't know how."

Severus felt his stomach lurch. Surely Harry couldn't have tired of him already? Was he really going to end their relationship after so brief a time together?

Harry continued to speak, his eyes darting all over the place, looking everywhere but in Severus' direction. "I shouldn't be surprised really, after last time. And in hindsight perhaps we should have taken steps to…hell I don't even know what steps we would have taken but we should have been more prepared. I guess it's me…I always have to be bloody different don't I?"

"Harry," Severus said, feeling the beginning of a headache settle behind his eyes, "what the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Harry finally looked at him, taking a deep breath as his face took on an expression of resignation. "I'm having another baby."

Severus blinked, not entirely sure he had actually heard Harry correctly. "Are…are you sure?" he asked eventually, his voice soundly oddly distant.

Harry nodded. "Positive. I think I'm about a month along."

The world seemed to narrow to a point over Harry's shoulder. Severus focused on the small piece of skirting board he could see in the corridor and tried to steady himself. His pulse was crashing in his ears and he felt as though his head had been plunged underwater. He was dimly aware that Harry was speaking again and he tried to shake himself to hear what the man was saying.

"…whole thing is crazy and I can't believe we weren't more careful but it's happened now. I know you're probably horrified and I haven't really started to process how I feel about it but it's happening and we can't ignore it…"

Before he could stop himself, Severus lurched forward and pressed his lips to Harry's, sweeping the man up in a heady kiss. His arms wrapped around Harry, pulling him flush against his own body and after the shock had subsided Harry began to reciprocate. His mind was spinning but he knew that the overarching feeling fighting its way to the surface was happiness.

They broke apart breathlessly, Harry looking as though his world had turned sideways.

"You're having our baby?" Severus asked, feeling the smile spread across his lips.

Harry nodded and said, "Due in July." He still look apprehensive, nervous of Severus' reaction.

Severus gently placed his hand over Harry's abdomen, a feeling of reverence settling over him. "I can't quite believe it," he said quietly.

"Neither can I," Harry said, "but…you're alright with this?"

Severus looked up from his hand caressing Harry's stomach and met the man's eyes with a smile. "I'm humbled beyond words. We're having another child together, Harry. I think I could quite possibly burst with happiness."

Harry finally smiled, the action quite obviously tinged with relief. "I know this is crazy. You've only just moved in, we've only just properly become a couple but…I'm really happy too. I've been wondering how to tell you for days, I was so worried what your reaction might be. We're having a baby, Severus," he finished, suddenly giddy.

Severus pulled Harry close, amazed by the fact that his child was growing inside the person he loved. "This feels like the start of a new chapter for us," he told Harry softly.

"It is," Harry agreed, wrapping himself around Severus tightly. "I can't tell you how thrilled I am at the thought of getting to share all this with you."

"I love you," Severus said, holding Harry's body closely to his own, imagining the life that was growing inside his beautiful partner. He had been granted more than anyone in his position should ever have been entitled to and he was going to protect it with everything he possessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ain't they just the cutest? And I know you guys called the new baby BUT it wasn't conceived on their little Greece holiday. You'll have to wait for the epilogue to see how that turns out.
> 
> One of my lovely readers asked if I was going to do a Bill/Draco prequel to this story and I've decided that it's just the tonic I need, so that will be my next project :) Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. We just have the epilogue to go and then we're done. You guys know I'm a sucker for an epilogue.


	22. Chapter 22

Epilogue

August, Severus decided, was a fine time to have a wedding. The weather had been behaving itself all week and the 11th of August dawned fine, bright and sunny. The wedding was being held in the grounds of Hogwarts, which Severus had questioned on a couple of occasions, but he'd been told, in no uncertain terms, that his opinion was neither welcome nor valid.

He had learnt over the last few months of wedding preparations that to keep quiet was the key to it all. Simply nodding and agreeing was the way to achieve harmony and, in the end, that was all that really mattered.

There were now only a couple of hours to go. Everything that needed to be taken care of was all in place and now it was simply a matter of getting the key players into their finery and waiting for all the guests to turn up. Of course, one key player was missing and Severus had been sent to find her.

It wasn't a hard guess. Severus knew his daughter well and was well aware that all anyone need do was head straight to Hogwarts' quidditch pitch. Sure enough, as he approached the hallowed ground he saw a figure high up in the air doing loops and dives. He waved, knowing she would have spotted him approaching, and waited for her to land.

"If your father sees your hair all windswept like that he'll kill you," Severus said with a smile as his daughter landed and dismounted her broom seamlessly.

"Exactly how many times is Dad going to be on the verge of a breakdown today?" Naomi asked as she raked her fingers through her short black hair. "It's not his bloody wedding!"

"You know your father, he likes to live on the verge of a crisis."

"The ceremony isn't for another two hours! All I have to do is get into my dress and run a brush through my hair. How long does he think that takes?"

"I am only the messenger, my love," Severus said, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

At 20, Naomi was nearly as tall as him and was now an inch or two taller than Harry. She had an athletic build, which she rigorously maintained, having chosen to make her career in quidditch.

After she had graduated from Hogwarts, she had stayed on for a year as deputy quidditch coach. After that, she had played reserve Keeper for the South West Wasps and, a couple of weeks ago, had been offered the reserve position for the England team.

She was determined that by the time she reached 25 she would be in the main team and would make a name for herself on the international stage.

"Why is he working himself up so much over this? No one else is making this much fuss," Naomi said with an eye roll just like Severus'.

"Oh let him have his day. His firstborn's getting married, he's allowed to be a little over the top."

"But neither Josh nor Bex have been remotely precious about this whole wedding business. Bex is the furthest away from a Bridezilla you could possibly get."

Severus sighed and said, "Sweetheart, I learnt a long time ago that the best way to have a quiet life is to just nod and smile where your father's concerned."

Naomi snorted and cuddled a little closer, saying, "Just promise me that if I ever lose my mind and decide to get married you'll take Dad out of the country."

"You have my word. Have you seen your brother this morning?"

"Of course. I am the best man, after all," Naomi said with a grin as they made their way back up to the castle.

Despite the eight-year age gap between the brother and sister, they were closer than most siblings. Throughout her childhood Naomi had idolised Josh and, rather than being irritated by it, Josh had adored being her Big Brother.

There had been a great deal of concern on both Harry and Severus' parts that Josh would feel somehow pushed out by his sister's arrival, but they had gone to great pains to include him every step of the pregnancy and had prepared him as well as they were able for his new sister.

Severus had felt a tremendous sense of guilt in those early days that he had been there for Naomi's birth and her first few years when he hadn't been for Josh's. He had worried that Josh would somehow feel himself to be the inferior child because of it and Severus had gone to great lengths to make sure that that would never be the case.

Josh had been a very dutiful older brother and had been a dedicated watchdog over Naomi when she was first born. He had displayed a gentleness with her that Severus would have never believed him capable of and had often been the only one capable of soothing her when she cried.

As she had grown older, she had become Josh's shadow. He had had remarkable patience with her and had always tried to include her in whatever he was doing. When he had gone away to Hogwarts she had been heartbroken. Severus and Harry had had to deal with an inconsolable 3 year old for weeks after Josh had departed and the boy had had to send a jumper home so that the little girl had something of his she could cuddle.

As they had both grown older, the relationship between them had become a little more balanced. Throughout her teenage years, Naomi had enjoyed having a grown up big brother who still wanted to spend time with her and they had begun to forge a friendship that went beyond the fact that they were family.

"Has Uncle Drake been crying again?" Naomi asked as they made their way into the entrance hall.

"Oh yes," Severus said with a sigh. "Last I heard he was asking your Auntie Gin if there was a spell to bring down puffy eyes. He's beside himself."

"Merlin help Alex and Rowan if they ever get married. He'll be ten times worse than Dad."

"I think we'll all be leaving the country."

They made their way to the guest rooms on the 5th floor and were accosted by Harry almost as soon as they got through the door.

"Oh thank Merlin! You found her!"

"Where did you think I'd gone, Dad?" asked Naomi exasperatedly. "We've still got a couple of hours for goodness sake!"

"No, we have precisely one hour and forty-seven minutes," Harry corrected, and Severus tried not to smile at the slight hitch in the man's voice.

"Dad, if you don't calm down I swear to Merlin that I will stun you and put you in a broom cupboard for the rest of the day," Naomi said, giving her father a swerve and heading for the corner of the room where there was a table holding champagne.

"You can't have that yet!" Harry protested as she began to take the foil off one of the bottles.

"If I don't have it now I'll kill you. You choose."

"I'd let her get on with it, love," Severus said, gesturing for his daughter to pour him a glass too.

Harry eyes darted to Severus and, as he advanced, Severus inched a little closer to the door.

"Josh wants to see you," Harry said, wagging a finger at him.

"Ok, I'll pop in and see him now," Severus said, heading for the adjoining door that led to the room Josh was getting ready in.

"No wait," Harry said, reaching out and grabbing Severus' arm. "Have you prepared what you're going to say to him?"

Severus frowned and Naomi snorted, popping the cork on the bottle and sloshing champagne into the waiting glasses.

"I'm sorry, I don't follow," Severus said, deeply grateful when a levitated glass made its way into his hand.

"Have you prepared what you're going to say to him?" Harry repeated, as though it somehow made more sense when said twice.

"Harry, my love, I really think we should find you a nice calming draught and perhaps let you have a little lie down for half an hour or so," Severus said, placing his hands on Harry's shoulders and dipping his head to meet the man's eyes.

"I'm serious," Harry insisted.

"You might well be but I still don't have a clue what you're going on about."

Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Severus glanced over the man's head at his daughter who simply shrugged and made twirling gestures at her head. Harry opened his eyes just in time for Severus to school his features back into mild interest.

"Severus, this is our son's wedding day."

"Yes…I'm aware of that," Severus said slowly, wondering if Naomi's suggestion of putting Harry in a broom cupboard had been all that ridiculous.

"So," Harry continued, looking as though he could develop a twitch in his eye at any moment, "he's going to need some words of wisdom, he's going to want to hear sage advice from his parents about how to – "

"Act like a complete lunatic?" Naomi interjected.

Harry glared at her over his shoulder and said, "You just wait until it's your turn, young lady."

"Pa and I have already agreed that he'll be taking you out of England."

"Very bloody funny," Harry groused, turning back to Severus. "Josh is going to want to hear how to make a marriage work, how to listen to your partner and how to respect them. He's going to need to know that this is an important milestone and you need to tell him what to expect from his marriage."

"Well, if it's the same thing as our marriage, I'll tell him to expect to have to section Bex in about 20 years' time."

Naomi laughed into her glass of champagne and Severus briefly wondered if Harry might implode then and there.

"Well fine," Harry said, taking his hands off Severus' shoulders and placing them on his own hips. "I'm glad this is all such a big joke to you. It's not every day your firstborn child gets married you know!"

"I know," Severus said placatingly. He placed a hand on Harry's cheek and smiled as he said, "If Josh has half such a happy marriage as ours he'll be a fortunate man indeed. I'll go and speak to him and I promise I'll take it seriously."

He dipped his head and pressed a soft kiss to his husband's lips, feeling Harry relax a little beneath him. He wondered just how many glasses of champagne they would have to tip down the man's throat before he became ever so slightly less neurotic. He pulled back and received a slightly mollified smile from Harry.

"Why don't you go and join Naomi in a glass of champagne, love? Everything's perfect, there's nothing you need to think about."

"There's plenty to think about. I still need to go and check that the caterers have five vegetarian meals and one gluten-free."

"Just go, Pa," Naomi advised, "while you still can."

Severus nodded and headed for the adjoining door, knocking briefly before letting himself in. Josh was standing in front of a full-length mirror, adjusting his cravat.

Severus allowed himself a brief moment of paternal indulgence as he took in the sight of his son. At 28, Josh was no longer the small child he had first met in Harry's arms all those years ago, and Severus occasionally found himself surprised by the man he found himself looking at.

Speaking as objectively as he could, Severus thought Josh was a handsome man. As he had got older, he had become less of a carbon copy of Harry and had taken on a few of Severus' traits too. He had high cheekbones and a square jaw, all topped off with jet black hair that had developed a wave as he grew older. It now curled around his ears and gave him a rather dashing look.

"Oh Pa, come and help me with this bloody thing," he said, turning around and gesturing to his messily-done cravat.

"I'm not sure I'll have any more success than you," Severus said as he approached. "Why are you in your robes so early anyway?"

Josh sighed and said, "Dad."

"Ah," Severus said with a smile. "Say no more."

"He wasn't like this when you two got married," Josh said, tilting his head up to let Severus get to the cravat.

"No, he was very sedate. I must admit that I'm rather taken aback by this previously unknown side to your father's character."

"Maybe he'll give up being the darling of the wand-making community and take up wedding planning," Josh said with his usual deadpan delivery.

"Dear Merlin, I hope not. Much more of this and I'll be filing for divorce."

Josh snorted and said, "I'd believe that if you weren't so sickeningly in love with him."

Severus smiled, knowing he was banged to rights. He managed to wrestle the cravat into submission and stood back to admire his handiwork. The test, of course, would be if it passed Harry's quality control, which Severus rather doubted it would.

"Keep your head down, don't let your father see it," he advised and Josh grinned at him.

Severus paused for a moment, allowing himself a moment to drink in the sight of his son on his wedding day.

"How are you feeling?" he asked eventually, and the expression on Josh's face told him everything he needed to know.

"I just can't wait to get down there and marry her. I feel like I've been waiting for this day all my life."

Severus had never doubted it, of course. He could remember when Josh had first brought Bex home to meet them all. It had been four years ago and Bex hadn't long joined the Hogwarts staff as Charms professor after Ginny had given up the post to become the school's youngest ever headteacher.

Josh, at that point, had been working at Hogwarts for just over a year as the new History of Magic professor. He had never lost his love of History and, after Hogwarts, had gone on to achieve his Masters in Magical History. He was thoroughly devoted to his subject and, since he had taken on the professorship, the class had become one of the school's most popular.

He and Bex had been drawn to one another almost the second she had come to the school and they had started dating not long after. Before they had met her, Severus and Harry had heard story after story about the woman and they hadn't been remotely surprised when Josh had suggested it was time for them to meet.

Bex was a warm, friendly and endearing woman. She was practically-minded and had a sense of humour that fit in well with the Potter-Snape clan, all of whom valued sarcasm above all else.

"I know you'll be happy," Severus told him. "You light up whenever you look at her."

Josh smiled and took a deep breath before he said, "I knew I could never settle for anything less than the way you feel about Dad. I watched you so much over the years and I wanted to feel for someone the way you do for him. I could see it, it was so strong, so powerful. I knew Bex was the one when I felt I'd achieved that."

"I nearly lost him. You too," Severus said, feeling the usual shiver of dread run through him when he considered that possibility. "I walked out of his life once and I shouldn't have had the right to come back into it. It's only because your father is one of most magnanimous and generous men that I'm standing here today."

"See," Josh said, smiling widely, "that's the kind of devotion I always wanted. He's your whole world."

"I don't deserve him."

"Yes you do, Pa," Josh said gently. "The last 21 years you've more than made up for the past. You love him with an intensity that's breath-taking and you've been the best father that either I or Naomi could have asked for."

Severus swallowed around the lump in his throat. He had spent the last 21 years trying to be as good a husband and father as he could, doing his best to atone for the mistakes he had made so long ago. His family was the only thing that mattered to him and he had devoted his life to their happiness.

"I could never take for granted the gift that I was given when your dad let me back into your lives."

"Well," said Josh, "this is all getting terribly sentimental, isn't it?"

"I'm allowed to be sentimental on your wedding day, it's a parent's prerogative."

"Is that Dad's excuse?" Josh asked wryly.

"I think we may have to claim temporary insanity on that one. Why don't you come next door for a bit? Your sister's opened the champagne."

"I wondered how long it would take her."

"Well it was either that or succumb to murdering your father."

"The day is still young, Pa."

Severus clapped his son on the back as they headed back into the other room, only to find that Draco and Bill, along with their two children, had joined Harry and Naomi.

"Oh pumpkin!" Draco said, holding a handkerchief up to his face. "You look so handsome!"

"Thanks Uncle Drake," Josh said with a good-natured smile. Severus wondered just how many times the man's patience would be tested before the day was out.

"Come here and let me sort that cravat, it looks as though you put it on with your feet," Draco instructed and Severus rolled his eyes. He should have known that Draco was really the one to worry about.

Josh dutifully went over and allowed himself to be manhandled by Draco, who unravelled the cravat and began his work on it.

Severus glanced over to Bill, who rolled his eyes with an expression that said, "Just let him get on with it". Severus smirked and moved over to join him, watching as Draco finished with the cravat then began brushing imaginary dust from Josh's robes.

"You really are the most handsome groom I've ever seen," Draco said, and even from the other side of the room Severus could see the man's eyes starting to well up again.

"10 galleons says he suffers dehydration by the end of the day," Naomi muttered as she walked past on her way to top up her glass.

Severus and Bill both stifled their laughter, neither wanting to be on the receiving end of a telling-off from their husbands.

Harry was busy arranging the buttonhole for Alex and the corsage for Rowan. Severus glanced over and smiled at Bill and Draco's children, feeling yet another sentimental twinge as the proud uncle that he was.

Alex was 18 and had graduated from Hogwarts merely weeks ago. He had been fascinated by wand lore ever since he was a child and had sat by Harry's side in the workshop watching him at his craft. Harry had decided to take him on as an apprentice and he was due to start in September.

Alex was a gentle and shy boy. He had been a quiet but affectionate child and had never been happier than when he was surrounded by his family, particularly his parents and his uncles. As he had grown older, he had begun to look more and more like Ron, a fact that Severus knew both pleased and upset Harry in equal measure.

Rowan was 15 and about to start her fifth year at Hogwarts. She reminded Severus so very strongly of Ginny, both in looks and temperament. She was a vivacious and lively young woman, with a strong personality that she wasn't afraid to show. Severus was immensely fond of her and enjoyed her company, watching her develop from the somewhat precocious child she had been to the striking young woman she was becoming.

"Now, you'll hand out the orders of service to the guests as they take their seats," Harry said, Alex and Rowan nodding dutifully. "And you'll ask if they're part of the groom's party or the bride's."

"Uncle Harry," Rowan said with a sigh, "a lobotomised gerbil could manage this. I don't think Alex and I will have too much difficulty."

"You tell him, Row," said Naomi, grinning cheekily at her father as he glared at her for the hundredth time that day.

"Oh Harry," Draco said, the handkerchief back in place. "Do you remember when we brought him home from the hospital? He was so tiny, just a little pink bundle, and now look at him!"

"Uncle Drake," Josh protested with a groan.

Harry came to stand next to Draco, both of them looking at Josh with tilted heads and soppy expressions.

"He was such a beautiful baby," Harry said, and Draco nodded his agreement. "He had those big dark eyes and olive skin. I remember holding him that first night and thinking how perfect he was."

"I may vomit," said Naomi, chucking back the rest of her champagne and casting a filthy look at her father.

"Ok," Josh said, holding up his hands. "Can we please agree that for the rest of the day there will be no more soppy looks, no more protestations of what a perfect baby I was and no more wistful declarations about how you can't believe I'm old enough to get married!"

Harry went to open his mouth but Josh held up a finger and said, "No. No more. I love you both dearly but I swear I will kill you and chuck your bodies in the lake."

"I'll help," Naomi piped up.

"It's your wedding day!" Harry said. "I'm allowed to be wistful."

"To a degree," Josh said through gritted teeth. "I bet Bex's parents aren't behaving like this."

"I bet they are!" Harry countered. "They're lovely people! And I bet Bex isn't putting embargos on their emotions either."

"Pa, help me out here," Josh said, glancing imploringly in Severus' direction.

Severus took a deep breath and stepped closer. He placed his hands on Harry's shoulders and said, "My love, as this is Josh's big day perhaps we might adhere to his wishes."

"But – "

"Of course you have every right to be proud and…emotional, but perhaps you could…temper it slightly."

Harry pursed his lips and said, "Fine. Fine, I shall just be an emotionless chasm, a cold, dead husk with no feelings whatsoever."

"Sounds good," said Naomi, raising her glass in a cheers.

Severus tried to glare his daughter while stopping his lip from twitching. He wondered how they were all going to make it to the end of the day without killing one another and he vaguely considered confiscating everyone's wands.

"Why don't we go for a little stroll?" he suggested. "You've been running yourself ragged this morning and you could do with a break."

"But I still have to – "

"Naomi," Severus said, looking at his daughter with an expression that said she was to agree at all costs, "your father's left a list on the coffee table. Could you please check it over and do whatever's left to be done?"

Naomi clicked her heels together and saluted. Harry opened his mouth to chastise her but Severus tightened his hold on his husband's shoulders and said, "Come on then, out we go."

He guided Harry out of the room and kept the man tucked tightly to his side as they made their way down the stairs. There were some advantages to being several inches taller than man.

"I can't believe I'm being told off for being a conscientious father," Harry groused as they waited for one of the staircases to come around.

Severus smiled and said, "No one's telling you off, my love. I think perhaps we'd all just appreciate it if you…toned it down ever so slightly."

Harry huffed and turned away from the staircase. He ambled a little way down the corridor and threw himself down on a stone bench beneath a wide window. Severus moved to join him and sat down beside his husband, smiling at the adorably grumpy expression on the man's face.

"I only want the day to be perfect," Harry said, pouting.

Severus bit his lip to stop from laughing and felt a huge swell of affection for his husband. "It will be. You've done a fantastic job and I know how much Josh and Bex appreciate all your hard work."

"Well, _your_ son doesn't seem to appreciate it," Harry said petulantly. Severus snorted at the assertion that Josh was always _his_ son whenever Harry was upset with him.

"Of course he does," Severus said, slinging an arm around Harry's shoulders and pulling him close. He placed a kiss to the top of the man's head and decided to give him a few moments to collect himself.

Harry was always perfectly capable of working himself into a frenzy given the right circumstances, but, if left to his own devices, he could work himself back out of it quickly enough.

They had been together as a couple for 21 years and had been married for just shy of 19. During that time, Severus had learnt to read Harry's moods and how to deal with them. They had grown together as people and as spouses, and, now that their children were grown up, Severus felt as though they were about to begin the next chapter of their lives together.

It was an adventure that Severus had never really believed he deserved. Their marriage had been a happy one, although, of course, it hadn't been without its ups and downs. There had been arguments and hurt feelings, there had been disagreements over both Josh and Naomi, and there had been things said that had often been difficult to retract.

For the most part, though, they had been happy together. Severus' love for Harry had grown and evolved over the years. He still held the same passion that he had felt all those years ago, but it was now enhanced with the sense of companionship and security he felt where Harry was concerned.

"I suppose I have been a little over-the-top," Harry said eventually with a sigh as he snuggled into Severus' chest. "I just want everything to be perfect for them."

"I know, love," Severus said as he rested his head on top of Harry's. "It will be. You've done a wonderful job."

"I can't believe my little boy's getting married…and I'm allowed to say that out of Josh's earshot!"

"You can say it as many times as you like," Severus said, knowing that indulging his husband a little wouldn't hurt.

Harry sighed and said, "Bex said they'd give it a few years and then try for children. Can you imagine? We'll be grandparents!"

"You're far too young and handsome to be a grandfather," Severus said and Harry laughed.

"I'll be 50 next year! I'm hardly a spring chicken, am I?"

"If you could spare a thought for those of us who are somewhat older," Severus groused, reminded of the fact that he would be turning 70 in a few months. He had to admit that he didn't look it.

Wizards and witches aged differently to their muggle counterparts and middle age lasted much longer. If anyone were to guess Severus' age they would have probably put him in his mid-50s. His hair was still largely black, though it was a little peppered with grey here and there, and he had few discernible wrinkles. He was in excellent health and had maintained a slim and toned physique. All in all, he was rather pleased with himself.

"You're still as handsome as the day I married you," Harry said, tilting his head up to look at Severus.

"You always were a little tapped in the head," Severus said affectionately. "I am, by no one's standards, handsome."

"Of course you are," Harry said matter-of-factly. "That gorgeous bone structure and those devastating eyes. You still make me go weak at the knees when you look at me."

"Well, perhaps we could find a nice empty room and I could make other parts of you go weak," Severus said with a sly grin.

"Oh no you don't, you sneaky Slytherin. You're not distracting me that way," Harry said with a sedate smile.

"Worth a shot."

Harry sighed happily and said, "Do you remember our wedding?"

"Hm, vaguely. Remind me?"

Harry gave him a sharp dig in the ribs and he laughed, saying, "Of course I remember it, you fool. It was a wonderful day. It'll be 19 years next month."

"19 years," Harry echoed. "It still feels like yesterday."

Their wedding had been a casual and very laidback affair. They had only invited their closest friends and family and had had the ceremony at their home. Josh had been their pageboy, pushing his baby sister in her pram up the aisle, while Draco had served as Harry's best man and Bill had been Severus'.

Severus had been full of nerves but Bill had been a calming and soothing presence at his side. He had known, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he wanted nothing more than to be Harry's husband and Josh and Naomi's father, but he had been so uncertain that he was worthy of either title.

The guilt over his initial treatment of Harry had festered for a long time. It had loomed over their marriage for its early years and both men had work hard to try to lay it to rest. It took a long time for Severus to believe that Harry had let go of his anger and resentment, and he was so earnest in his attempts to prove himself to Harry that it often led to arguments.

Harry didn't want to be treated like fine china, like a vulnerable and fragile thing that had to be handled with care. He wanted to be an equal in his marriage and wanted Severus to say when he was irritated or upset. He neither wanted nor expected perfection and had striven to make Severus understand that.

As the years went on, their relationship became a lot more balanced. Severus began to see himself as an equal parent where Josh was concerned and Naomi's arrival helped to solidify that. He still doubted himself from time to time, but Harry was patient with him and together they worked towards cementing their roles within their family dynamic.

"They'll be happy, won't they?" Harry asked as he rested his head on Severus' shoulder.

"Of course they will. They're well-suited and they obviously adore one another. Actually, they remind me a bit of Bill and Drake in their earlier days."

"Mm, I know what you mean. They sort of…bring out all of each other's good points. She's a lovely daughter-in-law, we really did strike lucky. It makes me wonder what Naomi will bring home."

Severus smiled and said, "Whoever it is she won't require our approval for one second."

"Very true," said Harry with a sigh. "She always had a big crush on Gin. Perhaps she'll bring home a feisty redhead."

"That sounds about right," Severus agreed. "Some athletic quidditch colleague I imagine."

"Quidditch, her first and only love."

"I blame you," Severus said. "You started her at such a young age. Josh was never particularly bothered."

"Well at least one of my children took after me just a little. They both ended up far too much like you in personality."

"You needn't say it as though it's such a terrible thing," Severus said with a huff.

It was true though; both Josh and Naomi had taken after him in the personality stakes, his daughter especially. She was as acerbic and intolerant as he could be, and she had very little patience to speak of.

She wasn't particularly one for company and valued her solitude. She loved fiercely where her emotions were stirred and, despite the grief she gave them all, her family was the most important thing to her. She was deeply loyal and probably would have ended up in Hufflepuff were it not for her intense determination to be put in Ravenclaw.

Josh had been sorted into Slytherin, a fact that both Severus and Draco had tried not to crow over too much. He had been a prefect and then, to Harry and Severus' eternal pride, had been made Head Boy. A year after his return to Hogwarts as a professor, he had been made Head of Slytherin, and he took his position incredibly seriously.

The house's reputation had slowly improved after the war, and its members had fought hard to throw off its previously dark mantle. Josh felt that he had a responsibility to ensure that that continued, and he instilled in his students a sense of honour and fairness that normally belonged to the other houses.

He was naturally a very nurturing person, and he tried to make himself as available as possible to his students. He endeavoured to help with all manner of problems from personal to academic. He was a popular teacher and was admired and respected across all the houses.

"It's remarkable how like you they both are," Harry said, reaching up to play with the buttons on Severus' vest.

"My genes trump yours," Severus said smugly.

"I wouldn't mind," Harry groused, "but it was me who carried them both! I had to do all the hard work!"

Severus laughed and said, "I know, my love, I know."

Being there for Harry's pregnancy and the birth of their daughter had been a wonderful yet conflicting experience for Severus. He had loved watching Harry grow as Naomi had developed within him. He had spoken to Harry's bump all day and had lain his hand over it whenever they sat together. The first time he had felt his daughter kick had been an incredible experience and he had been captivated by the wonder of it all.

He hadn't been able to shake the constant feeling of guilt though. At every step he was reminded of the fact that he hadn't been there when Harry was carrying Josh, nor when his son had been born. Holding Naomi for the first time merely seconds after her birth had been the proudest and most emotional experience of Severus' life. Knowing that he hadn't done so with Josh had weighed heavily on him.

Harry had tried to reassure him that it didn't matter, that he had a wonderful bond with Josh, but Severus couldn't help but wonder how different things would have been if he'd been there from the start. It would always be the greatest regret of his life that he hadn't been and he had gone to great pains to ensure that both his children had always felt equally cherished.

"They were worth it though," Harry said with a fond smile. "I'd do it all again in a heartbeat."

"I think our child-rearing days are behind us now."

"We'll have to content ourselves with grandchildren instead then. What do you want to be called? I think I'd like to be 'Gramps'."

"I suppose that leaves 'Granddad' for me," Severus said, rolling his eyes. It had taken him long enough to accustom himself to the idea of being a father, let alone a grandfather. Still, he couldn't deny that the idea of grandchildren was an appealing one. He knew that Harry had plans to offer childcare where needed and he was coming around to the idea.

Neither of his children had taken much interest in his beloved potions, although they had both been passable students at school. Perhaps he could stir a grandchild's interest though and create a mini potions expert, made in his image. Now there was a thought.

"He'll be a wonderful father," Harry said. "And Bex will be a fantastic mother. The kids here love them."

"Well, Josh has had fantastic examples of how to be a perfect parent," Severus said with a smirk.

"True, very true," Harry said, grinning. "Am I allowed to go back to the room now? I promise I'll behave."

"Oh come on then, you old mother hen," Severus said, standing up and extending a hand to his husband. Harry took it and they began their slow stroll back to their guest suite.

Severus took the time to enjoy the proximity of Harry's body to his own. They were so familiar with one another after all these years and yet Severus still felt as attracted to his husband as he ever had been. Their marriage had always been a passionate one. Their sex life had dipped a little after Naomi had been born but they had worked hard to find time for one another.

The intimacy they shared was beautiful to Severus. He had never opened himself up in the ways he had done to Harry, never allowed himself to be vulnerable and fragile, but he trusted his heart in Harry's care and Harry had never betrayed that trust.

He knew every inch of Harry's skin, as Harry knew his. They knew each other in ways nobody else did and the closeness they shared was more precious to Severus than anything else in his life.

Feeling the familiar sensation of arousal sweeping over him whenever he considered Harry for too long, he gave the man's hand a gentle tug and pulled him around so they were face to face. He dipped his head and swept his husband up in a deep and sensual kiss, feeling Harry melt into him.

There was nothing quite like having Harry in his arms. He never took for granted the feel of holding his husband close, of feeling the man's heartbeat next to his own. He was a romantic sap, he knew, but he always thought that Harry fit perfectly to him, as though the man had been made for his arms alone.

"Is this to placate me further?" Harry asked, pulling back and kissing a trail along Severus' jaw.

"No, I have purely selfish motives, I assure you."

"I've already told you, you terrible man, that I am not allowing myself to be dragged into an empty classroom while you have your wicked way with me."

"Surely I can persuade you," Severus said, allowing one hand to rove under Harry's loose shirt. His long fingers danced over the man's smooth skin and Harry shivered in response.

"You can indulge your base urges later," Harry said with a gleam in his eye.

"While you succumb like a put-upon maiden?" Severus asked wryly, and Harry laughed.

"Got it in one. Now come on, it's time we were in our formal wear," Harry said, disentangling himself and continuing down the hall, dragging Severus behind him.

Severus groaned and said, "We still have over an hour!"

Harry stopped and glanced at his watch, saying, "We have one hour and eleven minutes. I know how long you take getting into formal wear; you dawdle."

"I do not dawdle," Severus argued.

"You do. You dawdle over everything. It drives me mad. Honestly, when the kids were younger it wasn't an issue getting them out the door, it was always you who was the problem! You faff."

"No I don't."

"Yes you bloody do."

"Nothing much changes, does it?" came a voice down the corridor, and they both turned to see Ginny heading their way.

"Not in 20-odd years," Harry said with a smile, greeting her with a kiss.

Severus did likewise, saying, "You were wise to never marry. It's why you still look like a teenager."

"Shameless flatterer," Ginny said, grinning. "Anyway, I'm married to this place," she added, gesturing to the castle surrounding them. "It governs my time far more than any spouse could."

"Are you still enjoying it?" Harry asked.

Ginny nodded and said, "When I'm not buried under pointless bureaucracy. Trying to affect change is always difficult but this place has lived in the past for too long. Luckily I have wonderful staff to support me," she said with a wink. "And how is our handsome groom?"

"Ready to push both his father and your brother-in-law off a cliff," Severus answered, earning himself a glare from Harry.

"I warned him you'd be this way," Ginny said sagely. "I told him to get Bex to show him some decent rope-tying charms. Then again…perhaps they're well-versed in those kinds of charms anyway," she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Gin!" Harry protested. "I don't need those mental images, thank you very much."

"Oh don't be such a prude. I'm sure you two get up to much worse."

Severus snorted while Harry turned bright red. He was always adorably embarrassed whenever anyone brought up sex and Severus found it thoroughly endearing.

"Minerva was never this lewd," Harry said, cuddling into Severus' side as if to shield himself.

"Oh she was, believe me! Right, I'm off to make myself devastatingly stunning. See you down there."

She blew them both a kiss then turned on her heel and glided off down the corridor. Over the years, Severus had come to know Ginny very well and, besides Bill, she was his favourite Weasley. She was intelligent and fun, and Severus knew that Hogwarts was in a safe pair of hands under her guidance.

"Some people," Harry tutted as he and Severus continued their journey back to the guest suite.

It was true that things were changing at Hogwarts, and Josh had helped to instigate many of those changes. His love of acting had never waned and within his first year of teaching he had set up a drama club. He had had great success with it and the school play was the crowning glory of the end of each academic year.

He had also fought hard to encourage inter-house relations, and the drama club had gone a long way to helping that. He taught his Slytherins that house pride was one thing but to let it rule to the detriment of all else was folly. He was as concerned with pastoral care as he was with academic achievement and his pupils flourished under his tutelage.

When comparing himself with his son, Severus regretted the kid of teacher he had been. It was true that his tenure as an educator had been overshadowed by his work as a spy, but his disposition had never been suited to teaching. He felt a pang of guilt whenever he thought of those who had suffered under him.

"Oh, you didn't offer him to the giant squid for lunch then?" Naomi greeted them as they re-entered the suite.

"I'm beginning to think we were far too lenient with you as a child," Harry said, his eyes narrowing on his daughter. "If we'd been a bit stricter you might be a little more respectful now."

"No chance with that one," Draco said, his fond smile belying his words.

His relationship with Naomi had been different to the one he had forged with Josh, but they were no less close because of it. Both he and Bill served as her godfathers and the two families had grown with one another.

"Are you going to get into your dress, Nims?" Harry asked, and Severus sent up a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening that his husband wasn't about to go into overdrive again.

"Dad, please don't use that name. You know it drives me mad."

"But it's what I called you when you were little!" Harry protested.

"Exactly! I'm 20 years old now."

"You'll always be my little girl."

"Oh thank Merlin," Josh piped up, "he's moved on to you now."

"Hey, I'll take you down with me," Naomi threatened. "I'll remind him of just what a handsome little groom you are!"

"Alright children, that's enough, thank you," Severus said, feeling though he'd been transported at least ten years into the past.

"My earlier question still stands," Harry said, hands on hips, "are you getting into your dress?"

Naomi huffed and turned her dark gaze to Severus, saying, "I thought you were taking him out to calm him down?"

"I'm only human, darling," Severus said, rolling his eyes and heading back towards the champagne. Bill was on standby and handed him a fresh glass with a wry smile.

It was really only the champagne that got everyone through the next hour without killing one another. Harry continued to badger them all into a frenzy and Naomi continued threatening him with various grizzly endings. Draco went misty-eyed a few more times and there were many reminiscences about Josh's childhood.

Eventually, Harry ushered them all down to where the ceremony was being held and positioned Josh and Naomi to greet the guests, while Alex and Rowan were on hand with the orders of service.

Bex's parents had made their way down, Bex's mother jittery with nerves while her father was taking the whole affair in his stride. They were a sensible couple and Severus enjoyed their company. Bex's mother was the magical of the two, while her father was a muggle. It had been many years since he had been introduced to the wonders of the magical world and yet he was still enchanted by it all.

The guests began to arrive and the weather continued to smile them all. Severus felt a little swell of pride every time he saw his children together, shaking hands with those arriving or greeting friends with warm hugs. It was a day of celebration, to be sure, and the overall atmosphere was a happy one.

Both Severus and Harry, along with Bex's parents, were aware that Josh and Bex were a good match. They made each other very happy and were a great source of support to one another. Severus had no doubt that, as long as they worked at it, they would have a very happy marriage.

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the wedding of Joshua Ronald Potter-Snape and Rebecca Louise Kershaw," the brightly-dressed officiant said as every was eventually seated. Bex was resplendent in an oyster-coloured dress, which favoured the more muggle-type of wedding dress.

Josh was beaming from ear to ear and hadn't been able to take his eyes of his bride. Bex too was grinning broadly and Naomi was looking between the pair of them with obvious fondness.

Naomi's approval had been the litmus test they had all been nervous for. She wasn't fond of many people and was fiercely protective of her brother, despite their differences in age. Josh had had a couple of other girlfriends in the past and Naomi hadn't been slow to tell him what she had thought of them.

She had taken to Bex from the start and everyone had breathed a collective sigh of relief to see it. The two women had formed a close bond, and, having no siblings of her own, Bex had often said how much she looked upon Naomi as a sister.

As he sat watching his eldest child get married, Severus thought how extremely fortunate he was. If circumstances had been different, he might never have known he had a son, or Harry might have decided that he had no right to be given entry into Josh's life. The thought was a terrifying one.

He knew that he would have had no one to blame if that had been the case. He would spend the rest of his life in Harry's debt for allowing him his chance all those years ago. If it hadn't been for the man's bravery, Severus wouldn't have his two beautiful children, nor would he be married to the love of his life.

Taking a steadying breath, he reached out and grasped Harry's hand. Harry looked at him with a smile and squeezed his hand, the man's happiness and pride written all over his face.

"I love you," Harry mouthed silently, and Severus brought the man's hand up to his lips and kissed it gently.

The vows were exchanged and the readings were given. The marriage license was signed and witnessed and then they were all being herded together for the photographs.

"Bex, you look simply stunning," Severus said, embracing his new daughter-in-law.

"Oh thanks, Sev," she beamed. "You don't look too bad yourself. You're putting your son to shame."

"Married five minutes and already she's giving other men the eye!" Josh said with a grin as he appeared at his wife's side.

"You know I've always had a soft spot for your father," Bex said teasingly. "It's that brooding intensity of his."

"I don't brood anymore, do I?" Severus asked, turning to Harry for confirmation.

"Only occasionally," Harry said, tucking himself into Severus' side. "It's more an air you give off."

"Mm," Bex agreed, "like a Byronic hero."

"Don't tell him that," Naomi said, popping up beside them. "He'll get a swollen head and then where would we all be?"

"Of course, my daughter's tongue would freeze in her head if she ever gave me a compliment," Severus said dryly.

"I say nice things to you all the time," Naomi protested.

"Only when you want something."

"Groom's family!" the photographer called. "If I can have you over here please."

More photos were taken then Josh and Bex began to circulate amongst the guests as the champagne and canapés were served. Harry and Severus also did their share of mingling, and even Naomi, who wasn't fond of anything too sociable, played her part and was at her most charming.

The weather stayed fine and so their plans to eat outdoors went ahead. Sitting at the top table, Severus kept glancing across at his son. Josh was practically glowing with happiness and Severus knew that the man had made the right choice in Bex. It was gratifying, as a father, to think that one's child was settled and content.

Josh and Bex had invited only close friends and family and so the wedding party was a small but lively one. Almost everyone knew each other in some manner or another and so conversation flowed easily and the atmosphere remained lively.

The speeches were given and all were thankfully short and heartfelt. Bex's father made a very moving tribute to his only daughter, which had everyone dabbing away a tear or two, while Josh's was equally warm and touching.

Naomi, as best man, and with her own inimitable style, gave a very funny and clever speech, which was as full of praise for her brother as it was full of teasing. She had the guests in fits of laughter yet her own expression never wavered from its usual wry one.

The evening rolled around and the live band started playing. Josh and Bex had decided against several traditions, including the first dance, and so people migrated to the dance floor as and when they felt like it.

"I can't believe he's married," Draco said with a sigh as they stood watching Josh twirl Bex around the dancefloor. Harry was dancing with Ginny, which was an amusing sight as both were cursed with two left feet.

"That's the 15th time you've said that," Severus said, turning his head to look at the man.

"Oh shut up, I can say it as often as I like," Draco returned as he snuggled into Bill's side. "It's been a good day, hasn't it?"

"Mm," Severus agreed, glancing interestedly as he saw Bex's cousin make a beeline for Naomi. The two women had been casting smiles at one another during the whole day and it was quite obvious why. Knowing his daughter, Severus doubted whether Naomi had anything particularly serious in mind, but it looked as though she wouldn't be ending the night alone.

"You do know that Alex and Rowan have decided that neither you nor Harry is allowed anywhere near them if they ever decide to get married," Bill told his husband with a smirk.

"Nonsense," Draco sniffed. "I've behaved wonderfully."

Severus and Bill exchanged a look over the top of Draco's head, both wondering how Draco and Harry had made it through the day without anyone trying to kill them.

"It's nice to see a wedding without all the faff," Bill said. "I swear, I've been to so many weddings where all the bride and groom have focused on is the day itself. Unsurprisingly, those aren't the ones that last long."

"Not our Josh though," Draco said proudly. "Those two will stay the course, they're meant for one another, bit like you and our Harry," he added with a sly smile.

After twenty-odd years, Draco and Severus now had a solid friendship. They would never have the intimacy and closeness that Draco shared with Harry, but they enjoyed one another's company and had learnt to trust each other.

Draco would always be overly-protective of both Harry and Josh, but he had stepped aside and let Severus take his rightful place as husband and father. In the early days Severus had felt that he had been constantly proving himself to Draco, but over the years that feeling had subsided.

Their two families were very close. They still went on holiday together and were in and out of each other's houses on a weekly basis. Like his daughter, Severus wasn't a sociable creature by nature, but Draco and Bill, along with Rowan and Alex, were the amongst the few people he could be around for long periods without wishing to commit murder.

"Sev and Harry are still like newlyweds some days," Bill said with a grin.

"So are we!" Draco said, giving his husband a sharp dig in the ribs.

"Yes dear."

Severus smiled fondly at the two of them, the champagne clearly having gone to his head. Of course, he _did_ have a great fondness for both men, which he would never attempt to deny. He had made his feelings too plain on the subject over the years to pretend they were otherwise.

After years spent hiding his emotions, it had taken him a long time to learn how to display them. He had promised that he would, though. He had promised for the sake of his children and his marriage that he would make himself as open as he could, that his heart would belong truly to those he loved.

It was often difficult, and at times he had found himself moody and defensive at leaving himself so vulnerable. He had learnt, though, that it was the only way to conduct successful relationships with those who mattered and so he continued to try and better himself.

He cast his eye around the group just as he felt a pair of arms slide around his waist. "I think it's high time you danced with your husband, don't you think?" came a familiar voice in his ear.

"I was worried I'd make everyone else jealous," Severus replied, running his hand over Harry's arm.

"Of you or me?" came the amused reply.

"Both, I should imagine," Severus said, turning around to face his husband.

Harry's cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright. He was delightfully tipsy; Severus always found the man to be thoroughly adorable whenever he had had a few too many.

Harry grabbed his hand and led him over to the dancefloor. The band had started to play a slow, sweet song and Severus glanced over to see Josh swaying gently with Bex in his arms. Smiling, he held Harry close as they began to dance to the music, Harry emitting a contented little sigh as he rested his head on Severus' shoulder.

The world never felt quite as right as it did when he was holding Harry. There was something truly magical about feeling the man's heart beating against his chest while Harry's body moulded so beautifully to his own.

"It feels like we were only just dancing at our own wedding," Harry said dreamily, his breath tickling Severus' ear.

"I'm still waiting for you to come to your senses and realise it was all a big mistake," Severus said, resting his cheek on Harry's messy head. Harry's hair was still as black as ever but it was ever so slightly peppered with grey now. Harry hated it, despite the fact that everyone told him it looked distinguished.

"Never," Harry murmured. "You're the love of my life."

"You really have had too much champagne."

Harry lifted his head and looped his arms around Severus' neck. "As if I don't tell you that often enough," he said with a languid smile.

"Yes, but each time I'm always worried you've taken a knock to the head," Severus said, settling his hands on Harry's hips.

"Fool," Harry said affectionately. "I haven't stuck around all these years just because of a bump on the head."

"Is it because we make beautiful children?" Severus asked as they continued to sway gently to the music.

Harry laughed and said, "That might be part of it."

They both turned their heads to watch their son dancing with Bex, the pair of them still smiling broadly.

"If they're half as happy as we've been, they'll be very lucky," Harry said, and Severus turned back to face him, dipping his head to meet Harry's lips with his own.

"Mm, you taste of chocolate," Severus murmured, holding Harry close.

"Couldn't resist the profiteroles," Harry said with a grin, looking decades younger than his nearly 50 years.

"You two really are sickening, you know," came Draco's familiar drawl, and Severus tilted his head to see the blond had joined the dancefloor, held gently in Bill's arms.

"No more sickening than you," Harry returned. "You behave like teenagers despite the fact that you've been married longer than any of us."

"This one's too hard to resist," Bill said with a mischievous grin as he pulled Draco closer.

"Oh get a room, won't you?" Naomi said as she came closer, dancing with Alex.

There was only two years between them in age and they had been in Ravenclaw together. They'd been close all their lives and viewed one another as a brother and sister. Naomi was fiercely protective of all those she loved and Alex's gentle and studious nature made her feel all the more so on his behalf.

They had spent their childhoods bent over books together and devising games to play down on the beach. She had comforted him when he'd been upset and had helped him navigate his first few weeks away from home at Hogwarts. He was the only one who seemed safe from her harsh tongue and he brought out a gentleness in her that few got to see.

"We intend to," Draco said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Pa, please!" Alex said with a groan, resting his head on Naomi's shoulder.

"Anyway, you're one to talk," Severus told his daughter. "I saw you with Bex's cousin."

"I'm on a promise," Naomi said with a wink.

"So am I," Harry said, "and I'm going to collect just a bit of it now."

Without any further explanation, Harry took hold of Severus' hand and led him off the dancefloor, the others catcalling them as they went. Severus knew better than to question his husband's actions and so let himself be taken by the hand all the way up to the Astronomy Tower.

"I take it you have a reason for being up here?" Severus asked as they moved to stand looking over the parapet.

"Just felt like a moment of privacy," Harry said, turning to face Severus. "I wanted a moment to appreciate the day, to take it all in before it's over."

Severus smiled and circled his arms around his husband, feeling a surge of affection for the man's sentimental streak. "It's been a wonderful day. Hard to believe our son's a married man now. It feels like it was just yesterday when I stumbled back into your life again and met that messy-haired six year old."

"Whatever it was that brought you back to England, I'm thankful for it," Harry said, running his hands up and down Severus' chest. "The last 21 years have been truly wonderful."

"I'm still not convinced I deserved any of them," Severus said with a sigh.

"Oh my love, it's high time those thoughts were laid to rest. In a few years we might be grandparents, proof enough that we've stood the test of time, proof enough that our time together has been happy."

"You're right, but it isn't easy to forget the past."

"It doesn't need to be forgotten. It's led us to where we are today and I wouldn't change that for the world."

"Nor I," Severus said, brushing the soft skin of Harry's cheek with the back of his hand. "You are a gift I shall always be grateful for. My life would have been empty without you and our children."

"It'll never be empty again."

Harry arched upwards on his tiptoes and met Severus with a deep and sweeping kiss. Severus allowed himself to be lost in his husband, a privilege he never took for granted. Harry was all he would ever need, the one thing, along with their children, that truly made life worthwhile.

He was a lucky man, that much was certain. As he revelled in the feel of his husband secure in his arms, he finally felt that he was now able to step out of those long shadows his old sins had once cast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, that's it, all over! I went back and forth over where to set the epilogue - I was going to do Naomi's birth, maybe Sev and Harry's wedding, but I decided to cast further into the future and see the kids as grown-ups. I also wanted to show that Sev and Harry managed to stay the course and that their marriage is a happy one after all these years. Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing what you all thought of it.
> 
> So, we've got the Bill/Draco prequel to come, which I'm working on as we speak, and I'm also doing another feature-length Sev/Harry too. That's still in its early days, so you'll have to wait a little bit for that one. It's a memory-loss fic, with a little bit of a twist when it comes to the narrative structure, so I'm working out how best to organise it. In the meantime, if an idea pops into your head that you'd like to see written, please drop me a PM. I can't promise I'll do it, as there will be some things that just won't be my thing, but I could do with some inspiration.
> 
> I need to take this moment to say thank you those who have gifted me fics. I'm so sorry I haven't had a chance to read them all, but, as you know, things have been a tad wonky. I really, really appreciate them though, I'm so touched and I will get round to reading them when I get a chance, promise!
> 
> Anyway, I've loved writing this fic and your response to it has been wonderful. Thank you for both your reviews and your good wishes for my job and my health. You guys seriously rock and I appreciate each and every one of you. I can't wait to hear what you thought of how I wrapped it all up xx


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